EmpressAngel

Y'know I was all on board to ride the "not gonna watch it but don't really care what happens with it" train and then I realized something. Any season they manage to pull off successfully means it gets closer to the horrifying prospect of Live Action Foxy haunting my nightmares and now I hope it fails.

Thank you Netflix for saving me from having to watch more Black Clover.

I'm trying, believe me! Unicorn- Again, real fucked up way for his brother to live the next thousand years. I'm just glad Copernicus is back. I mean, were you ever expecting to go back there anyway? Those are all very good questions that your shit dad probably should have answered. The number of people I know who'd find him more attractive as a werewolf is greater than you'd expect. Please don't hurt my robot friend, we just got him back. Lady he was busy dealing with the goddamn kraken you accidentally summoned to attack the city. Babe it's cool, I'm a monster now like you! Wow what a shock it turns out that guy is evil. Emma if you're not going to a time that's outdoors on the night of a full moon your dork boyfriend is gonna be completely fucking useless again. Ah hell this must be the magic furry planet. I'm too lazy to think of an actual Tony the Tiger joke here so just insert your own. Wouldn't it make the most sense to put the uncontrollable berserk werewolf with the metal guy he can't bite and infect? This nerd might be bland and unlikable but elf douche is so much worse. RIP Tony the Tiger. Maybe I'll luck out and these two will just kill each other. Ah crap Merlin's possessed. Well this could be going better. Dr Stone- I love how happy Grandpa is. Taiju in that hat cracks me up. Get your Food Wars out of my science show. Caviar should be easy enough just go torture some fish. MY MELON CHILD. Awwww piggies. Well it's not truffles but I guess I'll take oil instead. The piglet on a leash is adorable. DETECTIVE SUIKA RETURNS. Maybe you should invent an enhance button next. Can the pigs smell oil too? I was joking about that but sure let's go with that. RIP Inosuke. False alarm, Inosuke lives to oink another day. Suika honey don't get too attached to that pig. Oh thank god we get to keep the hog. You're gonna need a bigger boat. Oh my god I forgot all about that. Taiju is a good boy. If I were Chrome I'd be so fucking freaked out right now. Man you know this entire time since Senku showed up must have been the best year or so of that old man's life. Awww this dumbass. Boooooo. WHAT. Oh fuck that's morse code isn't it. Ohhhh that's freaky. Food Wars- Please god I just have to survive the next thirty minutes. Erina your mom's a bitch just let her suffer. Maybe they'll both get explosive food poisoning and die. So is anybody gonna break the news to that guy that he was trying to do an incest this whole time? Or, y'know, that his birth father is about ten feet away? I have no memory of the vast majority of these people. Wow how groundbreaking, you bookended it with the same thing you started with. Here have some mother/daughter tandem orgasms because there hasn't been enough creepy incest moments in this show. I have zero memory of this. I'm sure Asami is glad someone was finally able to satisfy his wife in a way he never could. Oh goddammit not again. Yeah sure, gratitude is what you're feeling. At least I got to see Soma's hot dad nut this time. I am deeply uncomfortable with this extensive building-wide orgasm. Erina, an unlikeable bitch right to the end. "Devote yourself entirely to one person only" sounds like the wrong lesson to learn from all this. What you're not even gonna show the end of the fight? I'm gonna fuck your dad, Soma. I know most of you people have been in the show before but I genuinely do not remember you existing. Sorry Alice that guy stole your boyfriend. What in the fuck is going on. They're really testing my resolve in these last five minutes. PUT PANTS ON YOU DISGUSTING JACKASS. So literally everyone became a food-based poacher cop out of nowhere? Soma finally fucks off out of my life and I couldn't be happier. Really, her creepy shit dad gets to come back? Oh, are you finally gonna drop that incest bomb on your kids? Why would you invite your creepy incest brother to live with you. Oh goddammit he came back. I hate you all with the possible exception of the bros. I'm so tired, show. THAT'S IT. IT'S OVER. I'M FINALLY FREEEEEEEEE. One Piece- We have Smoker and Joker here, when do we meet Midnight Toker? Oh right, nobody else knows Momo's a dragon. It's a good thing Monet wnats to take her sweet time for dramatic effect before she hits that self destruct button. And then everyone exploded. RIP bird lady, you had some great tits. Oh FUCK plot twist. She's sure holding out a long time with a stabbed heart. This is why you shouldn't play musical chairs with people's organs! Meanwhile, shenanigans. Uh hey Franky you okay there? God I love my missile wife. Franky's so much fun. Law you can straight up teleport, I feel like you could help with this. Zoro's so goddamn cool. Oh right, the toxic smoke is still a problem. I love Robin so much. Nami you could have used that magic wind stick at literally any time. I enjoy Doflamingo's ridiculous pimp coat. Fun story that was only revealed in a bonus page in the manga volumes, this little girl is Monet's sister. Ah hell now we gotta fight another warlord.

Luffy is adorable and this is actually kinda better than I expected. Like I still don't understand why they chose a property that'll cost so much to adapt there's virtually no way they'll see a return on that investment, but I can appreciate the attempt.

