little_girl_lost

there used to be an ice cream truck that visited my neighbourhood when I was a teenager, there was talk that the young man who drove it would give free ice ceam cones to the pretty teenage girls who bought from him. I put on a bikini top and short-shorts one day and asked for a cone with 2 scoops. I think he over-charged me.

Marry me

The other night I was feeling lazy and had fluffernutters for dinner

i used to give my cats ice cubes, they bat them around the floor and corner them and lick em kept them entertained for about an hour

i hope they bury him with a baseball between his legs

yeah, that's not really true

so many people cancelling their hbo subscriptions today

on a scale of sober to whitegirlwasted, how drunk are you right now?

ok

my hair only parts in the middle I've tried and tried to style my thin life-less hair but it always falls into the same style

looks to me like the cups at pizza hut about 20 years ago

its a wonder that hush hush sweet charlotte wasn't given a "what ever happened" title

and what ever happened to baby jane? and what ever happened to aunt alice? and whoever slew auntie roo? and look whats happened to rosemary's baby the 60s and 70s found titles they liked and hung onto them.

Wow, this is all it took to get you guys to wanna meet me.

I have one of these in my house not gonna lie, I suck at it

I destroyed every pen/pencil I ever had in school

I like my coffee like I like my jokes about how I like my coffee, I don't.

i'm late to the game, but i''ll post my joke anyway