A massive loser in love asking for your advice

[Mix]

Also, you play the guitar, right?

Ultimate in right there, bruv

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

22 hours ago, CryingFreeman said:

I doubt that..

No, she is.

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and her looks back, which I'll assume you ducked your head when she did,

Usually it happens so suddenly that I look right back at her when she does it.

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 or she may be, and believe me...This is a thing, just annoyed that you won't take the shot when you have the opportunity.

That really didn't occur to me. I figured if she wanted me to pull the trigger, she'd be more smiling when looking back at me. It looks like when she does she's almost staring daggers at me. But if she's ANNOYED that I'm not pulling the trigger rather than flirting.... hm....

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get the fear of rejection thing...I remember those feeling....When I was fucking 13.  

I was a retard in high school who had my heart set on one certain girl, and she always had a boyfriend when I asked her out. So I purposely never asked out any other girls throughout high school, just making sure I was available the next time I found out she was available. One of my biggest regrets in life, as it gave me a complete lack of experience in not only asking out girls, but also dating. So then after high school I developed a deep depression isolated myself and had no friends and just stayed home all the time, except for going to classes at college.  Occasionally I did ask out women, but not often. But apparently it's a thing now with my generation that women want to get to know a guy BEFORE they go on a date with them. Anyone want to corroborate this as true or false?

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Look man, as I've said, you're funny here, so the ammo is in your head...You're just terrified to pull the trigger irl....

Let me ask this....Have you ever been rejected...Like blatantly rejected....Not just in your head in a situation where you just gave up....Has a woman ever just swatted down your advances?  See, because rejection isn't that bad....It's normally (unless she's a huge bitch) not as bad as you think it will be....I can count on 1 hand the times I've just been actually rejected.....Back in college I tried to talk to this girl and the "rejection" was simply "I have a girlfriend"....You might learn something....I doubt shes going to be like "how dare you talk to me you filthy nerd"....I can almost guarantee that's not going to happen.

My first four crushes I ever had in my entire life forever fucked me up... every single one of them said I was ugly when they found out I liked them. And I never even got to tell them myself that I liked them because my friend was a douche and told them I liked them without consulting me about it first. Well, I did ask another friend to tell the second one for me. But the other three heard about it from someone else against my will. Since then rejection has been a lot less harsh, yes.

The problem isn't so much being told no, it's a fear of being thought of as creepy. You yourself said I was already being weird in finding out where she sits and starting to sitting there. And it would be a lot easier if I could just ask her out without giving a fuck about getting to know her first. But from what I understand, women now, at least those in my generation, want to get to know a guy before going on a date with them. And I'm just not comfortable getting to know people I don't know. And it's not just women, it's guys too. The drummer in my ex-band noted to me how he noticed I was far more comfortable and talkative and joking around him the more I got to know him. 

Another problem I have in being social is I just don't like to interrupt people when they're talking, because my mom was always pissed off when I did that, so I applied "don't interrupt" to literally everybody. So now I try to look for lulls in conversation to say something. But sometimes people literally never stop conversing with each other and no pause occurs. 

I know it sounds like I'm just making excuses, but... I know I dropped the ball last time I saw her, it's not like I think I did the correct thing.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

18 hours ago, discolemonade said:

ok, try this

 

I know I said earlier in the thread that I would heed the Prince of Persusia's advice, but I'm not that dumb. 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

17 hours ago, Mix said:

Also, you play the guitar, right?

Ultimate in right there, bruv

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 

I hardly ever bring that up to anyone, because I have some kind of fear as coming off as bragging, because there's usually no un-awkward way to bring it up. I have brought it up to some people at work, but only because it came up naturally... like this one guy noticed my Black Sabbath tattoo. I asked if he liked them, and he said, "I like everything about them." So told him I play guitar in band that is very much influenced by Black Sabbath. But again, it seemed natural to bring it up in that situation. 

[BlackNoir]

Ok, while I do find the staking out her break spot a bit creepy, I'm not the one you have to impress here....She may think it's cute if you bring it up on your 5th date that you were so shy....But you'll never know until you get over your fear.

But this post gave me a little insight.....You're extremely patient...Almost to a fault if you put off talking to anyone hoping to catch this chick from school in between relationships.  While patience is a virtue, it's also a curse....While you're waiting, you might actually be missing out on something better.

Dude, being called ugly, especially during your teen years is something you really have to let go of....Not saying you still think you're ugly, but I got called ugly by girls I wound up "dating" later....It's all about popularity, and mean girl BS back then...Nothing to care about.

