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Getting married is stressing me the fuck out

garbagepailcat

By garbagepailcat
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garbagepailcat Elder

garbagepailcat

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This will be long winded and pointless. 

Everything besides the idea of actually being married sounds like a chore. 

I definitely don’t want a wedding, but my fiance’s Mom seems butthurt at the idea of not being there to see her first born get married, which makes me feel guilty. Plus, the fact that he mentioned it to me at all makes me think that he doesn’t want to hurt his mom’s feelings or maybe he wants family there. 

We had tentatively planned on eloping and bringing a close friend/photographer along to capture the moment so that we could later share it during a reception with friends and family. That sounds uncomfortable to me too though cause we have to hire an officiant and do a bunch of bullshit. I like the idea cause the friend was like, “yeah, I’ll shoot the elopement if you pay for my flights,” which is still rad, but it would be about the same as a full blown wedding and then I’m traveling with other people and I don’t really want to share the experience with anyone besides my fiancé. 

So the next thought was that we could just get married in the courthouse, go somewhere and exchange vows and take wedding portraits, go on our honeymoon, and have a small celebration or make an announcement when we return. 

Everything is still up in the air, which drives me crazy because I 1: hate uncertainty, 2: want to be married, 3: am bad at decision making.  

I just want a fancy dress, no people, no big deal, but to still be able to look back on the moment through pictures. ???

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Age of S'jet Elder

Age of S'jet

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13 hours ago, garbagepailcat said:

This will be long winded and pointless. 

Everything besides the idea of actually being married sounds like a chore. 

I definitely don’t want a wedding, but my fiance’s Mom seems butthurt at the idea of not being there to see her first born get married, which makes me feel guilty. Plus, the fact that he mentioned it to me at all makes me think that he doesn’t want to hurt his mom’s feelings or maybe he wants family there. 

We had tentatively planned on eloping and bringing a close friend/photographer along to capture the moment so that we could later share it during a reception with friends and family. That sounds uncomfortable to me too though cause we have to hire an officiant and do a bunch of bullshit. I like the idea cause the friend was like, “yeah, I’ll shoot the elopement if you pay for my flights,” which is still rad, but it would be about the same as a full blown wedding and then I’m traveling with other people and I don’t really want to share the experience with anyone besides my fiancé. 

So the next thought was that we could just get married in the courthouse, go somewhere and exchange vows and take wedding portraits, go on our honeymoon, and have a small celebration or make an announcement when we return. 

Everything is still up in the air, which drives me crazy because I 1: hate uncertainty, 2: want to be married, 3: am bad at decision making.  

I just want a fancy dress, no people, no big deal, but to still be able to look back on the moment through pictures. ???

Marriage and love are supposed to be a mutual compromise.  

But our generation sees it much less that way than the priors.

Do things for yourself, not for the well being of others. 

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Vamped Monster Mutant

Vamped

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I can see both sides. Why not just ask him if its just his mom who wants to be there or if he wants all his family there and then make a decision. If its just his mom, you can just take her along to wherever you want to have the actual ceremony. You'll still get your fancy dress, she can cry, everything will be cool. 

 

Or just book a reception hall since you're having a reception anyway, get married at the courthouse, and then just exchange vows at the beginning of the reception so everyone can see. 

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garbagepailcat Elder

garbagepailcat

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17 hours ago, Poof said:

When and if i get married im considering nobody's needs/wants/preferences but mine. Maybe the groom's. MAYBE.

so i say u should make it exactly how u want it and no other way but that

This is the way I feel, but I’m pussing out about it cause I don’t want to hurt any feelings. 

Husboy -says- he’s fine with whatever I want and that it’s all about my special day and all that good stuff, but idk.

I have too much anxiety to make big decisions, which is part of why I blew off the idea of having a big wedding in the first place. I’m such a perfectionist that I’d want my hands in every single little detail until I eventually drive myself insane.  

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fuggstop Monster Mutant

fuggstop

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2 minutes ago, garbagepailcat said:

That sounds so shitty to me? 

Thats why I’m not trying to have people. I want it to be about my fiancé and me. 

Youll realize this. If u have kids realize the first number of birthday parties aint for the kid either lol

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fuggstop Monster Mutant

fuggstop

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3 minutes ago, garbagepailcat said:

I think I disagree with the idea that a wedding is for the guests, which is why I feel weird about his mom feeling entitled to be there. 

Learn to put yer foot down now or the in law will start feeling entitled to more shit despite your feelings.

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garbagepailcat Elder

garbagepailcat

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7 minutes ago, fuggstop said:

Learn to put yer foot down now or the in law will start feeling entitled to more shit despite your feelings.

