RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) I got out of the hospital a few days ago and have a follow-up appointment in a few weeks with a specialist from the liver clinic. The center I went to is one of the best in the country for one-year survival outcomes post-transplant, so I really hope I can make the list because it's extremely annoying to have so much that I want to read, write, and enjoy every day only to be bogged down by feelings of nausea and fatigue. My MELD score is consistently in the 30-33 range, which isn't particularly great because it gives me a slightly less than 50% chance of survival for the next three months, but it also doesn't account for the fact that I am 30 and a probable outlier on a predictive table which surely includes mostly older people with higher risks of acute failure. I would love nothing more than to get busy and be able to nail the GRE and craft some really passionate writing samples to get into the English master's program at Seton Hall when I apply this fall, but the liver cirrhosis is really becoming a serious impediment toward my daily progress. I have to struggle and fight through the want of sleep to get things done on a daily basis and part of me thinks that I should just take it easy and accept that I need to rest longer than a completely healthy person does on a daily basis. All in all, I think I can get through this, but what scares me the most is that even if I get on the transplant list, I don't know when a liver will become available. I would think it could come very quickly since my clinic does 7-8k transplants per year and I'd be a very good candidate for a transplant. We'll see. Glad to see this community still going strong 🤠 Edited January 31, 2021 by RedemptionZeni 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 When was the last time you had any alcohol? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mthor Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 You know, a lot of AA groups are doing zoom meetings now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Just now, mthor said: You know, a lot of AA groups are doing zoom meetings now. Let the man fucking answer! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 1 hour ago, Sawdamizer said: When was the last time you had any alcohol? September 24th, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 I don't wanna die. I'm so scared, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skiles Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Move to Louisiana, get Medicare and Medicaid, then call me. I got the fuckin' hook-up on those specialist visits. 😉 Good luck, my dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 8 minutes ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't wanna die. I'm so scared, guys. Fuggs was looking for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mthor Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 2 hours ago, Sawdamizer said: Let the man fucking answer! Don't tell me what to do. You got an answer didn't you? 1 minute ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't wanna die. I'm so scared, guys. Been there. Not a good feeling. I don't trust you, Zeni, but I don't wish any harm on you, either, and I'm not kidding about the meetings. If you can prove - not just say, but prove- that you're making an effort to be sober, you're going to have a better chance of getting and staying on a transplant list. Whether it be through AA or some other recovery program, your odds are going to be better if you can demonstrate that you're actually making an effort to change what got you to this point. Yeah, you're not drinking now, but odds are you're also generally sicker than a pig now, too. The powers that be need to know that you're not going to just go back out and start drinking again once you feel ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 Why would I drink again? I know it's an instant death wish and I don't ever wanna go through this again. I have a special disdain for alcohol now. It was my arrogance and lack of restraint that caused this, but that poison wronged me worse than any false friend ever has. Tried to kill me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mthor Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 11 minutes ago, RedemptionZeni said: Why would I drink again? I know it's an instant death wish and I don't ever wanna go through this again. I have a special disdain for alcohol now. It was my arrogance and lack of restraint that caused this, but that poison wronged me worse than any false friend ever has. Tried to kill me You're a bullshit artist, but it's not going to work in this case. Good luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 17 minutes ago, mthor said: You're a bullshit artist, but it's not going to work in this case. Good luck. There's nothing I can say in my defense lol. How ridiculous is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 If I tell the AA psychologists that the sky is blue, they'll just say, "You're wrong. Admit that you're an addict and a degenerate who needs help." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 15 minutes ago, RedemptionZeni said: If I tell the AA psychologists that the sky is blue, they'll just say, "You're wrong. Admit that you're an addict and a degenerate who needs help." I mean, admission is the first step 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 6 minutes ago, Sawdamizer said: I mean, admission is the first step If they're already convinced that I have an addiction, why do they need an admission? That doesn't make any sense lol. If you believe that A is the first letter of the alphabet, why do you need someone to tell you that A is the first letter of the alphabet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 keep figthing dude dont give up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 1 hour ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't wanna die. I'm so scared, guys. It’s ok to let go 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 27 minutes ago, RedemptionZeni said: If they're already convinced that I have an addiction, why do they need an admission? That doesn't make any sense lol. If you believe that A is the first letter of the alphabet, why do you need someone to tell you that A is the first letter of the