EmpressAngel

I caught up on Unicorn and I would die for that fat robot. Unicorn- Fucking nine-tailed foxes ruin everything. Oh no we've officially summoned the furries. I don't think that kid's okay. Brick to the face. Uh hey Emmelinda try to not destroy everything in your path maybe. Dang innocent civilians ruining the whole operation. Just a creepy haunted pirate ship, nothing ominous about it. I hate this bitch fox. Ah hell, the kid's offline. Ah hell, she broke. I love our giant sphere friend. Careful kid you're gonna poop yourself if you keep straining like that. Uhhh I don't think that's supposed to happen. Dude she is going to rip your dick off and feed it to you. How did this nerd follow her onto the creepy ghost boat? Ah crap the kid's dying. GHOST PIRATE. If I had a nickel for every show on the block that featured zombie pirates I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice. NO MY ROUND FRIEND. Dang, kid's got sword skills. Oh my god dude shut up. Nerd you are literally standing there looking at a guy with blue skin and pointy ears, the hell else do you think he is? Oh yeah rope, that'll hold her. I love our fat robot. Bitch do it just to protect your loser nerd boyfriend if nothing else. Ah fuck it's a Kraken. We're good, kid's alive. Fuck that boat in particular. Food Wars- I hate all of you. No don't take it back, make her suffer. Y'all are really acting way too casual about the thought of your friend being subjected to a forced marriage. Why don't you just marry her bitch mom? "My mom abandoned me because she tasted things too well" sure is a backstory. Oh who the hell are these schmucks. What in the sweet and sour fuck? No go back, I wanna see what that Ron chef's deal is. I also wish your hot dad was here. Hiiii Soma's hot dad. Well at least your mom knew how not to cook. Oh yeah there's nothing better than wasting a ton of food because you don't give a shit if anything is edible. I have literally never noticed that Soma had a scar on his face. He looked good with the depression stubble. You fucking weirdo he straight up offered to take you with him, why are you whining about being abandoned? I hope you both get food poisoning and die. Oh than god, the bros are here. Pizza rice with french bread and spices, go. All these knives are still stupid. Who the fuck is that guy? Okay that one guy was just Emeril. At least I can take comfort in the fact that literally everyone thinks he's an asshole. One Piece- And then everyone died. These kids suck. Oh hey, Zoro finally went the right way. I'm glad something good finally happened for Law. Dude what are you gonna do as half a torso? Guys I'm pretty sure you could have found a gurney for that girl. Don't fuck with Law. Smoker's out here speedrunning lung cancer. Forget about Caesar, save Brownbeard at all costs. Stealth Usopp, go! It's just depressing how much these poor bastards trust him. Oh, you hurt their feelings. You're not helping your case, clown man! Aww they're crying. Oh my god you stupid fucks. Aw crap now he's Gay Hexxus. Alright Luffy how long can you hold your breath? RIP these dumb bastards. I don't think I'm a fan of Momo's voice but surely I won't have to listen to it for the next 400 episodes. Usopp for MVP. Don't worry he's just getting a running start for this ass beating. Do y'all not have a button that just turns on a giant vent? BEAT HIS ASS. Aim for his poison gas dick! I love seeing Caesar get injured. Great the clown's down, now we just gotta worry about the massive amounts of toxic fumes covering the entire island.

I'm already paying for the SJ backlog, and now I'm gonna have to pay for another subscription and download a whole different app for the non-SJ backlog? Can't say I'm a fan of that.

I swear I'll catch up on Unicorn eventually. Food Wars- Why is Erina doing the super challenge a surprise to any of them? Shut the fuck up, Megumi. God I hope Megumi loses hard. This guy is more problematic than the slutty chainsaw nazi? Goddamn, assassin to evil chef is one hell of a downgrade. THIS IS HORSE SHIT. Security in this place is absolute garbage. Wow what a shock who could have guessed it's her bitch mom. No wonder Erina sucks, with those parents she never had a chance. The fuck is this? Boy howdy that's one stupid as fuck backstory. I swear to god if Megumi wins this one I'm throwing a chair. Generic creep teacher makes me deeply uncomfortable. I hate all of you. Megumi you stupid fuck. So did they ever explain why his fat brother dropped like half his body weight? I have zero memory of that guy. The finger knives are still stupid. Hiiiii Soma's hot dad. Were those two ever actually friends to begin with or just vaguely respectful acquaintences who didn't actively hate each other? Wow what a shock Erina won in a landslide. Oh no don't you people fucking vote for her. At least Megumi is suffering and I can appreciate that. Sure, you can rape her daughter if you make a really great sandwich first. One Piece- Narrator: You guys seein' all this shit? BEAT HIS ASS, LUFFY. I enjoy seeing Caesar in pain. No really, Doflamingo's a puppeteer his devil fruit is literally string. Clown man this is a kid who's declared war on the government at least twice. Meanwhile, Law still dying. Beat his ass, Smoker's tits! And then Smoker died. Sorry Tashigi, Zoro's gonna carry you right back into the murder cloud. It's fine the kids are on good drugs now. I kinda love these dumbass marines. Kinemon's really going through it today. I'm still genuinely curious what would happen if Brook inhaled that poison. Run, Usopp! Face. It's okay Smoker you tried your best, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Law just stay down you're too hot for this. I imagine someone was just in the recording booth poking Matt Mercer with a taser for this fight. Sorry Smoker I don't think this is gonna end well for you. RIP Smoker's tits. Oh hey, they got his heart back. Maybe end this fight quick and work on the 47 crushed organs in Smoker's chest. Doflamingo snail cracks me up. Doflamingo's having a great time here. Uhh is that dude supposed to look like that? He looks like Willy Wonka's blueberry girl's roided out body builder cousin. It's fine Luffy will still recruit you with only half a body. Hiiii random Shanks. Law is so goddamn cool.

