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I think I have a girl crush on my hormone doctor


Real_AirCooledGirl

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My original endocrinologist referred me to this doc I've been seeing (the former moved out of state to be with her husband; they lived apart for six years). She's a GP who's well-versed in trans healthcare. I started seeing her in November and she's come through very well since then. For the past couple months, though, I've kinda had a girl crush on her. I always thought she was very cute and hot, and I also get some gay or bi vibes from her (i.e., femme girl with short, unpolished nails). I can't get her out of my head. Been thinking of making a move but being discreet about it. At the very least, I might ask her if she listens to girl in red. It's code for asking a girl if she likes girls. If she says "yes", she's gay. If she responds with "sweated weather", she's bi. I didn't come up with it. While I've dated girls before, they were mainly in high school and that was back when I was still in boymode. There was one girl sometime in 2013, but nothing happened between her and I. Now that I'm in girlmode, I'm thinking of getting myself back out there. Going from those girls to a high-earning woman such as a doctor or lawyer is like going from McDonald's to one of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants. Hell, if this doc paid me enough money to marry her, I'd happily do it, ethics issues be damned. If it means I'd be set for life, why not?

Has anyone else here been in this kind of situation before?

Edited by Real_AirCooledGirl
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Wait… girls that keep short nails unpolished… that means something from a sexual orientation standpoint? Is that like a thing I need to know?

and the password for lesbians is asking if they like girl in red? Are you sure you’re supposed to be telling all of this? I feel like I’m in class.

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A lot of healthcare professionals keep their nails short and unpolished for hygienic reasons. Short nails are less likely to have stuff under them, cracked or chipped nail polish actually provides more spaces for bacteria to proliferate.

Also, for what it worth, it's awkward as hell when a patient hits on you. 

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1 hour ago, mthor said:

 

Also, for what it worth, it's awkward as hell when a patient hits on you. 

Are you familiar with the Florence Nightingale effect? I think that's what this might be, but with a patient falling for her doctor in this case. Something about scholarly women revs my engine.

For argument's sake, let's assume that things did happen between her and I. I'd keep things secret, of course. I wouldn't blab about it to anybody. I'm like a Swiss banker like that.

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2 hours ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

Are you familiar with the Florence Nightingale effect? I think that's what this might be, but with a patient falling for her doctor in this case. Something about scholarly women revs my engine.

For argument's sake, let's assume that things did happen between her and I. I'd keep things secret, of course. I wouldn't blab about it to anybody. I'm like a Swiss banker like that.

Never heard of the Florence Nightingale effect, I just know that when it's happened to me, it's been very cringy and uncomfortable. And although I'm just a humble nurse, female physicians, NPs, and PAs have expressed the same feelings (yes, we talk); in fact, I've never run into a female health care professional who doesn't have at least one story ( the men probably have theirs, too; I've just not heard them).

You've found a professional with whom you have a good rapport and who is providing you with good care. That's a lot harder to find than a potential romantic interest. Appreciate what she's giving you, and don't  push for something that's going to make her feel personally, professionally, or legally uncomfortable.

 

 

Edited by mthor
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3 hours ago, mthor said:

Never heard of the Florence Nightingale effect, I just know that when it's happened to me, it's been very cringy and uncomfortable. And although I'm just a humble nurse, female physicians, NPs, and PAs have expressed the same feelings (yes, we talk); in fact, I've never run into a female health care professional who doesn't have at least one story ( the men probably have theirs, too; I've just not heard them).

You've found a professional with whom you have a good rapport and who is providing you with good care. That's a lot harder to find than a potential romantic interest. Appreciate what she's giving you, and don't  push for something that's going to make her feel personally, professionally, or legally uncomfortable.

 

 

You work as a nurse and have never heard of the Florence Nightingale effect?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Nightingale_effect

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3 hours ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

You work as a nurse and have never heard of the Florence Nightingale effect?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Nightingale_effect

Nope. Can't say that I've ever even met a nurse who's fallen for a patient, either. I'm not denying that it could happen, it's just that patient care is not as romantic as the existence of the trope might lead you to believe.

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2 hours ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

You work as a nurse and have never heard of the Florence Nightingale effect?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Nightingale_effect

It's right there in the definition...

A trope in that context is a narrational device.  It most likely references the time when Florence Nightingale was nursing, the height of English Romanticism, as well as the historical person.  It's not unusual for patients to fall for their caregivers, but in reality the specific trope is tied to wartime medicine and often depicts characters that are either mortally wounded or severely injured.  In that sense it would be used to convey loneliness and the austerity of the human condition.

