EmpressAngel

Okay that mask might definitely be doing things for me but I miss his sexy face.

My brain, every damn week when Jojo does something stupid yet hilarious:

And arms so buff they give me a reason to live every week. <3 Y'know, after last week I was seriously wondering if this thirst was too extreme. But then the other day I walked into work and saw half a dozen of my coworkers loudly fawning over that sexy Mr. Clean commercial, so I figure I'm doing alright after all.

Eh, Jonathan wasn't as interesting because he was just too damn nice to be fun. He'd probably cry if he saw that pigeon attack in action. Joseph's a manic ball of energy and giant muscle and has a lot more personality.

I mean, we're all entitled to our own opinions, even if they're factually wrong...

Happy anniversary? Fuck you, Dio.

Y'know ben, I'm genuinely curious. Just how much training did it take before you were able to fit your entire head up your own asshole?

This was a level of thirst I was not prepared for, and I blame everyone else for not warning me how much I'd love him. It's actually impressive he shot so far up the boyfriend list despite not being Travis!

I was 100% sure that was a cock ring and had my pants off within ten seconds. Jojo- I can definitely approve of angry stripping in any situation. Surprisingly powerful bubbles. That gay hooker outfit cracks me up. Whelp so much for those bubbles. Ohhh y'all are fucked. SEXY POSE, GO. Owww your face. The answer is to aim right for their dicks. Ouch that's gotta hurt. Well hey, that's nice of him. GODDAMMIT JOJO YOU BEAUTIFUL DORK. Okay there is a hot dude literally throwing his balls in my face, the universe is a wonderful place. WRECK THEIR SHIT, BABY. You tried, my love. I take your balls seriously. Clack me, baby. Oh my fucking god this boy. I believe in you, you can do it! I could do a lot with him in a minute. Owww I hope that's not his jerkoff arm. FUCK YEAH JOJO. I'm so proud of him he's doing so well. Aw fuck that was going too well. He can also pummel me because I am a thirsty whore. THANKS, NARRATOR. Yes please rip his clothes off. Save Speedwagon! FUCK HIM UP, BABE. This giant fucking dork. Don't be rude, narrator. Good job you tricked him. KICK HIS ASS, BABY. New plan, make out with me and I'll beat the shit out of him. Yes you suck and should be ashamed. Does this look like a man with a plan? No, he is absolutely that stupid and I love him for it. I'll say please all you want, baby. Annihilate me, Joseph. Yay he made a smart! Oh right, the dynamite. THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL. I have also grown fond of him but probably not in the same way. Aww he's a nice horrifying abomination. Is that ring goin' on his dick because BOW HOWDY am I okay with that. Oh fuck that's not good. Does that mean they're married now? FUCK YOU STOP KILLING MY BOYFRIEND. Well as long as you're collecting spouses here you can definitely add me to your harem. Or you two could make out. Usually I don't edit these write-ups much before I post them, but sometimes I look up and realize that as soon as his shirt came off I accidentally wrote the phrase "RAW ME, JOESTAR" fourteen times in a row and should probably dial that back a little. Gundam- I've already completely lost track of what's going on. He has a point, technically the box is safe if it's destroyed. Goddammit Bennedryl. You knew her for like twenty minutes, calm your tits boy. I hope the box is completely empty and useless. And we continue with me being way too stupid to follow these fights. I don't know what's going on but I'm surprised that blond kid is still alive. Should I know who his family is? Is that Full Frontal because I am disappointed in his outfit. Hunter- Aww yay he's home. Awww Killua gets to have a decent family for a bit. This is so nice I'm happy. Well now I'm hungry. No don't break it! This is too nice and heartwarming, something terrible's about to happen. Aww look at all the friendly animals. Your dad seems like a douche I will be your parent. I know that feeling, kiddo. THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER. AWWWWWWWW. No seriously I keep waiting on the bad news to pop up. He has a mom? Luffy and Gon would be good friends. AWWW GON COME HERE LET ME HUG YOU. I'll be your cool mom, Killua! Awww auntie let me hug you. Forget your dad you don't need him. It's a box of spiders. I love his aunt she's so nice. Wait so what happened to his mom? Wait so who the fuck is his mom? His family is great. Wait you didn't even know his name? So what you're telling me is the dating scene in this town is shit. I know that feeling lady, one time when I was little I got locked in the neighbor's house because they forgot I was playing with their kids and just left without telling me. Man I hope that's not the Hellraiser box. Use your hamon or whatever it's called to open it. Well I'd hope he's gained a healthy fear of clowns that he didn't have before. It's...another box? I hope it's a box of candy. DON'T PUT THAT RING ON IT DIDN'T END WELL FOR JOJO. I don't trust this tape. Naruto- I can barely pay attention when this show's not in filler. I'd rather just rewatch Jojo and enjoy those ridiculous goddamn muscles. One Piece- Oh no show I'm already crying. I hope you all die in a shipwreck. Fuck you, Blackbeard. AAAAAAH MY BOYFRIEND. Man, this is a rough night for my boyfriends. I hope the next arc is saving Ace. Nobody wants to fuck you, Absalom. CHEESE. At least everyone's alive. Thanks, Perona. Nami and the treasure. It's a bracelet. Nami is having a great day. Awwww Nami and Lola are still friends. AWWWW SHE GAVE HER TREASURE. Zoro might be a little bit dead. Sanji's got a secret. Sanji's hoodie is fun and I want it. Eat a dick, Kuma. It hurts to see him like that. Zoro did it because he's just such a nice guy. The important thing is that nobody important died. Robin knows what's up. PARTY TIME. Food also makes me happy to be alive. YOHOHOHOHO! I love Brook so much. I've read porn of Franky and Brook that explained how he eats, but I wish I hadn't. BOOZE AHOY. Brook is the best and I love him. Play Freebird! Sing along, everybody! I'm glad everyone's having fun. I miss Shanks. Please join the crew. STOP MAKING ME CRY, SHOW. I have a lot of feelings about that goddamn whale. Someone hug that skeleton! So much crying. Reminder that Brook was Slash in his old life. Welcome to drugs, whale.