alphabet? Idk... if my body was quitting on me and I was the color of dehydrated piss... id probably give in to a higher power... even if it was capt morgan 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sieg67 Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) I'm usually the first one to call Zeni's BS but I think he's legit on this one. I think we should let off of him. If he legit wants to change, that's good and we should encourage that. I mean, at least now he isn't pretending to be a creep and doing that alpha nonsense. Edited January 31, 2021 by Sieg67 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Sieg67 said: I'm usually the first one to call Zeni's BS but I think he's legit on this one. I think we should let off of him. If he legit wants to change, that's good and we should encourage that. I mean, at least now he isn't pretending to be a creep and doing that alpha nonsense. He has his audiences. Who cares? Lol, we have had way more reputable people die here and we kinda just meh that shit... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katt_goddess Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 To get things done while dealing with health issues, you schedule your time to allow for certain things taking longer than usual. You break down the day and the to-do list into smaller, more easy to manage bits. And you use the accomplishment of each smaller item as an emotional boost to do more. Most classic books can be found for free as audio books online which can help with reading goals when strength doesn't really permit holding a book for a long period of time. I prefer real books as they sometimes double as weights depending on the size. And the point of acknowledging to a sponsor that you have a problem is that you are specifically acknowledging that you have a problem and you are the cause of that problem to another person. It's a psychological step that gives all the other steps something to build on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 This is like some chicken little....or the boy that cried wolf or something.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 12 minutes ago, André Toulon said: This is like some chicken little....or the boy that cried wolf or something.... If you give a mouse a cookie... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katt_goddess Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seight Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 3 hours ago, Skiles said: Move to Louisiana, whoa wait, I thought we were trying to help him. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ric Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Good luck getting through this. I see the comments here are kinder than the YT ones from that last video. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Godspeed, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue_Alphonse Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Wow what a shame this post is so long, or I would have taken the time to read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted February 1, 2021 Author Share Posted February 1, 2021 This is awful. I wish I had known this is what liver failure is like. 🤢 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 1 hour ago, RedemptionZeni said: This is awful. I wish I had known this is what liver failure is like. 🤢 Hang in there Zeni 😢 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 damn zeni, i think you really are dying. i can't blame people for doubting but good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 5 hours ago, RedemptionZeni said: This is awful. I wish I had known this is what liver failure is like. 🤢 See... posts like this shit right here make me question this whole ruse... Zeni, be real.... slam a tall boy.... we need OG sonic rican 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NNN Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 14 hours ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't wanna die. I'm so scared, guys. that's not very ALPHA of you zeni 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 20 hours ago, RedemptionZeni said: If they're already convinced that I have an addiction, why do they need an admission? That doesn't make any sense lol. If you believe that A is the first letter of the alphabet, why do you need someone to tell you that A is the first letter of the alphabet? Bro, mthor is right. If you want to be put on a list for a liver, you have to demonstrate you're minimizing your risk of not just needing another liver (which you aren't going to get anyway) but also that your years of survival after the transplant are likely to justify the next person up or down the transplant list. Rather than acknowledging you're an alcoholic, going to AA is more about acknowledging that you're making a lifestyle change and addressing any kind of potentially damaging coping behavior (like over eating, medication abuse, or even something tangential like gambling or shopping). Just being scared isn't going to cut it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Maybe this whole thing is just a social experiment for Zeni to write an essay to get into grad school because of a subpar GRE score or some shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 13 minutes ago, bnmjy said: Maybe this whole thing is just a social experiment for Zeni to write an essay to get into grad school because of a subpar GRE score or some shit. I don't think my grad program even cared about my GRE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skiles Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 22 hours ago, Seight said: whoa wait, I thought we were trying to help him. My hook-up is worth having to live in the swamp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyDayJizz#35 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 Good luck to you bro, I hope the doc gave you 50% chances just to scare the shit out of you. Hope you make it through this and none of your organs become useless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sieg67 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 12 hours ago, bnmjy said: Maybe this whole thing is just a social experiment for Zeni to write an essay to get into grad school because of a subpar GRE score or some shit. He looks