All of this is to say you're not experiencing the Florence Nightingale effect.

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1 hour ago, scoobdog said:

It's right there in the definition...

A trope in that context is a narrational device.  It most likely references the time when Florence Nightingale was nursing, the height of English Romanticism, as well as the historical person.  It's not unusual for patients to fall for their caregivers, but in reality the specific trope is tied to wartime medicine and often depicts characters that are either mortally wounded or severely injured.  In that sense it would be used to convey loneliness and the austerity of the human condition.

All of this is to say you're not experiencing the Florence Nightingale effect.

I wasn't sure of any other way to put it. But I have told my gender therapist and both nurse practitioners I see about this. At least one of them could tell given how glowingly I talk about the good doc.

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7 hours ago, scoobdog said:

Has it occurred to you that maybe this crush is a manifestation of something besides a genuine attraction to this doctor?

Now that you mention it, that's possible. It's possible I could be reading too much into things. But still, if she asked me to be her sugar baby, I'd do it in a yoctosecond.

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1 minute ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

Now that you mention it, that's possible. It's possible I could be reading too much into things. But still, if she asked me to be her sugar baby, I'd do it in a yoctosecond.

How would you be her sugar daddy? Don’t you have to have… sugar?

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6 minutes ago, Sawdamizer said:

How would you be her sugar daddy? Don’t you have to have… sugar?

For me to be a sugar daddy, I'd have to be a guy. That's not the case with me. I'm the misidentified woman seeking a rich wife, not the rich guy looking for a trophy wife. And she makes more money than I ever did. Closest I've ever been to being rich was winning a settlement from a personal injury suit. That lawsuit was over injuries sustained in a scooter crash. The guy who hit me was a retired doctor who claimed it was a non-medical emergency with no injury to either party, so I sued his ass and collected a nice sum of money. Wish I got more money from it, though. But it was enough to buy a house, a double-wide mobile home. And I said "sugar baby" here.

The short nails thing? I could be reading too much into it. But it's still a potential sign that she might be gay, if not bi or pan. And remember, I live in a very LGBTQ-friendly state, Delaware.

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I dont think it would be ethical for your doctor to date you.

Its definitely against ethics for social workers

Leaving that whole ethical issue aside, I dont think you need code to ask someone out anymore unless you're in like a super conservative area.

I dunno if there's a lesbian/bisexual handbook .... but Id prefer you just ask me out 

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8 hours ago, revelations said:

Do it. Tell her before you fully transition. Then she will have to wait for you. Unless she doesn't want to wait, and wants you to sling that D on her. 

I could top if I have to between now and when I have bottom surgery. Either way, I could go for some sapphic lovin'. 😁

Since I started HRT, I realized that I never truly dated like a cis-het guy would. All my prior dating attempts were actually sapphic in nature.

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22 hours ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

I might ask her if she listens to girl in red. It's code for asking a girl if she likes girls. If she says "yes", she's gay. If she responds with "sweated weather", she's bi. 

I can't even fathom why or how this became a thing. Women are really out here talking in code and shit? That's wild.

I wonder if gay/bi dudes have a similar code. If there is a code, I must have missed that meeting, because God knows I don't know it. Now I can't help but wonder if I missed out on some potential dalliances because I wasn't up to date. They really need to start emailing us when new rules are put in place.

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51 minutes ago, Skiles said:

I can't even fathom why or how this became a thing. Women are really out here talking in code and shit? That's wild.

I wonder if gay/bi dudes have a similar code. If there is a code, I must have missed that meeting, because God knows I don't know it. Now I can't help but wonder if I missed out on some potential dalliances because I wasn't up to date. They really need to start emailing us when new rules are put in place.

I didn't come up with LGBTQ+ slang and code phrases. Urban Dictionary even has an entry on the "girl in red" question.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Do you listen to girl in red%3F

I've done a little nonverbal flirting, but I don't know if she noticed. Maybe, maybe not. You can only do so much when both of you have to wear masks.

Edited by Real_AirCooledGirl
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2 hours ago, Vamped said:

I dont think it would be ethical for your doctor to date you.

Its definitely against ethics for social workers

Leaving that whole ethical issue aside, I dont think you need code to ask someone out anymore unless you're in like a super conservative area.

