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everytime you guys fap a puppy dies...

Shiina

By Shiina
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wacky1980 Freakin Mutant

wacky1980

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but what does the puppy die from? is thor zapping one with lightning every time some shmo jacks it into his shower drain? is there some asshole pervert who peeps on dudes pulling their pud in their own bedrooms, and then hops into his car and drives around town til he finds one to run over? 

is the dog choking on the ejaculate? ew, that crossed a line.

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Shiina Aristocrat

Shiina

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5 hours ago, jackiemarie90 said:

1st of all, who is killing all the puppies

They are getting thrown into the great man eating pit from Return of the Jedi. 

I don't know whos doing it... its some type of galaxy-wide alien created demonic plan to control human population on earth. 

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Age of S'jet Elder

Age of S'jet

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  • The smell

  • The fact that they trample in their own shit and piss, or get their own shit and piss all up in their hair/fur, and then proceed to get it all over your furniture/where you eat

  • They're loud/the barking

  • They're unpredictable and could easily hurt me, and I have no meaningful way to get them to stop hurting me without inflicting violence on them (which is something that I really would not want to do)

  • You cannot communicate meaningfully with them, beyond very simple ways

  • Despite how "well trained" a lot of them are, they're unruly and don't listen to their owners

  • Shedding

  • When you want your space, or need some alone time they don't leave you the fuck alone. They also have to be constantly touching you. I hate how I can't sit on a couch without a stupid dog pouncing on my lap or pushing me out of the way. If a human is touching you or too close to you in a context where there's lots of room for them to be there without invading your personal space, you can tell them to stop and they will mostly listen. If they don't listen, it then becomes a crime. Whereas with dogs, no such thing exists.

  • They slobber everywhere

  • They use their dirty fucking tongues to try to lick your face immediately after they've licked their own asshole

  • They're needier than children. Not babies or toddlers, however human babies and toddlers are only like this for 2-4 years. Dogs are like this for their whole life.

Okay, now that basically covers just the dogs themselves. I would say I dislike dogs, on their own. The thing that I truly hate are the fur parents and dog culture:

  • Equating dogs (or really, any kind of animal) as just as important as humans.

  • People who prioritize animal rights over human rights

  • "I like dogs more than peeeeople heheheh"

  • The fact that I'll be branded a sociopath because I don't share their interest in animals/dogs. I would never hurt an animal/dog unless it was attacking me to the point where I was scared for my safety/life. However, by default to these people, I'm the sociopath for simply not liking dogs for all of the perfectly reasonable reasons I mentioned above.

  • These people laugh or feel nothing when a human gets hurt, but have an emotional breakdown when a dog gets hurt. Some of them actually enjoy seeing humans get hurt as long as a dog doesn't. Recall this: these people also think I'm the sociopath here...yeah, okay there.

  • Treating dogs/animals like their own children

  • Thinking that them being a pet owner is just as important to society as being a good parent to a human child is

  • Thinking that their dog belongs anywhere humans are allowed to go

  • When they say dogs are cleaner than humans (so sick of this pure bullshit)

  • Being expected to be excited to hear about people's dogs

  • The hypocrisy of the childfree, pet loving crowd (and by pet loving, it's almost always dogs). These people embody the behavior of annoying parents that they claim to hate, except it's even more annoying because it's about dogs and not human children (who are actual members of society)

  • Fake service dogs, such as "emotional support dogs" that are basically untrained mongrel family pets that people try to bring everywhere where dogs shouldn't be allowed for sanitary reasons. For example, some woman tried to show up for a kitchen job in a restaurant with her "emotional support dog" working by her side. She tried to sue her employer for firing her because she refused to leave the dog at home

  • People ascribing human emotions and thought processes to dogs. Dogs do not have the same cognition levels that humans do. I'm tired of seeing people pretend that they do.

  • "I'd let a hundred people die a horrible death if it meant I could save one dog's life"

  • The insane levels of narcissism that most dog lovers possess. They think all of society should accommodate their pet, however that pet gives nothing in return to society (barring actual service animals, like seeing eye dogs, for example). The pet only exists for them, yet we're all supposed to accommodate this dog?!

  • The fact that dog lovers prefer a slave/master relationship, and only want something that loves them unconditionally despite how shitty of a person they are. I'm sorry, but I find it incredibly uncomfortable that something could worship you when you don't deserve it.

  • D'oh 1
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André Toulon Monster Mutant

André Toulon

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6 minutes ago, The_Hound said:

  • The smell

  • The fact that they trample in their own shit and piss, or get their own shit and piss all up in their hair/fur, and then proceed to get it all over your furniture/where you eat

  • They're loud/the barking

  • They're unpredictable and could easily hurt me, and I have no meaningful way to get them to stop hurting me without inflicting violence on them (which is something that I really would not want to do)

  • You cannot communicate meaningfully with them, beyond very simple ways

  • Despite how "well trained" a lot of them are, they're unruly and don't listen to their owners

  • Shedding

  • When you want your space, or need some alone time they don't leave you the fuck alone. They also have to be constantly touching you. I hate how I can't sit on a couch without a stupid dog pouncing on my lap or pushing me out of the way. If a human is touching you or too close to you in a context where there's lots of room for them to be there without invading your personal space, you can tell them to stop and they will mostly listen. If they don't listen, it then becomes a crime. Whereas with dogs, no such thing exists.

