EmpressAngel

I hope that's covered by my insurance next time I go to the ER. Jojo- Uh you got a thing on your back. I'm pretty sure Jojo's fight was tougher than Caesar's. Susie sounds like Brad Pitt's attempt at Italian in Inglorious Basterds. HELLOOOOO LISA LISA. Susie has the best job. Good god he's attractive. YES YOU'RE HANDSOME. You shut your mouth, his lips are great. It's okay baby I love you enough for multiple women. Bang that maid, Jojo. Ohhh that can't be a good thing. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same thing. Boner alert. NICE. Wait what that's not right. OH THIS IS NOT GOOD. Sorry Jojo, there goes your best shot at getting laid. Aw fuck gotta go find the boat. Oh hey Caesar nice of you to join us. This is a weird day for everyone. Sorry Jojo, Casesar's gonna bang her instead. Goddammit Caesar could you do anything helpful. ACDC loves calling people dickheads. That's gotta suck for Susie. Well at least you tried. Aw fuck you failed. Owww that's gonna hurt. I mean at this point you'd might as well just kill her. Poor Jojo come here let me hug you and make out with you a little. Y'all can go ahead and double team me too after this. Did that screen just say 'nipple' because great. Now he's a Futurama brain again. He's so sweet I love him. She's had a bad day. Why the hell are they in Switzerland? That car is way too small for so much muscle. If I were her I'd take this time to get beyond drunk. He's such a giant dork I'm gonna fuck him. Awwww puppy. Nooooo puppy. Thanks, Kars. Let the boy sleep he's had a long day. STOP HONKING YOU FUCKER. Aw fuck it's more Germans. Oh no this can't be good. I want that necklace. I don't trust these Nazis. Thanks for the history lesson, narrator. This is just getting worse by the minute. How tall are they in American? And then they all died. Oh I got something you can eat, baby. Wait isn't he supposed to be dead? Why is he a goddamn terminator. I guess I should look on the bright side, at least this time the presumed-dead Nazi terminator didn't show up and shoot my boyfriend in the face. Gundam- Seriously show, thanks for the endless recap. Full Frontal is the most disappointing name. Did that lady die? I guess not. Ouch right in the babymaker. She's having a rough day. I dislike Benedryl. She's having a rough day. Yay BB-8 is here. I don't really like anyone in this show and that makes it really hard to care. So was the box just a bunch of money then? Dude's got a point, if you don't wanna be a soldier stop running out in the middle of fights every day. I don't really understand all this coordinate stuff. Never mention someone's family that's a great way to get them dead. Hunter- Just go out the window, guys. He stole those balls from Jojo. I would also take a bullet for a sweet rack. I like mustache guy. Stab him in the face! Shadow clone jutsu. Blond Sasuke is way smarter than me. I don't trust this guy, stab him in the face anyway. Seriously just go out the window, y'all. Is your tiny little ball a lie detector now? How did he even do that. Thanks for the lesson, mole man. I like the mole man he seems like a good friend. Wait what mole man is a mole girl wow that's unfortunate for her. That's some fantastic power right there. Okay buddy how much do I have to pay you to write me some filthy Jojo porn. You guys could have just done this first and saved some trouble. Talk to the boobs. That is the best power and I want it. MAKE OUT WITH ME, WOMAN. This is an awkward boner for everyone. Puppies! Well that was surprisingly easy. I want them all to be friends. Don't be rude to the sweet mole girl. Well I mean you got one of those items right there in your face. Meanwhile, fucking weeb. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER. I miss the hot idiot. Naruto- Quick question can you drive from Venice to Switzerland and then back to Rome in like five days? I don't know distances...or car speeds...or basic math. One Piece- Please just let me stop crying, show. SONG, DRINK. Brook I'm pretty sure you went completely bonkers for awhile there. Hug that skeleton, Luffy! FUCK YEAH, SKELETON CREW. You idiots. I too know how it feels to be drunk and confused. I LOVE BROOK SO MUCH. Yaaaaay happy whale! He's so happy I'm gonna cry. No really, is his bounty still valid? I'm already proud of you, Brook! YOHOHOHOHO. Music buddies! Awwwww they made a grave for them that's so nice. Ah yes, the beloved crewmate UFCJ03JTUSA MRRUKAFAT. Song, drink! Oh hi Zoro you can move. I'm never gonna get tired of the skull jokes. I love you, Lola. Show me some mermaids! Mermaids don't wear underpants, Brook. I'm sure Lola's mom won't be important later at all. Oh hey that's a nifty idea. AAAAAAAAAAAAACE. I get two boyfriends in one night I am a lucky girl. OH NO WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE. Is it time for Ace rescue arc? Bye Lola and everybody else. Oh fuck what is that. I'm not okay with this, go rescue him now! Go bail him out or I'll get mad. If he dies I'm punching you. MORE PARTY.

