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No one is surprised you wouldn’t.

Parkard Does Dallas

Told Ghostrek the best way to meet women is by joining the Polar Bears Club.

Took a plea deal for probation in his mimes assault cases in exchange for testifying against Mr Hoonie in his murder and burglary trial.

Smurfs himself off to Smurfette every night before bed.

Was the manager of an AMC In Michigan and when one of the auditoriums couldn’t play Due Date he went up to Staci and said “wheeeeeeeeeeere’s the movies?”

Stuffed Mr. Hoonie inside one of the Thanksgiving Day Parade floats and just left him there.

I'm so grateful for my family. Also my Mom showed up big this week when the whole house was sick. She brought us meds, and brunswick stew. Bless that woman.

…….This is literally a non-issue. Raw milk has so many problems. They are all literally solved by one guy: Louis Pasteur. Unfortunately, we live in a society where the stupid listen to stupid people.

Pre-season, all the predictors had the Bears dredging the bottom of the North & mediocre in the league. I tried to go back to quote those and they seemed to have vanished. Now I'm waiting for the continuation of the "Bears haven't beaten any good teams" with the goalpost pushed so that the Eagles are suddenly not a good team.

alright. now just hold the fuck on. i make an EXCELLENT whip cream i make a most EXCELLENT pumpkin spice cupcake as well as some NASTY peach cobbler, AND super sweet pecan pie. i HONESTLY FORGOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS. but i'm leaving it. to show my shame.

pecan or peach cobbler. all this other making pies outta just whatever is in the kitchen shit has to stop. but the cool thing is, i usually get the pecan pie and cobbler mostly to myself. except yesterday...I dont know who grandchild that was but I kinda wanted to fight him. How you just gonna take the whole pie off the table...but the cobbler was uncut, so I just took most of it instead. if his ass over there on Christmas, he catching this fade

i have a special spice blend for just that i use it in my yams as well. i whip those up with heavy cream and add the marshmallow. i'm not a fan of the yams, but my FiL loves them and my daughter is back from WA and she loves them tl:dr good n plenty

The kitten had a couple of rubbery lizard toys specifically made for hunting and playing because they are wiggly rubber. I found half of one in the hallway a couple of weeks ago and figured I'd be finding pieces in the litter box eventually. Nope. I just put my slipper on after getting home from work only to find a very slimy green torso. With my foot. She's hid the damn pieces and is now gifting them to me in the grossest way possible. There's a red lizard that's still missing. -.-; I feel like I'm going to find its slimy ass with my face one morning when she dumps it on the pillow.

So, my sister and her family have decided to stay with me for the weekend. I wouldn’t really care, except…these kids literally never stop with the extremely loud screaming and screeching. Earplugs don’t help. Taking a long walk down the street doesn’t help. This is my current reality for at least 13 hours a day and I honestly don’t know if I can survive it.

so I guess i'm never shopping there again...

I've been taking a lot of L's this month hell this entire year to be honest, really need to start getting some W's.

It’s already bad enough that the VAs are getting paid peanuts (especially for feature length theatrical films). Now they have to worry about cheap bastards cutting corners for AI slopdubs nobody wants or asked for!? Disgusting shit all around.

Amazon hires every celebrity on Bezos’s yacht for Invincible and made it a point to give newer material like GQux and P&S union dubs with union rates. This is an insult in comparison.

I went to my sister’s house today, and…she already has her Christmas tree up… I…uh…it’s still November, right?

You wanna get in on this? We can bottle the water from your tub, sink, toilet, wherever. The commercial can start like, “fresh from the mountains of Oklahoma….”

FDA doesnt give a fuck anymore....Run it

Dasani is pee water

Still better than Dasani.

no lie. there's some dude selling bottled water here. from his property. not an artisan well. near the water treatment facility . thank you.

I swear I wanna bottle puddle water and sell it as “raw water”. I wanna name it “East New York Rainwater” tag line “it’s good for the soul” that’ll attract all the alternative health freaks

Actually, it is illegal to sell unpasteurized milk interstate, and most states have laws regarding its sale within the state. These laws don’t necessarily make it illegal, but they do put some limitations on its availability.

Pretty pissed my new credit card doesnt come until Tuesday. You bastards did that on purpose. I'm still purchasing the things I needed to get, but I suppose with less of a deal on Tueday than the rest of the weekend. 🙄

Pumpkin pie is gross. Pumpkin everything is gross. YOU SHALL NOT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

I was watching a youtube video about 3 of the largest informercial scammers ever, and the second one mentioned was the direct inspiration for the one-off King of the Hill character Dr. Money, named Tom Vu. I had no idea this specific person was real. And I cannot believe the fact that for his informercial he also filmed himself on a boat with a bunch of bikini girls was also real. Time stamped to Tom Vu:

Do you put whip cream on it?

M. Bovis? I only care about M. Bison.

You both get a dog

When I was at Staples, the were like "customers say they are scared to approach you because you always look angry" I told dude that i cant fake smile, I look insane...and I showed him...The dynamic changed to them introducing people to me first so they would know I just look mean, but actually have a high tolerance for bullshit because my emotional barometer is pretty isolated. Luckily, I only had that job a few months and no one has asked me smile since...

Ah, the gift of ass that my brain tried to make boobs until it fully put shit together.... fabulous

I won't say his name, but I think it's pretty accurate. (Also, I have this game on Steam, and no, I don't have 2K24 yet.) I don't remember why I gave him gloves or hand wrap or whatever. I just wanted to do this.

sounds like it might be time for a trip to the wayback machine!