Confess

[André Toulon]

Ok, so I was looking for a confessions thread but apparently the last one was in DF years ago and the one before that was even older in FFA. I didn't actually want to make one, but here we are.

I get really worried when I ignore private numbers because I know it's bills or a scam....but what if it was kidnappers.

 

[The_annoying_one]

I consistently lie to people just because I’m ready to get off the phone.

[molarbear]

11 hours ago, The_annoying_one said:

I consistently lie to people just because I’m ready to get off the phone.

Man...I feel this

[Insipid]

I fell asleep for most of The Rise of Skywalker in the theater. I woke up during the final important bits. I don't care to ever watch the movie again and see what I missed. Funny, because I watched and paid attention to all other Star Wars films. Oh well.

[lupin_bebop]

I will not answer texts or calls from people simply because I'm not sure if they can handle my response. Mostly because I just want to go back to sleeping, drinking, or Internet. I don't like being on the phone.

[Lynnrael]

i don't really need to take all day off tomorrow for my appointment, but i really don't want to be at work this week so, fuck it. 

[SwimOdin]

I worry I will never be able to provide a full family vacation to my family. I do t even know what I mean by “full family vacation” so it’s most likely an anxiety goalpost that I can set up at a good distance that is always equidistant from me no matter what my velocity. So, yeah.

[André Toulon]

I've returned stuff to Walmart just because I needed the $

[lupin_bebop]

I did the math, and it would be more beneficial for myself, my family, and everyone around me if I simply died right now.

The insurance money would square away my family, friends, and debts. It's a cold, hard, logical win-win scenario.

Edited December 19, 2023 by lupin_bebop

[André Toulon]

23 minutes ago, lupin_bebop said:

I did the math, and it would be more beneficial for myself, my family, and everyone around me if I simply died right now.

The insurance money would square away my family, friends, and debts. It's a cold, hard, logical win-win scenario.

Yeah, me too but fuck em, they are gonna have to wait.

I still have comfort negro credentials if you need them but spilling your guts on the board might be a bad idea. 

[Still Me]

I have a fear of thunderstorms. It causes me to hit that irrational anxiety that makes me sob in the car cause I can’t get out 

[André Toulon]

I smoked a blunt dipped in bug spray with my friends because we wanted to see if it had the same effect as a wet daddy...it did not.

Edited December 20, 2023 by André Toulon

[lupin_bebop]

On 12/19/2023 at 8:28 AM, André Toulon said:

Yeah, me too but fuck em, they are gonna have to wait.

I still have comfort negro credentials if you need them but spilling your guts on the board might be a bad idea. 

Nah. It's not like that. Was playing Lethal Company with my group of usual suspects over drinks.
Someone wanted to see what one of our bodies was worth in game (because EVERYTHING is sellable), which got us talking about it.

So, we decided to literally see what a human life would be worth, because, well, when in a debate over drinks, I DEFINITELY don't want to pay for everyone's drinks.

[GunStarHero]

I conveniently always have another job that I simply cannot move my schedule around to get the days and hours I want at a new job. 

[Icarus27k]

I'm definitely not going to confess to the crimes I've gotten away with. 

[Insipid]

[The_annoying_one]

If a cashier (or whoever) makes a mistake that ends up saving me a few bucks, I won’t say anything. They get enough of my money anyway. Fuck ‘em.

[[classic swim]]

My heart/chest hurts some nights but I’m not going to the doctor.

[Lynnrael]

this 15 minute break has already been an hour and a half long

[Insipid]

I really don't like anime that much anymore. I'll always like FMA, Samurai Champloo, and Ghibli films . . . but I don't care to ever watch long shonen series like Naruto ever again. I'm not interested in Jojo or Demon Slayer at all.

[mthor]

Every now and then, I just throw stuff away instead of washing and recycling it.

[André Toulon]

I think I've said this before in other confession threads but when I worked at Shoney's as a teenager, I used to give people who ordered decaf regular and regular, decaf....

I've hated coffee drinkers for decades.

[naraku360]

I did the thing. Sorry guys, my bad.

[naraku360]

15 hours ago, Insipid said:

I'm not interested in Jojo or Demon Slayer at all.

The only people who don't like Jojo haven't watched Jojo. It chips away at your sanity with how dumb it is until you see how genius it is.

You aren't missing anything beyond pretty colors with Demon Slayer, though.

[[classic swim]]

10 hours ago, André Toulon said:

I think I've said this before in other confession threads but when I worked at Shoney's as a teenager, I used to give people who ordered decaf regular and regular, decaf....

I've hated coffee drinkers for decades.

As long as you didn’t do anything to the spaghetti.

[André Toulon]

27 minutes ago, [classic swim] said:

As long as you didn’t do anything to the spaghetti.

Never.