Food Wars- They killed your brother. All this over a fucking ooking contest? This feels like a hate crime. Do any of these evil chefs have anything going for them beyond some stupid clickbait gimmick? The true unsung heroes of Food Wars will always, always be the poor janitors who have to clean up a hazardous amount of fuck juices every day. Wow what a fucking shock it was actually Soma all along.Fuck off, Megumi. Fuck off, weirdass creep. I forgot the weird copy guy existed and I would have preferred to continue that. Meanwhile my siblings and I are on the verge of violent murder after three minutes in the kitchen. Either shut the fuck up or start screwing each other, I don't care which. Should I have any memory of this? You had me at cheese. You lost me at turtle. Somehow that knife seems more dangerous than that nazi bitch's chainsaw. Excuse me, you're telling me two of the people who have been publicly orgasming with each other are siblings? One Piece- Kids are indeed horrifying. I just want Brownbeard to be happy, show. Oh no Brownbeard, RUN. Someone please hug Brownbeard. Ah hell he's having a stroke. Never trust clowns but especially don't trust syringe-wielding clowns. HE JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE. We stan a gator-centaur king. Goddamn Oda what did Brownbeard to do piss you off so much during this arc? Eat fist, clown boy. I like that Luffy just has a scarf now that's also a dragon. He just keeps finding new ways to piss Luffy off. Luffy is such a good boy. BEAT HIS ASS, LUFFY. Dude I'm dumb stop using metaphors. What a piece of shit. Meanwhile Law, still beat to shit in that back room. Fuck this flamingo guy. Ah hell this sounds bad. My dude Luffy's declared war on the government like three times by now, you think he gives a fuck? I could watch him get punched all day.

Man, slim pickin's tonight. Food Wars- I hope that's poison. Hiiii Soma's hot dad. I hate you, you smug sack of trash. Shut up chainsaw nazi. You can really tell these writers are working totally unsupervised with these stupid recipe ideas. I'm gonna fuck your dad, Soma. Please don't make me watch chainsaw nazi have a violent orgasm. This is the worst Christmas ever. Oh he's one of those "you'd be prettier if you smiled more" douchebags, I want to watch him die. Why is that clown man allowed to exist. I constantly forge that sad albino boy exists when I'm not looking at him. I hope albino boy wins entirely because I hate teacher douche more. I want your impractically large cheese grater, bitch boy. Who let naked boy in here? Gee I'm sure the arc villain is really gonna lose here before the main character has a chance for a rematch. At least the clown man suffered. I want him to know I hate him. Show you will never get me to take that fucking chainsaw knife as anything but a painful joke. Wow what a shock the villain won. Fatty sausage-infused chicken sounds disgusting. And now the sad albino boy will vanish from my memory, presumably forever this time. I don't care, show. One Piece- Caesar is the worst and yet I'd still trust him over the Food Wars clown. It's okay kids, the reindeer is giving you the GOOD drugs. Look guys sometimes you just have to smack a violent drug-addicted child. God I wish that were me. Oh no don't let Zoro lead. I'd also like to get my hands on Zoro's sword. Honestly that candy might not even be drugged, that's just how small children are. That little girl is about to have one HELL of a trip. Chopper broke. RIP this kid. Fuck them kids. Someone please hug Mocha. Oh my god this fucking clown just gets worse. Man, who could have guessed that drugging children to death was a bad plan? Maybe you should have just let all those other kids die so we could save this one. Not pictured: Luffy slowly punching his way up a trash chute. Hobble faster, Chopper! I hate these fucking kids. Oh hey Sanji and a buncha dudes I don't care about. No you can go ahead and hurt some of these children. Aim for the balls, guys. Y'all got any spare organs he could use? Oh hey, Luffy's back. BEAT HIS ASS, CAPTAIN.

