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Finding myself more and more on the asexuality spectrum lately


jackiemarie90

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No I get the difference between aromantic and asexual completely, but with human beings they tie together more often than not..really if they dont why the fuck are you together? If you're an I-robot Jada Smith type fuck off and go talk to someone who cares... There really should be better words I guess, but I don't really fucking care. 

Edited by PhilosipherStoned
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Human beings can feel asexual or not want sex but they arent asexual beings.. That being said someone might come along to change her mind.. If that happens is she asexual then? I brought this up knowing the word is versitile that's why I said as much in the original post.. Whatever though..  I got what she meant. Thanks for the unwanted attention. :|

I ;m not trying to fight about it though lol wtf. xD

Edited by PhilosipherStoned
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7 hours ago, Naraku4656 said:

i have 0 likes on tinder and nothing anywhere else. fuck am i going to do

Get a passport and a plane ticket.

Preferably not one you found digging through the trash.

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16 minutes ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

Thank you for throwing me under the bus when I wasn't even one of the people hassling you.

You deserve a chastise me for free card for that too probably, but you didn't do it go figure..  I goofed, I think I hit some sensitive buttons and they weren't Jackie's..

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11 hours ago, jackiemarie90 said:

I have a couple theories why this is happening, but that fact that it is happening makes me really think lately. Just cause I don't really have a problem with sex, it doesn't necessarily phase me when I see it on tv. I'm more conscious of how other people around me will act around sex scenes than myself. And I've had it several times before in the past. But these days, I just kinda get scared when people start talking about it, or uncomfortable. I thought college would be this place to let loose but finding that I don't want to be a part of that culture. 

I think one of the first major players is just that depression can really kill your sex drive, and I almost never look at porn, again, I don't have anything against it, it's just something that I rarely do. Like maybe I look at porn 1 to every month to 3 months. Even then, I kinda get spend more time looking at the overwhelming amount of categories.  When I used to fap more often, it was to thoughts in my imagination, cause I always thought the scenarios that I could imagine were better. Now I kinda fap maybe 2 times a month. Another thing is, I almost never develop crushes, it's extremely rare.  And I'm rarely attracted to "typically hot" guys or just most people. Like I think it's hilarious when men are treated as sex objects just because of the reverse of expectations, but I'm never really "turned on" by it. To be honest, I'm just a really over emotional girl who is more swooned by romantic gestures, and if guy just really wanted to care for me. 

I'm also very scared socially, and know myself well, and I know I'm the type of girl that will start developing feelings over small things. And sex isn't a small thing to me. I'm afraid of getting attached to another person without fully knowing them. I just really don't want to have a broken heart over a one night thing, that kinda seems dumb. lol But the more and more students talk about their sex lives constantly, I'm just finding myself thinking, man I really don't want that. 

Idk, I guess I am surprised at myself the past year, and how many guys have come up to me, but my first reaction is to run. lol I mean, I started crying this week cause they only thing I miss is watching geeking shows and movies with someone. And no one here really wants to do that, at least that I have met. I think quarantine has made things difficult, in that I'm limited with the students I interact with. I don't, they will talk to me about dating, and I just kinda shrug and say "the guys here my age are jerks."

That's perfectly fine/normal, except the depression part. Sex is a byproduct for some people, and imo not super important. 

What you crave sounds like companionship, and understanding with a big side dish of hugs. Hope you get it. 

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On 7/18/2020 at 7:49 PM, Athena 92 said:

I've been wondering lately if I might be just a little demisexual. I always joke how I'm so monogamous that I only ever had one crush at a time but looking back, the people I've had the biggest crushes on have been people I was friends with first. Only exception would be high school but there was really only one person I had a crush on in high school and I guess it was more because I felt like I was "supposed" to have a crush on someone in high school rather than because I found the person super attractive or anything. Same with celebrity crushes, I don't have any now and only had them like in high school because everyone else did so I felt like I was "supposed" to have some, too. My celebrity crushes in high school tended to be guys that were cute in the "boy next door" kind of way and also did funny roles that made me laugh rather than conventionally "hot" people. But I guess that could also be explained by the fact that I don't care about celebrity culture in general and never really have.

