How I Stalk ShopRite Smokers on Break and Other Scary Tales

[1pooh4u]

Every time I read a Crackard response I read it in the voices of Nathan and Mimsy 

iykyk 😆

[SwimOdin]

I’m enacting an old ASMB rule in that a thread has got to be about something. In other words, the boring rule. I mean this in the kindest way possible, nobody gives a fuck about a banal shopping trip you made. You’ve just opened yourself up to trolling g. Which, yes, you love baiting trolls, but I’m not going to allow it with this low effort bullshit. No more banality, in other words. I hope you, and all of us, can comply.

[[classic swim]]

[Insipid]

[The_annoying_one]

[ghostrek]

32 minutes ago, ghostrek said:

captain  picard had fucked childhood

FYI, I offended myself I reported myself.    i am not joking 

[1pooh4u]

3 minutes ago, ghostrek said:

FYI, I offended myself I reported myself.    i am not joking 

Was a funny post. Too bad. 

[Insipid]

27 minutes ago, ghostrek said:

FYI, I offended myself I reported myself.    i am not joking 

 

[ghostrek]

34 minutes ago, 1pooh4u said:

Was a funny post. Too bad. 

it subject i dont normal joke about it to dark 

[mthor]

48 minutes ago, ghostrek said:

FYI, I offended myself I reported myself.    i am not joking 

Ghostie, that was genuinely funny. 

And you don't know what really dark is until somebody offers you a severed hand (true story).

[ghostrek]

Just now, mthor said:

Ghostie, that was genuinely funny. 

And you don't know what really dark is until somebody offers you a severed hand (true story).

ok

[scoobdog]

17 minutes ago, ghostrek said:

it subject i dont normal joke about it to dark 

I don’t care… I liked it.

[ghostrek]

1 minute ago, scoobdog said:

I don’t care… I liked it.

sorry

[scoobdog]

53 minutes ago, ghostrek said:

sorry

Make another dark joke.

[André Toulon]

@The Evil Dr. Longshadow they opened your trash can back up. Stop ruining other threads with your ho' ass shit.

[[classic swim]]

Make another one please @The Evil Dr. Longshadow 

[UwPp]

I purchased an ounce of marijuana and got 8 blunt wraps for free.

 

Now thats a story. 

[discolé monade]

 and....

AND!!!!!!

i bet they don't even have a smell. 

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

On 7/11/2025 at 1:47 PM, André Toulon said:

Here's you some forbidden fruit for those long, hot sweltering nights alone. My search history will never forgive me for this

He's 5'' 7" and fat.  He should work out, so he could run after some bad guys.

[André Toulon]

41 minutes ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

He's 5'' 7" and fat.  He should work out, so we could do my Peter Griffin/Oiled up deaf guy fantasy.

 

[[classic swim]]

[André Toulon]

He's never going to show me the shirt, is he😢

Edited Thursday at 07:25 AM by André Toulon

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

8 hours ago, André Toulon said:

He's never going to show me the shirt, is he😢

Red polo.

[André Toulon]

46 minutes ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

Red polo.

Bullshit, prove it

[discolé monade]

all the sudden, jake from state farm lookin' juicy. 

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

On 7/10/2025 at 3:37 PM, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

3.25 miles in fifty minutes.

 

Yeah, I know.  Quoting myself.

Check for distance between English Creek Shoprite and English Creek Dollar tree.

Covered in four minutes.

[[classic swim]]

5 minutes ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

Check for distance between English Creek Shoprite and English Creek Dollar tree.

Why don’t you check it yourself?

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

Just now, [classic swim] said:

Why don’t you check it yourself?

I did, aleady.  The fact you're even asking only shows me that you can't walk it in the same time or less.

[[classic swim]]

1 minute ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

I did, aleady.  The fact you're even asking only shows me that you can't walk it in the same time or less.

Yeah because I don’t live near English Creek Shoprite or English Creek Dollar Tree.

Ask your bum cigarette dealer instead if he knows. 

[naraku360]

13 minutes ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

Yeah, I know.  Quoting myself.

Prove it.

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

Shoprite employees who smoke have to do so outdoors.  One told me a story.  The employees used to just stand around, smoking out in the open.  That became problematic, as customers complained about the smell, among other things.  The boss put up this fence for smokers.  No more customer complaints.  Out of sight, out of mind.

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

4 minutes ago, [classic swim] said:

Yeah because I don’t live near English Creek Shoprite or English Creek Dollar Tree.

Ask your bum cigarette dealer instead if he knows. 

You don't have to be near them.  Any two points of equal distance will do.

[stilgar]

Leave people alone who are on their break at work weirdo.

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

Just now, stilgar said:

Leave people alone who are on their break at work weirdo.

As though they're not supposed to talk...

[[classic swim]]

I’ll never know because I’m not looking that shit up for you. And you’re of course too lazy to post it, so you expect me or someone else to do the work for you. As usual.

But there’s always hell to pay if no one else shares information exactly the way you want. No one else can be spoonfed information like you can.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

"I smell smoke, but I can't tell where it's coming from. Guess I'll tell that Shoprite manager to get rid of this mysterious smoke smell I'm not even sure he has any control over."

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

9 minutes ago, [classic swim] said:

I’ll never know because I’m not looking that shit up for you. And you’re of course too lazy to post it, so you expect me or someone else to do the work for you. As usual.

But there’s always hell to pay if no one else shares information exactly the way you want. No one else can be spoonfed information like you can.

Listed as 12, walked in 4.

Edited Thursday at 06:33 PM by The Evil Dr. Longshadow

[[classic swim]]

Oh my goodness! How cool is that?!

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

1 minute ago, [classic swim] said:

Oh my goodness! How cool is that?!

Considering that I know a few people who can't do the same in under forty minutes?

[naraku360]

Do you get off to being called stupid?

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

2 minutes ago, naraku360 said:

Do you get off to being called stupid?

People who say that are a zoo exhibit.

[naraku360]

1 minute ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

People who say that smoke doesn't have a smell are a zoo exhibit.

 

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

14 minutes ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

"I smell smoke, but I can't tell where it's coming from. Guess I'll tell that Shoprite manager to get rid of this mysterious smoke smell I'm not even sure he has any control over."

I guess the manager just hasn't heard anything yet.  The fence has been here at least a year.

[Insipid]

Nobody told you a story. Having an enclosed space for employees to smoke is very common for retail and restaurant jobs. And you can still smell the cigarette smoke.

[Mode 7]

I thought cigarette smoke didn't smell 

[Insipid]

[The Evil Dr. Longshadow]

7 minutes ago, Mode 7 said:

I thought cigarette smoke didn't smell 

Seems be there only when people see it.

[scoobdog]

You guys are completely missing the point here.  He's telling us that bullshit story about fences and smoking employees to distract us from the face he really wants to steal that backpack and the mostly empty bottles of iced tea.

What's in that backpack, @The Evil Dr. Longshadow?

[naraku360]

22 minutes ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

Seems be there only when people see it.

You'd only think this way if you were a complete moron.

[scoobdog]

1 hour ago, The Evil Dr. Longshadow said:

 

Yeah, I know.  Quoting myself.

Check for distance between English Creek Shoprite and English Creek Dollar tree.

Covered in four minutes.

Why the hell are you running to the Dollar Tree?  Was there a wallet full of singles in that backpack you stole?