jackiemarie90 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 Like mind gets flooded with a thousand of thoughts of worthlessness. And I know that this is not my present reality, it's all in my mind. But I can't shut up my mind. I've been smoking for the past few days, but my tolerance only gets higher. I can't afford to be numb all the time. I want to be drunk all day but then it's too embarrassing talking to others once I'm sloshed. Too embarrassing to even walk in the kitchen. *this is what led to the infamous midnight uber eats donut run* I really can't handle being normal. I'm talking to myself more openly lately, saying things like "It's all cool" or "it doesn't matter". But that's me trying to fight my own thoughts. I also feel myself wanting to seek revenge, even though I know it will only cause more harm then good for everyone. Idk, I hate being trapped in my head. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsar4 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I remind myself that thousands of people who came before me have succeeded on whatever it is I'm about to attempt with less support and greater hindrances than I have. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 Every so often I get overwhelmed and take a mental health day like I did last week. Other times I know that I've come too far and done too much to give up on myself and the people I care about now so I force myself to keep going because the burden of tapping out and letting myself fall into nothingness is greater than trying and failing at other things. As much as I want to give up and just stay in bed forever sometimes. I cannot afford to. There are still things I need to get done. Im tired of struggling and Im going to keep working on myself and my situation until I can get something better out of it. Sometimes I need a kick in the ass. Actually I need a kick in the ass now so I can apply and study for my board exam 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 15 minutes ago, tsar4 said: I remind myself that thousands of people who came before me have succeeded on whatever it is I'm about to attempt with less support and greater hindrances than I have. But what if you aren't those people? No matter how hard you contemplate or try, you are just a different type of person. Like your thoughts just consume your head in a ptsd like manner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, Vamped said: Every so often I get overwhelmed and take a mental health day like I did last week. Other times I know that I've come too far and done too much to give up on myself and the people I care about now so I force myself to keep going because the burden of tapping out and letting myself fall into nothingness is greater than trying and failing at other things. As much as I want to give up and just stay in bed forever sometimes. I cannot afford to. There are still things I need to get done. Im tired of struggling and Im going to keep working on myself and my situation until I can get something better out of it. Sometimes I need a kick in the ass. Actually I need a kick in the ass now so I can apply and study for my board exam *kicks you kindly to get your work done* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsar4 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, jackiemarie90 said: But what if you aren't those people? No matter how hard you contemplate or try, you are just a different type of person. Like your thoughts just consume your head in a ptsd like manner? Did you miss the "greater hindrances" part - that includes those with actual PTSD, maybe missing a limb, maybe crushed by heavy introversion, maybe deaf or blind or whatever... Edited June 14, 2020 by tsar4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I come here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seight Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 "Come on [Seight], you don't get paid if you don't get up." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 2 hours ago, tsar4 said: Did you miss the "greater hindrances" part - that includes those with actual PTSD, maybe missing a limb, maybe crushed by heavy introversion, maybe deaf or blind or whatever... I don't think people think the same as everyone else. Morally, the way they absorb data, really it becomes unfair at a certain point to say people handle things differently. I think it's like comparing 1 person getting rich versus another person not. There are several environmental factors that change things in a similar system. Doesn't mean they should be compared as exactly the same. idk 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 2 hours ago, André Toulon said: I come here. Sometimes I just don't think I have anything useful to provide, or it's hard to just to roll to one side of the bed. I just want to sit and smoke all day. But I know it's not viable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 2 hours ago, Seight said: "Come on [Seight], you don't get paid if you don't get up." Ahh the constant need of money. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsar4 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I don't think people think the same as everyone else. Morally, the way they absorb data, really it becomes unfair at a certain point to say people handle things differently. I think it's like comparing 1 person getting rich versus another person not. There are several environmental factors that change things in a similar system. Doesn't mean they should be compared as exactly the same. idk Then you'll have to find the motivation that works for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 i sneeze twice and piss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crackymckrackin Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 10 minutes ago, Still Me said: i sneeze twice and piss Hopefully not before you get out of bed. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 16 minutes ago, crackymckrackin said: Hopefully not before you get out of bed. nope....full send....right into my piss stained mattress 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 i fap. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 I think about nic cage in con air saying "well it's not exactly mai tais and yahtzee out there but... let's do it" then I can do anything 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsar4 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupin_bebop Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Same thing I do everyday: Get up and deal with it. Move on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lily_cat Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 On 6/14/2020 at 11:27 AM, jackiemarie90 said: Like mind gets flooded with a thousand of thoughts of worthlessness. And I know that this is not my present reality, it's all in my mind. But I can't shut up my mind. I've been smoking for the past few days, but my tolerance only gets higher. I can't afford to be numb all the time. I want to be drunk all day but then it's too embarrassing talking to others once I'm sloshed. Too embarrassing to even walk in the kitchen. *this is what led to the infamous midnight uber eats donut run* I really can't handle being normal. I'm talking to myself more openly lately, saying things like "It's all cool" or "it doesn't matter". But that's me trying to fight my own thoughts. I also feel myself wanting to seek revenge, even though I know it will only cause more harm then good for everyone. Idk, I hate being trapped in my head. It sounds like you're depressed. Maybe try to talk to a doctor. Its weird, I didn't realize how depressed I was. I was just extremely exhausted all the time to the point where I was having trouble staying awake. Actually, I'm still dealing with depression, but now I'm medicated. I now can get myself to do things, but without the pills I just want to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lasty Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 I go back to sleep without worrying about what anyone else thinks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptorpat Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 On 6/14/2020 at 2:27 PM, jackiemarie90 said: *this is what led to the infamous midnight uber eats donut run* I want to give you helpful advice but I also gotta call you out right here right now Infamous? What you really mean is Legendary 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 When I was depressed to the point of not wanting to get out of bed.... I just didn't get out of bed. Do not recommend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts