Jump to content
UnevenEdge

J. Michael - Thoughts & Condolences


Recommended Posts

Having finally read through both the locked thread and this one, I am saddened to learn that Luuv is no longer with us. Most everything I could say about the man has already been said, but I do want to repeat the points that he was enthusiastic, creative, patient, fair, considerate and intellectually thorough. He genuinely cared about making a better experience for us on the old ASMB and kindly let us take shelter in his vision at UE when [as] shut us out. For his gently guiding hand and passion for the community he helped build, I thank him. May even greater peace be his now than he had in life.

 

I will check back for more details regarding his arrangements, even though I would be unable to attend, being several states away. Also, there was enough interest between other entries and Mr. Crow to make Pending Arrangements the top trending page on the newspaper site when I first checked it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ohno At first, when I saw the news about this over in another thread, it felt just unreal. It honestly seemed like at times that he was just a part of the place, but I guess he wasn't a robit after all. I really appreciated how much passion he showed for the community over at the AS boards, and will always be grateful he helped preserve some of that community here for us. I never really interacted with him much, but when I did come across his postings, they were always interesting and fun to read, despite how long they often-times could be. Nothing but love to you Luuv.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just found out tonight.  I didn't always agree with Luuv, especially on his moderating philosophy (too merciful and forgiving! :P), but he was an interesting person to converse with, and he was a fun guy.  He brought lulz to the Hey Mod threads, for sure.  I'm grateful for what he did to support the old ASMB through the Helper system and tons of other stuff, and building this "Ark" for us here.  It's really hard to believe he's gone.  He was such a fixture and was one of those people who seemed like they'd always be around.  Luuv will be missed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually just got a phone call again.  The director talked to one of the sisters, and it sounds unlikely that there will be a service.  Apparently, he had been estranged from his sisters for about 25 years.  The director did offer to pass my name and number along to his sisters in the event that they want to contact anyone who is curious about their intentions.  I'm told some classmates and friends of his had asked for the same.  If anyone wants to call Weerts and ask them to be included I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since you are already in contact with the funeral home and all, would it be considered too intrusive to find out if he had a policy that covered the funeral costs at least? If everything is basically covered, the service / no service thing is purely the sisters' wishes for better or worse but if it's a money thing, that's a whole other kettle of lutefisk. :(

 

Further thought...

 

I've never done so but others around here have or are more familiar so there's people around who could help with this...perhaps if worst is worst, a GoFundMe or some sort of account set up to go directly to the costs of the funeral for people to donate towards. If via a GoFundMe type place, since you have to specify a goal amount, aim for what the funeral director quotes for the basics and specify anything beyond the actual costs go to a charity in Luuv's area in his name should that occur. That way no one could claim it was a personal money grab - everything would go out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since you are already in contact with the funeral home and all, would it be considered too intrusive to find out if he had a policy that covered the funeral costs at least? If everything is basically covered, the service / no service thing is purely the sisters' wishes for better or worse but if it's a money thing, that's a whole other kettle of lutefisk. :(

 

Further thought...

 

I've never done so but others around here have or are more familiar so there's people around who could help with this...perhaps if worst is worst, a GoFundMe or some sort of account set up to go directly to the costs of the funeral for people to donate towards. If via a GoFundMe type place, since you have to specify a goal amount, aim for what the funeral director quotes for the basics and specify anything beyond the actual costs go to a charity in Luuv's area in his name should that occur. That way no one could claim it was a personal money grab - everything would go out.

a funeral is thousands of dollars. even with the remaining people that we have left, that's a really high bar to meet and would take months if not years

Link to comment
Share on other sites

a funeral is thousands of dollars. even with the remaining people that we have left, that's a really high bar to meet and would take months if not years

 

No, I know that. That's why I'm hoping he had a policy in place that would cover at least the basics of things. But I was thinking that if it looked like some sort of funding might be a possibility, since it would be set up through online means, it would be open to not just the few people here capable of making some small donation but his college friends and coworkers who were also inquiring about things. The word of the fund would be spread out the same way the original news spread out. Many people making tiny donations still adds up fast and with the additional info that any overfunds would be spent on a charity, anyone who donates wouldn't have to worry that their donation was going to end up being spent on Xbox and Doritos later.