Unicorm- Welcome to Rivendell, complete with elf princess. He seems like less of a douchebag in this flashback. What I'm getting from this is never try and have a wedding in this show. Oh come on that was like thousands of years and a couple dozen body swaps ago, they can't still be that mad. Copernicus is technically a mecha now. BAMBI NO. Oh yeah this is going just great. Genuinely surprised Emmelinda is doing a decent job in this fight. Wow what a shock this went badly. Ed what the fuck did you do. And now your dad's a tree. Oh what the fuck are you doing here. So have you been here for like a zillion years? Kid you can stop saying that any time now. Hey Merlin it sure sounds like there's some bit of spirit magic bullshit you're not telling us. Sword's had enough of this. I like this sword guy. God what a mood. You deserved that. Merlin, shit dad extraordinaire. She was like five, you jackass. Well that was a surprisingly quick session of family therapy. I enjoy Sen just pulling a whole Roger Rabbit move there. Meanwhile, this is fine. You fucking dumbass. You really just had to chuck something at the giant evil rock to break the spell? Sen has zero competition for best character. Hey, is Copernicus moving on his own now? Oh hey, Merlin actually gets to do something cool. Why couldn't htat elf princess just marry the brother who's not a douche? Well, that was an easy fix. MY ROUND FRIEND IS BACK! Uhh hey what's up? Ah hell that fox lady is still going. It's a switcharoo isn't it. That's kind of a fucked up way for his brother to live the next zillion years. Dr Stone- Now I wanna make some bread, I love the faces in this show. He's actually brillaint. Gen is an evil genius and I'm glad he's on our side. Whisper whisper whisper whisper. Just look for the inexplicable French stereotype. Taiju is a good boy. Something about this kid makes me hate them. Cue loud French sobbing. Make us some jerky, please. Oh no please don't make them fruitcake. Oh sweet she made butter. Oh no they made fruitcake. Listen to Frenchy, put your nuts away. Hey look, it's a version of Food Wars that doesn't make me irrationally angry. Oh hell yeah I am ALL ABOUT bread class. One day they're gonna throw some herbs in that dough and blow everyone's goddamn minds. Is she asking them for a vibrator? Taiju, still the best boy. Grandpa is so bored, guys. Oh my god, I love grandpa. Ohhhh, he's making her a mirror. I love this douchebag. Oh shit, a camera. Awww, I'm happy for her. This show makes me cry over the most random things. Thanks, Capitalism Douchebag. I still don't know how that girl's massive cans are staying in that dress. Senku looks so fucking awkward. Oh god the outfits. Ohh, it's Einstein. Food Wars- And now for the version of Food Wars that makes me irrationally angry. I bet you never made your wife come like that. Way to fuck it up, douche. Show the least you could do is make Soma's hot dad lose his clothes too. That's a very good question, she's an unlikeable bitch with all the personality of a dead fish. The key to being a good chef is getting laid. Is Erina's shit dad gonna fuck him instead? Hiii Soma's hot dad! Let me watch him cry like a bitch. So did the event planners just stock 500 plain robes in case somebody made the boss orgasm everyone's clothes off? Oh right, there's still another round. This is the family reunion I never gave a shit about seeing. I hate you both. You people absolutely should never have married. With these parents, Erina really never had a chance of not growing up to be a bitch. Excuse THE FUCK me? Considering the surprise incest bomb they just dropped, "I have to satisfy my mother with my own hands" is REALLY not a good way to phrase that idea. So did he know he was trying to fuck his own sister? I guess technically, making a dish too heinous to eat would count as something new and never seen before. Oh this is some bullshit. God I fucking hate Soma. One Piece- On the one hand I want my wife to win but on the other hand Franky does have a really cool giant robot. I love battle artillery wife. Forget the kids, save Brownbeard at all costs. We don't deserve Franky. Lady you look ridiculous, I love it. What a woman. And then they exploded. Aw dang, Caesar's not dead yet. Uhh hey whose heart is that? Oh no don't kill Smoker. Don't you fucking do it, clown man. Strawhats run faster! Oh hey, thanks random mooks. I sure hope that giant kid can fit through that little gap. Now get in the cart before the whole damn roof caves in. Oh right, Kinemon's dead. Momonosuke's having a real rough day. Oh hey, bird lady. Ah hell she's gonna hit the self destruct button. Don't you press that fucking button, lady. Now I just feel bad for her. It sucks that the phone snails have to die too. I like that everyone else is upset and then there's Luffy just having a good time in that cart. And then everyone died.

This has lived rent-free in my brain for the past 20-something years.