I went up two cup sizes in college, and two more in the years after that. I'm only a couple years younger than Robin, so it's definitely possible to hit a boob growth spurt as an adult.

It happens. I've gone up four cup sizes since I was in high school, despite my weight actually going down. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Boi if I had any talent I'd be doin' the same thing but instead I have to pay other people online to make my weird Jojo fetish porn. Joseph and Caesar could go ahead and double team me while they're at it.

Me commenting on this show every damn week:

Don't know where you're getting "everyone is asexual" from. Nami has shown explicit interest in at least one person before.

The obvious answer here is threeway, but I'm not sure any woman could survive both of those at once. I got a death wish I volunteer.

Hey now would a filthy pervert have a conbined 1000+ pictures of Ace and Jojo...y'know what don't answer that just let me wallow in my filth. I am not even watching this filler, but I can respect a boob seduction move.

I'm pretty sure that's one of the flying brains from Futurama. Jojo- Aw shit they found the stone. Or not. Hey Lisa I love that dress but it'd look better on my floor. That girl is cute. Ooh that’s a fancy necklace I want it. Maybe you just need to punch them really really hard. DANGER ZONE, JOJO. Fuck you ACDC. Honey I’m pretty sure lungs are vital for people regardless of hamon use. Yes take the antidote so finally someone I love doesn’t die. KICK HIS ASS, BABY. You got some impressive finger moves, boy. Aim for his dick! Nooo don’t rip off his fingers I like those. Friendly assist from the corpse. SUCK IT, ACDC. Just like how I already decided I was gonna bang Joseph during his very first scene. This is going too well. What the fuck why is he crying. Not sure if this is a trap or just super awkward. Me too buddy have you tried getting drunk and crying in the shower? Aw damn he figured it out. CORPSE ARM, GO. Is everything in this show innuendo or am I just a filthy pervert. Yeah you’re kinda fucked here, darling. Haa they’re Earth Wind and Fire aren’t they. EAT BALLS, DOUCHE. No don’t hurt him I love him. Oh you’re flaming alright. Meanwhile, Caesar plays with bubbles. Sooo smooth. How did you guys not notice the evil abomination murdering and fighting dudes. “And man, those sweet goddamn muscles.” Oh it's true love alright. And then his face was on fire. YES HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE. I love your sexy lips, baby. Yes use the Hisoka plan. Don’t let the tentacles get you! Oh hey it worked. Hey that’s his line! Fuck you, ACDC. Back off dude he’s mine. Thanks for being no help at all, you guys. I also wanna hear his screams but for entirely different reasons. If you're gonna attack him start by burning his pants off. God I love him. Oh I bet you go deep, baby. Sexiest magician I've ever seen but there's not much competition for that. FUCK YEAH JOJO. Make sure you get that antidote before you destroy him. Well shit if you’re into the torture thing I can work with that. Now unpoison yourself! Yaaaay now he’s only halfway dead! You worked hard you deserve a back massage and a shoulder massage and a celebratory handjob. Ohhhh fuck that can’t be good. Gundam- Gonna be honest I nodded off for most of this. Too much talking, just beat up the kid. Hunter- Thank god for these intro lessons because I cannot remember these things every week. Oh hey, blond Sasuke. So if you fail the nen test do they revoke your license? Oh right this stuff was happening too. Are you a vodka wizard too? I am too dumb for this, show. No kid, you are gonna get your ass kicked when you fight. Aw shit I hate quizzes. Just like how you're much better off buying dildos than trying to make your own. GO AWAY, HISOKA. Oh boy go with the guy buying plates. Well that last dude sounds super fucking creepy. He'll show you buddy, he'll make that unbreakable chain! And then a random mole man. Yeah I think this guy should go witih the tupperware request. HELLOOOOO BOOBS. Well that's not creepy or anything. Kick them in the dicks, Boobs! Ohhh I like her. Meanwhile, mustache. PUPPIES! Play with the puppies. Aw crap are they gonna have to fight to the death? Just a routine shopping trip, no big deal. Ohhhh that is unfortunate. Befriend that mole man. Whelp you're all gonna die. Just jump out the window. Naruto- Still don't care, show! One Piece- Whelp time to cry over a whale again. Fun drinking game: take a shot every time you hear Binks' song and then try not to die. Alas, poor Redshirt, I knew him. Oh god this is just depressing. Brook is the best and I love him. STOP MAKING ME CRY, SAD FLASHBACKS. And then half the crew died. "We bring smiles to children's faces and also make grown women sob uncontrollably." At least he doesn't have to die alone. If only Chopper had been around 50 years ago. This is the saddest drinking song I've ever heard. And so Brook lost his goddamn mind. Oh god this is the saddest dream please make it stop. "Hey, do you think that dying guy who we sent out on his own is gonna be alright?" I wonder if Brook's bounty still counts since he's dead and all. SOMEONE HUG THAT SKELETON. Meanwhile, Franky twerking. Huh, his head opens. Oh sweet. Oh noooooo resume the crying. Aaaand everyone else is goddamn dead. I have cried more for that whale than I did for any of my grandparents. Drink away the pain, self. Sing along, y'all. Oh that is just unfair stop showing me the adorable baby whale. That musical episode of Dandy was some good practice for Brook. Please don't cry my tear ducts hurt. Send Laboon a letter at least! Between all the crying I do with this show and something completely different for Jojo I am beyond dehydrated by the end of the night.

I remember back in the 90's Disney used to show this movie called Susie Q where the pink Power Ranger was a girl who got killed by a drunk driver in the 50's and came back as a ghost to haunt a teenage boy and force him to help her family save their house or something. It was kinda fucked up now that I think about it. Also Jojo's still super hot.

Okay is EVERYTHING in this show just a sex joke waiting to happen or what.

No wonder Caesar's so popular with women.

I think "Get good or die of poison" would be a pretty good motivator to stay awake for a couple days.

Jonathan was almost too buff, I'd be worried about getting snapped in half. Good on Erina for nailing that at least once without dying. Jojo- Welcome to another week of me being uncomfortably attracted to a sexy cartoon man. You can do it baby I believe in you. This water is doing nothing to relieve my thirst. Ya gotta finger it, baby. I can make you like grinding, sexy. Air Supplina island? Well that mask is freaky. Nooo not his sexy face. Why is everyone beating up my boyfriend. IT'S A HOT CHICK. If Jojo dies I'm gonna marry her. I love her already. Noooo don't cover up his sexy face! How am I supposed to make out with him now? I'll fight for you, lady. I'LL MARRY HER. Good luck, boyfriend. Yaaay Speedwagon and Erina are okay. I remember this from Mulan, just wrap some straps around it and climb up. That is one lubed-up shaft. I don't like your odds, boys. I love that he rips his clothes off when he's angry. He is actually doing the Mulan thing. Sorry babe you're gonna die here. Punch holes in the pillar and use them to climb up. This could be going better. Meanwhile, Caesar sucks and fails. Yaaay he's smart. Okay that mask might be doing things for me. OWNER OF A LONELY HEART-wait wrong song. Finger it, baby. I could be making so many boner jokes right now. No, you sexy idiot! Whelp you're fucked. Use Caesar as a shield! Huh, that went surprisingly well. You can do it baby I believe in you. I'm exhausted just watching this. Awww Caesar really does care. When in doubt, just brute force your way through it. I love this goddamn idiot. Ohhhhh damn those sweet buff arms. Best friends forever now! THESE IDIOTS. I love the narrator. Exact your revenge on me, baby. Yaaaay he can do the water thing. "Only" three days later. Sweet Jesus I am into this. Train me into the ground too, coach. Loggins? DANGER ZONE. Well that was a quick month but at least he might not die. I mean I probably would have just accepted death and spent the next month frantically banging any willing women in the hopes of passing on the family line but I guess that works too. Now gimme that sexy face again. Gundam- On the flip side, this guy can keep his mask. He got that robot because nepotism is still a thing in space. I sure as hell don't know what you're talking about either, guy. Yeah go ahead and be a douche to the small children giving you food. This is the most awkward meal since my family's drunken Thanksgiving every single year. Space Nazis, got it. So this blond kid is totally gonna die isn't he. Hunter- Luffy and Gon's dads should start a club for fathers who abandon their