molarbear

I made out pretty well I also consumed probably half my body weight in ham and turkey ........I may have drank some too, and then proceeded to peg my brother in the head with a roll from across the house for absolutely no reason other than to throw a roll at him

Get drunk and then do Christmas things Just keep the end game in mind... there's almost always pie involved at the end

Went through a bunch of old photos today and found this one from an air show my Dad took my Brother and I to

Congratulations man!

I actually love Christmas! I understand how you hate it though. I honestly cannot blame you.

I'm still working on perfecting the basics, The Ass to Ass move I've accepted as a move I could never pull off, the Length just isn't there.

Everyone knows the stable of Thanksgiving and Christmas is the amount of Marsh Mellows you melt upon the yams

I feel like this is an advanced Kama Sutra move

My Brother and I played the shit out of it

I've low key been training an small army of Turtles to take over the World People mock me when I talk about it but they'll rue the day when they hear "Creeping Death" playing and see a slow hoard of Turtles marching their way

That being said I wouldn't mind if you used a hose and sprayed my carpet just enough that I could make an insurance claim on it and say it was a flood

I visit Wendy's a lot because it's less than a block away

I save a lot of money on condoms too because I get to cut them into 3rds and just tie them off ^Clearly a joke because who uses condoms, amirite? ^also a joke because I don't want my dick to turn green and fall off

Must be nice to have to use a tape measure I just use my pinky toe

I just checked my score and got kind of excited then I realized @Distortedreasoning has Mahomes on his team and he hasn't played yet *side note: did I use the right emoji to convey my fear of Mahomes racking up 40 points? I don't normally use emojis

gently remove your tampon and actually yell

No offense Pooh but the Packers going to overtime against the Jets basically sums up their season This current Packers team is not worthy of Aaron Rodgers

^

Your Dog looks like he just farted and he's trying to play it off

My latest Twitter post consisted of me thinking my hand had gone all "Idol Hand" like because I went to sleep with two band aids on my hand and woke up with one hanging from my face and the other attached to my t-shirt still cannot confirm whether or not my hand lives a life subconsciously outside of my normal life

It's weird as fuck and semi disturbing but, maybe she has Gout and taking off her shoes is her one relief from it Could be an OCD thing, there's a stand up Comedian that can't perform without everyone in the front row taking off their shoes

I feel like I just watched softcore tentacle porn