Zoro is so fucking cool. Hero- Please don't kill All Might. You dickhole don't make him feel bad. Someone please hug All Might. Awww this lady. AWWWW THIS LADY. Thanks, crazy murder guy. Thank god, Deku finally gets a bath. I love my angry dumpster son. And then he killed Minera. Uraraka sleeps with oven mitts so that she doesn't float herself away. I love my kids. Window Might. God I love All Might. Please tell Hawks to call me, too. I'm gonna fuck your jackass brother, Shoto. Kirishima is such a good boy. Momo looks so pretty with her hair down. Endeavor soaring through the air is unreasonably funny to me. Goddamn that was one shitty month. Stain you're not special, we've all written some obscene love letters to All Might. RIP random guard. Like hell he's on Fuckhands' side. Thanks, you edgelord motherfucker. I forgot about the random cat cop. Ohhhh we are fucked. Great, the world's gonna end thanks to fucking paperwork. I'd like to introduce my wife. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. Now everyone give Deku a hug. Good fucking luck, kids. Food Wars- Oh good, Lady Chainsaw Nazi is ready to go. No seriously, what is the point of any of this? Fuck off, Meat Meat. I hate all of you. And then suddenly cows. It's genuinely refreshing to see everyone turn into cows instead of violently orgasming. Holy shit that sounds stupid. I am deeply disturbed by that clown man. I hate all of this. If we just color over the Doctor from TF2, nobody will notice. I HATE ALL OF THIS. God I hope Megumi loses. THIS IS HORSE SHIT. So they're not even gonna show us what the main characters even made? Why in the tits would Meat Meat have that information? I can't believe this show is making me root for the slutty chainsaw nazi. How dare this show ruin Christmas for me too. Oh yeah, because a chainsaw is a better whisking tool than a fucking whisk. I hate this woman with ever fiber of my being. Aaaaand we're back to the violent orgasms. Can you really call it a cake if it has a pie crust? I hate you, show. I'm confused, was he required to use only junk from 7-11 or is he just being a showoff because he's a douche? One Piece- These marines are dumb as all fuck. They're all so stupid. Ladies, Zoro isn't that chivilrous. Previously, about 350ish episodes ago, this. Y'all either fuck or kill each other, stop wasting time. Goddammit Tashigi put your glasses on. Well that was quick. Not pictured: Smoker getting his ass handed to him in his fight. Meanwhile, Usopp shenanigans. Oh this can't be a good thing. Whelp, lost Kinemon again. He's looking for his son Nemomonosuke. Brook is a delight. Oh right, the drug kids are still on a rampage. Girl just throw that candy down a trash chute. Oh hey, Luffy's doing things. Tashigi kinda sucks at this. Oh that looks painful. Uh hey Zoro you maybe wanna step in here? Goddamn he's cool. The Hammer of Justice is unisex, bitch. GODDAMN HE'S COOL. Lady how the fuck are you still alive. Uhhh hey bird lady you okay there? Spoiler alert Zoro was mostly fighting armed monkeys on Sword Dracula Island. Oh she dead. Maybe get Tashigi a bandaid instead of bickering. And here's Caesar, still being a bag of festering dicks.

Y'all hear that?

You Say Run starts playing and immediately the happy center of my brain clears off the dust and boots back up. Hero- I'm not crying, you're crying. Oh my god turn the school into a mecha. Goddamn how rich is that mouse? Fuck these people, we could just kick them out. This is why he's BEST Jeanist. We don't deserve Uraraka. Oh hey, Miss Furry. OH MY GOD, TINY OCHAKO. "Give the boy a break, you miserable sacks of shit." Awww furry lady. Awwww, the one boy! I'm not a furry but this lady is precious. Oh hey, people aren't being total dicks. It's okay dude we were all thirsty for All Might. Endeavor looks so weird in that stupid hat. Endeavor, making children suffer even when they're not his. Aww good he got to see his mom again. Shoto just let me fuck your brother, I'll get him maimed beyond repair. At least Aizawa looks good with an eyepatch. Kurogiri just makes me sad. All Might's out here getting thugs to surrender with just big dick energy alone. Ohhh that's ominous. Food Wars- I wish that old man had shot you. I hate this girl more than usual. I swear this is already a Guy Fieri show on Food Network. Wow this is dumb. I feel like "take simple junk food and turn it into a high quality gourmet meal" is kinda ridiculously up Soma's alley. I have no memory of any of these people. I hope it's only worth $99 and he gets kicked out. Okay, charging him for crap work was actually funny. Big deal I can make a quality meal from 7-11 with just potato chips crumbled over mac and cheese, where's my medal. No seriously, does Soma have a single emotion beyond just obnoxiously smug confidence? Just take your money and get the fuck out. Potatoes with orange juice sounds goddamn awful. I wish I didn't have to watch this girl masturbate over mashed potatoes. Meanwhile Erina getting culinarily gang banged because why the fuck not. Megumi passing continues to be absolute horse shit. At least I don't have to deal with that girl again. Wow what a shock the evil chefs are evil. I feel like this is gonna be even dumber. Oh fuck me there's a bonus round. Why the fuck should I care about this lady? One Piece- Beat her ass, Zoro! Mocha is a good kid. Just in case you forgot just how big of a bag of shit Caesar is. Remember kids, never trust a clown. Children are indeed terrifying. Oh hey, thanks Nami. And then they died. Joke's on you lady, Zoro will straight up kill you. Meanwhile, shenanigans. And then Momo died. Caesar, still the fucking worst. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. And here comes the navy to ruin everything. Goddammit Sanji. They're all so fucking stupid. Honestlly these idiots kinda deserve to get slaughtered. Oh hey, Tashigi is here. Tashigi put your glasses on.

