Doom Metal Alchemist

ITT: Bucket sells out. j/k In the top pick you remind me of Dave Grohl.

Would Mitch Hedberg even be funny AT ALL if it weren't for his distinctive delivery?

I'll beat you there. Katt may have beaten me, but she at least WANTS to be a virgin. Wait @Phillies I thought a long time ago you said you lost your virginity when you were younger...

Did you get this solved yet? I noticed your screen name uses an uppercase P while in the screen cap you are trying to log in using a lowercase p.

Have you seen that episode of Bob's Burgers where Tina thinks the cow is talking to her through its poop?

Wait, are you from Alabama, or Scotland?

Hey, as a short guy, I resent that.

Hey, at least he didn't ruin his career (chances) by calling you the N-word, amirite?

Happy belated, @BloodHawk1991! I'm hoping you can recognize this guy.

Tastes so good makes a grown man cry? This started out as a bad joke on how cutting onions make you cry and ended up quoting a decades old song about a completely different food that still somehow works.

This is fucking KILLING me at work lately (although replace high school with college). My job isn't very intellectually stimulating. My mood and performance at work are best when music I like keeps circulating in my head the whole time, my mood and performance is at its worst when I am replaying past memories of drama in my head, and my imagination just adding to it for some reason. I've been dealing with this the past few days.

Eh, a lot of us musicians are guilty of that as well.

One time I got butt-hurt over something the singer in my band said about Dio-era Sabbath being better than Ozzy-era Sabbath. I have no idea why it got me so upset, as I love both eras equally and I find his love of the Dio-era actually quite refreshing (normally I only hear that online, not irl). But one time he said something disparaging about the Ozzy era and I got butt-hurt. And I think he actually does like the Ozzy era, just not anywhere near as much as the Dio era. I don't remember what he said, but now that I think about it, he was probably criticizing Tony Iommi's guitar playing, and that would get me butt-hurt, he is my hero. And I'm completely used to people shitting on both Ozzy and Dio, but a classic metal fan criticizing the riff-master is a pretty rare occurrence I guess, so it took me aback.

I read that as "defrag" and it actually made more sense that way.

Earlier than that. It'll be like this, only with pot instead of guns:

Sounds like you need a change of lifestyle. I know it's hard as fuck finding a new job, but is going to bed earlier feasible? Like if you get home and watch TV, don't even watch TV, just get into bed, man.

Yeah, I get you. I'm sure your kid would do an excellent job caring for them and making sure they don't escape, but he might have an overzealous friend over....

lol I sill have most of my cherished child hood toys... although when I got to a certain part of child hood all I needed were Legos, video games, and Nerf guns... The Nerf guns didn't really survive, still got the Legos and all my old video game consoles and all the (good) games. Still got the original Final Fantasy II, Final Fantasy III, and Chrono Trigger SNES carts. Immensely proud of that. There's some things that I don't think I'd ever sell unless me not selling it meant me being homeless, you know?

I'm going to be screwed once I finally start dating. I have no sisters, and my mom never raged at me much.

At my worst depression I didn't want to get out of bed even when there was no reason for me to sleep and I was not tired in the slightest.

Damn. I don't know if I can function with that amount of sleep regularly.

I'm going to call plesiosaurs and pteradactyls dinsosaurs with no shame because that's what my dino books from when I was a tyke taught me. And there's nothing you can do to stop me.

I don't know, Kate Middleton? Is that the name of the pretty one? And if anyone says Princess Di, so help me God...

I'm wondering in what sense you are using "popular" and "rock star" in this thread. I would say there is like one "local" rock star here, but all he does are covers, I don't think he plays any originals. He's beloved by many bar-goers though. The days of the national "rock star" are long over, in the rock genre in particular. Whether you mean musicians are popular in the sense that the people around them like to be around them, maybe, but they ain't getting famous and making dough any time soon. I'm assuming being a gigging musician still helps you get laid, though. That's what everyone tells me, anyway.

I would've loved to have been a comedian, but my threads on the ol' ASMB where I tried to be funny would always sink to the bottom with little to no replies, so I came to the conclusion no one thought I was funny but me.