katt_goddess

My bath water is guaranteed to be herp-free! Cat hair...I make no promises. She's a horrible water baby and plays in the tub. I promise not to charge extra for the pussycat fur.

He isn't. But the joke is that the '30 and still single' section of J-Date doesn't care. They WILL convert you. They don't care. [ American Dad joke - Roger wants a new blender and decides to abuse the wedding registry options by looking for someone desperate for marriage no matter what ]

Even those people don't want him. He couldn't even find a date on J-Dates 'over 30 and still single' section.

They work in small localized areas. I have an Arctic Air thingie and I placed it behind a fan to help distribute the cooling air better in the bedroom only. They aren't the greatest things on the planet but if you only need a tiny area to cool off briefly, they work for the cheap plastic box they are.

I dip the pizza crust in leftover ranch if there's any left after the wings are gone. It seems like a waste not to. I only actually go nuts and order pizza and wings about a couple times a year though. Lately I just don't food very often.

Authentic sound, dude! You want to riff Ylvis, you need to sound like you learned English phonetically damnit!

When you have that much fur, every slight breezy makes you look like you are in motion when you are just standing still.

I will sneeze all over you. RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!

Yeah, really. Everyone knows that Bigfoots are 5th dimensional elemental beings native to this planet and this planet only.

"Someone should have told them the Garage Band try-outs are next week. That should give them all plenty of time to style the 5 whole chin pubes they share between them."

People watching is comedy gold. Some of the best / worst things said to comedic effect have been from the window of a coffee shop overlooking a crowded street. And if all else fails, dressing up like a robot works on street corners too... <.< >.>

I don't think it's to the tune of anything specific, I think you could maybe call it a genre parody where it sounds damn familiar but is it's own thing [ kind of like Weird Al's 'Trigger Happy' which sounds very Beach Boy but isn't ] . And because I couldn't spell 'Norwegian' last night and figured screw it. I KNEW he was going to post Ylvis. Find your whitey-white suit, cracky. You and sticks. Vroom vroom.

I. KNEW. IT.

That way be but I already know what he's up to with this.

He's not Swedish, dude. Don't think I don't know where you are going with this. Because I am the awesome.

garbage out clean litter box dishes washed and put away pull kenny g out of the tub drain start finalizing con items and mapping out make-up designs decide against the evils of productivity and sit on butt in front of computer for a bit drinking coffees

Depends on the level of 'this sucks' . Nice long soak in the tub is helpful. It's something that wasn't possible growing up so having the time to do so and having choices [ bubble bath, oils, salts, mixture ] is still a luxury thing - a reminder of how far I've come from what I was. There's a pet store nearby that hosts adopt-a-kitties. Occasionally I'll go there and cuddle the babbies if things are really feeling terrible and I just need some pity party time alone. I leave covered in strange cat hair but often feeling a little better. And at my age, naps. Naps are good.

Honestly, as long as you haven't gotten fat you are probably doing far better than most of your classmates. Most reunions consist of people staring down fat people and wondering which classmate they were and what the hell happened to them. As for marks on the world, you have most of the dudes on here jealous as hell because they only heard a rumor about your privates. Never send anyone a photo and you'll continue to be legendary.

Coming soon - Larddashian brand Hobbit Shapewear. Free case of 'Nair for Feet' with every purchase.

Swearing is all about the attitude. Any word can be a 'swear' if you REALLY want it to. Retail in crapmas time makes you really creative in the verbal department without getting some old fart's crust up. However, off lot I will call anyone and everyone a rancid crotch-pocket.

Will you be planning on suing the Vatican for the return of your ancestor's sacred foreskin anytime soon?

I had a sever case of the dry heaves about a month or so ago.

You flick a booger. You flip a person.