EmpressAngel

How can one person be so wrong?

Titan- Whelp, everyone's dead. His mom wasn't exactly a looker back in the day either. Is there anyone in this show who's not a goddamn titan? I would also do almost anything for an adorable lesbian. Well, your best odds of getting laid probably are with the other shape-shifting monster. Do not trust Eren for a second. GODDAMMIT EREN. Okay watching a handless amputee punch a guy twice his size is kind of hilarious. This probably should not be as funny as I find it. I guess titan people are immortal then. You better believe that Captain America broke out the horse elevator for this. JUST LET THE LESBIANS BE HAPPY. Oh good, because what we needed was another goddamn flashback. Oh this is not gonna be a happy backstory. Well that was fucked up. Sasha is still best girl. Lesbian has really grown on me. No shit that's the scream of a titan what the hell else would it be. What's that Lassie, Timmy fell down the well? Silly lesbian that's not the kind of eating you do! Whelp that guy's definitely about to die. Ghoul- Got a bad feeling that bike kid here is about to die painfully. Didn't know that dude had a fake arm. Don't fight you're both terrible. Please just kill Hisoka. I continue to hate everyone here. Who the fuck designs armor like that? So not only did they completely fail to save him, but half of them are definitely going to die and they accomplished absolutely nothing. Who am I supposed to root for in a fight when they're all terrible? Banjo Dandy is the worst Dandy. Please just kill Hisoka, he's going to eat you. So then, literally no side benefited from this fight at all. If the small child is within debris range of the fight, she was too fucking close to the fight to begin with. What the fuck why is there a juggalo here. No seriously, what was the point of this fight? Yeah yeah he's all dark and brooding now we get it. Christ this music is right out of my moody cringe playlist from when I was 14. Hunter- I liked that guy and his dogs, show! Whelp cat's out of the bag now. Please don't kill my adorable children. Oh hey hot idiot. That was surprisingly smart of him. That song sure sounds familiar. Kick that guy in the dick. Quick, both of you think about your unresolved family issues. Kick her right in the tits! Well this went to hell in a hurry. The plot thickens. Mole girl is the best and I love her. That's a great wig. Kurapika will not hesitate to kill a bitch. You don't have to kill him but you can always break a couple of ribs. Answer the question before you ask your own it's only fair. Don't fuck with Kurapika, dude. Sorry boss but your friends are too loyal to let you die. Yesss, all of you fight and kill each other. Killua's not gonna help you, dick. Hisoka is having a great day. GET OUT OF HERE, ILLUMI. Lupin- I love her. Hey Jigen whatcha up to? Oh this can't be good. That guy's pretty. Jigen's not having a good day. They took his hat AND they're electrocuting him that's just cruel. You can show me a good time instead, sweetie. Hey Fuji how you doing baby. Fuji what kind of amazing wedding gift did you give him, a statue of your own boobs? I would also kill for great jewelry. Good luck there, Lupin. Let the man smoke. Aw crap he can do the Matrix shit you're screwed. Just give him the necklace and cut your losses. Good job you didn't die. It makes me really happy to see Lupin and Jigen be best friends. He's right behind you. So technically he's Batman. EAT CHAIR, MOTHERFUCKER. Dude have you seen Fujiko's tits I'd die for those too. You're afraid of fireworks, what are you a cocker spaniel? That's brilliant. Sorry buddy you're never gonna get divorced. GET IT LUPIN. The plot, it thickens. Naruto- Both of you just kill each other. And then he threw a giant fidget spinner at them. Hey giant slug maybe you could heal his wounded leg. If you know they multiply when you cut them stop cutting them. Naruto, continuing his long tradition of sucking and failing. I don't know why you're doing that but it sounds funny so go for it. I am disappointed that he wasn't crushed by a giant frog. Just hit him with your giant scroll. I'm genuinely surprised he knows what 2x2 is. I feel like that's cheating. Sorry, the fat one ate your fidget spinner. You're not Saitama, one punch isn't enough to take him out. God Naruto you suck. Oh hey he actually did something useful I'm impressed. Some wizard ninja bullshit, don't worry about it. The obvious answer is just to let him nuke the town again. At least the giant falling toads won't do any damage, because the town's already fucking destroyed.

DOES THAT MEAN MORE CHARLES AND RAY BECAUSE OH BOY

Actually, yeah. He was a helper for years on the original boards back when helpers actually did things.

Do you really count in that list when you don't seem to do anything?

Your link didn't work. "I'm afraid this may get a little bit rough." Jesus Christ, I'm gonna fuck him.