children for years at a time. He sounds like a douche. At least he knows that he's a douche. Aw shit he's riding multiple Godzillas that's so cool. Diiiiiick. No turn it back on I wanna know who he banged. Gon is just the sweetest kid. "This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds." God what a douche. BRB, gotta go buy a Playstation. Oh boy I hope they have Donkey Kong. Good job, you're in a shitty creepypasta. Call all your hunter buddies but not Hisoka. Most of those messages are just Hisoka requesting nudes. I don't even remember who that is. Ohhh the butler. I hate that kid. Of course he has life-size waifu figures. TAKE A POTATO CHIP, AND EAT IT. These kids are just so cute. Oh hey the others will be there. Whelp, better get back in the fightin' tower. The most sinister fat kid I've seen in a long time. Awww auntie. Naruto- Since Lisa Lisa's obviously the strongest Hamon user, maybe they could just ask her reeeeally nicely and she'll beat up the pillar men for Jojo. One Piece- Ohhh I am gonna cry a lot with this episode aren't I. BABY LABOON IS SO CUTE. Awwww Laboon saved them he's the best. I am already crying because I know what's coming. Oh no the seaking wants to eat him. I need to hug that whale. I need to hug that skeleton. CRYING INTENSIFIES. He's just a baby don't leave him! Yeah you're definitely just making it worse. Sad whale breaks my heart. Okay I'm kinda glad they all died now. LABOON IS CRYING YOU BASTARDS. Yeah I'm sure this is gonna go just great for you guys. Oh hey that guy. I'll also let anybody hang around in exchange for food and booze. Yaaaay Laboon made it! I goddamn love that whale. Dude you left a baby alone in the middle of a hurricane, hundreds of miles away from his family; you're lucky he didn't die. I do love this song. PLAY FREEBIRD. Just when I stop crying, I remember that Laboon spends the next 50 years waiting for his friends who are dead and I start sobbing again. SOMEONE HUG THAT WHALE. Stop show I'm already crying hard enough.

Okay that mask might definitely be doing things for me but I miss his sexy face.

My brain, every damn week when Jojo does something stupid yet hilarious:

And arms so buff they give me a reason to live every week. <3 Y'know, after last week I was seriously wondering if this thirst was too extreme. But then the other day I walked into work and saw half a dozen of my coworkers loudly fawning over that sexy Mr. Clean commercial, so I figure I'm doing alright after all.

Eh, Jonathan wasn't as interesting because he was just too damn nice to be fun. He'd probably cry if he saw that pigeon attack in action. Joseph's a manic ball of energy and giant muscle and has a lot more personality.

I mean, we're all entitled to our own opinions, even if they're factually wrong...

Happy anniversary? Fuck you, Dio.

Y'know ben, I'm genuinely curious. Just how much training did it take before you were able to fit your entire head up your own asshole?

This was a level of thirst I was not prepared for, and I blame everyone else for not warning me how much I'd love him. It's actually impressive he shot so far up the boyfriend list despite not being Travis!