[André Toulon]

I'm 100% sure I have a cavity, but I'm also terrified of the dentist. Like every time I've gone, I've had a woman (mom, or gf) that pressured me to go.

But as it stands now...I'm just willing to let this tooth die...idc.

I'm thinking who should I tell that'll for e me to go without making me angry.

[-Kudasai-]

Not saying anything without a lawyer present 

Edited December 30, 2023 by -Kudasai-

[André Toulon]

I'm way pettier than I care to admit most of the time,  but I will literally stop what I'm doing to seek some goofy form of revenge and frankly I don't think I can grow out of this.

Sometimes I do just let shit go, but not consistently enough to say I'm not petty.

[Gemini]

I always thought you were a decent guy and I was only trying to impress you so you could be my friend.

There. Happy?

[nameraka]

look, can we just skip this shit and get to the part where you tell me how many hail marys i have to say?

 

[The_annoying_one]

I do okay here in the UEMB, but I love trolling people elsewhere on the interwebs. It’s kind of a sickness, one might say.

[[classic swim]]

Something clicked in my life awhile ago where I don’t need to sulk like every other sulk.

I reward myself with each moment that I’m emotionally detached. Like the flip of a switch.
 

The universe punishes you twice as bad for overt compassion and treating yourself too seriously. Laugh at everyone and hope they choke a little. Which one of them would ever not wanna see you crash? Exactly.

[viperxmns]

I've consumed really old ketchup packets where the ketchup looks like really dark looking 

[André Toulon]

4 hours ago, Gemini said:

I always thought you were a decent guy and I was only trying to impress you so you could be my friend.

There. Happy?

Not really happy...but I'm aware enough to know that this very thing that you just said is why I get annoyed with you.  Why impress anyone, just be you.....but if I change my perspective, maybe that is just you being you. I have no idea how you were molded as a child or how you operate instinctively...I think the fact that I would never do such a thing...you know, try to impress people is why I can't fathom why you care so much.

Unless I genuinely hate you, I can usually just ignore people and to me that just worked better but part of me always feels like ignoring you is like the meanest thing I can do to someone who generally means well.

This isn't me inviting you to PM me or start quote trees when I post but I just wanted you to understand why I chose to do this. Because again, I am very petty and usually when the impulse hits me to do some jackass shit, I literally don't have the self control to stop myself most times.  It's just seemed more logical to avoid you lest I say something I can't take back.

[André Toulon]

3 hours ago, The_annoying_one said:

I do okay here in the UEMB, but I love trolling people elsewhere on the interwebs. It’s kind of a sickness, one might say.

This is my rehab.

Ok Derrick. There are Internet people here...most of them are real and have feeling. You don't have to whip them into a frenzy....just talk to them....like....people.

But anywhere else....let's see just how fast I can get kicked from a group

[André Toulon]

4 hours ago, nameraka said:

look, can we just skip this shit and get to the part where you tell me how many hail marys i have to say?

 

Hail Marys?

Sir, this is the repentance by lashes thread. And I'm sorry but it seems you're up next

[Gemini]

7 hours ago, André Toulon said:

Not really happy...but I'm aware enough to know that this very thing that you just said is why I get annoyed with you.  Why impress anyone, just be you.....but if I change my perspective, maybe that is just you being you. I have no idea how you were molded as a child or how you operate instinctively...I think the fact that I would never do such a thing...you know, try to impress people is why I can't fathom why you care so much.

Unless I genuinely hate you, I can usually just ignore people and to me that just worked better but part of me always feels like ignoring you is like the meanest thing I can do to someone who generally means well.

This isn't me inviting you to PM me or start quote trees when I post but I just wanted you to understand why I chose to do this. Because again, I am very petty and usually when the impulse hits me to do some jackass shit, I literally don't have the self control to stop myself most times.  It's just seemed more logical to avoid you lest I say something I can't take back.

Yeah, I get ya. I mean I have been trying to just be more, well, myself. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. Also, seeing as though I've had ADHD for as long as I can remember, I should point out that a lot of us with it tend to be people pleasers, in that we focus on trying to make others happy instead of ourselves, and I'm working hard to change that about myself.

[André Toulon]

23 minutes ago, Gemini said:

Yeah, I get ya. I mean I have been trying to just be more, well, myself. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. Also, seeing as though I've had ADHD for as long as I can remember, I should point out that a lot of us with it tend to be people pleasers, in that we focus on trying to make others happy instead of ourselves, and I'm working hard to change that about myself.

So let me ask a question... unrelated to what we're talking about about currently.

Are you hyperactive.  Do you recall when they diagnosed you as such.  Like how long ago it was?