Speak for yourself dub Jojo could nail me any time.

As long as he's collecting wedding rings he can add me to that harem. <3

I don't know why Caesar's dressed like a hooker, but I can get behind it.

I'm jacking it to hentai right now.

Sister got me to finally marathon Stranger Things. Spoiler alert I'm gonna fuck Hopper. <3

Y'all, Smokey explained it outright a couple episodes ago. "Granny Erina lost her husband in an accident at sea. She was pregnant with a son at the time. When he grew up, he married a girl who had also survived the wreck. They were Jojo's parents." There ya go. Jojo 1.5 was Jojo 1's biological child, and the baby Erina saved was a girl who eventually married into the family. I just figured Erina returned the kid to any surviving family after they escaped, or let her be adopted by someone else since being a grieving widow plus a disaster survivor plus pregnant plus dealing with a random infant was probably too much to deal with at once.

Because I'm not allowed to have nice things, and damn right I am.

I like my posts. I don't want them getting deleted because some pissbaby throws a tantrum and wipes every disagreement from his thread. Ignoring that person in the future wouldn't bring back the posts he trashes. I'm guessing a lot of people who dislike the idea feel a similar way.

Jojo- Squid pasta sounds gross. Just keep slurpin, baby. Oh lord what the hell. I'm with Jojo this is cheesy as fuck. Well that did not go as planned. Wait what is that sandwich guy's grandkid or something? Speedwagon is just a gift to mankind. I don't like that snake's odds. Aw fuck he's still not dead. Aw shit there's four of them that's a problem. I'm with Jojo and his pigeon friends. I was expecting to hate him on basis of being Papenbook but with that accent I could still totally get on board here. How dare you Jojo is amazing and you're hurting Speedwagon's feelings. KICK HIS ASS BABY. You could thrash me, baby. That's okay I still love you. Jesus what a dick. Your power is bubbles that's nothing to be proud of. Oh he's dirty alright. PIGEON ATTACK. Oh my god that is the best attack. I do like his fancy bandana. Don't fight you're both cheaters. I like his sexy belly shirt. Too many goddamn Germans. Ohhhh that cannot be good. Just fuck already, you two. Caesar's gonna fuck your girfriend. Oh no that random guy is definitely gonna die. MAMA MIA. Yes I'm his girlfriend and I want to date him. Yeah great idea just put your face right up in there. AW SHIT. This is not gonna be a good thing. He's so graceful. And then everyone died. Jesus christ what the fuck. Awwww fuck it's all three of them at once. No you're wrong you really should have killed them all when you had the chance. GODDAMN ZUBATS. Oh no I wish it was goddamn zubats. Wow what a shock that guy died. Sooo then, your girlfriend's single now. Everyone remember, the first priority is to protect Speedwagon at all costs. Ass. I don't like this plan at all. Master ACDC? Aw hell are they looking for the Philosopher's Stone. Well that's a nifty power. FIGHTING SPIRIT. At least this guy seems decent for a 2000-year old humanoid abomination. Whelp things sure suck for Mark. At least he gets to die nestled in Caesar's cleavage. Oh don't worry, he was gonna nail your girlfriend regardless of how this mission went. This is gonna be fun. The good news is despite Papenbook, I like Caesar; the bad news is that I know my track record and that means he's going to die. Gundam- I still don't know what the plastic box is. I still don't like these kids. Surprise, the pilot's an unconscious kid. Yay BB-8's here. No it doesn't count, none of your lives mean anything. Nepotism is always an easy explanation. Why does the hospital waiting room look like a strip club? Oh this guy is definitely gonna die. This show is a lot harder to pay attention to when there's not shirtless jailbait running around. Howdy, princess. I still cannot keep track of a single fight in this franchise. Hunter- STILL DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT, SHOW. Kick his ass