Unicorn- This old man is getting branded as a local furry. Oh I don't trust these fuckos. RIP fat robot, you were too good for this world. Alright Sen you're the new best character, watch your ass. Sweet, dinosaurs. Meanwhile, dumbass cops. This went just about as well as expected. You didn't deserve that pie. Oh yeah I'm sure they're gonna help you fix my robot friend. Yeah I think "utterly demolished by a kraken" is a bit out of this minimum wage guy's wheelhouse. Reminder this is all Emma's fault. It is fun seeing them carry Sen around like a jumbo sized baby. On the one hand I hope he fixes my friend but on the other I absolutely don't trust him. Okay that's a goddamn Death Star. Deeeeefinitely do not trust this guy. So is this some kinda time paradox where Copernicus inspires this guy to create Copernicus? Girl just sit down and stop doing things. GODDAMMIT WOMAN. Thanks for nothing, guy. He's powered by love isn't he. Kinda rooting for the fox here. The sword is literally the only competent one on this team. Whelp, sword's possessed now. Well that sure sounds ominous. Dr Stone- I need Ryusui to not talk because hearing Bakugo's voice come out of that mouth makes it really hard to find him attractive. I forgot Kars was frozen. They're all some form of stupid and I love them. Nikki is best girl. MY MELON CHILD. I do like his pirate hat. Aww the grandmas like him. Hope ya like fish. I hope this man snipes a bear from a hot air balloon. Kohaku you might wanna get in the basket. Heee this video game bit is cute. Nooo goat. Awww granny. Well that's fucking depressing. Y'know what I take it back, I can fuck him. Are you gonna make jerky? Wheat is good too I guess. BREAD. Meanwhile, oh right the stone people. Taiju is a good boy. Aww she made him a hat. Gen is a delight. We don't deserve Taiju. Girl if you aren't fucking that I am gonna be so disappointed in you. I definitely don't remember enough about science to know how a litmus test works. Taiju gets a cool hat. I love my science boys. Now learn how to make butter! Oh no. Food Wars- Do not revive any of these chefs. Oh good, more people I hate. What the fuck are y'all doing now. Soma's brilliant idea: throw all that shit in a blender. Just because it's a new idea doesn't mean it's a good idea. I have no memory of this. Oh what the fuck why would you invite him. I also have no memory of these bitches. Have some standards, whores. As much as I hate him, I can't turn down a good pie. Well now I'm just sad for the poor sharks. Ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli. Oh what the fuck is going on. Thanks I hate it. At least Soma's dish makes me less uncomfortable. Everything tastes good if you fry it in butter. Yeah we get it, he's always been insufferably smug no matter what. Now what the hell are you two doing? I hope she takes your food and throws up. God I hate this. Oh you get that mayonaise the fuck out of here. Thank god your mom was pretty because her food was unlovable. I'm so tired, show. One Piece- And now, the worst science boy. I like watching Caesar suffer. Everyone hates Caesar. Usopp is the real MVP of this show. Oh right, Kinemon's dead. Less talking, more running! I know I'm a terrible person because I would absolutely leave those kids to die. Save Brownbeard at all costs. Would the gas even hurt Smoker if he's in his smoke form? Everybody get in the oversized mine cart, we've got a level to clear. Law, regretting all his life choices. Meanwhile, the entire building's about three minutes away from caving in. What's with the flying fat guy? MY WIFE. Oh my god I love her. Honey we have got to get you some higher standards. For the love of god, don't introduce her to Sanji. Thanks for the help, fat guy? Oh, that's where Caesar went. Doflamingo may be a piece of shit but goddamn he's cool. The hell is that? FUCK YEAH, FRANKY. I actually completely forgot we lost track of Franky awhile ago.

Okay I hope they skip to the part where they set that boat on fire.

GODDAMMIT Unicorn- The fox lady is adorable when she's not in Sexy Furry mode. Great job lady you released an unstoppable kraken into the city. I'm rooting for you, weirdo boy. I love that fat robot so much. NOOO FAT ROBOT. Emma kinda fucking sucks. Kraken bitchslapped her all the way into a fairy tale dream realm. Oh, it's a backstory episode. Is your dad hot and garbage? Aww, she's cute. Meanwhile, Dweeb your determination is impressive but obnoxious and unnecessary. Oh great now we're gonna have to save her dumbass boyfriend from whatever this boat catastrophe is. Save that robot! Can we just ditch Emma and take the fun magic child version for the rest of the show? Oh shit, her dad is Merlin. Also booo it's all garbage no dilf. Uhh kiddo I don't think this is supposed to happen. I do not think you should jump into that hole. Oh sweet, you summoned a roomba. So who did Merlin fuck? Well that was a quick answer. Keep an eye out for a skeleton playing the violin. Oh, that's a werewolf. Oh, you're a werewolf now. At least being a werewolf will give him something to do. Ah hell now your parents are getting divorced. Boy howdy lady you sure fucked up on that one. Merlin dude this is straight up your fault. NOOOOOO MY FAT ROBOT. If you didn't waste time having a temper tantrum at yourself, the best character wouldn't have had to die.

I miss the old Icon Theme Days we used to do back when all we had were the pre-loaded icons from AS shows. Everybody would agree on a theme in advance like cats or purple or useless characters and then every week you'd find an icon to go with it and post around. I mean it's great that we eventually got to just upload normal icons ourselves like every other site, but that was such a fun little thing and some of the themes required a lot of creativity to find a good match.

2/25/2005 Genuinely bonkers that I've spent 18 entire years with you people.

