Doom Metal Alchemist

Well technically he likes women older than him. But you make a good point none the less.

I'm ready for spring.

I eat/drink way too much sugar these days. Got to keep up my energy levels somehow. Coffee doesn't seem to help as much as Mountain Dew and snake cakes.

Granted, but the only ninja power you have is the retarded way Naruto characters run. I want the power to control where and how my facial hair does and doesn't grow without any effort.

WAY back when, Theme of Love used to be the one tune from that game I actively disliked. In adulthood I like it a lot now.

I'm wondering if that's photoshop... you telling me she's that fat, but NONE of it went to her face?

While I do plan on having pizza for dinner tonight, I have no plans to get it heart shaped. I figure the shape of the slices might be weird to hold. Also I wonder if it costs extra. Also I wonder if the new pizza place I like is even offering that.

Oh, i < 3u, I GET IT

Last night my manager gave me M&Ms, I guess just because. I was waiting for our "stand up" meeting after lunch, he walked past me and just gave me a small bag of M&Ms, saying nothing but "here." Of course I ate them.

So.... it's just a giant international conspiracy between the U.S., Russia, and China? https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/02/world/asia/china-change-4-moon.html

I'm guessing chicken nuggets made from chicken breast.

I've been on meds for over 10 years, lol.

"Seamen" is indeed a word, but not the word you mean.

Funny he's spelling "doughnut" correctly, but not "semen."

Granted, but you only get to control water contained in a drinking glass. I want the power to turn into a dinosaur.

Yeah fuggs, stop eating sailors!

You have the power to fart at will, but every time you do, you shit yourself. I want the power to bring TV shows and movies to life.

Granted, but you have been turned into Billy Mayes. I want the power to make money appear from thin air.

I'm not entirely sure what "complete open boob" is, but I think it's what I want...

Is it considered gay for a girl to be a cheerleader? Or is this some kind of joke inception?

I don't know why in god's name anyone would randomly answer a ringing pay phone. What are the odds it's going to be for you?

Heavy metal hamsters.

For the record, I don't play death metal. The music I listen to and play isn't really filled with hyperbolic sarcasm.

His hair's not long enough.