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when shopping at walmart, our hero dresses as a matador. he claims it commands respect.

Does exactly the same thing, but just to take advantage of the concession stand every night.

Has season's tickets to The Detroit Redwings just so he can go to every game and hold up a sign that says "John 69:69".

What fast food joint has the best fries?

Fuck amazon. I had an audible subscription for two credits. I unsubscribed, and I still had one token left. TIL that unused credits expire if you unsubscribe. The full cast Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire audiobook just so happened to come out today. Go fuck yourself, Jeff Bezos, you greedy ass penis-looking motherfucker with a weird laugh.

Ends every sentence with "you'll be hearing from my lawyer"

Congratulated himself this morning for waking up wearing the same pajamas as he went to sleep in.

There was a brawl inside the Chipotle by work and people were just ignoring it, even though blood is on the floor. That is how desensitized New Yorkers are. “Just ignore it and it will go away.”

On April Fools Day in 2003 the thought it would be a good idea for a prank to have the song "Send the Pain Below" by Chevelle played over the loud speaker at the maternity ward at his local hospital. He's still banned to this day.

That ain't wood...fkn poser

O Wise Professor, was William Shakespeare a lesbian?

sure kid.

[How much wood could a woodchuck chuck... if the woodchuck's name... was Chuck... Norris?

What was the thing that Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love?

$255 for the whole year? I think I spent that at the used bookstore last fall!

Ordered the boy some Dominoes, and got me a pasta... probably eat my stockade plate and eat the pasta later

Time travel>multiverse I time travel, you get to directly effect YOU, despite the existence of the butterfly effect. Multiverse just kinda makes life seem trivial. There's a me that's better than me and a me that's worse than me...at that point, what's important about being me if I'm not the best. If you manage to traverse the multiverse, all you are welcomed with is some form of disappointment

What fast food joint has the best flies?

Favorite road rage insult is calling someone a Spoony Bard.

I'm starting to get the winter depression bad. Like fuck everyone and everything.

Years working in the same place has made me incredibly numb to introductions from commissioners. “Am I getting a raise? No? Fuck you.” I don’t give two shits about your personal details, give me more money or don’t waste my time.

Prefers to change into an entirely different outfit every hour of every day, because it keeps people guessing.

Yeah my older (42 or 43) guy friend is the same way. Just waits to binge it. I dont have that kind of willpower. I've been waiting long enough for this season. 😤🤣

Bots

lol I am CTFU at the NY Post trying to make it sound like 6 million people watching the TPUSA show was just soooo many people. Meanwhile 130-140 million people watched the Super Bowl Halftime Show this year. That is a fuck of a lot of copium the right is ingesting 😆

Kielbasa, sauerkraut, and mashed potatoes, bought from the store, discounted cause it was about to expire. It was pretty mid.

My son is also a victim of jjk constipation...I see him sometimes refresh his little site, just hoping for an early drop. Im like I'll just wait for it to finish and kill it in a weekend. Im old....as you like to remind me...I had to wait for shit all my childhood...The anticipation is toxic. I wont put myself through this ever again.

Why you do this to me JJK? You get me hooked every damn week for just one episode. I expect more but your 20ish minutes is a lie.

Yesterday i went yo sirloin stockade because i wanted meatloaf still...For some reason they were closing at 5....i said, idc, im ordering to go...can i get the meatloaf. Oh, we're only doing buffet for 8.99 a pound. Fine give me a plate....so i loaded it up with roast, Salisbury steak, fake fish, crab salad...some other shit i cant remember.... Anyway...this plate got 3 to 4 meals on it....it was 32 bucks so it should be

why don't you ask him yourself?

your mom.

Went to catfish corner....ordered catfish..... This is not fkn catfish Literally catfished with catfish