I dunno if there's a lesbian/bisexual handbook .... but Id prefer you just ask me out 

For argument's sake, let's say that something did happen between my hormone doc and I. What if we told people we were married and she was my sugar mama or something? Would that work as a loophole? You think that would work?

Maybe the thrill of breaking a taboo like that turns me on. I personally don't care what anybody thinks.

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16 minutes ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

For argument's sake, let's say that something did happen between my hormone doc and I. What if we told people we were married and she was my sugar mama or something? Would that work as a loophole? You think that would work?

Maybe the thrill of breaking a taboo like that turns me on. I personally don't care what anybody thinks.

It would still be unethical. You'd need to find a new physician. 

 

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13 minutes ago, Vamped said:

It would still be unethical. You'd need to find a new physician. 

 

I've sought advice from LGBTQ+ YouTubers such as TheChloeConnection, AshleyxAdamson, Alexis and Lilian, Dutchy, and some others in case any of them have been in my kind of situation before. I thought I'd ask here, too, just in case.

I still feel like it'd be worth a shot as opposed to spending the rest of my life wondering what could have been. Back during my boymode years, there was this girl I had a huge crush on in high school. "Kylie" was this very beautiful biracial girl who graduated the same year I did. I always wanted to ask her out but was scared she'd turn me down for not being black. I was devastated when I learned she had a boyfriend. Shortly after we graduated, she got pregnant. I later bumped into her while working at a TGI Friday's. After I got off for the night, I had some drinks and spoke with her, her cousin (who was also one of our classmates), and a couple other friends from high school. I never told her how I felt about her during our high school years but I wouldn't be surprised if she knew anyway. The whole school knew I had the hots for her back then. But after catching up with her that night, I figure she'd have turned me down regardless. She's a Christian girl and I'm an atheist.

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7 hours ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

Now that you mention it, that's possible. It's possible I could be reading too much into things. But still, if she asked me to be her sugar baby, I'd do it in a yoctosecond.

It's not that.  I meant you're not looking for a lover as much as a protector.

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7 hours ago, Skiles said:

I can't even fathom why or how this became a thing. Women are really out here talking in code and shit? That's wild.

I wonder if gay/bi dudes have a similar code. If there is a code, I must have missed that meeting, because God knows I don't know it. Now I can't help but wonder if I missed out on some potential dalliances because I wasn't up to date. They really need to start emailing us when new rules are put in place.

I'm hella gay and have been associated with numerous and various LGBTQQA groups since like 2010...and like I don't have a single cishet friend and I've never once heard of the girl in red thing.  I had to Google it. 

From what I can gather the singer was born in 1999 and debuted on Soundcloud in like 2016.  The 'listens to girl in red' definition was added to urban dictionary about a year ago.  Seems like maybe it's kinda a Tik Tok thing too. 

I think it's more of an obsure Gen Z colloquialism. If the doctor is around 28+ I seriously doubt she'll have any idea what the hell RACG is talking about.

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2 hours ago, Le Guignon said:

I'm hella gay and have been associated with numerous and various LGBTQQA groups since like 2010...and like I don't have a single cishet friend and I've never once heard of the girl in red thing.  I had to Google it. 

From what I can gather the singer was born in 1999 and debuted on Soundcloud in like 2016.  The 'listens to girl in red' definition was added to urban dictionary about a year ago.  Seems like maybe it's kinda a Tik Tok thing too. 

I think it's more of an obsure Gen Z colloquialism. If the doctor is around 28+ I seriously doubt she'll have any idea what the hell RACG is talking about.

There's no reason to talk in code. You're just setting yourself up to be turned down 

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6 hours ago, Le Guignon said:

I'm hella gay and have been associated with numerous and various LGBTQQA groups since like 2010...and like I don't have a single cishet friend and I've never once heard of the girl in red thing.  I had to Google it. 

From what I can gather the singer was born in 1999 and debuted on Soundcloud in like 2016.  The 'listens to girl in red' definition was added to urban dictionary about a year ago.  Seems like maybe it's kinda a Tik Tok thing too. 

I think it's more of an obsure Gen Z colloquialism. If the doctor is around 28+ I seriously doubt she'll have any idea what the hell RACG is talking about.

I didn't know about the girl in red question until I heard Dutchy mention it in one of her videos.

As for my hormone doctor, she doesn't look any older than 40. But she does look pretty young. I'd say between 35-40, given how pre-med, med school, and residency take up the better part of a decade. Don't know how long she's been practicing medicine, though.