I caught up on Unicorn and I would die for that fat robot. Unicorn- Fucking nine-tailed foxes ruin everything. Oh no we've officially summoned the furries. I don't think that kid's okay. Brick to the face. Uh hey Emmelinda try to not destroy everything in your path maybe. Dang innocent civilians ruining the whole operation. Just a creepy haunted pirate ship, nothing ominous about it. I hate this bitch fox. Ah hell, the kid's offline. Ah hell, she broke. I love our giant sphere friend. Careful kid you're gonna poop yourself if you keep straining like that. Uhhh I don't think that's supposed to happen. Dude she is going to rip your dick off and feed it to you. How did this nerd follow her onto the creepy ghost boat? Ah crap the kid's dying. GHOST PIRATE. If I had a nickel for every show on the block that featured zombie pirates I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice. NO MY ROUND FRIEND. Dang, kid's got sword skills. Oh my god dude shut up. Nerd you are literally standing there looking at a guy with blue skin and pointy ears, the hell else do you think he is? Oh yeah rope, that'll hold her. I love our fat robot. Bitch do it just to protect your loser nerd boyfriend if nothing else. Ah fuck it's a Kraken. We're good, kid's alive. Fuck that boat in particular. Food Wars- I hate all of you. No don't take it back, make her suffer. Y'all are really acting way too casual about the thought of your friend being subjected to a forced marriage. Why don't you just marry her bitch mom? "My mom abandoned me because she tasted things too well" sure is a backstory. Oh who the hell are these schmucks. What in the sweet and sour fuck? No go back, I wanna see what that Ron chef's deal is. I also wish your hot dad was here. Hiiii Soma's hot dad. Well at least your mom knew how not to cook. Oh yeah there's nothing better than wasting a ton of food because you don't give a shit if anything is edible. I have literally never noticed that Soma had a scar on his face. He looked good with the depression stubble. You fucking weirdo he straight up offered to take you with him, why are you whining about being abandoned? I hope you both get food poisoning and die. Oh than god, the bros are here. Pizza rice with french bread and spices, go. All these knives are still stupid. Who the fuck is that guy? Okay that one guy was just Emeril. At least I can take comfort in the fact that literally everyone thinks he's an asshole. One Piece- And then everyone died. These kids suck. Oh hey, Zoro finally went the right way. I'm glad something good finally happened for Law. Dude what are you gonna do as half a torso? Guys I'm pretty sure you could have found a gurney for that girl. Don't fuck with Law. Smoker's out here speedrunning lung cancer. Forget about Caesar, save Brownbeard at all costs. Stealth Usopp, go! It's just depressing how much these poor bastards trust him. Oh, you hurt their feelings. You're not helping your case, clown man! Aww they're crying. Oh my god you stupid fucks. Aw crap now he's Gay Hexxus. Alright Luffy how long can you hold your breath? RIP these dumb bastards. I don't think I'm a fan of Momo's voice but surely I won't have to listen to it for the next 400 episodes. Usopp for MVP. Don't worry he's just getting a running start for this ass beating. Do y'all not have a button that just turns on a giant vent? BEAT HIS ASS. Aim for his poison gas dick! I love seeing Caesar get injured. Great the clown's down, now we just gotta worry about the massive amounts of toxic fumes covering the entire island.

I'm already paying for the SJ backlog, and now I'm gonna have to pay for another subscription and download a whole different app for the non-SJ backlog? Can't say I'm a fan of that.

I swear I'll catch up on Unicorn eventually. Food Wars- Why is Erina doing the super challenge a surprise to any of them? Shut the fuck up, Megumi. God I hope Megumi loses hard. This guy is more problematic than the slutty chainsaw nazi? Goddamn, assassin to evil chef is one hell of a downgrade. THIS IS HORSE SHIT. Security in this place is absolute garbage. Wow what a shock who could have guessed it's her bitch mom. No wonder Erina sucks, with those parents she never had a chance. The fuck is this? Boy howdy that's one stupid as fuck backstory. I swear to god if Megumi wins this one I'm throwing a chair. Generic creep teacher makes me deeply uncomfortable. I hate all of you. Megumi you stupid fuck. So did they ever explain why his fat brother dropped like half his body weight? I have zero memory of that guy. The finger knives are still stupid. Hiiiii Soma's hot dad. Were those two ever actually friends to begin with or just vaguely respectful acquaintences who didn't actively hate each other? Wow what a shock Erina won in a landslide. Oh no don't you people fucking vote for her. At least Megumi is suffering and I can appreciate that. Sure, you can rape her daughter if you make a really great sandwich first. One Piece- Narrator: You guys seein' all this shit? BEAT HIS ASS, LUFFY. I enjoy seeing Caesar in pain. No really, Doflamingo's a puppeteer his devil fruit is literally string. Clown man this is a kid who's declared war on the government at least twice. Meanwhile, Law still dying. Beat his ass, Smoker's tits! And then Smoker died. Sorry Tashigi, Zoro's gonna carry you right back into the murder cloud. It's fine the kids are on good drugs now. I kinda love these dumbass marines. Kinemon's really going through it today. I'm still genuinely curious what would happen if Brook inhaled that poison. Run, Usopp! Face. It's okay Smoker you tried your best, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Law just stay down you're too hot for this. I imagine someone was just in the recording booth poking Matt Mercer with a taser for this fight. Sorry Smoker I don't think this is gonna end well for you. RIP Smoker's tits. Oh hey, they got his heart back. Maybe end this fight quick and work on the 47 crushed organs in Smoker's chest. Doflamingo snail cracks me up. Doflamingo's having a great time here. Uhh is that dude supposed to look like that? He looks like Willy Wonka's blueberry girl's roided out body builder cousin. It's fine Luffy will still recruit you with only half a body. Hiiii random Shanks. Law is so goddamn cool.