As far as girls wanting to get to know a person, I mean that's always been a thing.....The internet asscracks of tinder and shit like it excuses this normalcy, but those sites are for losers who have no personality extending beyond lying in a profile greeting....Don't bother, you are far too charismatic for that shit.  Ghostrek needs tinder....You can do better.

But I'm out of advice at the moment...I should probably be doing something else.

 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

7 minutes ago, CryingFreeman said:

Ok, while I do find the staking out her break spot a bit creepy, I'm not the one you have to impress here....She may think it's cute if you bring it up on your 5th date that you were so shy....But you'll never know until you get over your fear.

But this post gave me a little insight.....You're extremely patient...Almost to a fault if you put off talking to anyone hoping to catch this chick from school in between relationships.  While patience is a virtue, it's also a curse....While you're waiting, you might actually be missing out on something better.

Dude, being called ugly, especially during your teen years is something you really have to let go of....Not saying you still think you're ugly, but I got called ugly by girls I wound up "dating" later....It's all about popularity, and mean girl BS back then...Nothing to care about.

As far as girls wanting to get to know a person, I mean that's always been a thing.....The internet asscracks of tinder and shit like it excuses this normalcy, but those sites are for losers who have no personality extending beyond lying in a profile greeting....Don't bother, you are far too charismatic for that shit.  Ghostrek needs tinder....You can do better.

But I'm out of advice at the moment...I should probably be doing something else.

 

For me what always gave me the impression that just asking out random women was normal on the fly was TV sitcoms. Those characters fucking ALWAYS just ask random women out and get dates. WTF? Every fucking show from the 90s.

EDIT: Also, I wouldn't say I'm charismatic at all. I gravitated so much to Internet message boards because it feels so much easier talking and expressing myself this way than to people in person (all genders).

Edited May 30, 2019 by Doom Metal Alchemist

[Mix]

3 hours ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

I hardly ever bring that up to anyone, because I have some kind of fear as coming off as bragging, because there's usually no un-awkward way to bring it up. I have brought it up to some people at work, but only because it came up naturally... like this one guy noticed my Black Sabbath tattoo. I asked if he liked them, and he said, "I like everything about them." So told him I play guitar in band that is very much influenced by Black Sabbath. But again, it seemed natural to bring it up in that situation. 

you know in the end, talking to girls is like any other skill....gets better with practice

may seems a bit too on the nose, but these situations wouldn't seem like such a big deal if they didn't come up for you so rarely.....every girl you approach doesn't have to be THE girl....

Edited May 30, 2019 by Mix

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

2 hours ago, Mix said:

you know in the end, talking to girls is like any other skill....gets better with practice

may seems a bit too on the nose, but these situations wouldn't seem like such a big deal if they didn't come up for you so rarely.....every girl you approach doesn't have to be THE girl....

I was able to get good at guitar because I could suck at home in private without embarrassing myself in front of anyone.  I was not willing to continue in organized sports after one year of tee-ball because I hated sucking at it in front of all my team mates. 

I was going to make this it's own thread, but I may as well just post it here...

I did not ask out any women today.... but I did do something I consider just as good, but in a completely different way.... as you may or may not have noticed, I took out all mentions of my band out of my profile. That is because we basically split up a few weeks ago. 

There is a guy who works at the local Guitar Center, who is / was the drummer for who I suspect will forever be in my eyes the greatest local band of all time: Beastmaker. A doom metal band that put out two good full length albums on Rise Above Records (for those uninitiated, Rise Above Records is one of the most premiere labels for the stoner and doom metal niches). They signed to a new label I think last year, but the band leader founded a new band that he and the label are far more heavily focused on. Today I saw a post on facebook by the label about "Beastmaker's demise." So I figured, I'll ask the drummer if he wants to join my new doom metal project. My ex-singer told me that the drummer was not into touring which is perfect for what I want to do. I had some shit to do today anyway. I was at Burger King eating lunch, feeling great about it, then I arrive at Guitar Center, feeling confident, then I see him and all of a sudden a flurry of butterflies in my stomach. It felt the exact same as when I psych myself up to ask out a woman I have a crush on.  But I got through it, I don't think I came off as a dink, he friended me on facebook on his own volition. He declined, but he said he doesn't like bands and projects, he likes jamming and audio engineering. It sounded like he was in Beastmaker because the leader is his "beset friend in the whole world." He also didn't really agree with the label's post about the band being dead, he doesn't see it as being like a concrete is it dead or is it alive thing. 

