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Who do I have to fuck to get a four door vehicle in Bone County?

cooking cream of chicken and noodles in the crockpot

Nope, i did

That brawl during lunch reminded me of talking with my cousins a few weeks back and how they kind of expected some weird street fighting stories about me. I pointed out the only one that came to mind was some rando on the subway pushing me, trying to start a fight, but all I did was stare at him like he said “Hello Mr. Thompson.” He looked upset I wasn’t doing anything and walked off. Getting in a street fight would suck. Even if you win, you still gotta talk to the cops and convince them that the other guy started it. No thanks. I don’t need that stress.

Do potatoes have sex in order to make said delicious fries?

According to several ex-girlfriends always says this when he's about to climax

Is working on modding GTA: Vice City, and replacing all of the main characters with Flintstones characters.

Celebrates Muttley’s birthday by dressing up like Dick Dastardly with the goofy mustache and hat until Pooh rolls up going “you puhuhuhhuhhuhhh piece of shittt” and hits Kudasai with a banana custard cream pie

Thinks buffalo sauce is what buffaloes make when they pee.

Thinks horseradishes comes from horses.

I have no interest in starting a war.

Is it wrong to go to bed at 730? Cuz like I want to.

Hosted a Super Bowl party, but made all the guests watch a marathon of The Real Housewives of New Jersey instead.

is plannng the biggest con of all time: he plans on replacing all tables, ladders and chairs at WWE's the next TLC match, with paper mache replicas.

Time travel>multiverse I time travel, you get to directly effect YOU, despite the existence of the butterfly effect. Multiverse just kinda makes life seem trivial. There's a me that's better than me and a me that's worse than me...at that point, what's important about being me if I'm not the best. If you manage to traverse the multiverse, all you are welcomed with is some form of disappointment

Years working in the same place has made me incredibly numb to introductions from commissioners. “Am I getting a raise? No? Fuck you.” I don’t give two shits about your personal details, give me more money or don’t waste my time.