Food Wars- They killed your brother. All this over a fucking ooking contest? This feels like a hate crime. Do any of these evil chefs have anything going for them beyond some stupid clickbait gimmick? The true unsung heroes of Food Wars will always, always be the poor janitors who have to clean up a hazardous amount of fuck juices every day. Wow what a fucking shock it was actually Soma all along.Fuck off, Megumi. Fuck off, weirdass creep. I forgot the weird copy guy existed and I would have preferred to continue that. Meanwhile my siblings and I are on the verge of violent murder after three minutes in the kitchen. Either shut the fuck up or start screwing each other, I don't care which. Should I have any memory of this? You had me at cheese. You lost me at turtle. Somehow that knife seems more dangerous than that nazi bitch's chainsaw. Excuse me, you're telling me two of the people who have been publicly orgasming with each other are siblings? One Piece- Kids are indeed horrifying. I just want Brownbeard to be happy, show. Oh no Brownbeard, RUN. Someone please hug Brownbeard. Ah hell he's having a stroke. Never trust clowns but especially don't trust syringe-wielding clowns. HE JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE. We stan a gator-centaur king. Goddamn Oda what did Brownbeard to do piss you off so much during this arc? Eat fist, clown boy. I like that Luffy just has a scarf now that's also a dragon. He just keeps finding new ways to piss Luffy off. Luffy is such a good boy. BEAT HIS ASS, LUFFY. Dude I'm dumb stop using metaphors. What a piece of shit. Meanwhile Law, still beat to shit in that back room. Fuck this flamingo guy. Ah hell this sounds bad. My dude Luffy's declared war on the government like three times by now, you think he gives a fuck? I could watch him get punched all day.

Man, slim pickin's tonight. Food Wars- I hope that's poison. Hiiii Soma's hot dad. I hate you, you smug sack of trash. Shut up chainsaw nazi. You can really tell these writers are working totally unsupervised with these stupid recipe ideas. I'm gonna fuck your dad, Soma. Please don't make me watch chainsaw nazi have a violent orgasm. This is the worst Christmas ever. Oh he's one of those "you'd be prettier if you smiled more" douchebags, I want to watch him die. Why is that clown man allowed to exist. I constantly forge that sad albino boy exists when I'm not looking at him. I hope albino boy wins entirely because I hate teacher douche more. I want your impractically large cheese grater, bitch boy. Who let naked boy in here? Gee I'm sure the arc villain is really gonna lose here before the main character has a chance for a rematch. At least the clown man suffered. I want him to know I hate him. Show you will never get me to take that fucking chainsaw knife as anything but a painful joke. Wow what a shock the villain won. Fatty sausage-infused chicken sounds disgusting. And now the sad albino boy will vanish from my memory, presumably forever this time. I don't care, show. One Piece- Caesar is the worst and yet I'd still trust him over the Food Wars clown. It's okay kids, the reindeer is giving you the GOOD drugs. Look guys sometimes you just have to smack a violent drug-addicted child. God I wish that were me. Oh no don't let Zoro lead. I'd also like to get my hands on Zoro's sword. Honestly that candy might not even be drugged, that's just how small children are. That little girl is about to have one HELL of a trip. Chopper broke. RIP this kid. Fuck them kids. Someone please hug Mocha. Oh my god this fucking clown just gets worse. Man, who could have guessed that drugging children to death was a bad plan? Maybe you should have just let all those other kids die so we could save this one. Not pictured: Luffy slowly punching his way up a trash chute. Hobble faster, Chopper! I hate these fucking kids. Oh hey Sanji and a buncha dudes I don't care about. No you can go ahead and hurt some of these children. Aim for the balls, guys. Y'all got any spare organs he could use? Oh hey, Luffy's back. BEAT HIS ASS, CAPTAIN.

Zoro is so fucking cool. Hero- Please don't kill All Might. You dickhole don't make him feel bad. Someone please hug All Might. Awww this lady. AWWWW THIS LADY. Thanks, crazy murder guy. Thank god, Deku finally gets a bath. I love my angry dumpster son. And then he killed Minera. Uraraka sleeps with oven mitts so that she doesn't float herself away. I love my kids. Window Might. God I love All Might. Please tell Hawks to call me, too. I'm gonna fuck your jackass brother, Shoto. Kirishima is such a good boy. Momo looks so pretty with her hair down. Endeavor soaring through the air is unreasonably funny to me. Goddamn that was one shitty month. Stain you're not special, we've all written some obscene love letters to All Might. RIP random guard. Like hell he's on Fuckhands' side. Thanks, you edgelord motherfucker. I forgot about the random cat cop. Ohhhh we are fucked. Great, the world's gonna end thanks to fucking paperwork. I'd like to introduce my wife. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. Now everyone give Deku a hug. Good fucking luck, kids. Food Wars- Oh good, Lady Chainsaw Nazi is ready to go. No seriously, what is the point of any of this? Fuck off, Meat Meat. I hate all of you. And then suddenly cows. It's genuinely refreshing to see everyone turn into cows instead of violently orgasming. Holy shit that sounds stupid. I am deeply disturbed by that clown man. I hate all of this. If we just color over the Doctor from TF2, nobody will notice. I HATE ALL OF THIS. God I hope Megumi loses. THIS IS HORSE SHIT. So they're not even gonna show us what the main characters even made? Why in the tits would Meat Meat have that information? I can't believe this show is making me root for the slutty chainsaw nazi. How dare this show ruin Christmas for me too. Oh yeah, because a chainsaw is a better whisking tool than a fucking whisk. I hate this woman with ever fiber of my being. Aaaaand we're back to the violent orgasms. Can you really call it a cake if it has a pie crust? I hate you, show. I'm confused, was he required to use only junk from 7-11 or is he just being a showoff because he's a douche? One Piece- These marines are dumb as all fuck. They're all so stupid. Ladies, Zoro isn't that chivilrous. Previously, about 350ish episodes ago, this. Y'all either fuck or kill each other, stop wasting time. Goddammit Tashigi put your glasses on. Well that was quick. Not pictured: Smoker getting his ass handed to him in his fight. Meanwhile, Usopp shenanigans. Oh this can't be a good thing. Whelp, lost Kinemon again. He's looking for his son Nemomonosuke. Brook is a delight. Oh right, the drug kids are still on a rampage. Girl just throw that candy down a trash chute. Oh hey, Luffy's doing things. Tashigi kinda sucks at this. Oh that looks painful. Uh hey Zoro you maybe wanna step in here? Goddamn he's cool. The Hammer of Justice is unisex, bitch. GODDAMN HE'S COOL. Lady how the fuck are you still alive. Uhhh hey bird lady you okay there? Spoiler alert Zoro was mostly fighting armed monkeys on Sword Dracula Island. Oh she dead. Maybe get Tashigi a bandaid instead of bickering. And here's Caesar, still being a bag of festering dicks.