I'm not crying, you're crying. Hero- Things could be going better. Remember Deku, you can use Garbage Dilf as a meat shield. You stay away from my boy you potato-faced piece of shit. And then everything blew up. At least sniper waifu is still alive. As someone who's worked retail, I understand completely why someone would rather fuck off into the distance than deal with the general population. Jeanist now is not the time for fabric puns! No pressure here, Deku. All Might is best dad. Our boy needs a nap and some snacks. All Might needs a hug. Oh no you stay the fuck away from him you noseless weirdo. Endeavor once again knocked into second place, this time for Hero Who Looks Most Like A Villain. Even the vestiges are worrked about him. Deku tell your predecessors to call me, any of them, I'm not picky. Hey Deku you doing okay here, kiddo? Who the fuck is that. If I had a nickel every time I saw a character say "my body's moving on its own" I'd be rich. EAT SHIT, PUPPET FUCK. I love my angry rowdy son. I love my kids. Endeavor's greatest enemy, judgemental teens. I'm gonna fuck your dad, Shoto. Aww, my angry dumpster boy cares about his friend. Nezu is the best. THEY SAID THE THING. Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight never gets old. Oh this is gonna hurt. Alright, you gotta beat his ass to save him. CAW. They're good kids. I forget tail boy exists most of the time. He's right, don't you dare make Eri sad. Electric dumbass has three brain cells and they're all trying their best to help their friend. Tokoyami is a good boy. Well the important thing is you tried. Correction, he was fine until Todoroki gave him a concussion. How dare you make Froppy sad. Kirishima is best boy. Son why are you giving any attention to what that scrotum-faced jackass is saying. Oh hey, grape loser actually did something. Uraraka, hug that boy. Hee they redid the rescue move. Look at my dumpster son go. NYOOM. Why am I crying. And there they go, plummeting to their deaths. Red boy to the rescue! Somebody should have swiped Aizawa's scarf for this mission. AWWWWWW MY BOY, LOOK HOW MUCH HE'S CHANGED. I love this so much. Now get that boy a shower. Oh dang, Thirteen is hot. Damn, Nezu didn't fuck around with that security. Oh, fuck you guys. Mic you gotta scream louder than these dickbags. We don't deserve Uraraka. Food Wars- And now I'm crying out of sheer hatred. I hate you, Megumi. Am I supposed to care about this random bitch? Ohhh these people look real fucking stupid. Letting some schmucks skip half the event feels like cheating. Show I don't give half a fuck about Erina's problems. Is it too much to hope that htey all lose immediately? I don't know who this lady is but I hate her. What the fuck. Are they gonna kill that poor old man after this task? You're all idiots and going to fail. Why is that one a clown. You had me at meat, you lost me at sauerkraut. Who gave him a gun?! Okay that clown fuck has definitely killed and eaten at least one person in the past. I hate all of you. I didn't need to see that, show. Shut the fuck up, Soma. What the fuck, old man. What in the sweet and sour hell. Am I supposed to remember who this is? One Piece- I want to pet that dragon. Luffy no don't eat him. It was a real smart move to not eat any candy. I don't think you should eat that fruit, kiddo. Yohoho he took a bite of dragon. Momonosuke really lucked out on being the only kid who's not addicted to drugs. Oh no I hope the fruit's not a failure because he can't change back. Sorry kids, you're addicted to drugs and going to die before puberty. Momo is a good kid. Get that boy some food. Oh hey, he makes clouds. There they go. Ghost Brook is so much fun. Meanwhile, Smoker is trying his best. Look if my choice is between certain death and running for like ten minutes straight that is a really ahrd decision. RUN FASTER, GIRL. This fuckin bird lady again. Oh hey, Zoro. Forget the bounty, show me his dick you cowards.

Who are these hypothetical Toonami viewers who are completely technically illiterate that you're so worried about? Like, I'm pretty sure most people under the age of 40 would have the sense to hit the on-screen guide and check the schedule instead of just immediately giving up on the night entirely.

Fake death pranks always seem particularly shitty and mean spirited imo. So like, great job there I guess?

Man, this is a real rough show to be a beautiful woman with a cool power. Hero- Grandpa doesn't fuck around. Here, have some furry bait. Deku is a good boy. Damn that is one large woman. All Might, still best dad. Just help the kid you fucking babies. Oh no, they're hot. It doesn't count as my curse if they were already dead! Meanwhile, Garbage Dilf. JEANSMOBILE. Aww look at Hawks's little baby chicken wings. Endeavor looks so huge in the back of that car. Date me you child-ruining piece of shit. The real secret of their plan relies on Fuckhands' pure cringe gamer rage to fuel it. I kinda forgot Nighteye existed. Aw hell they've got guns now. Hellooooo new waifu. Date me, killer gun lady. God I'm gay for this. It's a good thing the kid's got Spidey Sense now. I forgot Snipe existed. Thanks for the info dump, High Noon. The implication that she's just been dragging Overhaul around the country like a sack of depressed potatoes is unreasonably funny to me. Fuck you and your dramatic background music. She's a flying waifu now. Oh, fuck these guys. Don't fuck with All Might. Please don't kill my son. On the bright side, if you die I'm pretty sure he can't steal your quirk. Deku please tell the previous users to call me. Huh, that's a new thing. Quick, grab Overhaul and use him as a meat shield! Well this sure could be going better. Sounds like waifu has some issues. Oh, that's gotta suck. Someone please hug my wife. It's okay baby I still love you. Nobody likes you, Overhaul. You put your old man in that coma, you asshole! Go ahead and kill the bastard, see if I care. Deku my sweet child you really didn't need to save Overhaul. Look at my boy go! I love my wife. Oh you scrotum-faced piece of shit. GODDAMMIT NOT ANOTHER ONE. And then she exploded. Boyfriend surprise! Hawks flapping those little baby wings killed me. I love my boyfriends. Watching Overhaul suffer is my favorite thing. MY BABY. Oh hell no do not let this son of a bitch get anywhere near my baby. Eat shit, Overhaul. Food Wars- I want generic teacher guy to die more than most Food Wars characters. Unfortunately I am nothing if not a slut for cheese. What in the goddamn fuck was that. Is there any reason I'm supposed to give a shit about this guy, show? The winner is whoever slathered that bitch in more cheese. I hate you, show. Show me Soma's hot dad or fuck off. Oh, what the fuck. I'd like to get off this ride now please. Lesbian assistant is unhappy with this turn of events. Oh thank god, his hot dad is here. I'm gonna fuck your dad, Soma. Oh is that all, you just adopted this random kid then abandoned him. I don't know why "absolute dogshit parent" makes a character more attractive and I'm afraid to question what that says about me. Boy, this sounds stupid as hell. Where in the hell does that guy find the time to do all that? They look like budget Team Rocket only shittier in some unidentifiable way. I hate this. At least we agree that Megumi is trash. The concept of "evil underworld chefs" might be the least threatening thing I've ever heard. The sound you hear is me trying to escape this show like a rabbit gnawing its leg out of a bear trap. One Piece- Fuck you bird lady. Law is not having a good time here. If there's one lesson we can all learn, it's to never trust your boss. Smoker is a good dude. Meanwhile, shit's on fire. Sanji you might wanna run. Man these marines are dumb as all fuck. RUN FASTER. Meanwhile, Luffy's stuck in the garbage. Luffy no don't eat trash. Not sure if that's a tiny dragon or giant lizard. Caesar, still the fucking worst. Surely this Vega Punk guy won't be important in 5-10 years. Boooooooooooo. Man, fuck this clown. "Just fill children with drugs" yes of course who wouldn't go with that plan. And then everything exploded. Aww, pink thing's adorable.