Here's the promo "I'm afraid this may get a little bit rough." Jesus Christ I am into that.

Titan- Glasses girl is the best. Now kick him while he has no arms. Eren you dumb fuck that's not gonna work. Lesbian is as annoyed with this show as I am. Everyone here can suck it, just let her go back to her girlfriend. I will eat my hat if Eren can keep his emotions in check for three entire minutes. Dude Eren is dumb as shit and you're lucky he hasn't gotten himself killed yet. Water is for the weak, obviously. What the hell are you talking about, dude? Lesbian is gonna kill you if you keep talking about her girlfriend. This guy may have some issues. Jekyll and Hyde, blah blah blah we get it. YOU BROKE MY MOM, ASSHOLE. Eren you're a psychotic little asshole yourself, careful where you're throwing stones here. Lesbian has had enough of this bullshit and I respect that. Bigfoot Titan creeps me out. Nothing says trust like kidnapping an unconscious amputee. Save your girlfriend! He's got a point, I would not trust Eren with a sack of potatoes. Oh hey her hand's back. Ghoul- This kid is the fucking worst. If I was this cannibal bitch I'd be mad that my organs wound up in such a terrible main character. I hate this show and I hate myself for watching twelve episodes of it. Or, you'll turn into the worst zombie ever and get gratuitously tortured for a sad excuse at entertainment. GET THAT THING THE FUCK OFF MY SCREEN. Yes, this is all bad. Yeah just keep piling up that angst and suffering, I'm still not gonna feel anything. His friend and the little girl are the only good characters. Kill them both and save them from having to be in this show anymore. Oh my god you whiny bitch how did we get saddled with you as our protagonist. She's got a point, kid's been dumb as shit from the beginning. Whenever I'm in trouble, I always have a deep philosophical conversation with the murderous bitch of an imaginary friend that lives in my brain. This just reminds me that I'm terrible at math. How many people ended up dying because Kaneki kept being a whiny little bitch for a dozen episodes instead of figuring his shit out until now? Hunter- Please don't hurt Killua I love him. Kurapika makes a pretty girl. Poor haiku dude. To be fair if I had psychic powers I would totally use them to make tons of money. Look with your special eyes! Hey weren't you all supposed to stay in one place to avoid getting killed? Aw crap he took all the boobs with him. Hi mole girl! I love mole girl she's the best. Eat that sandwich faster! Please don't get caught, mole girl. Hi dogs! Get it, dog guy. THAT'S NOT ROOM SERVICE. Room service dog. Okay I really like this dude now I hope he doesn't die. Save those dogs at all costs. Noooo leave the eyes! Oh this can't be a good thing. CAR DOGS. Killua is having a rough day. Oh no this isn't gonna go well. Please don't take my adorable children. Kick him in the dick and run! I know this is Kurapika's fault but I'm still gonna find a way to blame Hisoka. Please let this guy and his dogs live. At least the dogs are safe. Oh you bitch. WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS, SHOW? Lupin- And then drugs. Meanwhile, soccer. You owe me the Lupin song, damn it! Hey look it's your wife. Hey Goemon whatcha up to? Wow this guy is gay. Hiiiiiii Fujiko. These voices are cracking me up. Y'all steal the evidence while Fujij bangs the soccer star. Soccer man's having a rough night. Drugs are bad, kids. Are you saying he showed you his dick? He will give you one dollar. I too would do anything for Fujiko's boobs. Just off camera, Joseph Joestar is screaming about squid pasta. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that he's buying the team. Whoever makes those super realistic masks in this show must be filthy rich. This is totally not suspicious. He sounds like Big Gay Al from South Park. This seems like it was too easy. I love seeing Goemon cut stuff. "You gotta smash them! Do it harder!" is great advice in life. Aw shit he's got a grenade. He was a spy all along. Not drunk, just blind. Well that's depressing. I am less athletic than a blind guy. You're rich! A happy ending for everyone. Naruto- I'd still choose the nuke over the giant slug. Gotta admit, that eyeshadow is better than mine. Good job you're too late and everyone's dead. The entire village is destroyed but don't worry, Mt Rushmore over there is perfectly fine. That is too many massive slugs for my comfort. Is that one lady dead or what. Oh hey Kakashi. Heyyyy hot dog mom. Hinata, continuing to be much too good for Naruto. No big deal, legs are for the weak. Whelp 200 fully trained ninjas just got their asses kicked fighting like six guys but I'm sure this single teenage moron is gonna do great on his own. It's two characters I dislike, who am I supposed to root for. I hate those giant frogs. The smaller slug is much less terrible. Okay rooting for the Hell Rhino here. Just hit that one right in the dick. Bring out that giant lobster, that thing cracks me up. This is not gonna work.