Y'all hear that?

You Say Run starts playing and immediately the happy center of my brain clears off the dust and boots back up. Hero- I'm not crying, you're crying. Oh my god turn the school into a mecha. Goddamn how rich is that mouse? Fuck these people, we could just kick them out. This is why he's BEST Jeanist. We don't deserve Uraraka. Oh hey, Miss Furry. OH MY GOD, TINY OCHAKO. "Give the boy a break, you miserable sacks of shit." Awww furry lady. Awwww, the one boy! I'm not a furry but this lady is precious. Oh hey, people aren't being total dicks. It's okay dude we were all thirsty for All Might. Endeavor looks so weird in that stupid hat. Endeavor, making children suffer even when they're not his. Aww good he got to see his mom again. Shoto just let me fuck your brother, I'll get him maimed beyond repair. At least Aizawa looks good with an eyepatch. Kurogiri just makes me sad. All Might's out here getting thugs to surrender with just big dick energy alone. Ohhh that's ominous. Food Wars- I wish that old man had shot you. I hate this girl more than usual. I swear this is already a Guy Fieri show on Food Network. Wow this is dumb. I feel like "take simple junk food and turn it into a high quality gourmet meal" is kinda ridiculously up Soma's alley. I have no memory of any of these people. I hope it's only worth $99 and he gets kicked out. Okay, charging him for crap work was actually funny. Big deal I can make a quality meal from 7-11 with just potato chips crumbled over mac and cheese, where's my medal. No seriously, does Soma have a single emotion beyond just obnoxiously smug confidence? Just take your money and get the fuck out. Potatoes with orange juice sounds goddamn awful. I wish I didn't have to watch this girl masturbate over mashed potatoes. Meanwhile Erina getting culinarily gang banged because why the fuck not. Megumi passing continues to be absolute horse shit. At least I don't have to deal with that girl again. Wow what a shock the evil chefs are evil. I feel like this is gonna be even dumber. Oh fuck me there's a bonus round. Why the fuck should I care about this lady? One Piece- Beat her ass, Zoro! Mocha is a good kid. Just in case you forgot just how big of a bag of shit Caesar is. Remember kids, never trust a clown. Children are indeed terrifying. Oh hey, thanks Nami. And then they died. Joke's on you lady, Zoro will straight up kill you. Meanwhile, shenanigans. And then Momo died. Caesar, still the fucking worst. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. And here comes the navy to ruin everything. Goddammit Sanji. They're all so fucking stupid. Honestlly these idiots kinda deserve to get slaughtered. Oh hey, Tashigi is here. Tashigi put your glasses on.