Good for him. Now he just has 47 other dumpster fires about his behavior that were uncovered as a result of that charge.

Hero- Hey kiddo you okay in there? I'm assuming those two are just in time out for mouthing off to Captain Milf. I like that they all have nice chairs in there. Don't worry kid they're not gonna watch you jack off. Yeah dude's straight up got Spidey Sense now. Forty counting as old age feels about right. Ohhh that sounds bad. Huh. God damn All Might was a big kid. All Might was literally just that good. FORTY YEARS?! Okay we gotta find some poor powerless kid for backup just in case. Sooo that means if Nighteye had gotten his way and Mirio took One for All, he'd be straight up dying. I love you, Captain Milf. Lady I'll do anything for you. Moth Shigaraki creeps me right the fuck out. Oh hey, he's got a mouth now. Deku is a good boy. TINY DEKU. Awww, vestige All Might is crying. Everyone here needs a hug. Stop sulking in the corner, you jerks. Aw hell here we go. Well this place sure went to hell in a fucking hurry. Clean-shaven Endeavor looks so wrong. Hawks needs a hug. Why is Jeanist's neck so fucking long. Lady what the fuck do you expect them to do, you demanded they take time to give a press conference. MOMS. Date me you son of a bitch. Aizawa looks good with the eyepatch. At least Dabi's having a good time. Oh no Deku what have you done? NO, MY BOY. Oh hey, Tall Deku. I miss Ms. Joke. That man is Douchebag Garfield. No one likes you, Tall Deku. Aw fuck not this asshole again! Look maybe we should just let these guys fend for themselves. You suck, Tall Deku! REAL DEKU, GO. Time for a rematch I never wanted. Huh, so he's got smoke powers now too. For the love of god kid take care of your fucking arms. Uh hey kid you're looking kinda scary as hell there. Dude just go do drugs and leave other people out of it. Oh hey, Tall Deku actually did something useful back there. I have no memory of these kids. Mr. Smith might be the worst hero name yet. Douchebag citizens being surprisingly decent here. Well dude you got your ass beat but you did technically accomplish your mission. Deku's just gone full Batman here. All Might gets a sweet car. America did one single thing right. All Might's ringtone killed me. Hi Hawks. Bye Deku. Mama Midoriya's really going through it here. Please hug your poor mom. TINY DEKU, AGAIN. Everyone's crying and I'm absolutely including myself in that. Jeanist why do you hold a phone like that. Grandpa doesn't fuck around. He'll be fiiiiiine. Food Wars- My feelings on this show are identical to a rabbit trying to gnaw its way out of a bear trap. I have zero memory of most of these kids. Alright alright alright. THERE'S JUST MORE SOUP. God I hope Megumi comes in dead last. Oh, the judges are also all people I hate. A lot of these look and/or sound gross. Show why the fuck do I have to watch the loli twins orgasm again? I hope the janitors in this place get an amazing paycheck for all the cum they have to clean up. You had me at cheese. I hate you, Megumi. Put some clothes on you jackass, I don't want pubes in my soup! THIS IS FUCKING HORSESHIT. I'd rather eat Jack in the Box than Megumi's ugly balls. i'm with Worst Sasuke screaming in rage in the background. Oh hey, Soma's hot dad. Generic teacher guy makes me uncomfortable and I'm sure there's a reason for that. Aw hell I don't like this. Please stop talking. One Piece- Law's so cool. Definitely don't trust this guy. Ooh my tragic backstory senses are tingling. Uh hey Law maybe try not dying here. Fuck you, bird lady. And then Luffy died. Frozen would have been a hell of a lot more exciting if Elsa could do that. I can also be motivated by Chris Sabat screaming at me. And down the trash chute he goes. Chopper I don't think small children are known for their logic and reasoning skills. Fuck them kids. Oh hey, Nami's tits. He's looking for his son, Nemomonosuke. Little girl you better start fucking running. Kinemon, make everyone some pants again. Fuck you bird lady, again. Man Kinemon's gonna be pissed that his kid turned into a dragon. It makes me happy when Caesar suffers. Meanwhile Law, seen dead on the floor. I was joking about the dead thing but damn he is not doing well in this fight. I'm sure in hindsight, it's occurred to Law that it was a real bad idea to turn his heart into a squeeze toy for the people he planned to double cross. Oh hey, Smoker.