I also hate/don't really understand flirting but that may also just be because I'm socially awkward and am also just so used to "joke flirting" with people from this very forum that actual flirting just confuses me. I do watch porn sometimes but only because sometimes I just want to have an orgasm in 2 minutes, ya know? I usually feel pretty disgusted by porn as soon as I finish. In college I went on a few dates with people I met on OkCupid and did hook up with a couple but was always disappointed when the relationships never went anywhere. I was super horny and wanted someone I could do horny stuff with but what I really, truly wanted was someone I could have an emotional connection with. I didn't and still don't understand how people can just casually date around. The idea has always sounded exhausting to me and I'm so glad I found someone to spend the rest of my life with because dating is annoying.

Then I also feel like I'm just a plain old boring cishet and a lot of people don't like casual dating and stuff and I shouldn't try to steal labels from the ace community like that >_>

No one should invalidate your experiences. Isn't the whole point of a spectrum, is that there are people who vary in it? Like maybe you aren't a hard Asexual, but doesn't mean you are affected in certain aspects. Honestly I think I forgot about the whole demi sexual thing existing and it seems like I'm in a huge part of that spectrum as well. 

Also I am wondering if age plays in factor, it seems like everyone is more hornier in their youth, although I would run away if a guy even tried to kiss me. lol  But finding I'm just not interested in having a man sexually satisfy me randomly, I need some kind of connection. 

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On 7/18/2020 at 8:00 PM, resurrected said:

I've been married a long time. 

I have always despised people. 

I can guarantee you, @Naraku4656, my disdain for people exceeds anyone else's.

Yet, I found my soul mate. You're young. It will happen. 

@jackiemarie90, when the pandemic is over, go to a WWE event. Find someone there who will give you a piledriver. 

Ok I would LOVE this if it was a REAL PILEDRIVER!!! XD 

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On 7/18/2020 at 9:21 PM, PhilosipherStoned said:

Asexuality is a bit steep. If you're done with the dating game and that's what you mean I get it, but unless you are ready to spawn some kids with a magical fap session I don't think "asexuality" applies.. You are still a human being idk.. 

    I think a lot of people tried to educated you in the thread already. I think you mentioned something about celibacy, which would mean you think that I am choosing not to have sex, when I don't think that really matches my case. I would like to be a ''fun" girl who easily did what other girls here do. I wouldn't be so awkward and can join the normal conversations about girls and their one night stands. I am just not interested in it, and not attracted to many.

    Again, I'm also not cutting off sex, I just haven't found someone that I trust, and haven't felt any urges. I also find that when I get to know a lot of men, I realize I'm way more braver in many aspects, and it makes me realize that I tend to be the more powerful in control person in a relationship, and frankly I don't like that. I hate feeling like I have to do everything in a relationship, which is another aspect on why I'm just not attracted to a lot of people. I'm not actively satisfying myself, or anything, really just trying to get through the days lately. lol

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On 7/18/2020 at 11:51 PM, Distortedreasoning said:

the dating scene doesnt look like the place for romance anymore. idk i dont usually date so i wouldnt know but it doesnt look like you found the thing you were looking for the last few months. not for the lack of trying either. damn. 

I don't if I was necessarily trying. I was never looking for anything serious this whole year, I wasn't looking for "the one". I was just trying to live my life, and thought I could find casual dates that were respectful. lmao in college right? When everyone tends to be younger....lmao

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On 7/19/2020 at 2:30 AM, NNN said:

That's perfectly fine/normal, except the depression part. Sex is a byproduct for some people, and imo not super important. 

What you crave sounds like companionship, and understanding with a big side dish of hugs. Hope you get it. 

Thanks. We all can't control the factors in our life, but I guess it's nice to see my needs be reflected in my desires. 

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if it makes you feel any better, this was posted in discord possibly as a joke but it shows pretty well that not everyone here cares solely about sex in a relationship. not wanting that, or finding the right partner to be emotionally connected to before having a physical connection is perfectly normal. I personally think it is the better approach

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Edited by Naraku4656
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19 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said:

No one should invalidate your experiences. Isn't the whole point of a spectrum, is that there are people who vary in it? Like maybe you aren't a hard Asexual, but doesn't mean you are affected in certain aspects. Honestly I think I forgot about the whole demi sexual thing existing and it seems like I'm in a huge part of that spectrum as well. 

