molarbear

is that white stuff the bone?

Fuck dude... I can't even find mine when they go missing

I'm fairly positive he posted a selfie while taking a shit

I've attempted to threaten my socks but it never works they still run away during the drying process

first time it's ever happened for me normally I end up with mismatched Frankenstein socks

You clearly don't have a family of sock stealing goblins living in your dryer

I think you systematically killed every other best man option on the list until your name was up?

I did laundry and not a single sock was left without a partner after exiting the dryer

I still own that on the Genesis I just remember it being super difficult

hold a tribunal for them all after cooking declare them all guilty and then behead them

reality

numbers 1 and 2: if I was into dudes I would have seduced Enrique Iglesias , Idris Elba, or @AnimationFan14 long ago and produced beautiful children somehow with locks of gorgeous hair 3. laughed more than I should have 4. also laughed pretty hard 5. drank beer with my friends and pet 3 doggos. My friend's Aunt intrusted me with battering Jalapenos and I failed terribly, Number E: my friend's wife yells a lot Most importantly I got to see this pup today. Those are also my shoes in the background.... ignore them

I usually just sleep them off

I'd spray him with water and wait for his dehydrated looking skin to bloat up like the blueberry chick from Charlie and the Chocolate factory

He informed me that he filled up his pool and was firing up his grill I think it's going to be a good Saturday

Man I know saying "I'm sorry" isn't going to make you feel any better but I truly am sorry. mourn away I'm no expert but the fact that he lived to see her graduation seems like he went out on a really high note if a high note exist when losing a loved one I know for a fact when one of my Parents passes away I'm going to lose my shit so if you ever want to PM me and just tell me about how cool he was I'm willing to listen

I've had a couple drinks probably going to ruin this mood by playing xbox and getting my ass kicked by 10 year olds

I'm not saying good coffee doesn't exist, I'm just saying I won't like it It's kind of like when I tell people I don't like mushrooms... you can coat them in gold and I still won't get within 10 feet of them

Please personally deliver a message to @inhumanrampager for me Tell him Tom Brady is a filthy cheater I suggest taking along noise canceling headphones and wearing them after you tell him this because he will proceed to lecture you for at least 2 hours

I saw them live a couple years back it was a great show I distinctly remember it because I got shit on by a pigeon right after I parked

that is an adorable doggo

You forgot to put a spoiler on your nudes

I like to think they think they confuse thunder with a giant dog barking in the sky also can you post a picture of your dog.... for science purposes and not because I completely love puppers

apparently I moved my phone just enough while taking this picture that it made my left knee cap look non existent anywhoo this is me Thanks to modern technology I'm able to live a pretty normal life just consisting of legs and all