SwimOdin

Happy birthday alzheimer hacks

First of all let me clarify that my penis isn’t that big. Just 9 inches. But, when I wear pants and clothes to minimize the appearance of my penis so I can pass as more androgynous. Anyway, over the past couple of years I’ve noticed that when I run down to the local convenience store and I’m too lazy to wear pants the women working there will give me things: free drink refills, free slice of pizza, free whatever and I catch them staring at my small, nine inch penis. Keep in mind that my penis is floppy and saggy so what the fuck girls? Any theories would be greatly appreciated.

I have used body wash for the last 25 years. Bars of soap are almost a foreign concept to me at this point.

Why did anyone give a FUCK what Grey Worm thought? None of the PTA meeting made any sense.

So other than Skiles, we can’t see shit. I figured as much.

Like Brad Pitt’s, post-9/11

My wife got lasik and she loves it. My prescription isn’t bad, but apparently I’m lucky my right eye wasn’t lazy, the left was doing all the work.

I used to wear the blue light blockers, I got. Them built into my current lenses. Do you have blue eyes? I have light sensitivity too.

My wife finally got me to admit my eyesight was lacking, so now I wear glasses. Now I’m curious how many in our community have shitty vision too. Do you wear glasses/contacts?

congratulationsshinji.gif

Our wedding was one of the most difficult things we ever did. My advice would be to go smaller and not spend a shit ton of money.

Men are stimulated visually. Men want to see nude women. Men share their body parts in an unfortunate bid to see a woman’s. It’s basically a man’s misunderstanding of what women desire; I want to see them naked, therefore they want to see me naked.

It gud

This one is an orange chocolate stout. Their graham cracker stout (The Big Shanty) is my favorite. My wife and I visited it a few weeks ago and had a raspberry white chocolate stout that was incredible, and fucked me up after two.

It’s my new favorite microbrew, and it’s literally three blocks from my house.

This brewery is awesome, btw

Order of the Owl

I mean...it's a sinus infection-induced insomnia, but I think it still counts. How do you people stay up all night? This is awful.

Ginger Nic Cage now, unfortunately

Smells like meat

I'm honestly shocked you're employed.

Damn. I’m a millennial?