I was 100% sure that was a cock ring and had my pants off within ten seconds. Jojo- I can definitely approve of angry stripping in any situation. Surprisingly powerful bubbles. That gay hooker outfit cracks me up. Whelp so much for those bubbles. Ohhh y'all are fucked. SEXY POSE, GO. Owww your face. The answer is to aim right for their dicks. Ouch that's gotta hurt. Well hey, that's nice of him. GODDAMMIT JOJO YOU BEAUTIFUL DORK. Okay there is a hot dude literally throwing his balls in my face, the universe is a wonderful place. WRECK THEIR SHIT, BABY. You tried, my love. I take your balls seriously. Clack me, baby. Oh my fucking god this boy. I believe in you, you can do it! I could do a lot with him in a minute. Owww I hope that's not his jerkoff arm. FUCK YEAH JOJO. I'm so proud of him he's doing so well. Aw fuck that was going too well. He can also pummel me because I am a thirsty whore. THANKS, NARRATOR. Yes please rip his clothes off. Save Speedwagon! FUCK HIM UP, BABE. This giant fucking dork. Don't be rude, narrator. Good job you tricked him. KICK HIS ASS, BABY. New plan, make out with me and I'll beat the shit out of him. Yes you suck and should be ashamed. Does this look like a man with a plan? No, he is absolutely that stupid and I love him for it. I'll say please all you want, baby. Annihilate me, Joseph. Yay he made a smart! Oh right, the dynamite. THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL. I have also grown fond of him but probably not in the same way. Aww he's a nice horrifying abomination. Is that ring goin' on his dick because BOW HOWDY am I okay with that. Oh fuck that's not good. Does that mean they're married now? FUCK YOU STOP KILLING MY BOYFRIEND. Well as long as you're collecting spouses here you can definitely add me to your harem. Or you two could make out. Usually I don't edit these write-ups much before I post them, but sometimes I look up and realize that as soon as his shirt came off I accidentally wrote the phrase "RAW ME, JOESTAR" fourteen times in a row and should probably dial that back a little. Gundam- I've already completely lost track of what's going on. He has a point, technically the box is safe if it's destroyed. Goddammit Bennedryl. You knew her for like twenty minutes, calm your tits boy. I hope the box is completely empty and useless. And we continue with me being way too stupid to follow these fights. I don't know what's going on but I'm surprised that blond kid is still alive. Should I know who his family is? Is that Full Frontal because I am disappointed in his outfit. Hunter- Aww yay he's home. Awww Killua gets to have a decent family for a bit. This is so nice I'm happy. Well now I'm hungry. No don't break it! This is too nice and heartwarming, something terrible's about to happen. Aww look at all the friendly animals. Your dad seems like a douche I will be your parent. I know that feeling, kiddo. THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER. AWWWWWWWW. No seriously I keep waiting on the bad news to pop up. He has a mom? Luffy and Gon would be good friends. AWWW GON COME HERE LET ME HUG YOU. I'll be your cool mom, Killua! Awww auntie let me hug you. Forget your dad you don't need him. It's a box of spiders. I love his aunt she's so nice. Wait so what happened to his mom? Wait so who the fuck is his mom? His family is great. Wait you didn't even know his name? So what you're telling me is the dating scene in this town is shit. I know that feeling lady, one time when I was little I got locked in the neighbor's house because they forgot I was playing with their kids and just left without telling me. Man I hope that's not the Hellraiser box. Use your hamon or whatever it's called to open it. Well I'd hope he's gained a healthy fear of clowns that he didn't have before. It's...another box? I hope it's a box of candy. DON'T PUT THAT RING ON IT DIDN'T END WELL FOR JOJO. I don't trust this tape. Naruto- I can barely pay attention when this show's not in filler. I'd rather just rewatch Jojo and enjoy those ridiculous goddamn muscles. One Piece- Oh no show I'm already crying. I hope you all die in a shipwreck. Fuck you, Blackbeard. AAAAAAH MY BOYFRIEND. Man, this is a rough night for my boyfriends. I hope the next arc is saving Ace. Nobody wants to fuck you, Absalom. CHEESE. At least everyone's alive. Thanks, Perona. Nami and the treasure. It's a bracelet. Nami is having a great day. Awwww Nami and Lola are still friends. AWWWW SHE GAVE HER TREASURE. Zoro might be a little bit dead. Sanji's got a secret. Sanji's hoodie is fun and I want it. Eat a dick, Kuma. It hurts to see him like that. Zoro did it because he's just such a nice guy. The important thing is that nobody important died. Robin knows what's up. PARTY TIME. Food also makes me happy to be alive. YOHOHOHOHO! I love Brook so much. I've read porn of Franky and Brook that explained how he eats, but I wish I hadn't. BOOZE AHOY. Brook is the best and I love him. Play Freebird! Sing along, everybody! I'm glad everyone's having fun. I miss Shanks. Please join the crew. STOP MAKING ME CRY, SHOW. I have a lot of feelings about that goddamn whale. Someone hug that skeleton! So much crying. Reminder that Brook was Slash in his old life. Welcome to drugs, whale.

Speak for yourself dub Jojo could nail me any time.

As long as he's collecting wedding rings he can add me to that harem. <3