Vamped

Theres a pride parade downtown I wanna go to but I dont really wanna go alone with a toddler .... so I dunno yet

Somebody started sending me his videos on facebook and now they appear in my newsfeed

LAME

is there going to be alien sex in it?

Isn't that the same fucking guy that pulls those little red blankets off his naked crotch?!

I want that old lady bowl they're serving it in.

Happy Birthday !

Call the fire department

You said you were questioning who hired her. Thats the only reason I went there

Is she pretty in the face atleast? Or she is dumb and ugly ?

I always call him General Zod no matter what he plays in. I lost my shit when he said he still had his "pussy finger"

All the ones here look really dingy. The closest thing I've come to a strip club is Chippendales and that's more like a show. I've got lapdances from women not in strip clubs is that counts for anything

I'd be pissed. Especially if it was the first baby. I was scared and in pain because my epidural came out so I was feeling ALL the contractions.

I thought it was great. The dance number threw me for a minute but I liked it. I'm quite fond of Guillermo Del Toro's stuff.

Uh .... I dunno. I made cauliflower baked ziti (no ziti) and Im waiting for it cool to see how it came out. Looks good

Oooh ... why the fancy coffee?

I took him off last night. I usually let him play when he does a good job on his letters, colors, and numbers or when im trying to finish homework. He wont be back on for a minute . I dont know what came over him.

Uh ..... no? Tomorrows a work day

I didnt do it to myself lmao My 3 year old assaulted me. I was giving him 20 mins before bed. So i was laying down looking at facebook and then he slammed the remote into my eyes. Thank God I dont have a black eye, just a little swelling

We're starting a charity campaign at work for October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The old ladies at work will probably think Im being abused now. Im gonna ice it

Fucking do it. Best not to regret not having done the things you want when you do start having children

Son of a bitch! I just got my own xbox one remote smacked into my eye socket. Smacked so hard the batteries flew out. Why?! Somebody didnt want to play Genji in Overwatch and D.VA was taken

The farthest ive been is the Bahamas with my kid on a disney cruise ... it was delightful. Disney takes care of everything, luggage, transportation, food ...the only thing i disliked were a few racist guests we encountered.

Planning is almost as fun as going .... to me anyway. One of my friends and her husband went to Japan earlier this year. I told them Id go with them when they go back in 2 years