 

It would also be dependent on the funeral home too. Perhaps they have their own means of setting a donation page up for specific individuals if requested which would forego anyone here having to do it and would automatically mean the funeral home got the funds as directly as possible all things considered. It's a digital age after all. All we'd have to do as a community is spread the word then.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since you are already in contact with the funeral home and all, would it be considered too intrusive to find out if he had a policy that covered the funeral costs at least? If everything is basically covered, the service / no service thing is purely the sisters' wishes for better or worse but if it's a money thing, that's a whole other kettle of lutefisk. :(

 

I tried to broach this subject with them and they really didn't feel at liberty to discuss the matter further than to state it seemed unlikely that his sisters intended to hold a service, and I understand their position.  I am very conflicted on the subject personally, but ultimately I don't think it's anyone's place to organize a service for him if it's against his surviving family's wishes.  Even if that surviving family was not on good terms with him.

 

But people are welcome to call on their own and attempt to inquire.  Maybe one of you will have better luck sussing out more details.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

a funeral is thousands of dollars. even with the remaining people that we have left, that's a really high bar to meet and would take months if not years

 

I can vouch for that, when my grandma died when I was little it almost bankrupt my family. It took around 5 years for things to just be stable after that where I wasn't eating a can of 50 cent beans or stale bread with milk as a meal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

while i think the intentions of seeing a service held are good and right, i am not so sure that is do-able unless he literally had everything planned out for it. i say this because i'm curious, if his family doesn't have intentions on holding a service, are they intending to be involved in burial/cremation at all? because if not, it is to my understanding that the city receives his assets to offset the cost of them doing such. now it varies from place to place and some of my information might be outdated but it used to be that in most places you were buried in the cheapest wood casket without a marker in a city plot, though in some places, cremation is the more viable option for cost/space reasons. that may not be the case here, as it is rare that surviving family, no matter how estranged, would go the route of leaving the body up to the city. typically, the family would use the assets themselves to at least see to a semi-proper burial. but that does concern me. for a person to pass and not even have a marker of their life. i'm not sure why, but it feels highly important to me.

 

things that i think would be within our grasp to do are, an obituary. i also think the idea of donating in his name is good. maybe some kind of local place that deals in reading/writing? or...

 

there is a thing too, i haven't been able to find information through searching on the internet for his area, but generally speaking, you can also donate to parks in someones name and have a memorial plaque placed somewhere, usually on a bench.

 

these all seem relatively viable options to honor his life.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

while i think the intentions of seeing a service held are good and right, i am not so sure that is do-able unless he literally had everything planned out for it. i say this because i'm curious, if his family doesn't have intentions on holding a service, are they intending to be involved in burial/cremation at all? because if not, it is to my understanding that the city receives his assets to offset the cost of them doing such. now it varies from place to place and some of my information might be outdated but it used to be that in most places you were buried in the cheapest wood casket without a marker in a city plot, though in some places, cremation is the more viable option for cost/space reasons. that may not be the case here, as it is rare that surviving family, no matter how estranged, would go the route of leaving the body up to the city. typically, the family would use the assets themselves to at least see to a semi-proper burial. but that does concern me. for a person to pass and not even have a marker of their life. i'm not sure why, but it feels highly important to me.

 

things that i think would be within our grasp to do are, an obituary. i also think the idea of donating in his name is good. maybe some kind of local place that deals in reading/writing? or...

 

there is a thing too, i haven't been able to find information through searching on the internet for his area, but generally speaking, you can also donate to parks in someones name and have a memorial plaque placed somewhere, usually on a bench.

 

these all seem relatively viable options to honor his life.

 

If there is no viewing and the body is being cremated then the cost is lower around 1k-2k. When my Uncle died, my cousin only had to pay $500 so they sometimes can cut you a break. When my Mom died in the hospital apparently they will do a cremation there which insurance will help pay. However we had to forgo that to have a viewing.

 

With a viewing and other variables a funeral can cost between $5k-$12k not counting a burial plot which can cost up to an extra $3k.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I keep lurking here, hoping for news of a funeral or an obituary.  We know he's not forgotten amongst us, his tribe, but still....

 

I don't believe that is happening, given the information I have at present.  And I don't want to call the funeral home anymore unprompted because it starts to seem obsessive and like I'm heckling them.  They offered to pass my name and number along to his sisters, which I appreciated, but I doubt I'll be hearing more about the issue, as he hasn't been on good terms with his siblings since he was 20ish. 

 

If someone who knew him better would like to write an obituary I am fine with that, and I would be willing to submit it to the local newspapers.  Someone perhaps who was linked to him on Facebook who could get in touch with his wellness contact at his work.  Or at least such a person could serve as a better conduit of information.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's super frustrating that it seems like his family's just washing their hands of the whole thing. I mean, I get that there's probably a lot of complicated history and emotions between them, but I like to think that even if my siblings and I had a huge falling out, they'd still pull through with the bare minimum. It just seems wrong that he's done so much for us over the years and we can't do anything for him now.  :(

 

enad: Seriously, thank you so much for keeping us updated. You've gone above and beyond what I expected, and it's a shame we've hit a dead end.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's super frustrating that it seems like his family's just washing their hands of the whole thing. I mean, I get that there's probably a lot of complicated history and emotions between them, but I like to think that even if my siblings and I had a huge falling out, they'd still pull through with the bare minimum.

