Doom Metal Alchemist

I'm a 35 year old virgin now, but bet your bottom dollar in a few years I'm gonna marry my favorite glamour model.

I don't know about all that, but there was also a very famous documentary called Supersize Me.

Well, you've already ranted here about how your callers that don't have their policy numbers ready are idiots.

Doctor: "Ok midnight, you're overweight, tell me about your diet." Midnight: "Well, I love to cook home-made hamburgers." Doctor: "Well there's your problem. Home-made hamburgers are the unhealthiest hamburgers you can have. Get McDonald's instead. That's a much healthier choice."

I used to have those dreams all the time.

Goddamn it, as I was reading the thread just now, I wanted to make a "he can literally swing his dick around" joke, but you ruined it.

ROFL. Despite video games, starting with the NES, being my whole world until the age of 13 (and still a significant part of my world until, I don't know, age 19 maybe?), I have always sucked at video games. I've never even beaten the original Super Mario Bros. Even when I revisited it as an adult. Even on Super Mario All-Stars where I can have a save point to world 8-1.

Bucket and all republicans: "See how in these areas it is getting record low temperatures? Obviously that means temperatures are lowering in every single region of the entire planet!" Me: "Why am I outside in December and it's too hot to wear long sleeves?" Bucket and all republicans: "Fake news."

I assumed this was about Ocarina of Time. I was like, "beat him at what? Do you compete with him about something?" EDIT: And now I just saw that other thread. D'oh!

I call bullshit. That would mean you left the basement.

You hang out with a lot of dudes way older than you?

Happy birthday guys! @That_One_Guy here's your cake: (that's from funnyjunk so it may not display, oh well) Kateyes, sorry I don't know enough about you to know what kind of cake would be fitting for you.

They are, but that's just dubious marketing tactics.

Is money all that matters?

This part of the poll made me smile: It always seems like I'm the only perpetually single person who doesn't mind Valentine's Day.

lol dude has a prison record, eh, who cares, dude has no car, KICK HIM TO THE CURB.

Why? I thought you of all people would be wrapping it up in LATEX condoms anyway...

I'm so glad I had work last night.

Why?

That stopped helping me when I was still a teenager.

Either getting through his door is an ordeal, or he got a wide ass bedroom door custom made.

I got up early (for me) but I was busy all day.

Or you can name him Cy. And say "Cy clops."

Dream Theater. Fanboys completely ruined them for me like 15 years ago.