ANYWAY.... this experience today almost feels like a warm-up to asking out this cute girl at work. 

[Mix]

3 hours ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

I was able to get good at guitar because I could suck at home in private without embarrassing myself in front of anyone.  I was not willing to continue in organized sports after one year of tee-ball because I hated sucking at it in front of all my team mates. 

I was going to make this it's own thread, but I may as well just post it here...

I did not ask out any women today.... but I did do something I consider just as good, but in a completely different way.... as you may or may not have noticed, I took out all mentions of my band out of my profile. That is because we basically split up a few weeks ago. 

There is a guy who works at the local Guitar Center, who is / was the drummer for who I suspect will forever be in my eyes the greatest local band of all time: Beastmaker. A doom metal band that put out two good full length albums on Rise Above Records (for those uninitiated, Rise Above Records is one of the most premiere labels for the stoner and doom metal niches). They signed to a new label I think last year, but the band leader founded a new band that he and the label are far more heavily focused on. Today I saw a post on facebook by the label about "Beastmaker's demise." So I figured, I'll ask the drummer if he wants to join my new doom metal project. My ex-singer told me that the drummer was not into touring which is perfect for what I want to do. I had some shit to do today anyway. I was at Burger King eating lunch, feeling great about it, then I arrive at Guitar Center, feeling confident, then I see him and all of a sudden a flurry of butterflies in my stomach. It felt the exact same as when I psych myself up to ask out a woman I have a crush on.  But I got through it, I don't think I came off as a dink, he friended me on facebook on his own volition. He declined, but he said he doesn't like bands and projects, he likes jamming and audio engineering. It sounded like he was in Beastmaker because the leader is his "beset friend in the whole world." He also didn't really agree with the label's post about the band being dead, he doesn't see it as being like a concrete is it dead or is it alive thing. 

ANYWAY.... this experience today almost feels like a warm-up to asking out this cute girl at work. 

lmao, I totally get where you're coming from....and if you're not really into whatever it is, embarrassing yourself on a regular basis till you get good is a fucked experience

 

I was going to say something about the band, but I didn't know if it was a sore spot or what.....you seem pretty chill about it though....are you set on moving forward with your own project next or will you consider joining someone else's band if they have an opening?

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

6 minutes ago, Mix said:

lmao, I totally get where you're coming from....and if you're not really into whatever it is, embarrassing yourself on a regular basis till you get good is a fucked experience

 

I was going to say something about the band, but I didn't know if it was a sore spot or what.....you seem pretty chill about it though....are you set on moving forward with your own project next or will you consider joining someone else's band if they have an opening?

Funnily enough.... I have already talked to one former member of my last band if he was interested in joining my new project and he seemed into it. An hour or so ago he and another former member invited me to hang out tonight. The three of us are three out of the four members of the last line-up. I'm going to ask both of them to join my project, and if they agree, I'm then going to ask if they are ok with me asking another former member to join (not from the final line-up of the last band).

Oh, and yeah, I want to do my own thing. I'm going to do a lot less compromising this time around. But at the same time there will be a lot less pressure.

Edited May 31, 2019 by Doom Metal Alchemist

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

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or she may be, and believe me...This is a thing, just annoyed that you won't take the shot when you have the opportunity.

I'm thinking about this again, and it is making me feel better in that maybe when she switched up her seating on Monday she was attempting to get me to talk to her, but also at the same time bad because maybe now she feels I spurned her.... Man....

I'm feeling more determined to talk to her now. I just don't want to sit next to her only to chicken out and not say anything again. Just because I intend on talking to her doesn't mean I'll actually do it. I've learned that. 

[BloodHawk1991]

I can't really give too much advice that's already been said, but you should definitely talk to her. From our past you've always been a really nice person, and I always enjoyed reading what you had to say. I'm sure if you two talked a bit something might happen, if not though, at least you tried. I do really hope things go well though. 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

1 minute ago, BloodHawk1991 said:

I can't really give too much advice that's already been said, but you should definitely talk to her. From our past you've always been a really nice person, and I always enjoyed reading what you had to say. I'm sure if you two talked a bit something might happen, if not though, at least you tried. I do really hope things go well though. 

Thank you. I feel really psyched right now, but I have to wait until Sunday for our next common work day. 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

Slight update....

I heard some people from my department were getting trained for her department, and I am getting bored as fuck with my job, so I asked my manager if I could be one of the trainees. He said he will "probably" pull me down to that department on Sunday, and if he does, "there is a good chance" I will stay there. I am very excited about this. Not even necessarily about the girl, I've just lately grown to hate my job and a change would be fucking fantastic. 

A nice side effect is it should be easier to get to know the girl... but on the other hand, worst naraku's warnings would become much more valid... No longer would I be able to isolate myself from her if I so choose, and the people she works with would also be the people I work with, so any office gossip would affect me much more greatly and directly. I am under the impression that my schedule will not change, so we would only see each other one day a week still.

So I guess IF I get picked to go train for that department on Sunday, my plan with be to try to befriend her, and then, uh, see I how feel after that? 

[cyberbully]

Im still not sure what you do so the office politics my be different than I am envisioning them....But thats neither here nor there. The win here is a fresh start at a new position....a possibility that your attitude and demeanor change for the better.

I've never had your particular problem talking to women BUT my charisma has a lot to do with my happiness in other facets of my life. Its all a domino effect...this could make everything fall into your lap. 

Still....you are going to have to pull the trigger....but right now, just worry about getting into the position to take the shot.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

Well, step 1 is accomplished: I finally talked to her last night. I'm not sure how to gauge her reaction. At first she seemed almost repulsed by me, but later it seemed she thought I was ok.

I didn't at all turn on the charm; didn't intend to. I wanted to keep it casual. Just kept it about work. However, I was in a bad mood at the time because shortly before break, I was told I would have to go back to my old job for the remainder of the shift (which was around 8 - 9 hours at the time). Me being angry at this I think really put her off. The signal that she was uncomfortable was she randomly changed seats to the one next to her slightly further away from me. When she did that I thought "Yikes, well there's my answer right there." But she shortly asked me a couple questions, so I thought, "Hm, maybe the door's still open after all." She didn't talk a whole lot, but I think that's probably because I didn't engage her enough, I don't think that in particular was a sign she was disinterested.

Another good sign was a bit later actually during work as opposed to break (I actually didn't have to go back to my old job at all for the day, thank friggin god). Part of our job is to toss empty cardboard boxes up on to a conveyer belt. Just placing them on the conveyer is not an option because to do that I have to reach and I quickly realized reaching is a good way to get really sore really quick, so I started doing like the rest of them and tossing the boxes on the conveyer. I'm still trying to get the hang of how hard / soft to toss the boxes, and the boxes are all different sizes and shapes, so it's not easy getting a feel for it. Often times I'll toss a little too soft and I'll have to push it completely on. A couple times I tossed a little too hard and it fell off the other side. Well, the second time I tossed it too hard, it fell on her.  Before it landed on her,  I called "watch out," but I didn't think to say her name too. Anyway, the good thing was she made a joke about it chuckled and smiled a little bit, so again, I think the door is open.

That is about the extent of my interactions with her last night.

[🍬Candy🍬]

Im here to read the latest episode 

[garbagepailcat]

My guy, you are putting way too much thought into it. 

[cyberbully]

Well, the shifting of seats is nothing....Some people like space.  We just had a work meeting and I moved m chair because I don't like people right up under me.....What if I need to coke you...I need room to reach.  But seriously, I wouldn't worry about that too much....It's very possible she did it for your benefit because she can sense you're shy.

The box thing is kinda cute....Y'all have a common work experience now, so just try to work on that energy....Anyway, I say GG....Next time you'll do better

[Poof]

Bottom line just treat her like a girl who has already friendzoned you. Whether you think you have a chance or not, pretend all that will ever be is friends. Believe it to the core of your being.

[Vamped]

Making good progress. Keeping working on it and you'll have the opportunity to ask her out 

[cyberbully]

1 hour ago, Poof said:

Bottom line just treat her like a girl who has already friendzoned you. Whether you think you have a chance or not, pretend all that will ever be is friends. Believe it to the core of your being.

Dufuq....no, he'll be there forever...he will be taking 3am phone calls about the dude that jizzed on her face and told her to go home

[Poof]

23 minutes ago, cyberbully said:

Dufuq....no, he'll be there forever...he will be taking 3am phone calls about the dude that jizzed on her face and told her to go home

I know it seems counterintuitive, but it'll work. You have to not care. Guys who don't do this get that look in their eye when you're around like "Omg it's you, let me touch" And it's painfully obvious that they're only trying to talk to you to get inside your body.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

23 hours ago, garbagepailcat said:

My guy, you are putting way too much thought into it. 