 

 

Obviously I do not know the specifics of that whole situation, but I find myself in a similar boat. I've been estranged from some of my family since I was 19, and most of the rest since I was 22. My father and I were quite literally at each other's throats during the last years we were still speaking. In fact, our last conversation was pretty heinous. When he died this past year I was not informed, and had I not gone on vacation in his area I would never have known he was dead. His wife despises me and since I'm his only child she has made sure to cut me out of the family completely so she could claim his assets when he passed away, and she did. She went through great links to deny me access to his death certificate and has kept things close to the chest. I don't even know his exact date of death, and honestly, as far as I know he may still be alive. I trust his surviving friends and neighbors to have told me the truth, but they may well have been going along with something. It's really shady. Like I can't find an obituary, a grave marker, a plaque, nothing. And without his date of death and living on the other side of the country, getting ahold of his Death Certificate has been a nightmare and I'm still empty handed all these months later.

 

There are really only two ways about this and neither one is pleasant. Either he died and no one told me and people in the know have made an effort to deny me information on him or he is still alive and is so far gone about our relationship that he wants me to think he's dead. No matter how bad the blood was between us, I never thought it would come to this.

 

Again, I am not familiar with Luuv's situation, but people have their reasons, I guess. Who knows what happened. And he's been estranged from almost 30 years from the sounds of things. So who knows, really.

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's super frustrating that it seems like his family's just washing their hands of the whole thing. I mean, I get that there's probably a lot of complicated history and emotions between them, but I like to think that even if my siblings and I had a huge falling out, they'd still pull through with the bare minimum. It just seems wrong that he's done so much for us over the years and we can't do anything for him now.  :(

 

enad: Seriously, thank you so much for keeping us updated. You've gone above and beyond what I expected, and it's a shame we've hit a dead end.

 

I share your frustration.  I would like to see the guy given his proper last respects for what he did for this community and just because in general I think it's something everyone is warranted.  Though I don't know what transpired between Luuv and his siblings for what it's worth I believe they will come to regret their apparent decision years from now when it's too late to do any good.  But there's really nothing we can do to influence this process now.  We don't have the means, and more specifically, it's not our place. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got another update.  He was moved to Schroder Funeral Home in Silvis, IL, where he was cremated without a service.  They offered to pass my name and number along to the family with respect to what will happen to his ashes, but I doubt I'll be hearing anything.  If you want, you can ask to be contacted as well, or inquire if you're interested in writing an obituary or what have you.  Their number is 309-755-2212.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's rather sad how unceremonious his end is turning out to be. This almost makes me want to reconnect with my estranged father, but that's neither here nor there.

 

It's a good lesson for preparedness in such situations.  If you're not on good terms with your family, for eff's sake, make sure your wishes are known to the appropriate 3rd parties.  Assuming you have wishes.  Maybe his funeral arrangements were never important to him?  We'll never know now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I live about 15 minutes from Silvis (at least until my move about 2 hours north next week), and I repeat that I doubt I'll hear back either way on the matter, but if his family didn't mind it I would be willing to pick up his ashes and hold on to them for whatever the consensus here would be that people would like to see done with them.  Again, I'm just saying I'm willing to do that, but I doubt we're ever going to get to that point. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's been a while since I included these boards in my bored-at-work rotation, so I just now saw this. I was doing fine until about halfway through the thread. Probably shouldn't have kept reading but I wanted to find out what was going on.

 

I want it to be 5:00 so I can go home and properly cry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everyone that wants to honor his memory or pay respects to him can. Donate to something in his memory, contribute to making these boards better, do your ASMB get together in memory to him, everyone take a shot at midnight, write a wall of text in his memory, buy a star, etc, etc, etc...

 

Focusing on the physical details isn't important and judging his family or making assumptions that have no foundation is petty. It's not our business what his family chooses. For all anyone knows, luuv didn't want a funeral, obit, or anything extra. In any event, trying to pick apart his family's intentions, estranged or not, is something I'm sure he wouldn't want people doing. Leave his family to do what they need to and focus on how you need to remember and honor him in your own way or collectively as a board. That's all that matters.