Not pictured: Me openly sobbing in distress and I'm forced to watch more Food Wars. Hero- Y'all really should have just forced Bakugo into a straight jacket. TINY HAWKS. Watching large men destroy villains also gives me a reason to live, Hawks. Oh no, it's a tragic backstory. Someone please hug this child. Okay his mom's quirk is horrifying. Awwww his doll. JEANSMOBILE. I can't imagine 100 ways that fake death plan could have gone awry. I know logically I can't blame Food Wars for these thugs but I'm still choosing to. We stan a denim king. Oh this is not gonna be a good reunion. Goddammit woman thanks for nothing. Hawks your mom is trash and you shouldn't feel bad for ditching her. Dang his voice is sounding rough. Aww he only got the Endeavor doll because it was cheap. Hawks sweetie just go back to the robot voice. Meanwhile society is just collapsing, nothing to see here. Wash is the hero we deserve. I genuinely love that one of the country's top heroes is just a sentient washing machine. Well this could be going better. Aw hell Stain's back. Thanks, Dr Toad. I promise I'm trying my hardest to get Endeavor killed. I could watch him suffer all day. I never realized Jeanist's neck was so goddamn long. SHOTOOOO. Ohhh this is getting juicy. Ohhhh this episode is gonna hurt. Dang, Natsuo really looks just like his dad. Well if nothing else at least she knew she was being bought as a broodmare. No dumbass she's not okay. Meanwhile, helloooooo garbage. Oh no he was adorable little kid. God I miss All Might. Tiny Fuyumi! Someone please hug this child. Boy howdy was that the worst fucking idea. BABY SHOTO. Aw fuck here we go. Oh this got bad this got real bad. I need a fucking drink. So was Natsuo super tall or was Toya really fucking short back in the day? Toya sweetie go to bed. Jesus fucking christ kid. Puberty hit that boy like a brick. Just in case anybody forgot Endeavor was an absolute piece of shit. IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE. I hate how weirdly attractive I still find this dumpster fire of a man. Kids you did nothing wrong, you were small children. Shoto is a good boy. NOT NOW, HAWKS. Someone please hug Rei. Jeanist now is not the time for puns! Literally everyone in this room needs a hug. Oh yeah, the entire country's gone to shit. Yay his wings are growing back. Hawks will save you with his love. This is gonna be one hell of an apology video. Protect Deku at all costs. Goddammit Bakugo. I love that Jeanist says the entire title. Uh hey Deku you okay there kiddo? Food Wars- Please don't make me watch this. This is the most generic looking excuse for a pretty boy character I've ever seen. I hope Megumi fails but I'm not that lucky. Put a shirt on, cow tits. I don't like this guy. Why have they just been wearing their bathing suits for two days straight while running these shops? Bring back Soma's hot dad or fuck off, show. I hate all of you. LOOK VIEWERS, LOOK AT THE JIGGLING TITS. Generic guy makes me deepy uncomfortable. Fingers crossed that they fail hard. Smoke. Wow what a shock the team with the main characters overcame the odds and is winning, who could have fucking guessed. I could have lived my entire life without seeing this new jackass's nut face. Isn't using the smell of food to attract diners the entire fucking point, weirdo? This boy has ruined both food and orgasms for me tonight. I refuse to believe Megumi contributed significantly to this. Okay I can believe she's a better waitress than a cook. Oh what the fuck now. Let me off this ride right the hell now. One Piece- Caesar Clown, still the fucking worst. I got a real bad feeling about that giant evil-looking tank. Dangit Sanji you had like two minutes where you looked cool. Dude your leg is broke, let them fix it. Doflamingo may be evil as shit but damn he's cool. HELLO THERE, NEW WIFE. Man gets shot in the face and didn't even flinch. I don't trust any of these people. Please don't kill my wife. Joke's on you, Luffy's not just acting stupid. Not now, hot bird lady! Punch her in the tits! Oh no she's making it snow I'm really scared now. Meanwhile, remember drugs are bad. Hi, Zoro's tits. Somebody might wanna do something about that dragon. Brook is a gift. They're all idiots. Oh, this is the first time Kinemon's seen them in action. RIP dragon, you were fun. Kinemon's hatred of dragons will make perfect sense in about 3-5 years. Guys you might wanna get back on the Brownbeard Express. Man Chopper you really dropped the ball on this one. What boy is it Nemomonosuke?

Air Princess Principal, you cowards.

....Could they not have just hired someone else who knows about cooking to handle that while their regular source was out?