I was told earlier I should look for signals to see if she's interested or not. >_> 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

20 hours ago, Poof said:

I know it seems counterintuitive, but it'll work. You have to not care. Guys who don't do this get that look in their eye when you're around like "Omg it's you, let me touch" And it's painfully obvious that they're only trying to talk to you to get inside your body.

I get what you're saying, but I think you're over emphasizing it a bit. 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

22 hours ago, cyberbully said:

Well, the shifting of seats is nothing....Some people like space.  We just had a work meeting and I moved m chair because I don't like people right up under me.....What if I need to coke you...I need room to reach.  But seriously, I wouldn't worry about that too much....It's very possible she did it for your benefit because she can sense you're shy.

The box thing is kinda cute....Y'all have a common work experience now, so just try to work on that energy....Anyway, I say GG....Next time you'll do better

Glad to know her changing seats doesn't mean much, if anything. I don't think she did it for my benefit though. She sat down first, and I sat down across from her. I sat that close to her on purpose, lol.

[Sir Teddybar Gut Fullung]

[cyberbully]

10 minutes ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

Glad to know her changing seats doesn't mean much, if anything. I don't think she did it for my benefit though. She sat down first, and I sat down across from her. I sat that close to her on purpose, lol.

Ok, where I didn't want to put you off but I typed something else at first about my intimate hangups....That being that I hate when people sit right next to me unless we are cuddling and watching tv or something (and I still hate it but I do it anyway so I don't seem like the reclusive and neglectful imp that I am). 

Like if we go out to eat, I refuse to sit on the same side of the table or booth with her....If it's like a waiting room in a Dr's office or something, I sit at least one seat away and say "put your purse in the middle.".....It's just I need personal space....But since you aren't dating her, it could still come off differently.  

I wouldn't worry about an of that....Just let things progress normally now.

[garbagepailcat]

44 minutes ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

I was told earlier I should look for signals to see if she's interested or not. >_> 

I know, but let me explain my position. 

When I started driving, I was fucking terrified. I thought about everything all at once. Everything that I needed to do. Everything that could go wrong. I thought about it so much that it paralyzed me. 

Someone kindly (maybe jokingly) told me just to not think about it and to let my brain and body go into autopilot. That shit works. 

You're overthinking all of it, always and forever. Just relax. Don’t think about it. Go into autopilot. 

[Raptorpat]

1 hour ago, cyberbully said:

 Like if we go out to eat, I refuse to sit on the same side of the table or booth with her....

Next time tell her that restaurants actually have a special table for people who do that. It's called "sitting at the bar".

[cyberbully]

5 minutes ago, Admin_Raptorpat said:

Next time tell her that restaurants actually have a special table for people who do that. It's called "sitting at the bar".

I do that too.

[scoobdog]

22 hours ago, Poof said:

I know it seems counterintuitive, but it'll work. You have to not care. Guys who don't do this get that look in their eye when you're around like "Omg it's you, let me touch" And it's painfully obvious that they're only trying to talk to you to get inside your body.

I didn't want to interject here, but there is a difference between being platonic with a woman and being friend zoned.  As a rule,  a man or woman should never lust for someone he or she is affectionate toward, but, at the same time, that doesn't mean he or she should also accept defining that relationship as only a friendship.  The obvious thing is that one can want to be intimate with a person on an emotional level without demanding physical intimacy.

[Poof]

3 hours ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

I get what you're saying, but I think you're over emphasizing it a bit. 

I'm really not. Trust me. Don't be a dick, just do whatever you have to in your brain to get yourself to stop giving her special attention. You have to get your eyes to do the right thing. Idk it's hard to explain...

Like if there was a big wolf standing off against you, you don't try to hide your fear, it will still sense it on you. You have to convince yourself against your better judgement that it isn't something to fear in the first place, even if it is indeed scary af and can rip you to pieces. If you can do that, it will feel doubt bc it senses no fear.

If she can feel like she's not being obsessed over, she won't feel threatened/creeped on, and it will make you seem confident. And no matter how well you guage your interactions with her to not be creepy, your eyes will give everything away. The best way to get yourself to treat her like anybody else is to just accept that it's over and you're never going to get her because it is plausible right? You're not going to convince yourself that she's not hot. You're not going to convince yourself that you're suddenly James Bond. So this is what you have to tell your brain to get the desired outcome.

If this wasn't a workplace you could be more forward. Like in a club you can send her glances. But women's anti-creep defenses are on full alert in the workplace. You have to intrigue her like this.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

On 6/26/2019 at 8:35 AM, garbagepailcat said:

I know, but let me explain my position. 