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7 hours ago, Vamped said:

There's no reason to talk in code. You're just setting yourself up to be turned down 

I mean I can see the concept of it making sense but I've never heard of it, either. Reminds me of this video where a guy thinks the government is listening in on him when he plays online games so he learns Navajo but now no one understands him at all. 

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21 minutes ago, GunStarHero said:

I mean I can see the concept of it making sense but I've never heard of it, either. Reminds me of this video where a guy thinks the government is listening in on him when he plays online games so he learns Navajo but now no one understands him at all. 

 

87AE446B-83A3-4F84-A224-FB0795C8DAA8.jpeg

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6 hours ago, Distortedreasoning said:

i've seen a few pornos that start like this. it always ends the same way. 

I actually prefer those to the ones that start in a dentist's office.

I can never quite figure out the logistics of a titty ending up in somebody's mouth during a dental exam. 

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3 hours ago, GunStarHero said:

I mean I can see the concept of it making sense but I've never heard of it, either. Reminds me of this video where a guy thinks the government is listening in on him when he plays online games so he learns Navajo but now no one understands him at all. 

Right!

So now nobody gets a date because nobody knows you're asking 

>.>

And by date ... I mean ass 

 

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On 7/20/2021 at 9:08 PM, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

I didn't come up with LGBTQ+ slang and code phrases. Urban Dictionary even has an entry on the "girl in red" question.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Do you listen to girl in red%3F

I've done a little nonverbal flirting, but I don't know if she noticed. Maybe, maybe not. You can only do so much when both of you have to wear masks.

Well, there's the problem. UD is unreliable for good slang and phrases these days, because you can put literally anything on it. I could decide right now that "trambopulo" is a word, and it means to cum on one's own back, and throw it up on UD. And it'll just be there. 

That's why the NII stopped accepting idioms from there in 2011.

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I read through this whole thread and just my honest opinion, i don’t think you genuinely like her. It’s more of the characteristics and qualities you find attractive or desirable that she possesses.

In reading, it reminds me of mmlg mentality. If you don’t know what that is—mommy, little girl. You’re looking for someone who can offer you protection and security. How you come off, someone dominant and has authority over you.

Your dr is appealing to you in that aspect because if she chose to she could offer it.

I wouldn’t go for it unless you are looking to find another dr.

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1 hour ago, Baby_Yoda said:

I read through this whole thread and just my honest opinion, i don’t think you genuinely like her. It’s more of the characteristics and qualities you find attractive or desirable that she possesses.

In reading, it reminds me of mmlg mentality. If you don’t know what that is—mommy, little girl. You’re looking for someone who can offer you protection and security. How you come off, someone dominant and has authority over you.

Your dr is appealing to you in that aspect because if she chose to she could offer it.

I wouldn’t go for it unless you are looking to find another dr.

You think so? I know damn well I could go for a sugar mama. And I've always been attracted to women who can lock horns with me from the neck up. Brains plus beauty equals a winning combination in my book.

While I can see where you're coming from, I also don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been.

Edited by Real_AirCooledGirl
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1 hour ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

While I can see where you're coming from, I also don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been.

I don't think you need to wonder about that.  Anyway you look at it, you're putting her career in serious jeopardy by attempting to pursue a relationship.  No matter the feelings that may or may not be there, the only way being with her can possibly end is in acrimony at best or tragedy at worst.  And, I'm only saying that from a completely objective standpoint, not because I have a vested interest in you not finding love:  the situation you're both in now is not conducive to planting the seed (figuratively) of a healthy, sustainable relationship because the cost versus reward for being in that relationship is not equal to both of you - you stand to benefit more than you would lose compared to her standing to lose more than she might benefit - in part because there are plenty of other women (or men, since we don't know what her orientation is) who won't ask her to either violate her oath as a medical practitioner to be in that relationship or cause her to give up her role as care giver.

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I'm just gonna come out and say it. Your therapist has zero interest in you.

She's married and has a successful career, and in no way would ever think about putting that in jeopardy. 

YOU have a crush on her. Not the other way around. She hasn't given off any lesbian or bi vibes.

You are reading into it what you want to read into it.

Based on your comments about sending in tanks to Texas, and ruling as a dictator forever, I'd say with utmost certainty, you have lost the plot.

But, by all means, fuck around and find out. Tell her you think SHE is into YOU and YOU are into HER. Do it. I can't wait to read about this explosion. 

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