molarbear

That being said I wouldn't mind if you used a hose and sprayed my carpet just enough that I could make an insurance claim on it and say it was a flood

I visit Wendy's a lot because it's less than a block away

I save a lot of money on condoms too because I get to cut them into 3rds and just tie them off ^Clearly a joke because who uses condoms, amirite? ^also a joke because I don't want my dick to turn green and fall off

Must be nice to have to use a tape measure I just use my pinky toe

I just checked my score and got kind of excited then I realized @Distortedreasoning has Mahomes on his team and he hasn't played yet *side note: did I use the right emoji to convey my fear of Mahomes racking up 40 points? I don't normally use emojis

gently remove your tampon and actually yell

No offense Pooh but the Packers going to overtime against the Jets basically sums up their season This current Packers team is not worthy of Aaron Rodgers

^

Your Dog looks like he just farted and he's trying to play it off

My latest Twitter post consisted of me thinking my hand had gone all "Idol Hand" like because I went to sleep with two band aids on my hand and woke up with one hanging from my face and the other attached to my t-shirt still cannot confirm whether or not my hand lives a life subconsciously outside of my normal life

It's weird as fuck and semi disturbing but, maybe she has Gout and taking off her shoes is her one relief from it Could be an OCD thing, there's a stand up Comedian that can't perform without everyone in the front row taking off their shoes

I feel like I just watched softcore tentacle porn

Happy Birthday!

I hope if he rises he kills me and me only That way when people ask how I died there's a really cool story about how Godzilla was actually a peaceful giant but accidentally stepped on me and made some formal apology on the air about it I'm not sure where I was going with that, it was suppose to be a joke but then I remembered I put clothes in the washer and after putting them in the dryer I lost it

Is there gold at the end tho? -molarbear bringing the important questions to threads since today

Only if it's in some rip off of Reddit style posting where people care about having a downvote/upvote button and make up completely irrational scenarios that never took place for attention!

People bash them quite often but there is nothing better than deep fried tacos at 3 am when you're hammered

I've been reading "Needful Things" by Stephen King It's takes place in the Castle Rock universe That being said it's about 600 pages long and the first 450 were pretty much an absolute snooze fest

I remember watching this unfold live on tv as a kid

I feel like someone did not prioritize their time correctly

You've hidden the wireless ear buds so well that even someone that knows you're wearing them can't spot them Well played

At least it wasn't $5 in coins