I'll explain.  Long ago they diagnosed me with ADD ( highschool).... the only thing that I'm aware of that existed at the time to treat it was Ritalin.  My mother wouldn't let them put me on it.  Later, in an unrelated Dr visit, the Dr said something like I see he has ADHD...my mother, who was working in the medical field at the time said no, he just has ADD, he's not hyperactive.  I remember my mother getting into with the doctor about trying to put me on Ritalin again and it only treats the hyperactivity and does nothing for the lack of focus. Researching it has led me to believe the same so I just grew up untreated.  Which was fine...I just found my own ways to do shit.

Recently they've tried to do the same to my son, but he's not hyperactive...he just has squirrel brain (that's what I call mine too). They wanted to put him on a medication which I found out treats hyperactivity....the meds tend to make the child sedentary...he doesn't need help sitting down, he needs help listening and paying attention. So again, we declined and I'm working with him on my own.

My question being, did you ever get ritilin or something similar?

[Gemini]

59 minutes ago, André Toulon said:

So let me ask a question... unrelated to what we're talking about about currently.

Are you hyperactive.  Do you recall when they diagnosed you as such.  Like how long ago it was?

I'll explain.  Long ago they diagnosed me with ADD ( highschool).... the only thing that I'm aware of that existed at the time to treat it was Ritalin.  My mother wouldn't let them put me on it.  Later, in an unrelated Dr visit, the Dr said something like I see he has ADHD...my mother, who was working in the medical field at the time said no, he just has ADD, he's not hyperactive.  I remember my mother getting into with the doctor about trying to put me on Ritalin again and it only treats the hyperactivity and does nothing for the lack of focus. Researching it has led me to believe the same so I just grew up untreated.  Which was fine...I just found my own ways to do shit.

Recently they've tried to do the same to my son, but he's not hyperactive...he just has squirrel brain (that's what I call mine too). They wanted to put him on a medication which I found out treats hyperactivity....the meds tend to make the child sedentary...he doesn't need help sitting down, he needs help listening and paying attention. So again, we declined and I'm working with him on my own.

My question being, did you ever get ritilin or something similar?

I was as a kid. I was a kindergartener when I was diagnosed. That was all the way back in 1987. I was five years old. As soon as I was diagnosed, I was put on Ritalin and took it until my junior year. Just before I turned 17, Mom had made an appointment with a different doctor who ended up putting me on Adderal. I took that until I was 25. Heck, my first few years posting on the [as]MB was me on Adderal.

Now I do think I was misdiagnosed as having ADHD because ultimately, it was more of a focus issue, not necessarily hyperactivity. And yeah, medication would make me sedentary, too. I'll also say that at least for me, I was able to focus more, but only on certain things I found interesting. I tended to goof off in school when I was bored. I somehow graduated high school with a 3.01 GPA (based on a 4.0 GPA scale). The focus thing while I was being treated may have just been a placebo effect.

I haven't been treated for it since 2007. Since I got off medication, I've gained a lot of weight. (Turns out ADD/ADHD medication also acts like an appetite suppressant on certain people.) It didn't help that I was no longer active like I was when I was a kid. I, like you, have been able to find ways to manage it because I was able to go back to college and get my BFA in Digital Film and Video Production.

And I don't know about you when it comes to your son or your mother when it comes to you relating to parenting a child with ADD or ADHD, but my mom did every single thing she could to ensure I was on a level playing field with kids who didn't have ADD or ADHD. (I only say that because I don't know how you were raised. On the other hand, I know you talk about how you raise your son sometimes, but I also know you're a private enough person to keep certain things about him and your relationship with him off the internet. I commend you for that.) I'll forever be eternally grateful to my mother for going above and beyond for me in my education during my childhood.

Strangely enough, my aunt, who's a nurse, on my mom's side thinks I have Asperger's Syndrome instead of ADD or ADHD. My mom, several psychologists, and even my ex-wife, who has a Bachelor's in Psychology from the University of Houston, have all stated that I most certainly don't have Asperger's. (Now this is a different discussion for another day.) We've mentioned this to my aunt, but she insists that she's right in her "diagnosis" of me, even though she's just a surgical nurse/administrator in the Austin area. (There may be a little credence to my aunt's beliefs about my psychological makeup: I do sometimes think I may have been misdiagnosed because I can get hyperfocused on certain things. But of course, that might be a result of learning how to manage my diagnosis so who knows?)

This has been rather therapeutic and enlightening. Thanks for asking. (Also, sorry for the long post.)

Edited March 6 by Gemini

[André Toulon]

A part I excluded was that in college my girlfriend talked me into going to the Dr and trying the medication....all I remember is it started with an F. Anyway, it made my thoughts really loud and it felt like there were gears grinding in my brain. I hated it, so that one, single experience turned me all the way against medications, but I know that doesn't mean they are all like that and you have to find the one that works best for the individual, but I was so indoctrinated into the antimed thought process that I didn't try again.

I'm fine though...I di t struggle with it but the boy does and while I try to give him the tools I used, they may not work in the long run. 

Anyway.... that's all about this.