When I started driving, I was fucking terrified. I thought about everything all at once. Everything that I needed to do. Everything that could go wrong. I thought about it so much that it paralyzed me. 

Someone kindly (maybe jokingly) told me just to not think about it and to let my brain and body go into autopilot. That shit works. 

You're overthinking all of it, always and forever. Just relax. Don’t think about it. Go into autopilot. 

I don't know how you were on autopilot when you STARTED driving. For me autopilot only comes when I'm comfortable doing something, usually from having done it a ton of times. I have not done this a ton of times. I haven't asked out women in general a ton of times. I've intentionally befriended women even fewer times. This is probably the very first time I've ever intentionally befriended a woman with the end-goal being to be romantic with her. Like every time I ask out a woman either I've just come right out with it without getting to know her first (took me a long time to realize that's not how this works), or she or someone else initiated the icebreaker. 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

21 hours ago, Poof said:

I'm really not. Trust me. Don't be a dick, just do whatever you have to in your brain to get yourself to stop giving her special attention. You have to get your eyes to do the right thing. Idk it's hard to explain...

Like if there was a big wolf standing off against you, you don't try to hide your fear, it will still sense it on you. You have to convince yourself against your better judgement that it isn't something to fear in the first place, even if it is indeed scary af and can rip you to pieces. If you can do that, it will feel doubt bc it senses no fear.

If she can feel like she's not being obsessed over, she won't feel threatened/creeped on, and it will make you seem confident. And no matter how well you guage your interactions with her to not be creepy, your eyes will give everything away. The best way to get yourself to treat her like anybody else is to just accept that it's over and you're never going to get her because it is plausible right? You're not going to convince yourself that she's not hot. You're not going to convince yourself that you're suddenly James Bond. So this is what you have to tell your brain to get the desired outcome.

If this wasn't a workplace you could be more forward. Like in a club you can send her glances. But women's anti-creep defenses are on full alert in the workplace. You have to intrigue her like this.

I'm with buddy in that if I "believe in my heart of hearts" that it'll never happen, that it'll literally never happen. How would it? She'd literally have to be the one to make the first move. Can i really rely on that?

I could see not trying to force it being good advice. Not to make it happen, just let it happen. 

[Vamped]

21 hours ago, Poof said:

I'm really not. Trust me. Don't be a dick, just do whatever you have to in your brain to get yourself to stop giving her special attention. You have to get your eyes to do the right thing. Idk it's hard to explain...

Like if there was a big wolf standing off against you, you don't try to hide your fear, it will still sense it on you. You have to convince yourself against your better judgement that it isn't something to fear in the first place, even if it is indeed scary af and can rip you to pieces. If you can do that, it will feel doubt bc it senses no fear.

If she can feel like she's not being obsessed over, she won't feel threatened/creeped on, and it will make you seem confident. And no matter how well you guage your interactions with her to not be creepy, your eyes will give everything away. The best way to get yourself to treat her like anybody else is to just accept that it's over and you're never going to get her because it is plausible right? You're not going to convince yourself that she's not hot. You're not going to convince yourself that you're suddenly James Bond. So this is what you have to tell your brain to get the desired outcome.

If this wasn't a workplace you could be more forward. Like in a club you can send her glances. But women's anti-creep defenses are on full alert in the workplace. You have to intrigue her like this.

I think I'd probably convince myself he wasn't interested and stop giving him attention as well ... but then its really easy for me to do that  You would have to actually tell me you were interested because apparently I'm oblivious  until well after the fact. 

[Poof]

1 hour ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

I'm with buddy in that if I "believe in my heart of hearts" that it'll never happen, that it'll literally never happen. How would it? She'd literally have to be the one to make the first move. Can i really rely on that?

I could see not trying to force it being good advice. Not to make it happen, just let it happen. 

Okay. Fine. Make her feel like a Meatlovers Pizza. Idc.

Edited June 27, 2019 by Poof

[Poof]

59 minutes ago, Vamped said:

I think I'd probably convince myself he wasn't interested and stop giving him attention as well ... but then its really easy for me to do that  You would have to actually tell me you were interested because apparently I'm oblivious  until well after the fact. 

When you're reading the master plan it's easy to say it wouldn't work. Plus she already knows he's interested.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

2 hours ago, Poof said:

Okay. Fine. Make her feel like a Meatlovers Pizza. Idc.

THERE'S MIDDLE GROUND 

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

garbagepailcat, I'm going to apologize in advance here. I was overthinking again. And I came to the realization that I overthink a LOT of things, not just about potential romances. It's weird it took me this long to figure it out, lol. I absolutely inherited this trait from my mother. She way overthinks everything.

