EmpressAngel

Dude I sleep with an Ace body pillow at night. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Here's Nami's boobs. Whelp, time to skip ahead to the next time Ace shows up and try to masturbate around the brutal fights.

It's me, falling deeper into the madness of cartoon dick thirst.

God exists, and he truly hates me in particular.

This is some bullshit.

What happens is my character bangs Jojo. *slides you $20 and some cookies*

The first anime covers the first two Jojos. The second anime is part 3, then part 4. I blame these people every day, my life was perfectly fine until Joseph fucking Joestar appeared out of nowhere with his amazing goddamn biceps like the second coming of Ace.

Jojo lured me in with a false sense of security and then the second part started and those ridiculous goddamn buff muscles ruined my fucking life. Definitely recommend it. 10/10 would watch again. Also hi BFF I missed you <3

He's almost too hot Stupid buff arms ruined me This is my life now

I have this weird curse My anime boyfriends die Please god not Jojo

Thirsty for Jojo Not my fault, look at those pecs Send help I can't stop

Stroheim ain't got a dick. Everybody point and laugh.

The pussy jokes are so easy my brain short-circuited. Jojo- DOUBLE SHOCK. I love how it's been hours and he just now figured out it was the Nazi. Goddamn Germans and their automail. Good you can chop off his leg again. And after this, have a seat on the sofa and watch me work too. Fight me Kars, my lungs are protected by inches of boobs and uncontrollable thirst is the strongest motivation of all. This isn't even the weirdest posing in this show. Are we really supposed to root for the Nazi here? GUN GUT. This entire show really must have been insanely fun to dub. Is it too much to hope that they kill each other? SECRET CHAINSAW. Whelp so much for the Nazi. Block it with your big ol' dick, baby. I'm sorry Jojo you have to suffer because I love you. I really hope that's a fake stone. That is one resiliant Nazi. Hey honey maybe stop narrating and pick it up. Oh hey guys nice of you to stand there doing absolutely nothing. You could say it was a Kars accident. If you get that stone I'll suck your dick. I'm so proud of you take off your pants. NO WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE. Jojo's having a bad day. Thanks, narrator. Stop killing my boyfriend you son of a bitch. Do literally anything at all to help him, you assholes. Oh hey Caesar nice of you to join us. You're both idiots and I love you. CAESARINO. This is going too well. At least he didn't hurt the flowers. I am uncomfortable with that laugh. Now you should probably get that other ring out of your chest. Hi kitty! Ohhhh my god, fuck me. Come here baby put your face in my boobs you'll feel better. Blow up that building! Boyfriend is surprisingly smart right now. Boys don't fight you're both pretty just make out. Oh no, he's fully cocked here. And then Caesar was on fire. Now rip each other's clothes off. Okay so Caesar's definitely about to fucking die. Oh boy we've unlocked his tragic backstory! Gundam- This recap takes up like half the episode and yet I still can't keep track of this show every week. As long as we're talking about boxes, my other group of thirsty Jojo hoes agreed that Joseph is by far the most likely to ruin Christmas with an ill-planned dick in a box. I was pretty sure that lady died last week but I guess I stand corrected. Full Frontal is by far the most disappointing name every week. I still can't follow the mecha fights in this show but I think it's going well? Or not? Kid you sure are getting a lot of people killed for somebody who doesn't want to be a soldier or fight. Okay I have no idea what the hell is going on now. Is that the end of the show? Hunter- Show me more of the boob lady and her magic sexy powers. I'm sure that hunter site is full of Hisoka's nudes. I like the old wild west saloon theme. Oh man imagine how fun the porn is in this universe. IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE. You guys are seriously stuck in a mediocre creepypasta. Gon, your dad's a dick. Time to hit up eBay. You kids got scammed. Oh I hope nobody got the eyes. Well this seems simple enough. He is way smarter than me. It's easier to protect your boss if you have some idea of who's gonna attack, douchewad. I'm pretty sure that's one of the zombie paintings from Thriller Bark. Aww she's cute I like her stuffed animals. I mean she collects human body parts like Beanie Babies so you should probably still keep your distance. I automatically don't trust these people. Nice rack. Oh she's a fortune teller that's cool. I want her and Perona to be friends. Oh hey it's that one girl with the arms. I don't like Hisoka either, guy. Does that fortune say somebody's gonna fuck their brother? I like her she's so much fun. GO AWAY, HISOKA. That's a nice face tattoo you got there. This dude's got a rage boner going. Ewwww who's selling an old tissue. Ohhh that is an unfortunate request, again. Naruto- So I've been marathoning Samurai Jack before it starts back up next week (I'm calling it my Jack-Off because I'm a mature adult) and I definitely feel like I was way too stupid and inattentive to appreciate this show back when I was a kid. One Piece- NOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE I'd rather slam my tits into a brick wall than watch more Foxy.

Me: Get that stone and I'll suck your dick! Also me, five seconds later: WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE

So what, we each get him to ourselves for two days and then group date on Sunday because I can roll with that. The kiddie pool is full of tequila.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- Wait what holy shit.

Sweet jesus that does things for me.

Good god he's attractive

I feel like Jojo has enough room in his heart for both of us. I mean like literally, you could motorboat those pecs. He might not fit in a kiddie pool though but I am still 100% cool with the nudity.

NO FAIR I'LL FIGHT YOU FOR HIM.

You mean you didn't like Ace dicking around with a giant lizard?

Back when they arrived in Alasbata with Vivi, Ace showed up to play around, fought Smoker, and gave Luffy his paper without explaining what it is.

I hope that's covered by my insurance next time I go to the ER. Jojo- Uh you got a thing on your back. I'm pretty sure Jojo's fight was tougher than Caesar's. Susie sounds like Brad Pitt's attempt at Italian in Inglorious Basterds. HELLOOOOO LISA LISA. Susie has the best job. Good god he's attractive. YES YOU'RE HANDSOME. You shut your mouth, his lips are great. It's okay baby I love you enough for multiple women. Bang that maid, Jojo. Ohhh that can't be a good thing. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same thing. Boner alert. NICE. Wait what that's not right. OH THIS IS NOT GOOD. Sorry Jojo, there goes your best shot at getting laid. Aw fuck gotta go find the boat. Oh hey Caesar nice of you to join us. This is a weird day for everyone. Sorry Jojo, Casesar's gonna bang her instead. Goddammit Caesar could you do anything helpful. ACDC loves calling people dickheads. That's gotta suck for Susie. Well at least you tried. Aw fuck you failed. Owww that's gonna hurt. I mean at this point you'd might as well just kill her. Poor Jojo come here let me hug you and make out with you a little. Y'all can go ahead and double team me too after this. Did that screen just say 'nipple' because great. Now he's a Futurama brain again. He's so sweet I love him. She's had a bad day. Why the hell are they in Switzerland? That car is way too small for so much muscle. If I were her I'd take this time to get beyond drunk. He's such a giant dork I'm gonna fuck him. Awwww puppy. Nooooo puppy. Thanks, Kars. Let the boy sleep he's had a long day. STOP HONKING YOU FUCKER. Aw fuck it's more Germans. Oh no this can't be good. I want that necklace. I don't trust these Nazis. Thanks for the history lesson, narrator. This is just getting worse by the minute. How tall are they in American? And then they all died. Oh I got something you can eat, baby. Wait isn't he supposed to be dead? Why is he a goddamn terminator. I guess I should look on the bright side, at least this time the presumed-dead Nazi terminator didn't show up and shoot my boyfriend in the face. Gundam- Seriously show, thanks for the endless recap. Full Frontal is the most disappointing name. Did that lady die? I guess not. Ouch right in the babymaker. She's having a rough day. I dislike Benedryl. She's having a rough day. Yay BB-8 is here. I don't really like anyone in this show and that makes it really hard to care. So was the box just a bunch of money then? Dude's got a point, if you don't wanna be a soldier stop running out in the middle of fights every day. I don't really understand all this coordinate stuff. Never mention someone's family that's a great way to get them dead. Hunter- Just go out the window, guys. He stole those balls from Jojo. I would also take a bullet for a sweet rack. I like mustache guy. Stab him in the face! Shadow clone jutsu. Blond Sasuke is way smarter than me. I don't trust this guy, stab him in the face anyway. Seriously just go out the window, y'all. Is your tiny little ball a lie detector now? How did he even do that. Thanks for the lesson, mole man. I like the mole man he seems like a good friend. Wait what mole man is a mole girl wow that's unfortunate for her. That's some fantastic power right there. Okay buddy how much do I have to pay you to write me some filthy Jojo porn. You guys could have just done this first and saved some trouble. Talk to the boobs. That is the best power and I want it. MAKE OUT WITH ME, WOMAN. This is an awkward boner for everyone. Puppies! Well that was surprisingly easy. I want them all to be friends. Don't be rude to the sweet mole girl. Well I mean you got one of those items right there in your face. Meanwhile, fucking weeb. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER. I miss the hot idiot. Naruto- Quick question can you drive from Venice to Switzerland and then back to Rome in like five days? I don't know distances...or car speeds...or basic math. One Piece- Please just let me stop crying, show. SONG, DRINK. Brook I'm pretty sure you went completely bonkers for awhile there. Hug that skeleton, Luffy! FUCK YEAH, SKELETON CREW. You idiots. I too know how it feels to be drunk and confused. I LOVE BROOK SO MUCH. Yaaaaay happy whale! He's so happy I'm gonna cry. No really, is his bounty still valid? I'm already proud of you, Brook! YOHOHOHOHO. Music buddies! Awwwww they made a grave for them that's so nice. Ah yes, the beloved crewmate UFCJ03JTUSA MRRUKAFAT. Song, drink! Oh hi Zoro you can move. I'm never gonna get tired of the skull jokes. I love you, Lola. Show me some mermaids! Mermaids don't wear underpants, Brook. I'm sure Lola's mom won't be important later at all. Oh hey that's a nifty idea. AAAAAAAAAAAAACE. I get two boyfriends in one night I am a lucky girl. OH NO WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE. Is it time for Ace rescue arc? Bye Lola and everybody else. Oh fuck what is that. I'm not okay with this, go rescue him now! Go bail him out or I'll get mad. If he dies I'm punching you. MORE PARTY.

I went up two cup sizes in college, and two more in the years after that. I'm only a couple years younger than Robin, so it's definitely possible to hit a boob growth spurt as an adult.

It happens. I've gone up four cup sizes since I was in high school, despite my weight actually going down. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