different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 6 hours ago, Sieg67 said: He looks different. Yea I believe Zenis telling the truth. If he was faking not only the skin tone but he’s obviously lost a lot of weight 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 Well parts of this shit still don't add up to a fully believable whole especially considering the 'bullshit artist' in question but, Interesting story arc none the less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted February 2, 2021 Author Share Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) Ugh. I lost a lot of blood passing stools last night, but I had to do it. I was backed up. My hands and legs have been feeling numb since this morning. Not cold, just numb. Like my hands are slippery even though they're dry. And I've been nauseous and weak. I really hope this isn't the end. I'm so scared right now. I keep moaning and I can't control it. Ugh... How am I gonna make it to March 24th? Edited February 2, 2021 by RedemptionZeni Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 4 minutes ago, RedemptionZeni said: Ugh. I lost a lot of blood passing stools last night, but I had to do it. I was backed up. My hands and legs have been feeling numb since this morning. Not cold, just numb. Like my hands are slippery even though they're dry. And I've been nauseous and weak. I really hope this isn't the end. I'm so scared right now. I keep moaning and I can't control it. Ugh... How am I gonna make it to March 24th? Aww man this has ghost writer written all over it. I don't know how to bet now, but I'm pretty sure my gut was right all along. This guts got me through some dicey situations..*errp* and still handles it's alcohol.. Honestly man if you werent so consistent with the character driven narratives it'd be a lot easier to get the pity you seem to be craving.. That being said I'm still gonna leave this alone. Let someone else call the bullshit. I'm just waiting for my late work hours that basically just entail wrapping up sales, and making sure the place doesn't burn to the ground overnight. 😷 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted February 2, 2021 Author Share Posted February 2, 2021 I don't even know how anyone can think I'm making this up. I really feel like I'm gonna die soon. If I took a picture of myself right now, you'd see how skinny my arms have gotten, they're like pencils, and I can feel my ribs on both sides. I'll touch my sides and I can legit feel the bones. How am I gonna possibly recover from this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdamizer Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 1 minute ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't even know how anyone can think I'm making this up. I really feel like I'm gonna die soon. If I took a picture of myself right now, you'd see how skinny my arms have gotten, they're like pencils, and I can feel my ribs on both sides. I'll touch my sides and I can legit feel the bones. How am I gonna possibly recover from this? I mean, I dont want to kick you while you're down... but you know damn well why people would say you're making all this up 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 1 minute ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't even know how anyone can think I'm making this up. I really feel like I'm gonna die soon. If I took a picture of myself right now, you'd see how skinny my arms have gotten, they're like pencils, and I can feel my ribs on both sides. I'll touch my sides and I can legit feel the bones. How am I gonna possibly recover from this? I've heard they have places for that. Hell you might even meet the perfect legal teenage hottie there. It's called rehab. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sieg67 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 I believe you but your years of trolling have left people skeptical. Maybe post the videos? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyDayJizz#35 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 36 minutes ago, RedemptionZeni said: I don't even know how anyone can think I'm making this up. I really feel like I'm gonna die soon. If I took a picture of myself right now, you'd see how skinny my arms have gotten, they're like pencils, and I can feel my ribs on both sides. I'll touch my sides and I can legit feel the bones. How am I gonna possibly recover from this? Dude, this reads like you're trolling. Maybe years of trolling left it your only way of communicating in print. Just like I can't remember how to write in cursive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupin_bebop Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) Hmmmm......as much as I want to let myself shoot you some bail and help out.....I simply can’t. You’ve proven yourself over time to keep playing the long con/troll. I really want to believe you, but patterns and experience have told me not to. I do wish you luck on your endeavors (assuming you ARE having issues), but I simply just can’t believe you in print. Not trying to be an asshole (as much as I want to be), just going with what I know and reading things as they were/are. Edited February 2, 2021 by lupin_bebop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedemptionZeni Posted February 3, 2021 Author Share Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) All right I feel much better than I did earlier. Still not completely right Wait so I read this over and I'm genuinely confused. I didn't realize that most people here thought I was "crying wolf" for years. Uhhh.. I hate to break it to you, but almost all of my girl problem stories from the past fifteen years actually happened. 🙄 Well except for that one I posted a little over a decade ago about confronting that Turkish girl who was blowing me off in the parking garage outside of my school. That was just what I wanted to do because I was mad that she wouldn't reply to my texts and I wanted to see how the ASMB would react if I were to do that. Anyway, that's all in the past, guys. I'm not like that anymore. This whole liver situation has really mellowed me out and I'm so happy to be part of this community again, but a totally changed guy. 👍 Edited February 3, 2021 by RedemptionZeni Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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