I'm not crying, you're crying. Hero- Things could be going better. Remember Deku, you can use Garbage Dilf as a meat shield. You stay away from my boy you potato-faced piece of shit. And then everything blew up. At least sniper waifu is still alive. As someone who's worked retail, I understand completely why someone would rather fuck off into the distance than deal with the general population. Jeanist now is not the time for fabric puns! No pressure here, Deku. All Might is best dad. Our boy needs a nap and some snacks. All Might needs a hug. Oh no you stay the fuck away from him you noseless weirdo. Endeavor once again knocked into second place, this time for Hero Who Looks Most Like A Villain. Even the vestiges are worrked about him. Deku tell your predecessors to call me, any of them, I'm not picky. Hey Deku you doing okay here, kiddo? Who the fuck is that. If I had a nickel every time I saw a character say "my body's moving on its own" I'd be rich. EAT SHIT, PUPPET FUCK. I love my angry rowdy son. I love my kids. Endeavor's greatest enemy, judgemental teens. I'm gonna fuck your dad, Shoto. Aww, my angry dumpster boy cares about his friend. Nezu is the best. THEY SAID THE THING. Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight never gets old. Oh this is gonna hurt. Alright, you gotta beat his ass to save him. CAW. They're good kids. I forget tail boy exists most of the time. He's right, don't you dare make Eri sad. Electric dumbass has three brain cells and they're all trying their best to help their friend. Tokoyami is a good boy. Well the important thing is you tried. Correction, he was fine until Todoroki gave him a concussion. How dare you make Froppy sad. Kirishima is best boy. Son why are you giving any attention to what that scrotum-faced jackass is saying. Oh hey, grape loser actually did something. Uraraka, hug that boy. Hee they redid the rescue move. Look at my dumpster son go. NYOOM. Why am I crying. And there they go, plummeting to their deaths. Red boy to the rescue! Somebody should have swiped Aizawa's scarf for this mission. AWWWWWW MY BOY, LOOK HOW MUCH HE'S CHANGED. I love this so much. Now get that boy a shower. Oh dang, Thirteen is hot. Damn, Nezu didn't fuck around with that security. Oh, fuck you guys. Mic you gotta scream louder than these dickbags. We don't deserve Uraraka. Food Wars- And now I'm crying out of sheer hatred. I hate you, Megumi. Am I supposed to care about this random bitch? Ohhh these people look real fucking stupid. Letting some schmucks skip half the event feels like cheating. Show I don't give half a fuck about Erina's problems. Is it too much to hope that htey all lose immediately? I don't know who this lady is but I hate her. What the fuck. Are they gonna kill that poor old man after this task? You're all idiots and going to fail. Why is that one a clown. You had me at meat, you lost me at sauerkraut. Who gave him a gun?! Okay that clown fuck has definitely killed and eaten at least one person in the past. I hate all of you. I didn't need to see that, show. Shut the fuck up, Soma. What the fuck, old man. What in the sweet and sour hell. Am I supposed to remember who this is? One Piece- I want to pet that dragon. Luffy no don't eat him. It was a real smart move to not eat any candy. I don't think you should eat that fruit, kiddo. Yohoho he took a bite of dragon. Momonosuke really lucked out on being the only kid who's not addicted to drugs. Oh no I hope the fruit's not a failure because he can't change back. Sorry kids, you're addicted to drugs and going to die before puberty. Momo is a good kid. Get that boy some food. Oh hey, he makes clouds. There they go. Ghost Brook is so much fun. Meanwhile, Smoker is trying his best. Look if my choice is between certain death and running for like ten minutes straight that is a really ahrd decision. RUN FASTER, GIRL. This fuckin bird lady again. Oh hey, Zoro. Forget the bounty, show me his dick you cowards.

Who are these hypothetical Toonami viewers who are completely technically illiterate that you're so worried about? Like, I'm pretty sure most people under the age of 40 would have the sense to hit the on-screen guide and check the schedule instead of just immediately giving up on the night entirely.

Fake death pranks always seem particularly shitty and mean spirited imo. So like, great job there I guess?

Man, this is a real rough show to be a beautiful woman with a cool power. Hero- Grandpa doesn't fuck around. Here, have some furry bait. Deku is a good boy. Damn that is one large woman. All Might, still best dad. Just help the kid you fucking babies. Oh no, they're hot. It doesn't count as my curse if they were already dead! Meanwhile, Garbage Dilf. JEANSMOBILE. Aww look at Hawks's little baby chicken wings. Endeavor looks so huge in the back of that car. Date me you child-ruining piece of shit. The real secret of their plan relies on Fuckhands' pure cringe gamer rage to fuel it. I kinda forgot Nighteye existed. Aw hell they've got guns now. Hellooooo new waifu. Date me, killer gun lady. God I'm gay for this. It's a good thing the kid's got Spidey Sense now. I forgot Snipe existed. Thanks for the info dump, High Noon. The implication that she's just been dragging Overhaul around the country like a sack of depressed potatoes is unreasonably funny to me. Fuck you and your dramatic background music. She's a flying waifu now. Oh, fuck these guys. Don't fuck with All Might. Please don't kill my son. On the bright side, if you die I'm pretty sure he can't steal your quirk. Deku please tell the previous users to call me. Huh, that's a new thing. Quick, grab Overhaul and use him as a meat shield! Well this sure could be going better. Sounds like waifu has some issues. Oh, that's gotta suck. Someone please hug my wife. It's okay baby I still love you. Nobody likes you, Overhaul. You put your old man in that coma, you asshole! Go ahead and kill the bastard, see if I care. Deku my sweet child you really didn't need to save Overhaul. Look at my boy go! I love my wife. Oh you scrotum-faced piece of shit. GODDAMMIT NOT ANOTHER ONE. And then she exploded. Boyfriend surprise! Hawks flapping those little baby wings killed me. I love my boyfriends. Watching Overhaul suffer is my favorite thing. MY BABY. Oh hell no do not let this son of a bitch get anywhere near my baby. Eat shit, Overhaul. Food Wars- I want generic teacher guy to die more than most Food Wars characters. Unfortunately I am nothing if not a slut for cheese. What in the goddamn fuck was that. Is there any reason I'm supposed to give a shit about this guy, show? The winner is whoever slathered that bitch in more cheese. I hate you, show. Show me Soma's hot dad or fuck off. Oh, what the fuck. I'd like to get off this ride now please. Lesbian assistant is unhappy with this turn of events. Oh thank god, his hot dad is here. I'm gonna fuck your dad, Soma. Oh is that all, you just adopted this random kid then abandoned him. I don't know why "absolute dogshit parent" makes a character more attractive and I'm afraid to question what that says about me. Boy, this sounds stupid as hell. Where in the hell does that guy find the time to do all that? They look like budget Team Rocket only shittier in some unidentifiable way. I hate this. At least we agree that Megumi is trash. The concept of "evil underworld chefs" might be the least threatening thing I've ever heard. The sound you hear is me trying to escape this show like a rabbit gnawing its leg out of a bear trap. One Piece- Fuck you bird lady. Law is not having a good time here. If there's one lesson we can all learn, it's to never trust your boss. Smoker is a good dude. Meanwhile, shit's on fire. Sanji you might wanna run. Man these marines are dumb as all fuck. RUN FASTER. Meanwhile, Luffy's stuck in the garbage. Luffy no don't eat trash. Not sure if that's a tiny dragon or giant lizard. Caesar, still the fucking worst. Surely this Vega Punk guy won't be important in 5-10 years. Boooooooooooo. Man, fuck this clown. "Just fill children with drugs" yes of course who wouldn't go with that plan. And then everything exploded. Aww, pink thing's adorable.

