molarbear

I can change a baby's diaper and have killed a spider with my bare hand (it was crawling at me while I was sitting) I'm also convinced I fist fight bears in my sleep I'm at least a man child at this point

DD's or Uber are the only way I roll when I'm drinking one of my best friend's doesn't really drink so he's always hooking me up when alcohol is involved the only downside is he's also always attempting to wing man for me and he's terrible at it... like facepalmingly bad. We'll be playing pool or something and he'll all the sudden go "did you see that girl sneeze over there? That's totally a sign that she's into you"

too soon bruh, too soon

You really need to raise your standards because bennifer looks like a tiny dog fucked a Gremlin's first spawn that was fed after midnight and then covered in water and the afterbirth is him. To sum it up he looks like a homeless pencil.

What happens when your trashcan accidentally slits a throat?

I hate when that happens in public

I read this and was all like "TOM PETTY!" Then I remembered he passed and had managed to wall that off until I was reminded that Tom Petty is gone.

I too am into erotic vegetable cutting and find myself fapping after sexily chopping peppers way more than I should

Traffic, more people? I've only been sticking around hoping Zeni will teach me to be an Alpha someday

I just want to go wherever dogs go

^this It's sunday night and my creative juices are not flowing in my brain currently

worst check swing ever!

https://deadspin.com/two-umpires-suspended-after-teaming-up-to-make-worst-ca-1827745836 this is the check swing I was speaking of

I use this company called " 2 guys and truck" they charge me like $60 a hour and if I'm being honest I own a bed, a couple couches and a chair. I mean there's a stand my TV is on that also seats my xbone/netflix hulu HBO/TV but I can haul that on my own I really just hate moving these days I get flashbacks of friends calling saying they need a "favor" and then they're moving to the 5th floor and need a fold out couch moved

at least it wasn't the duckling video.... I need to find the youtube video of the check swing from Hell and post it for you There were two umpires in a Latino league where the dude did a full swing on a ball and they ruled it a check swing

dude I took an Ambien last night and it failed the link isn't working for me, did I link the full swing that they claimed the dude checked, or did I link the duck video? These are serious questions

I'm pretty sure chicken nuggets are at least 1% Human remains but they're so tasty

I want to congratulate you but moving always sucks I hate to sound lazy but I hire movers these days because I got tired of moving shit back in my College days

I drank a metric ton of beer hanging out with my best friend and his family We conversed about hanging out and then they all called it quits around 10 pm..... and now the night begins!

Not MLB but Baseball related

I couldn't agree more

I've thought about burning the damn thing because it slides all over the place and I've damn near tripped on it multiple times

The sad part is I walked past that sock twice after starting the washer before I saw it

Just been one of those days