The slot was probably only intended for Jack the entire time, and we'll probably lose it after the rerun finishes regardless of how the ratings are. It just doesn't seem worth getting worked up about.

Titan- And then everyone died. It's making giant tracks, just follow it. I respect this drunk old guy. Dude always just assume that something's gone very wrong. Levi continues to hate everything. Give Sasha some snacks she's earned it. How many titans are in this squad I think we're at five or six now. Never turn down free food. Oh good another flashback, because this season didn't have enough of those already. Reminder that Eren's always been a fucking psychopath. Don't fuck with Mikasa. Okay "if the shoe fits, shove it up your ass!" is actually a great line and I applaud this random street vendor. And then Mikasa lost her goddamn mind. HEY BENNY, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RIVER. Alright the idea of them lifting the horses over the wall with a makeshift elevator is kind of hilarious. Just cut your loses, you're better without him. So basically Eren's always been a pain in the ass. I'm just rooting for the lesbians here. HORSE ELEVATOR. Oh fuck his arms. Ghoul- Is it too much to hope that everyone except the little girl kills each other? If Hisoka's your best hope, you're gonna have a bad time. He definitely sucked his own dick. Shouldn't you be playing Stuck in the Middle with You on the radio right now? OW FUCK THAT'S PAINFUL. This is terrible to watch. Avoiding the issue of her dying to spare this guy's feelings still seems like it was stupid. Where's the chick with the boobs is she coming too? It feels like this show wants to do Deadman Wonderland's gratuitous violence but completely missed the fact that Deadman Wonderland was actually fun to watch. OH FUCK IT'S A CENTIPEDE this is just gross and I'm gonna go throw up. Use Hisoka as a meat shield. Come on guys, die harder! Didn't they do this raid thing in Parasyte and it was exactly when the show went downhill? Maybe instead of making vague promises to get him out eventually at some point when it's convenient, they could try getting him out before the next round of gratuitous torture. Great idea, bring the small child to the murder battle building. Toucan Dick here, being creepy and terrible as always. Everyone is still terrible. Why would you keep the same easily-identified mask after you wore it when you killed someone and can be easily identified by it? I hope that monster is here to kill everyone. Hunter- KILL THE CLOWN. Enough of your cryptic riddles, clown man! Can you tell them anything at all, you six-piece chicken McNothing? Good job Kurapika you got one over the clown man. Oh I'm sure Hisoka's got something in him. I'm so uncomfortable. Yes, he's definitely forced and not doing it out of his own sick enjoyment. Please kick him out off the hideout so he dies. Yeah I'm sure you got a lot of dicks to suck before you die, you creepy bastard. I forgot why you're here. These kids are adorable and I love them. Something's about to go very wrong for your group. Hi doggies! Kurapika needs a hug. Hot dork is useless, thank god he doesn't have a serious job. Good luck Gon you're gonna need it. Do not let Hisoka near that child. Gon you sweet precious idiot what are you doing. I don't really understand this but okay. So basically Kurapika is overpowered as fuck. Oh god they were behind the couch the whole time. Awww, time for a group hug! Does Killua know that his sexy dad and half his family was in town? Keep the boobs together. Do not let Hisoka near these kids. At least get that boy an umbrella. Lupin- I missed all of you! Damn Lupin you did well for yourself. Wait a damn minute where is my Lupin theme this is bullshit. Zeni that's just rude don't break up the wedding. Okay I kinda love her. Hiiiii Fuji I missed you and your boobs the most. This bitch has great fashion sense. Oh come on Jigen, even you? Don't worry Fuji you'll always have me. Oh she makes things hard alright. I'm not an engineer but I don't think that jet looks functional. This is going too well for him. Sorry Lupin no sex for you tonight. It's nice to know that Zeni is a universal constant. I love these idiots. That is a nice crown. You fools, the crown is already stolen. Goddammit Fuji. Quick, distract them with boobs! Yeah she did terrible things but DAMN those boobs. This sure seems fishy. Damn that was a good disguise. She's fun I like her. Oh hey, the jet works. Bitches be crazy, Lupin. WHERE IS THE THEME SONG YOU BASTARDS. Naruto- GIANT EYEPATCH DOG, I LOVE HIM. Okay kinda gay for dog boy's cool mom here. Really, you couldn't figure that out from the neon orange hair and the evil uniform cloak? I'd rather just die than get felt up by a giant slug. If she's paper the obvious answer is to set her on fire. Okay scratch that, how the hell are paper bombs supposed to work. Shit bro I'd pay you to take him away. I have a bad feeling about this entire show, lady. He may be stronger but he's also way stupider than you could possibly imagine. If you were gonna leave a secret code anyway you could have been less cryptic in the actual message. Use Ino as a shield! I'm still rooting for DEATH LOBSTER here. Y'all could have just told him any random location and sent them off for a couple hours. Oh believe me buddy I know pain every single week I watch this show. What kind of magic ninja fog gets killed so easily? Hey Sakura maybe you shouldn't have wasted your chakra healing some dumb kid's scraped knee. Hey magic healing slug, maybe do your gross magic on the comatose lady. Good job just standing there watching the carnage and not telling anyone at all, granny frog. And then he dropped the nuke. I think he's a little late to do much good fo the town at this point. He returns, looking uglier than usual.