That’s the struggle. A balance between putting my foot down and not hurting feelings. I thought I could get around it by having wedding portraits or a reception, but she’s like “you’ll need a witness.” 

She’s very kind and has helped us a lot, and I don’t think want to be mean. Most importantly though, that shit ain’t about her. 

I just need to talk it over with my fiancé again and make sure that he’s fine without her there. 

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DragonSinger Paragon

DragonSinger

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3 minutes ago, garbagepailcat said:

That’s the struggle. A balance between putting my foot down and not hurting feelings. I thought I could get around it by having wedding portraits or a reception, but she’s like “you’ll need a witness.” 

She’s very kind and has helped us a lot, and I don’t think want to be mean. Most importantly though, that shit ain’t about her. 

I just need to talk it over with my fiancé again and make sure that he’s fine without her there. 

That sounds like the best thing to do.

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Mix Monster Mutant

Mix

Posted
Posted (edited)
47 minutes ago, garbagepailcat said:

That sounds so shitty to me? 

Thats why I’m not trying to have people. I want it to be about my fiancé and me. 

well, it was about you and your partner until you guys decided "hey, lets get the government and maybe even god in on this thing we got" 

lmao, that was the other part of the thing I couldn't remember before...

Hey, has anyone congratulated you yet?

Congrats, garbage ....uhh, you need a new first name....Congrats, homie

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Mix Monster Mutant

Mix

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45 minutes ago, bnmjy said:

Personally, I'd go to Vegas and bring whomever along.

It's settled then. The pact is sealed.

If we aren't married by the time we're forty.....or, when i'm 40 and your, what, 65.....we'll meet in Vegas and tie the knot

beats dying alone right :RoboTeeth:

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Poof Monster Mutant

Poof

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2 hours ago, garbagepailcat said:

This is the way I feel, but I’m pussing out about it cause I don’t want to hurt any feelings. 

Husboy -says- he’s fine with whatever I want and that it’s all about my special day and all that good stuff, but idk.

I have too much anxiety to make big decisions, which is part of why I blew off the idea of having a big wedding in the first place. I’m such a perfectionist that I’d want my hands in every single little detail until I eventually drive myself insane.  

Don't stress. Make it your day not a perfect day. Whatever you want.

One thing I don't think you should do is worry about his mom.

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fuggstop Monster Mutant

fuggstop

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10 minutes ago, Poof said:

Don't stress. Make it your day not a perfect day. Whatever you want.

One thing I don't think you should do is worry about his mom.

I stopped talking to my bff from highschool because she was crying over the fact that her parents wanted her brother....who abused her...to come to her wedding

I thought it was the dumbest thing ever

Just say

.Helll the fuck no

And go on with your life

Fuck...thatd make me uninvite my parents and feel just FINE

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Juice McKenzie Legend

Juice McKenzie

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3 hours ago, garbagepailcat said:

I’m not yet. That’s the point of the thread. Also, I don’t have a fucking clue who you are. Y’all change your names too much. 😂

I meant I didn't know you were engaged. I was Saiyanman but you probably wouldn't remember. I'm not really a character that others would remember.

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nameraka Freakin Mutant

nameraka

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been there. my wife and i were the same. we wanted to be married but didn't want the big production.

initially we were just going to elope, but my mom threw a fit, so we compromised on a small ceremony in a family member's back yard. 

it was actually kind of nice, and i guess it's the price for having family. sometimes they need to feel included even if it isn't really about them. 

 

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garbagepailcat Elder

garbagepailcat

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8 hours ago, nameraka said:

been there. my wife and i were the same. we wanted to be married but didn't want the big production.

initially we were just going to elope, but my mom threw a fit, so we compromised on a small ceremony in a family member's back yard. 

it was actually kind of nice, and i guess it's the price for having family. sometimes they need to feel included even if it isn't really about them. 

 

Do you regret anything about the decision you made? Would you have preferred to elope, or was having your family there particularly meaningful? 

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nameraka Freakin Mutant

nameraka

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2 hours ago, garbagepailcat said:

Do you regret anything about the decision you made? Would you have preferred to elope, or was having your family there particularly meaningful? 

i would have personally been fine either way.

there is something to be said for saying the vows in front of people who've known you your entire life. i think it gave the moment a bit more weight. i honestly didn't expect to feel the gravity of the moment as much as i did. i went into it thinking it was kind of a perfunctory declaration of what was already true.   

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RainyDayJizz#35 Hero

RainyDayJizz#35

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23 minutes ago, little_girl_lost said:

when my mum got married for the second time she did it at a justice of the peace's house and the only ones there were the kids.

afterwards had a family get-together at the house for the reception

 

and her husbands parents got them side-by-side burial plots as a wedding gift

 

So double murder or murder-suicide?

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