ANYWAY.... I was thinking about the whole thing where I sat across from her and started talking to her, and she randomly changed seats. Buddy's reassurance seemed to boil down to she probably likes personal space.... but I see her sitting next to and across from people all the time in the break areas when we are in the same ones at the same time. So my mind went to "maybe I did make her uncomfortable after all," but then I thought well maybe because I'm essentially a stranger, AND maybe because I'm a man she's a little guarded, not in a "get this creep away from me" sense, but hopefully a "I like this guy but I have to be careful" sense...

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

Slight update....

I haven't talked to her much because I can't find much opportunity, but I did talk to her last week, and I noticed she was smiling while we were talking, so I am very optimistic.

I am psyching myself up to ask her to hang out outside of work soon. At first I was thinking I would take someone from this thread's advice and ask if she wants to go for coffee.... but I just realized in a couple of weeks I'm taking a night off work to go to a local concert, which falls on one of her days off. 

All we've talked about with each other so far is work, so I have no idea what kind of music she likes... but I was wondering if a concert would be a good place for a first hangout. The fact that neither of us are working that day makes me think it'll be convenient for both of us... We literally don't have any off-days in common, we only have this one because I'm using time off for the concert.

I'm familiar with three of the four bands playing, and they're generally very Black Sabbath-ish, if not in a heavier way than Sabbath themselves... so even if she doesn't like metal this might not be too much for her.... One of the bands even has a female singer, who knows if that'll be a selling point (and she's hella good, too).

A couple potential pitfalls I see of our first hangout being at this concert are 1) This concert for me is HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOW ARE ALL THESE GREAT BANDS PLAYING IN OUR SHIT CITY IN ONE NIGHT??? so I'm really going to want to pay attention to the bands themselves, so if she doesn't like the music, I'll probably unwittingly neglect her a lot, and 2) In loud areas I have a real hard time hearing what people talking to me are saying, so even if I am not too distracted by the music it'll still be hard to talk to each other.

But there's generally 15 - 30 minutes in between bands' sets at any particular concert I go too, and there's four bands, and of course at any particular concert the doors open 30 minutes to an hour before the concert starts, so that could give us time to talk...

So, if the next time I talk to her I find out the music she likes might gel with the bands at this concert, would it be a good first outside of work hangout?

[PhilosipherStoned]

You should feel better after getting how you feel off you chest either way man.  See if she's interested in a date. 

[Vamped]

45 minutes ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

Slight update....

I haven't talked to her much because I can't find much opportunity, but I did talk to her last week, and I noticed she was smiling while we were talking, so I am very optimistic.

I am psyching myself up to ask her to hang out outside of work soon. At first I was thinking I would take someone from this thread's advice and ask if she wants to go for coffee.... but I just realized in a couple of weeks I'm taking a night off work to go to a local concert, which falls on one of her days off. 

All we've talked about with each other so far is work, so I have no idea what kind of music she likes... but I was wondering if a concert would be a good place for a first hangout. The fact that neither of us are working that day makes me think it'll be convenient for both of us... We literally don't have any off-days in common, we only have this one because I'm using time off for the concert.

I'm familiar with three of the four bands playing, and they're generally very Black Sabbath-ish, if not in a heavier way than Sabbath themselves... so even if she doesn't like metal this might not be too much for her.... One of the bands even has a female singer, who knows if that'll be a selling point (and she's hella good, too).

A couple potential pitfalls I see of our first hangout being at this concert are 1) This concert for me is HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOW ARE ALL THESE GREAT BANDS PLAYING IN OUR SHIT CITY IN ONE NIGHT??? so I'm really going to want to pay attention to the bands themselves, so if she doesn't like the music, I'll probably unwittingly neglect her a lot, and 2) In loud areas I have a real hard time hearing what people talking to me are saying, so even if I am not too distracted by the music it'll still be hard to talk to each other.

But there's generally 15 - 30 minutes in between bands' sets at any particular concert I go too, and there's four bands, and of course at any particular concert the doors open 30 minutes to an hour before the concert starts, so that could give us time to talk...

So, if the next time I talk to her I find out the music she likes might gel with the bands at this concert, would it be a good first outside of work hangout?

Unless you know for sure she likes this music, this is not a good idea for a first date. You want the first date to be an opportunity to find your common interests and see if you mesh well. You are guaranteeing this girl will never go out with you again if she doesn't like the music and spends all night being ignored. 