He was supposed to play Spike in the live action movie that never got made like a decade ago.

I mean, didn't we only get the slot because of Jack? (Genuinely asking, I don't remember that far back.) I wouldn't be surprised if AS told them to either use the slot for something they own outright or not at all, which would limit them to Jack and...half of Big O, I guess? Sidenote, give Big O the end rerun slot next.

I think not celebrating it at all, because it's half a week removed from the actual holiday, would have beena better option. I definitely don't have plans, because Sunday will likely be the only day I get off that week.

But they're going out of their way to not tell people that she's dead when they flat out ask where she is. "She got crushed by a pipe and I got her liver" isn't a fun conversation, but these are folks who kill and eat people when there are other options; they can handle some bad news. This "oh, she's...not here anymore" misunderstanding crap is bad and the show should feel bad for doing it.

Grandpa can get it any day.

Titan- Kid I'm pretty sure you're just gonna destroy the wall more. Goddammit Mikasa you've failed me. This isn't how that lesbian wanted to get eaten. I like it when Eren gets eaten because Mikasa is a much better character to focus on. You're all going to die. I mean, he can't barbeque himself forever. Wow bald kid you sure are dumb. Meanwhile, Eren sucks and fails. I'm pretty sure it's called "Armor Titan" for a reason. I actually have to agree with Eren here, the whole series is their fault and they're the worst. I can enjoy Annie slapping him with a goddamn shotgun. Catfight! I'm sure he's supposed to be sounding all badass with his inner monologue here but he just sounds like a twelve-year old trying to be cool. Aim for his dick! Who needs arms, arms are for the weak. Please let them abduct Eren. I love glasses girl. Geese are evil, just let them take him out. I can't understand half the shit he's growling out. Legs are also for the weak, I guess. I mean, this isn't the weirdest gay porn I've ever seen. Whelp, you're all going to die. Ribs shouldn't detach like that. Ghoul- I am the terror that flaps in the night! That's a bunch of corpses. I'm already annoyed by this guy. Banjo Kazooie here has a really stupid beard. How does nobody know that bitch is dead? I think they just copied this music off the Dark Knight soundtrack. Can ghouls drink water? SHE'S DEAD, MORON. I think it's a little late for that message, dude. That was a nice window, you dick! Don't fight, you're both terrible. That's concerning. I hate this kid. That's the smell of our main character shitting his pants. Wow he sure got through you fast. On the plus side, her outfit is cute. This is excessive and annoying. They're gonna fuck. Old guy seems unconcerned. Wait that's a boy? Use him as a human shield. His new partner is cute and I don't automatically hate him yet, he's going to die. I hope the show takes its own advice and forgets he exists. The small child is probably less of a failure than the rest of you. AW FUCK IT'S HISOKA. Hunter- Well now I'm hungry. That's an easy one, he's already found some eyes. Killua and Gon are adorable and I love them. Meanwhile, bros being bros. Now, group hug! That still seems like some bullshit reasoning. Well the obvious answer is to beat Wham in a chariot race and take that antidote. Well he's gonna know now, since you're all sitting around together. NEVER TRUST HISOKA. Meanwhile, petty squabbling. Oh hey, that's my sister's birthday. This is definitely not shady at all. Aw shit he stole her power. Spiders don't fly, dumbass. I hope Hisoka's one of the dead ones. I guess that's an easy way to tell who dies. Man, maybe you shouldn't have killed all those people. You're right, you can't afford to lose all those boobs. No one should ever trust Hisoka. I'm with Killua here, it's time for a good old fashioned killing spree. I am genuinely surprised he didn't tell him to send nudes. Yeah that's not suspicious at all. Sounds like a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Looks like we're having baby stew tonight! Eat shit, Hisoka. Gundam- BB-8 Ball was definitely the best character. Didn't they do this exact same princess secret broadcast thing in Shirtless Jailbait Fights? So I guess Bananas died but then he got better because of the power of love or something? Whelp, this show left no impression on me whatsoever. Bring on the Lupin! Naruto- Methinks we mayhaps might have chanced the centipede. Is it too much to hope for these kids to get crushed? I wouldn't trust Naruto to teach a kid how to tie that headband. Okay I'd be lying if the stripper jutsu wouldn't work on me. I sure hope there weren't any civilians in those buildings that are being smashed to shit right now. I'm sure he'll find a way that's dumb bullshit that shouldn't work by any logical point. Just say he's not there, you morons. And then tentacles. Oh hey Crispin. Run away, dimwit child. And then he died. You guys are dying for nothing, I would sell out that kid for a single tic tac. God I hate kids. Maybe you shouldn't be wearing an excessively long and easily grabbable scarf, dumbass. If you get caught you have to face Mayuri's tentacle mouth. Oh what kind of bullshit is this. I do like seeing grandpa frog slap him around.

Dude have you seen Grandpa Joseph? Man aged like a goddamn fine wine, I'd be on that in a heartbeat.

But he might have a sudden change of heart after a solid decade of being a hemorrhoid on the community's ass and turn a new leaf any day now. We can't just turn him away when he might be on the incredibly unlikely verge of not being a terrible person. It's just like how if you continue to ignore a gaping, infected wound, it'll eventually fix itself and you'll be healthier than ever!

Titan- Back to the lesbians. Oh hey she's not dead. Nah I think it was perfectly understandable to keep her powers a secret since when y'all found out about Eren you tried to blow him right the hell up. I do like glasses girl. You have some real shitty luck, my dude. Half your damn squad is titans, you can't throw a dart without hitting a secret titan. Yeah that's not suspicious and ominous at all. That sure is some casual information there. Okay seriously, is anyone in this squad not a titan? Yeah sure just go with the dudes who are responsible for causing humanity's near-extinction. Levi, continuing to quietly hate everything. Eren you're dumb as shit you didn't believe the obvious bitch titan was the bitch titan. Oh yeah, when I get tired I always get confused and think I'm a giant murder monster. Eren is about to say yes and get himself kidnapped, because he is dumb. If I spent years around Eren I would absolutely hate humanity even more and want its immediate destruction. Mikasa's had enough of this shit. No don't kidnap the lesbian I liked her. Meanwhile Eren doing what he does best, sucking at everything. Ghoul- I don't care, show. Let's go kill a grandma. The briefcase is full of porn. You're going to get eaten, because you're stupid. Is this flashback supposed to make me give a shit? Yeah, because good people try to murder second-graders. Imagine that, the small child was sad about both her parents being brutally murdered. That bird is a Joestar. Why would you take her past the murder death alley? Don't fight, you're both fucking terrible and I hate you. This show has failed us all, man. This lady and her boobs are the least awful characters in this show. Oh god what the hell now. Oh hey, another character who doesn't give me a headache. I already hate this kid. Nobody gives a shit, random guy. One time when I was little we found an injured bird and we thought it would help to dunk it in our kiddy pool and surprise that really did not end well. Oh god what the hell now. Well that's what you get for trusting someone named Banjo. What a surprise her brother's evil. Hunter- KICK HIS ASS, SEXY DAD. Killed by balls is definitely how I wanna die. Oh this can't be a good thing. I don't trust this auction. This is definitely fake and you're all going to die. Goddammit Illumi why are you so creepy. Well this did not go as expected. Hey can you give sexy dad the antidote for that poison now? Go away Hisoka nobody likes you. At least they're not gonna kill Neon. Oh yeah this is gonna go well. GO AWAY HISOKA NOBODY LIKES YOU. That lady's got a great rack but her nose is distracting. That is a good plan for making shit-tons of money. You're all fools and you're about to die. Why would you make the copies actually look like you, wouldn't it make more sense to just make random bodies and claim they're the troupe? Oh nooooo it's the eyes this can't be good. I want to punch that guy. Aw fuck, he stole her power didn't he. That's not your item, you've been bamboozled. Kurapika needs a hug. They could have at least given him a ride. Don't fuck with Kurapika. Oh hey it's the hot idiot. Yaaay, they're friends now. "I learned a lot" means they banged. Quick mole girl, bring out your flute. I feel like things are about to get so much worse. Gundam- My desire is Joseph Joestar naked while I ignore this show. I also don't have time for this, man who fails to live up to his name. I do appreciate the giant mecha light saber. How is that douchey blond kid still alive? It seems excessive to wear a mask and a space helmet at the same time. I already told you my desire, it's Jojo banging every memory I have of this show out of my brain. Banana is tripping balls right now. You should probably rethink going on a vision quest with a masked dude named Full Frontal. I continue to have no idea what's going on in this goddamn show. Wasn't blond douche evil at the start of this episode? How was that not the end of the episode why are we still doing things. Yeah well we'd al like to have parents we aren't ashamed of but we're not that lucky. Naruto- Meanwhile, Naruto does absolutely nothing. They're not okay and it's your fault. She has great boobs but is really terrible at her job so I'm all for replacing her. Ino's dad has a mullet. If you scanned my brain there would just be so much porn. So is Kakashi dead or what. With your powers combined, I am Captain Planet! Naruto's gonna fuck that frog. Goddammit Naruto is there anything you don't fail at. Maybe you should have thought of that before you wasted weeks of time here. I do like that giant rhino. Ewwww slugs everywhere. I'd rather just die than deal with the slugs. Nooo don't hurt the giant devil puppy. Oh look, another magic log clone. I like the giant lucky cat statue. I've seen porn like this before. Whelp you're fucked. Okay the giant MURDER YACK and LOBSTER probably shouldn't be as funny as I find them.

Jonathan would cry the first time I made a dick joke at him and I can't deal with that. Yeah well last time hot dad wasn't doing anything besides sitting on a couch and not being a terrible parent, not much for me to work with there. Plus, Killua's bitch mom scares me and would absolutely kill me in a fight.

Like Poke said, Jonathan's personality was a big hurdle; he'd probably faint at the sight of a premarital boob. Joseph was only slightly less beefy but was a lot more fun and also a pervert. Killua's hot dad is buff as hell and does things for me, and it turns out he's got the same voice as my next Jojo boyfriend so that's a bonus I wasn't expecting. Hey now, I was into sexy dad back when we first saw him and Leorio still had screentime.

I'll probably have it on in the background while I knit and/or look at porn for half the night. ?

Jack- I just want Jack to be happy, show. YESSSS SCOTSFAM. Oh shit really about to go down. Yaaaaay the fish guys and the jumpers and even the dogs! OH MY GOD YES IT'S THE INTRO. You son of a bitch. Alright Scots you gotta go haunt Aku to death. None of these weapons are impressive enough. Ashi please wake up and help Jack. Noooo leave her alone don't make her do this. AWWWWWWWWWW I'm seriously tearing up here this is downright heartwarming. No, jump good! Even the 300 are back! Ashi you're really starting to piss me off now. No please don't kill all Jack's friends. Daaang, this girl flying on the giant bird. YESSSSSS BAGPIPES AND FLYING DEER. I am gonna marry that main daughter. Awww they finally get to see each other again. The biggest mystery in this entire series is how every single one of those daughters ended up beautiful. Awww that's cute Scots, you're cute. BIG O, IT'S SHOW TIME. Your dad's a dick, keep rebelling! Ohh that's probably not good. CELTIC MAGIC, ASSHOLE. Awwwww Jack this is gonna be heartbreaking. Fuck you, dad! This is going too well. We still have too many minutes for everything to be this simple. Even Aku is surprised! Is he actually dead for reals? Hey look, it's everybody! This is going WAY TOO WELL. Awwwwww she looks so pretty. SON OF A BITCH SHE WENT NIA ON US. JUST LET THE MAN BE HAPPY, SHOW. At least the ladybug is still your friend. Anybody else crying right now or just me? Titan- It snowed this week and it was terrible because it's goddamn May. I know how the lesbians can keep warm! I'm with Freckles here, just leave this guy in the snow. God this girl is adorable how did she get in this show? Freckles is an asshole. That's rough, kid. She wants to fuck you, girl. Carve out that guy's torso like a dead Taun Taun and you'll be fine. I can appreciate her lack of fucks to give. Shut up Eren. What a surprise, literally everyone with a name is going out to find them. Always bring the extra food! Awww, she's not a total bitch after all. Hey baby you ever fuck a titan before? Hey bro, sorry I ate your friend. Why are you surprised, half your damn squad is titans. Aww she's worried about her girlfriend that's actually sweet. Man, this show is so much better when most of Eren's screentime is replaced with cute lesbians. That sure is a whole bunch of titans. If the bitch lesbian dies it'd be the first time this show actually made me kinda sad. Oh hey Mikasa. Goddammit Eren you're ruining the cute lesbian moment! Oh that looks painful. That's a terrible name no wonder you