 

In any case, RIP Luuv. Thanks for the good times and for reversing those bans in the old days. You'll always be a part of these boards and a part of all of our history.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got another update.  He was moved to Schroder Funeral Home in Silvis, IL, where he was cremated without a service.  They offered to pass my name and number along to the family with respect to what will happen to his ashes, but I doubt I'll be hearing anything.  If you want, you can ask to be contacted as well, or inquire if you're interested in writing an obituary or what have you.  Their number is 309-755-2212.

god that's fucking depressing. he deserved better than that

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everyone that wants to honor his memory or pay respects to him can. Donate to something in his memory, contribute to making these boards better, do your ASMB get together in memory to him, everyone take a shot at midnight, write a wall of text in his memory, buy a star, etc, etc, etc...

 

Focusing on the physical details isn't important and judging his family or making assumptions that have no foundation is petty. It's not our business what his family chooses. For all anyone knows, luuv didn't want a funeral, obit, or anything extra. In any event, trying to pick apart his family's intentions, estranged or not, is something I'm sure he wouldn't want people doing. Leave his family to do what they need to and focus on how you need to remember and honor him in your own way or collectively as a board. That's all that matters.

 

In any case, RIP Luuv. Thanks for the good times and for reversing those bans in the old days. You'll always be a part of these boards and a part of all of our history.

 

Yea I always tried to couch requests for information in terms of "if the family permits it" and such.  Really we only knew one aspect of Luuv's life, which was on this forum.  Maybe his family's animosity towards him is completely justified, maybe not at all.  But we shouldn't be assuming the party in the wrong in this situation because we don't have any relevant information, nor are we likely to in the future.  Sometimes there are just unfortunate circumstances and that is all that can be said.  I don't share information for the purpose that people may cast stones at decisions those in this forum might disagree with, but because the circumstances surrounding his passing were sudden and confused, and given what a large presence he had on these forums as well as the AS ones I know people who care about him would want to know what has become of him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i'm not angry about the decision the family made. they have every right to do what they need to feel they need to do and we should respect that. HOWEVER, if by some miracle Dane gets in possession of the ashes, i don't know we can't do an in person "funeral" and a skype/tinychat one i feel would be disingenuous. i can't speak for Luuv, but i will say that i think luuv would be happy that SOMEONE honored his time here on this earth, even if its by people he's never actually met.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean yeah, I know that we have no idea what all happened with his family all those years ago, and it's not our place to judge or grumble about what they've decided to do, they have their own reasons for it, etc.

 

But, he was a big part of this community we've had going for what, like a decade and a half now? And it hurts that, even if every reason against it is justified and logical, he won't be having a real memorial. Like, I doubt I'd ever be in a position to actually visit a grave or anything, but it just doesn't feel right that he doesn't get anything in the real world to mark his life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes the worst thing you ever have to deal with is a thing called 'family' . You are stuck with them until child protection either removes you or you can run like hell away on your own. And sometimes even then you end up having to deal with them all over again later in life.

 

In adding on to what dane already said about not knowing everything, I feel like pointing out that there are some religious sects that don't believe in having actual funerals anyway. While there are several people in here that aren't at all amused by how his sisters have handled things despite numerous inquiries into things [i'm definitely not] , there is that small possibility that cremation with no ceremony is a religious choice and not the insult that it certainly feels like.

 

Still sucks. Still hurts. Still empty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i call bullshit on the religion part. yeah he wasn't religious but he would want people at his funeral getting drunk and talking about his life and being happy that he was around at all. i don't think they really cared all that much

 

I didn't say it was his religion. You don't have to be the same thing your family was once you are an adult and on your own. But his sisters might follow something rather sterile in nature and they are the ones who made this call.

 

I'm personally in agreement with you that Luuv would have probably loved the idea of a raging Irish-level wake, a celebration of a life in texts and bansticks. And it does feel like an insult. I can only hope that they make a few phone calls to those who have left their numbers with the funeral directors once they've had time to consider that all these people calling were doing so because they cared about their friend passing, not that they want to pry into whatever the past holds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes the worst thing you ever have to deal with is a thing called 'family' . You are stuck with them until child protection either removes you or you can run like hell away on your own. And sometimes even then you end up having to deal with them all over again later in life.

 

In adding on to what dane already said about not knowing everything, I feel like pointing out that there are some religious sects that don't believe in having actual funerals anyway. While there are several people in here that aren't at all amused by how his sisters have handled things despite numerous inquiries into things [i'm definitely not] , there is that small possibility that cremation with no ceremony is a religious choice and not the insult that it certainly feels like.

 

Still sucks. Still hurts. Still empty.

 

Honestly?  They may not have been able to afford a burial.  As previously mentioned by someone else in the thread burials can cost up to like 14k.  We don't even know if he had Life Insurance. 

