molarbear

I had no pandora for my commute so I attempted to rely on local radio stations I can't really stand country music but I'm now convinced it's one big conspiracy to sell boats

I wish, our teacher was smoking hot for her age

I've never worked in retail so I never had to deal with it I do love me some Christmas music though

Hearing the Little Drummer boy never gets old

I had a pretty attractive teacher for my College Algebra class During a test my friend leaned over and said "I'd drag my balls over a mile of broken class just to smell her pee" I laughed so hard that she thought we were cheating on a test and made me move to the back of the classroom and face the wall

My favorite part about the Zoo is checking out the Rhino I never realized how fucking huge those things were until I saw one

I've seen those eyes on a dog before check your closets because she may have shit in one of them

I was completely unaware of this I feel I may abuse it in the future

Did you have two birthdays?

If reactions have taught me anything on these boards it's that I'm not nearly as funny to other people as I am to myself

One of my best friends has a Pit named Ruger (I live in what some people consider the south) That Dog is one of the most imitating Pups you'll ever meet because he's a Pit but he's just a big ole pupper disguise My friend's infant can crawl all over him and he's just like "BOINKED NOISES, WHAT DO?" Then he brings his toy to her and then gets super excited and dances around until someone throws it.

He was a zoom/lap dog, perfect combo

Meh, doesn't bother me. I feel like when they pull off some kinda american ninja warrior path to lick my face then I'm not going to say no. Who am I to turn down a face lick from a smiling dog that just ran some kinda fierce obstacle course to say "HUUMAN I LUVVA AND WANT TO BE FRANDS!"

Link failed for me You would have loved my best friend's Mom's Dog today He's the type of dog that just makes it his goal to lick people's faces, that is his self appointed duty in life He legit went full Zoomies then Parkour'd along the top of the couch to lick my face, repeatedly He was indeed a good pup

That's what the pillows are for

Take your fucking like sir. You've earned it

This Scenario was acted out in an old Vietnam movie A dude accidentally stepped on a land mine What you gotta do is stack pillows all around said Cat and then have LB sprint and tackle you away from the cat explosion attack zone

Cubs just traded for Cole Hamels which I'm fairly positive means Chatwood is out of the Starting Rotation Hopefully Quintana and Hendricks can find their groove again and the Cubs will have a semi solid Starting Rotation again instead of Lester going beast mode

I didn't, my friend's dad did when he first got him he'd act all sheepish and stick his tail behind his legs and put his ears down when you approached him now he's actually bonding with people

Doggo laid next to me when he's previously got the shit beat out of him by his previous owners Doggo just was like "Yo, you gave me ear scratches. I will now sleep next to you."

Right? Talented safety, terrible name

Packer's have a safety named Ha-Ha Clinton Dix, which I looked into one night while bored and HA HA isn't his real name but he rolls with it because his Grandma gave it to him as a nickname and you just don't disagree with your Nana

I can change a baby's diaper and have killed a spider with my bare hand (it was crawling at me while I was sitting) I'm also convinced I fist fight bears in my sleep I'm at least a man child at this point

DD's or Uber are the only way I roll when I'm drinking one of my best friend's doesn't really drink so he's always hooking me up when alcohol is involved the only downside is he's also always attempting to wing man for me and he's terrible at it... like facepalmingly bad. We'll be playing pool or something and he'll all the sudden go "did you see that girl sneeze over there? That's totally a sign that she's into you"

too soon bruh, too soon