The_annoying_one

I bought some potato chip dip from Amazon because it’s apparently not sold anywhere nearby. The package was delayed for a day or two and the dip is dairy-based. Probably sat on the truck without refrigeration for a day or two. Worth the risk or should I just chunk it?

Wrote Sylvester Stallone a letter asking him to please save humanity from the aliens.

I’m hot, I’ve barely slept, my head kind of hurts, potential really bad weather late tonight, and I’m taking everything personally today.

That moment when everything finally turns peaceful, even if only for a short time, should never be taken for granted.

Was in charge of stuffing Mr. Socko down Mankind’s pants.

Alright, Doomy!

Chicken & rice….if it ever gets ready.

Has a bowl full of water hanging above his front door with a string.

From this point forward, I will be referring to any and all children as “semen demons”. That is all.

Boils popsicles before eating them.

Is the wind beneath Bette Midler’s wings.

Once bought a matchbox 20 album, thinking it was some kind of special anniversary collector’s item. Is still royally pissed about that.

Stands in the lobby of the movie theater after it’s over to spoil it for everyone else.

Uses butter instead of shaving cream.

The 3am munchies when my ass should be asleep.

This may very well be my new favorite song.

Primary method of communication is via postcards.

Tried out for America’s Got Talent with the special talent of staring blankly at the camera.

Goes to award shows and “interviews” celebrities with a toy microphone.

Only celebrates the odd numbers of the 12 Days Of Christmas.

People who talk on speaker phone in public are the absolute worst kind of people, bar none.

Popeye’s.