 

Cremation may have been all his Family could afford. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One more update folks.  I received a call from John's sister.  She's picked up his ashes and is going to spread them over his parents' grave at Greenview Memorial Park in Silvis, Illinois tomorrow at sundown.  Forgive me if the name isn't quite right for that as the phone reception wasn't so good.  She said it was going to be a small memorial but anyone who knew him was invited to attend.  Unfortunately the timing is poor for me as I'm up at Chicago Comic-Con right now so I won't be able to make it.  But I wanted to pass this information along to you in the event that you wanted to send flowers to the grave site or what have you.  She said that he was a private person and probably didn't want a big fuss made about his death.  But I think people here should feel better knowing that he's getting the sort of internment that his sister feels would suit him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A thousand times thank you for keeping up on this and keeping us up on this.

 

I'm really glad that someone in the family was finally able to call and let people know what is going on amongst all this sudden crap. A weight has lifted slightly knowing that he is being taken care of.

 

I wish I was able to attend but I'm a couple states away, don't drive, and all my current travel thingies were scheduled and paid for months in advance. I'll see about wiring flowers out next week if possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't believe that Luuv is gone. I was looking around these boards and saw what I thought was a joke.  But as I kept reading and eventually found this thread, I now realize that this is real. I never got to really know Luuv, but he seemed like a thoughtful guy. He always wrote a wall of text, and somehow I almost always found myself reading a good chuck of, if not all of it.

 

I will always appreciate him for keeping the ASMB members together in this community. He really did realize how our silly message board was a nice break from reality for some of us. He appreciated the the old board community and somehow kept us all together even after ASMB was slowly falling apart. Like I said before, he stuck me as a thoughtful person and I am just sad to think that he has passed away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One more update folks.  I received a call from John's sister.  She's picked up his ashes and is going to spread them over his parents' grave at Greenview Memorial Park in Silvis, Illinois tomorrow at sundown.  Forgive me if the name isn't quite right for that as the phone reception wasn't so good.  She said it was going to be a small memorial but anyone who knew him was invited to attend.  Unfortunately the timing is poor for me as I'm up at Chicago Comic-Con right now so I won't be able to make it.  But I wanted to pass this information along to you in the event that you wanted to send flowers to the grave site or what have you.  She said that he was a private person and probably didn't want a big fuss made about his death.  But I think people here should feel better knowing that he's getting the sort of internment that his sister feels would suit him.

Just read this this afternoon. I'm in a similar, but not same, boat as Katt. Living several states away, I would be unable to cover the 470+ miles in just over six hours, since local sunset there will be 7:44 CDT. Still, I am glad that his family is doing something that they feel suits his sensibilities.

 

I'm not a funeral flower kind of person (I intend to look into donating to a literacy program in the area in Luuv's memory), but if any of you are and haven't already made arrangements to send them, there's a chance that this local florist might be able to make same-day delivery of some arrangements, depending upon availability in the shop.

 

Thank you, Dane, for your diligence in keeping us informed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok so, I wanted to write something more about his death than "this sucks..."

but really I'm not sure what to say tht wasnt said already.

 

He was a pretty cool guy. I didn't know him too well, but always secretly wished we could be friends >_>

ofc my attempt at that was HAI LUUUVVV I LUV UUU HEARZ MAHI ALT FOR J0000000!!111!!!!!!!!!!!

so thank you luuv for taking my fangirling of you in stride and knowing that i wasnt completely serious.

 

but, that was the thing about luuv. He, to me, felt like a normal user than a mod. I felt like he was the type of person you could talk to and joke around with.

He also seemed like a pretty fair guy, at least giving reason as to why he would do what he did as far as modding asmb. Hed have a reason (whether you liked it or not) why he banned you or whatever.

I never felt like he played favorites.

 

It was nice that he took part of show discussions, hopped around boards, etc...

I guess, its just... yeah ok i suck at this sorry haha.

 

Anyway, ASMB meant a lot to him, he even tried keeping it going in his own way with this forum. Even after it went down hill, and furthered rolled down hill he kept ASMB going the best he could.

So thank you luuv, thanks for keeping ASMB going even if its not...ASMB anymore.

 

Also it seems like, he really wasnt one for big ceramonies. some people are like that. I'm kind of like that too tbh. just throw me in a dumpster when im done.

 

Also, does anyone know the exact cause of death? I heard natural causes, perhaps heartattack? he wasnt very old, but heart attacks can happen at any age.

Well, still thanks for keeping us up to date. Im sure he knew we appreciated him and all he did for the community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...