use a fake one. Please don't die, lesbian. Ghoul- Dude the most helpful thing you could do is just stay the hell out of everyone's way. Don't kill the little kid, she's one of the few decent characters. This sure is depressing. Christ that mask is ugly as fuck. I could have gone my entire life without hearing that guy say something about spanking. Hey show, why is your main character so goddamn terrible in every way? Yeah we get it, someone he loved died got eaten, I don't care. Yeah we get it, who's the real monster here, I don't care. I feel like these fights are supposed to be leaving any kind of impression on me at all, but failing completely. Just let your dead bitch liver kill him for you that works. Who needs a hand, hands are for the weak. Oh hey that's nifty. Somebody just kill this douche already. "Well this went to shit in a hurry" also describes the entire show. Oh hey it's that one dude. Here, eat this dick. He was married, so what. Hunter- Your headband is stupid and your name is stupid. This could be going better. Oh no I hope mole girl's alright. Protect the cute goth girl at all costs. You should just leave all of this to Killua's sexy dad. Maybe don't shoot the doctor in the head. Everybody, take your pants off. No don't leave her, someone's going to attack immediately. It's sweet that he's so worried about them. Stay away from them, especially Hisoka. No kids don't fight. Well this fight is not going well at all. I still hate Hisoka most of all. Meanwhile, everyone dies. HI KILLUA'S SEXY DAD. Oh right that one dude got killed with office supplies. KICK HIS ASS, SEXY DAD. I really hope I don't get sexy dad killed here. Shit he's poisoned already. Joke's on you, he's not a whale. Sorry grandpa you might have to die. Aw crap he's got a Death Note. Grandpa's got some sweet moves. That seems like it would negate any advantage you got from stealing someone's abilities. Please don't die, sexy dad. His power is giant balls and I'm okay with that. Gundam- I hope the box just kills everyone. I feel like this isn't all Benedryl's fault, but I also feel like we can totally blame this all on Benedryl. Yeah, there's no safer idea than to trust the fate of humanity to two fourteen-year olds. Why is this blond dude still alive? Full Frontal continues to be the most disappointing name I've ever heard. I like the option where we punch grandpa for putting us through this. Sure whatever, take the box who gives a damn. Just use Benedryl as a meatshield. Naruto- You're not gonna stab him in the dick today, douche. RIDE THE LIGHTNING, BITCH. Lightning Ride is unavailable at the moment. Yes, use fat boy as a meatshield. Look with your special eyes! Fucking magnets, how do they work. It's a nice change of pace that the clone was made out of lightning for once instead of a random log. Fat dudes to the rescue. RIDE THE LIGHTNING, BITCH. Pretty sure that's another clone but okay. I'd probably rather just die than have a bunch of giant slugs slime themselves all over me. Genuinely surprised that Sakura's in charge and the entire building hasn't exploded yet. Bye fat dad. Oh hey not a clone and he's alive. Don't kill Kakashi I actually like him. I mean on the bright side, if you die in Naruto it means you don't have to be in Naruto anymore. Boobs. Oh hey, fat dad's not dead. Take me with you Kakashi don't leave me with this show alone.