Also I am wondering if age plays in factor, it seems like everyone is more hornier in their youth, although I would run away if a guy even tried to kiss me. lol  But finding I'm just not interested in having a man sexually satisfy me randomly, I need some kind of connection. 

Yeah I've been reading about the gray-ace spectrum and it seems like it being a spectrum based on self-identity is a huge part of it. I guess it doesn't really matter for me too much right now since I'm married so I'm firmly "my-husband-sexual" <_< But I guess if I ever were to find myself single again I may find it useful to use the demi-sexual label when in the dating pool. If that makes sense?

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5 minutes ago, Athena 92 said:

Yeah I've been reading about the gray-ace spectrum and it seems like it being a spectrum based on self-identity is a huge part of it. I guess it doesn't really matter for me too much right now since I'm married so I'm firmly "my-husband-sexual" <_< But I guess if I ever were to find myself single again I may find it useful to use the demi-sexual label when in the dating pool. If that makes sense?

i mean i never felt the need to use "demisexual". but then again i've never considered that for myself. even though some people have tried to apply it to me

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9 minutes ago, Naraku4656 said:

if it makes you feel any better, this was posted in discord possibly as a joke but it shows pretty well that not everyone here cares solely about sex in a relationship. not wanting that, or finding the right partner to be emotionally connected to before having a physical connection is perfectly normal. I personally think it is the better approach

 unknown.png?width=1066&height=245

I think the whole asexuality identity spectrum is just because it really forces people to realized that not everyone are sexually driven mammals, that some of us are emotionally driven animals, or just whatever type of animal. XD

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2 minutes ago, Naraku4656 said:

i mean i never felt the need to use "demisexual". but then again i've never considered that for myself. even though some people have tried to apply it to me

Like I said self-identity is an important part. If u don't identify that way u don't identify that way and that's valid. Like an early 2000's meme an emo girl would post on MySpace says, "Labels are for soup cans"

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8 minutes ago, Athena 92 said:

Yeah I've been reading about the gray-ace spectrum and it seems like it being a spectrum based on self-identity is a huge part of it. I guess it doesn't really matter for me too much right now since I'm married so I'm firmly "my-husband-sexual" <_< But I guess if I ever were to find myself single again I may find it useful to use the demi-sexual label when in the dating pool. If that makes sense?

It does, but I think you labeling yourself might help others who identify that way too. ^__^ But I think I am gonna start talking about my demi sexuality more open while at school. XD

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That's the thing about spectrums that I've often eschewed. Everyone wants to treat it like discrete points. Seems to me more like one big sliding scale. I've probably got a handful of points in demisexual, but not really enough to identify with it.

Labels can be great to help communicate the ideas, but, not so great with the nuances.

 

But yes, it does kinda suck to have that idea of "man, I'm missing out on being all young and fun."

Then I remember that I hate fun.

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9 hours ago, jackiemarie90 said:

I don't if I was necessarily trying. I was never looking for anything serious this whole year, I wasn't looking for "the one". I was just trying to live my life, and thought I could find casual dates that were respectful. lmao in college right? When everyone tends to be younger....lmao

hey false expectations always leads to greater disappointment. its good to be hopeful but this is college lol. probably one of the horniest of times for these young adults. 

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Meh.
It's because it's overhyped there. Also, because you seem to find the alpha loser of the group. You also seem to be putting dick on a pedestal a lot, from what I have seen. You'll get out of it.

Edited by lupin_bebop
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I'm late to the party on this one, and this is going to be a real "dad" post, but if the things about college life aren't what you expected and doesn't seem like something you're into.....Just take this time to study, and smash that GPA....You've effectively put the kibosh on the usual distractions, so Become Dr. Jackie and you can figure out the sex shit later.

Trust me, whether you choose it or not, sex will always be available....But you might not get another shot at an education in this capacity....I mean, you can go back to school any time, sure.....But knocking it out while you aren't focused on humping and partying my be a gift in disguise.

I know another big thing you talk about is depression....But I honestly can't help you with that.  I have no idea what depression actually is anymore since it's used to describe some many feelings....So I avoid even touching on that

 

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