  • They slobber everywhere

  • They use their dirty fucking tongues to try to lick your face immediately after they've licked their own asshole

  • They're needier than children. Not babies or toddlers, however human babies and toddlers are only like this for 2-4 years. Dogs are like this for their whole life.

Okay, now that basically covers just the dogs themselves. I would say I dislike dogs, on their own. The thing that I truly hate are the fur parents and dog culture:

  • Equating dogs (or really, any kind of animal) as just as important as humans.

  • People who prioritize animal rights over human rights

  • "I like dogs more than peeeeople heheheh"

  • The fact that I'll be branded a sociopath because I don't share their interest in animals/dogs. I would never hurt an animal/dog unless it was attacking me to the point where I was scared for my safety/life. However, by default to these people, I'm the sociopath for simply not liking dogs for all of the perfectly reasonable reasons I mentioned above.

  • These people laugh or feel nothing when a human gets hurt, but have an emotional breakdown when a dog gets hurt. Some of them actually enjoy seeing humans get hurt as long as a dog doesn't. Recall this: these people also think I'm the sociopath here...yeah, okay there.

  • Treating dogs/animals like their own children

  • Thinking that them being a pet owner is just as important to society as being a good parent to a human child is

  • Thinking that their dog belongs anywhere humans are allowed to go

  • When they say dogs are cleaner than humans (so sick of this pure bullshit)

  • Being expected to be excited to hear about people's dogs

  • The hypocrisy of the childfree, pet loving crowd (and by pet loving, it's almost always dogs). These people embody the behavior of annoying parents that they claim to hate, except it's even more annoying because it's about dogs and not human children (who are actual members of society)

  • Fake service dogs, such as "emotional support dogs" that are basically untrained mongrel family pets that people try to bring everywhere where dogs shouldn't be allowed for sanitary reasons. For example, some woman tried to show up for a kitchen job in a restaurant with her "emotional support dog" working by her side. She tried to sue her employer for firing her because she refused to leave the dog at home

  • People ascribing human emotions and thought processes to dogs. Dogs do not have the same cognition levels that humans do. I'm tired of seeing people pretend that they do.

  • "I'd let a hundred people die a horrible death if it meant I could save one dog's life"

  • The insane levels of narcissism that most dog lovers possess. They think all of society should accommodate their pet, however that pet gives nothing in return to society (barring actual service animals, like seeing eye dogs, for example). The pet only exists for them, yet we're all supposed to accommodate this dog?!

  • The fact that dog lovers prefer a slave/master relationship, and only want something that loves them unconditionally despite how shitty of a person they are. I'm sorry, but I find it incredibly uncomfortable that something could worship you when you don't deserve it.

Boy oh boy....

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scoobdog Monster Mutant

scoobdog

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Posted
18 minutes ago, helpme said:

You know what this could be zeni

No, Zeni isn't that creative.  He's got one note, and he plays that note until his fucking lips bleed then plays it some more.  I'll give Phillies his due and say he can be creative sometimes.

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Shiina Aristocrat

Shiina

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Just now, scoobdog said:

No, Zeni isn't that creative.  He's got one note, and he plays that note until his fucking lips bleed then plays it some more.  I'll give Phillies his due and say he can be creative sometimes.

This is just so stupid. 

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helpme Freakin Mutant

helpme

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, scoobdog said:

No, Zeni isn't that creative.  He's got one note, and he plays that note until his fucking lips bleed then plays it some more.  I'll give Phillies his due and say he can be creative sometimes.

True the pillow fucker does have his moments 

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PhilosipherStoned Monster Mutant

PhilosipherStoned

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, scoobdog said:

No, Zeni isn't that creative.  He's got one note, and he plays that note until his fucking lips bleed then plays it some more.  I'll give Phillies his due and say he can be creative sometimes.

Phillies being creative over Zeni. That's something I can't agree with but I'm also not going to argue..  I've said as much before though. "Poes"  as people like Zeni are commonly dubbed in spheres like these days are very creative..  Phillies on the other hand has only ever been able to take advantage of already in place memes and stigmas and he does a poor job of it.

Maybe job was the wrong word to use in the same sentence as Phillies; maybe the fact I think that is proof enough he's the proper definition of a poe as well honestly, but until these two engage each other for the sake of UEMB entertainment I'm gonna have to give the win to zeni on that front. 

 

Edited by PhilosipherStoned
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