 

 

[RainyDayJizz#35]

2 hours ago, Vamped said:

Unless you know for sure she likes this music, this is not a good idea for a first date. You want the first date to be an opportunity to find your common interests and see if you mesh well. You are guaranteeing this girl will never go out with you again if she doesn't like the music and spends all night being ignored. 

 

 

Yes, bad first date. Just ask if she wants to get tacos, but think of other things to do in case you get the vibe that spending more time together is a good idea. Going for a walk somewhere enjoyable or a movie you wanna see. Dating can be lame, even with people you know a bit. I can see the sense of people saying get to know her first but sometimes it's better to make your intentions known. Like if she's particularly attractive and you spend too long chatting her up she can end up thinking, "oh god, yet another guy trying to friend his way in my pants."

I'd say just ask her to something safe, food at 3 PM is broad daylight and leaves things open to have the night alone or together if things go well. Treating it like you're just hanging out with a new person might help take away that you're on a date, I dunno. I hated feeling like I was on a shitty date. But that's the risk you take asking someone out, and it's worse than being rejected. 

So much worse. So consider that. She could say yes and hanging around her for an hour may make you want to never speak to her again.

[scoobdog]

I'm going to run counter, and say that maybe it is a good first date idea as long as you frame it as not being a date and she's interested.  Friends go to see concerts together all the time, and part of that is going to see a concert of music that one is not the least bit interested just to experience it.  There will be a lot of people there, and there would be plenty to talk about without having to focus on either of you.  That being said, you should use the opportunity to talk about music in general rather than just standing there and ignoring her.  Even if she likes that kind of music, being ignored kills any chance at making a connection with you.

Besides, if she's not interested, you can just fall back on coffee sometime.

[DragonSinger]

5 minutes ago, scoobdog said:

I'm going to run counter, and say that maybe it is a good first date idea as long as you frame it as not being a date and she's interested.  Friends go to see concerts together all the time, and part of that is going to see a concert of music that one is not the least bit interested just to experience it.  There will be a lot of people there, and there would be plenty to talk about without having to focus on either of you.  That being said, you should use the opportunity to talk about music in general rather than just standing there and ignoring her.  Even if she likes that kind of music, being ignored kills any chance at making a connection with you.

Besides, if she's not interested, you can just fall back on coffee sometime.

It's gonna be a tough sell for her not to see it as a date. @Doom Metal Alchemist can use the concert as an opportunity to start up a real conversation though. Maybe if he goes in the break room staring happily at his phone and also humming a little, his excitement might make his co-worker curious about what has him happy. Doom can then say that he's really into music, so he's looking forward to going to a concert on his day off. This can lead to him opening up more without sounding weird because it's about a subject he likes. If she expresses interest in the concert, then he can mention having an extra ticket.

[scoobdog]

1 minute ago, SorceressPol said:

It's gonna be a tough sell for her not to see it as a date. @Doom Metal Alchemist can use the concert as an opportunity to start up a real conversation though. Maybe if he goes in the break room staring happily at his phone and also humming a little, his excitement might make his co-worker curious about what has him happy. Doom can then say that he's really into music, so he's looking forward to going to a concert on his day off. This can lead to him opening up more without sounding weird because it's about a subject he likes. If she expresses interest in the concert, then he can mention having an extra ticket.

Agreed.

[Vamped]

4 hours ago, scoobdog said:

I'm going to run counter, and say that maybe it is a good first date idea as long as you frame it as not being a date and she's interested.  Friends go to see concerts together all the time, and part of that is going to see a concert of music that one is not the least bit interested just to experience it.  There will be a lot of people there, and there would be plenty to talk about without having to focus on either of you.  That being said, you should use the opportunity to talk about music in general rather than just standing there and ignoring her.  Even if she likes that kind of music, being ignored kills any chance at making a connection with you.

Besides, if she's not interested, you can just fall back on coffee sometime.

>.> 

He literally said he would prolly ignore her the majority of the time because of the show. 

[scoobdog]

3 minutes ago, Vamped said:

>.> 

He literally said he would prolly ignore her the majority of the time because of the show. 

....wut?

[ITasteLikeSex]

I only skimmed this thread and have no real experience with dating but I’m gonna add my two cents from advice I’ve received from friends. Maybe just ask her if she wants to hit up a local bar more or less platonically. And by bar I don’t mean a sports bar. Just a chill place to grab a pint and eat some nice food. My friends say this is a good plan for me (who is absolutely clueless) so probably a good plan for you.