Agreed, but Grandpa needs his rest. Jack- Impressive lungs on those two. I'd also suggest a shower. I feel like it's probably a bad idea to split up. This is going too well, something's about to go wrong. She is so cute. Me too, Ashi. Well this is adorable, I am concerned. I've had worse dates. I love tiny Jack. You sweet precious dork. Oh boy is it time for me to cry already? Oh my god, I love that robot. Aku speaker is amazing. It cracks me up that he calls Aku baby of all things. Oh man, you are late with this information. Yaaay he got his body back. Oh my god Aku is dancing. Hey Jack whatcha up to? Oh hey it's that one place from that one time. Oh no was that where that portal was? Oh no that guy's sweet shades. Jack's got some serious PTSD. OH BOY IT'S AKU TIME. Nooooo I liked him. At least Aku has the decency to not cockblock him. Wait did Aku really fuck that lady? Reminder to never accept a free drink from a shape-shifting monster of world-ruining evil. Aw shit this was going too well. I guess the story of how Aku magically impregnated some crazy cult lady is a good episode for Mother's Day. Oh that can't be good. THIS IS A VERY BAD THING. Hey remember how we went like three whole weeks without this show making us vicariously suicidal? Titan- Sorry lady you are definitely about to die. I would absolutely chug that entire bottle if I were him. Okay so that titan was definitely his mom. Oh fuck off Freckles you're an asshole. They're both real gay. Potato girl would approve of the midnight food run. Where did you learn how to read goddamn Russian? Just let that guy get drunk and hate his life at night like the rest of us. All these people are gonna die. Dude they kicked open the front door, I don't think a flimsy couch barricade is gonna hold. Hi there, do you have a minute to talk about the lord? EAT CANNON, FUCKER. Great job destroying the entire door, kids. Whelp there goes that kid. Owww his arm. Damn that kid is strong. Freckles with the save. At least let him drink some of that. Okay that was worth a shot. Ohh you just jinxed yourself. Noooo horsies. Fuck this titan guy. Really should have downed that booze when you had the chance. This is just the worst day. Yeah just throw a rock at them. She is just adorable. Freckles does not fuck around. At least kiss her before you go off on your suicide mission. Okay was half their damn class made of titans? Ghoul- That milf and her cute kid are like the only decent characters in this show, don't kill them. God, this kid is just fucking awful. Great job not calling her about her friend's tragic death, y'all. "I didn't think things could get any worse" is exactly how I feel watching this show every week. No, you should also pity this grade schooler who just violently lost both her parents within a day. What is up with that guy's eye? Yeah this seems like a normal conversation that human beings have. Nice bunny mask. Is it too much to hope that they all kill each other? Why does the creepy guy have Renji's whip-sword anyways. Well that sure was a pointless fight. Grandpa's kind of a douche. She just needs a tasty corpse to snack on. Oh hey after like 30 episodes our main character actually decides to maybe think about doing something. I'm sure there's been some time where I cared even less about a character dying, but damn if I can remember it. I hope this show ends with a meteor taking out the entire cast. That mask sure is ugly as fuck. Hunter- She's so cute! Oh something is about to go down in that bathroom. Damn it girl, don't sneak off in an obvious wig! Oh my god kid how are you this stupid. Hi, Killua's sexy dad! Who gets to be Mr. Pink? Sweet discount, thanks. Just sit back and let sexy dad handle this. Put a fucking leash on that girl. Shit is that the boss guy? Oh come on how the fuck did he get magic tracking chain powers too. This is not gonna end well. Her power is fun. I can't read Wingdings, show! Cry like the whiny baby you are. He is about to stab you in the gut. She's just adorable but so so stupid. Aaaaand shit's about to hit the fan. Whelp this guy's about to die. How shitty of an assassin are you when you get killed by a ballpoint pen. Now it's time for sexy dad to kill them all, right? Out of all of these amoral killers, I still fear Hisoka the most. This poor bastard got turned into a wall. Didn't Kikyo have a bunch of those things collecting souls for her? Ooh special classical music ED. Gundam- Would you believe my stream crapped out for several minutes and I didn't even notice? Whoever named these characters needs to be fired. This show just sucks out all the excitement that I had during Hunter. I also hated this kid from the moment I saw him. Is this a new thing or has she had psychic mind powers the whole time and I just didn't notice? Is it too much to hope that they all kill each other? Whelp there goes that lady. Don't go, woman you just blew right the hell up. At least she got to turn into a naked Force ghost. Look out for him, because god knows that kid shouldn't be trusted with a fork. This dude looks like I felt after my last hangover. Whatever's inside is definitely not worth the past 20-something episodes. These sure are words you guys are saying. The unicorn is hiding the box. Naruto- That corpse is about to rise off the table and start killing people. Protect that milf at all costs. You can go ahead and squash Sakura. Meanwhile, Naruto dicks around on a board. "Damn you, Naruto" is exactly how I feel watching this show every week. Of course the fat kid brought food. If you're putting Sakura in charge, everyone is going to die. Wow she knows basic triage, let her run the hospital. Holy shit, these old people actually sound reasonable in their desire to not get this specific targeted child murdered. Well I assume they'll treat him like a child as long as he's A LITERAL GODDAMN CHILD. Does this show only have one lady voicing all the old women? Lady I will believe in the Tooth Fairy before I believe in Naruto. Yeah that was a nice speech and all but I wouldn't trust most of those kids with a slightly sharp fork. You are goddamn terrible at your job. Whelp bye frog. How bad are you at your job when you get defeated by paper mache of all things. They all got dicks you can aim for, don't they? That is an excessive amount of giant slugs. Oh hey Kakashi. Are they different because they're fucking dead? Meanwhile I'd sell that kid to Satan for one corn chip.