I forgot Food Wars was coming back and that promo caused me serious pain. Hero- Oh that All Might statue hurts. I don't trust this bitch. Surprise, it was even worse than we thought! Oh we're in recap mode, time to watch my boyfriends suffer again. I do enjoy Dabi making his garbage dad suffer. Still disappointed that Mic didn't punch that doctor's teeth out. Oh hey, Compress made it out alive. I always forget that ice boy is both a boy and exists. Well at least you took out the scrubs. I refuse to believe those kids want an Endeavor bag. I love my girls. Uraraka needs a hug. I'd liek to get off this ride now please. Oh no Midnight. RIP Hobo Wizard. Local Gamer Too Angry To Die. Shoto is still Five Weenies to those kids. Uhhhh you okay there, Fuckhands? AW HELL. I got a bad feeling about Villain Alcatraz here. Maybe take that cursed hand off his face, lizard boy. Oh yeah I'm sure these two random heroes will stop any threat to the prison. Well that was quick. Look maybe it's okay to violate some human rights in a few cases. This could be going better. Somebody get Fuckhands a shirt, I'm uncomfortable with him being half-naked. Don't listen to Tater Face there, I don't think he wants to help you. It just keeps getting worse! Oh no his ominous music has gotten even more ominous. RIP guards. AH HELL IT'S THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN. Hello there, new waifu. Let's all take a minute to point and laugh at Overhaul's suffering. Normally I wouldn't be rooting for a depressed armless man to get beat up but Mirio is back in action now so I think it's time for a rematch. I have zero proof but I want to believe that Gentle is there defending that final prison that didn't fall. They were gamer bros, the strongest bond of all. Do not trust that man. Meanwhile, hospital time. Well the good news is that most of them aren't dead. I love Grandpa but him surviving that is the bigest crock of shit. Aizawa's seen better days. I always forget how normal Mic looks out of costume. Depression for everyone. Endeavor's having a bad day and we can all appreciate that. Someone please hug Shoto. I'm gonna fuck all your siblings, Shoto. Uhhh hey Deku you okay there kiddo? One Piece- Last time, everyone died. Brownbeard for Straw Hat. Tashigi you're gonna have to wait and have your mental breakdown later. Dragon! Bye, dragon. It's real hard to find a man threatening when he's got a spoon glued to his face. And then everyone else got fingerbanged to death. Fuck you, Vergo. There is nothing I hate more than someone pulling the "you'll understand when you have kids" garbage. No the devil fruit that shapeshifts into people is still stuck in Impel Down. Tashigi just play dead until he leaves and then run like hell. Thank god for Sanji's boner. Huh, so the dragon was high off its gourd the whole time. Meanwhile, creepy dudes offering candy to a drugged-out child. Don't do drugs, kids. Thanks for the drugs, reindeer pirate doctor guy. Caesar's having a bad day and I enjoy that. Kid your candy is full of the bad kind of drugs. Time for the boys to start punching! Law's first mistake was believing anyone here could follow a plan. Caesar how is lighting yourself on fire gonna help you? Dude you did try to kill him multiple times today. Clown man you just hand-delivered an open invitation to get your ass beat. Shit now the clown has a lightsaber. Hey Luffy maybe you wanna try sucking less in this fight. Now now, perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Meanwhile, Brownbeard is still the best. I love Brook so much. Hi Law! Goddamn he's cool. Eat shit, Caesar. Meanwhile, at least the harpy's having a good time. Run, idiots! Sanji will be fine, his lungs are so full of nicotine there's no room for toxic gas. MY LEG. Man, not a good week for our Straw Hat fights here. Oh right, his neck can stretch. You stay out of this, bird lady! Hey Law what are you up to? Sanji just leave these scrubs to die, they're not even girls. The fuck is in that room?

"I hope we see something new on the block soon," I thought to myself, and once again the Monkey's Paw curls another finger.

I know I've seen this crossover special before but I have literally zero memory of it. Hero- At least my worst boyfriend is having a good time. Jeanist's clothing puns are a gift we don't deserve. Do you think Dabi was also dyeing his pubes to keep up his secret identity? Endeavor, still broken. Uhhh I don't think Fuckhands is okay here. Meanwhile, these nomu assholes. Is that who I think it is???? Dabi looks good with the white hair. Deku's having a real existential crisis today. MY BOYFRIEND! I missed him so much. ERI LOOK AT MY BABY! I love her so much. Bakugo kiddo I'm pretty sure you're missing a lung now. Yesss name reveal. That fucking hero name. Aww, family hug. Endeavor babe you gotta snap out of it before your kids immolate each other. Froppy style! His spider sense is tingling. Oh hey Endeavor nice of you to join us. Ohhhh, that sedative is finally working. Great job now get literally every pro hero to a hospital right now. I could watch Mirio punch things all day. Just grab your own ass and surrender, Compress. Okay so now that the big guy's done, everything is gonna go fine now right? Oh hey, is Compress finally gonna do something? Oh hey, here's that scene they cut out of My Villain Academia. I'm always down to watch a Klan expy get beat up. Date me, Dabi. Spinner is a surprisingly good boy. RIP your own ass. I appreciate how the villains keep going tits-out to do their dramatic family reveals. OH NO, HE'S HOT. Okay I know how this must look but I swear this isn't my fault. Meanwhile, there goes Drill Guy. He really does have spidey sense now. Sorry Compress, Mirio says no. Well you're fucked if Spinner is your best chance here. Ohhhh don't touch that hand. OHHHHHH THAT'S A REAL BAD IDEA. Uhhhh hey Fuckhands you okay there? Well this is fucked up. I'm not okay with any of this. Aw fuck Mirio's down already. Boy howdy this could be going better. Deku you are a very good boy but now is not the time. So hey where's the closest hospital now? Dragon Piece- You're not making Toriko more appealing, you're just making One Piece worse. With all the overlapping voice casts I can't tell who's supposed to be talking. As someone who loves food and buff dudes how did Toriko manage to make that premise so dogshit? Of course Zoro's lost again. Maybe the real food was the friends we made along the way. Here have this stupid looking fish. Kinda rooting for the fish here. Piccolo's too old for this shit. Fish you can go ahead and just kill everyone from Toriko first. Brook continues to be a gift we don't deserve. I can always appreciate new people being impressed by Franky Robot. Fish monster please eat Toriko. I find it extremely hard to believe that Luffy and Goku would have so much trouble with this thing. At least Robin looks like she's having a good time and really that's all that matters. This looks like the worst threeway from my nightmares. No really, where's Zoro? Please tell me all three of these characters are voiced by Sabat. One Piece- That video snail has seen some shit. Stealth Chopper is best Chopper. I forgot entirely what that note says. Oh yeah sure, closing off a door is really gonna stop them. Caesar, still the fucking worst. Vergo's a dick but he does make me laugh. The fuck is this guy, spider centaur? Could Law not just ROOM himself through the closed door? Now is not the time, idiots! Why wouldn't they bring the dragon, they wouldn't just sit there and let it die. Tashigi honey you are about to get your ass beat. Oh thank god, she has some sense. It's nice that they made those doors impractically slow. Brownbeard is a good boy. Shit, run faster! Nami you have wind powers, start using them. Tashigi you absolutely do not got this. Oh, they dead. I am genuinely shocked Brownbeard made it through that door. These marines may be stupid as all hell but they're good dudes at heart. If you're gonna be frozen as an ugly blob monster in death, at least do a cool pose when it happens. Caesar you dumbass you could just open the door again and kill them.