Good for him. Now he just has 47 other dumpster fires about his behavior that were uncovered as a result of that charge.

Hero- Hey kiddo you okay in there? I'm assuming those two are just in time out for mouthing off to Captain Milf. I like that they all have nice chairs in there. Don't worry kid they're not gonna watch you jack off. Yeah dude's straight up got Spidey Sense now. Forty counting as old age feels about right. Ohhh that sounds bad. Huh. God damn All Might was a big kid. All Might was literally just that good. FORTY YEARS?! Okay we gotta find some poor powerless kid for backup just in case. Sooo that means if Nighteye had gotten his way and Mirio took One for All, he'd be straight up dying. I love you, Captain Milf. Lady I'll do anything for you. Moth Shigaraki creeps me right the fuck out. Oh hey, he's got a mouth now. Deku is a good boy. TINY DEKU. Awww, vestige All Might is crying. Everyone here needs a hug. Stop sulking in the corner, you jerks. Aw hell here we go. Well this place sure went to hell in a fucking hurry. Clean-shaven Endeavor looks so wrong. Hawks needs a hug. Why is Jeanist's neck so fucking long. Lady what the fuck do you expect them to do, you demanded they take time to give a press conference. MOMS. Date me you son of a bitch. Aizawa looks good with the eyepatch. At least Dabi's having a good time. Oh no Deku what have you done? NO, MY BOY. Oh hey, Tall Deku. I miss Ms. Joke. That man is Douchebag Garfield. No one likes you, Tall Deku. Aw fuck not this asshole again! Look maybe we should just let these guys fend for themselves. You suck, Tall Deku! REAL DEKU, GO. Time for a rematch I never wanted. Huh, so he's got smoke powers now too. For the love of god kid take care of your fucking arms. Uh hey kid you're looking kinda scary as hell there. Dude just go do drugs and leave other people out of it. Oh hey, Tall Deku actually did something useful back there. I have no memory of these kids. Mr. Smith might be the worst hero name yet. Douchebag citizens being surprisingly decent here. Well dude you got your ass beat but you did technically accomplish your mission. Deku's just gone full Batman here. All Might gets a sweet car. America did one single thing right. All Might's ringtone killed me. Hi Hawks. Bye Deku. Mama Midoriya's really going through it here. Please hug your poor mom. TINY DEKU, AGAIN. Everyone's crying and I'm absolutely including myself in that. Jeanist why do you hold a phone like that. Grandpa doesn't fuck around. He'll be fiiiiiine. Food Wars- My feelings on this show are identical to a rabbit trying to gnaw its way out of a bear trap. I have zero memory of most of these kids. Alright alright alright. THERE'S JUST MORE SOUP. God I hope Megumi comes in dead last. Oh, the judges are also all people I hate. A lot of these look and/or sound gross. Show why the fuck do I have to watch the loli twins orgasm again? I hope the janitors in this place get an amazing paycheck for all the cum they have to clean up. You had me at cheese. I hate you, Megumi. Put some clothes on you jackass, I don't want pubes in my soup! THIS IS FUCKING HORSESHIT. I'd rather eat Jack in the Box than Megumi's ugly balls. i'm with Worst Sasuke screaming in rage in the background. Oh hey, Soma's hot dad. Generic teacher guy makes me uncomfortable and I'm sure there's a reason for that. Aw hell I don't like this. Please stop talking. One Piece- Law's so cool. Definitely don't trust this guy. Ooh my tragic backstory senses are tingling. Uh hey Law maybe try not dying here. Fuck you, bird lady. And then Luffy died. Frozen would have been a hell of a lot more exciting if Elsa could do that. I can also be motivated by Chris Sabat screaming at me. And down the trash chute he goes. Chopper I don't think small children are known for their logic and reasoning skills. Fuck them kids. Oh hey, Nami's tits. He's looking for his son, Nemomonosuke. Little girl you better start fucking running. Kinemon, make everyone some pants again. Fuck you bird lady, again. Man Kinemon's gonna be pissed that his kid turned into a dragon. It makes me happy when Caesar suffers. Meanwhile Law, seen dead on the floor. I was joking about the dead thing but damn he is not doing well in this fight. I'm sure in hindsight, it's occurred to Law that it was a real bad idea to turn his heart into a squeeze toy for the people he planned to double cross. Oh hey, Smoker.