I appreciate how the villains keep deciding to go tits-out to announce their dramatic family reveals.

Heroes Rising had such a fantastic final fight that the next movie really had no way of competing with it. It was fine for your standard Shonen Tie-In Filler Movie, but that's about it. I'm still disappointed that all the promotion for the movie gave the boys those sweet new hero suits and then they wore them in a grand total of like, one scene. Also, not enough Garbage Dilf.

His kids will never really accept me as their stepmom but that's okay, I'll still love them anyway. ❤️

I'm just saying, Endeavor could prove that he's finally moved past his obsession with superior genetics by marrying me. My genes are inferior to everyone!

There is now a 100% chance of me getting at least one Todoroki man killed before this show wraps up. Hero- Oh hey, Jeanist is back from the dead. Man that crusty bastard is lookin fucked up. Oh good, it just gets worse. It's fine, Nejire will save us. Meanwhile, best girl vs worst girl. Now is not the time for this, crazypants! In a shocking twist, heroes don't like it when you hurt innocent people. Froppy to the rescue! Whelp, big guy's here now. Good fucking luck, Shoto. Local boy too angry to die. Endeavor looks real good beat to shit. Dabi's having a great time. Surprise, Endavor's not the worst one in this family! Aw crap here we go. I appreciate his decision to go tits out for this dramatic reveal. Joke's on you, I'd still fuck you. That poor fanboy is really going through it. Man this is some delicious drama. Endeavor broke. Date me you terrible garbage motherfucker. Oooooh this is JUICY. Aww he was adorable as a kid. Boy howdy young Endeavor can get it. I know Dabi is hideous and objectively trash but destroying the country's faith in heroes by exposing your shit dad's history is some real king shit. All the Todorokis need a hug. Oh no, Hawks. It's gonna be real funny when Jeanist shows back up. It's okay Hawks I still love you. I mean he sure as fuck attracted me and man do I have issues. Endeavor honey you gotta wait and have your guilt-stricken mental breakdown later. EAT SHIRT, ASSHOLE. Justice League- Oh look a giant meteor is hurtling towards the city, it must be a random Tuesday. This is going well for him. Kevin Conroy showed up and now I'm crying. Honestly in this universe if you're just getting chased by regular human murderers it's probably a pretty good day. Join the club honey, my mental health is being held together with bits of string and thirst over terrible fictional men. I continue to be gay for Wonder Woman. Beat me up next, please. Okay the Kennedy conspiracy wingnut got me. Batman, be nice. At least Mr. Terrific is having a good time here. Oh yeah bringing this thing into your world with zero idea what's inside is a real fuckin great idea, guys. It's probably not a good thing when Superman is bleeding. How is "I'm a spaceman from the future" considered some insane delusion in this universe? Hi Harley! Poison Ivy is my wife. Your hot alien ghost wife is mad at you. Miss Martian is adorable and I immediately love her. Dangit y'all are gonna fuck up that poor girl's PTSD even worse. Okay so what are the other two? Wonder Woman please throw a car at me next. Starboy seems real cool until his meds wear off and I assume he goes on a violent murder spree. My friendship can also be bought with pudding. You never insult a man's hot alien ghost wife. Yeah just go poking around in his brain that'll go well. You should have given him more pudding. Honestly kinda rooting for the hot alien ghost wife here. Supes you're gonna rip those stitches open. I enjoy him calling Batman "The Scary Guy" after fighting the villains for the whole movie. Girl you are kind of a massive dumbass. This went about just as well as expected. Just let that guy see his girlfriend. That one saying "fartnuggets" immediately being getting murdered fucking killed me. Great job girl you got your friends killed. Whelp, universe is boned here. Oh yeah that time machine was real fucking safe. For all her faults you can't deny that this bitch gets shit done. Once again, open invitation for Wonder Woman to beat the shit out of me. Boy howdy Jessica you sure fucked this all up. Alright nevermind he blew a hole in Batman's cape, he's gotta die. Fuck this front door in particular. Have fun dying here with us, douchebags! Dang look at her go. Ohhhh she's definitely breaking up with you now. Is there a reason why rocks falling would kill the villains now? It's a giant eye just throw sand on it. Whelp world's over, it was nice knowing y'all. Bye, Starboy. At least I'm not the one who has to watch my boyfriend die this time. It's okay, at least you can't handle your love interest's death any worse than Supes did last week. Way to show up literally months too late to help, assholes. I'm happy for Miss Martian.