Gon! Who's this weirdo. Oh no I'm afraid for him. Ohhh right that was a thing. He's sooooo creepy. I need an adult. Okay you should probably just forfeit now before he kills you. I don't like watching the adorable children get hurt in this show. I NEED AN ADULT. What power do you use to call the cops on the obvious pedophile. Gon might be dead. I am very uncomfortable with this fight. Hisoka is just the fucking worse. I cannot cringe any harder than I am right now. I NEED AN ADULT RIGHT NOW. No seriously, what the fucking fuck show. NO MEANS NO, CLOWN. Please god just end this fight now. This ref is bullshit. Whelp, that was a thing. I hope they made him take that gum off him. Don't worry, one day you'll age out of his fetish. Surprisingly responsible referee. I learned nothing from that fight except that Hisoka is soooo much creepier than I thought. Bye Zushi! Oh good something not ungodly creepy. Naruto- Use the annoying girl as a human shield. You can go ahead and kill 3/4 of them, rap man. Fuck you Sasuke. That's more swords than Zoro. Oh what the hell they are just going out of their way to not let Travis talk. Huh, that was like three minutes where the show wasn't goddamn terrible. I hate that girl so, so much. Sasuke also makes me need to drink, buddy. Giant boyfriend, being the only fucking competent one here. I think his location is right in front of you. I do love seeing Sasuke get punched. Quick, just put him out of his misery. Oh hey, he actually gets to do something for once. Gaaaaaay. That sure is a thing alright. Oh what the hell show I can't use this I'm not Hisoka. Oh right that guy can do water stuff. Throw Sasuke's corpse at him and run. How did nobody notice this fight going on before now? Sasuke is the fucking worst. I feel like you dumb shits could have saved a lot of trouble by just doing that earlier. Yes, leave her to die! This is the worst team. Thanks for any kind of help, guards. I can't really call an episode of Naruto good, but this was definitely less terrible than usual until Sasuke pulled a win out of his ass. One Piece- Eat a dick, Kuma. Thriller Bark might be dead. Well that's unsettling. Hey, y'all okay? Please don't hurt Luffy. Oh hey Zoro's alright. That's not a normal arm. Ohh that's probably bad news. Zoro's having a rough day. Yeah that's all you have in common, Franky's a good person. That sure is an ironic name for a giant murder cyborg. That guy sounds smart. Take your compromise and shove it up your ass. Awwww Zoro come here let me hug you. Oh hey Sanji's alive too. Awwww Sanji come here let me hug you. This is downright heartwarming, you guys. Don't fight you can both selflessly sacrifice yourselves for your crew. Or Zoro could just knock him the fuck out. I'm surprised he has that much honor. Oh no I don't like the sound of that. Ohhhhh nooooooo I really don't like the sound of that. It hurts just watching that. This miiiiight have been a bad idea. What the hell is this music. And that's how Zoro died. Oh hey, everybody lived. Well hey, technically you won. Uhhhh guys where's Zoro. Oh fuck that looks painful.

If Ace's pants don't burn off every time he uses his powers, Kuma can probably shrug off his own attacks without a problem.

Jojo- I'd definitely just let the dude eat all the Nazis. Damn those sweet buff guns. Oh my god I love him so much. I'll make love to you, baby. He's got a point, somebody who kills a bunch of Nazis can't be all bad. Well that didn't work. Aw fuck he's got a gun. Use the Nazi as bait and escape with Speedwagon! Ohhhh that is not how ribs are supposed to work. FIGHTIN' RIBS. Sounds like somebody's got a crush. DON'T TOUCH SPEEDWAGON YOU BASTARD. He talks like William Shatner. Okay this fight definitely could be going better. Aw shit I hope that wasn't his jackoff arm. False alarm! Oh my god you giant dork. I'll blow your fish, baby. Seriously though, use the Nazi as a meatshield and run. Aim for his dick! Why does everything I love die. FUCK YEAH, JOJO. There's a joke about him being deep in another man here, but it feels almost too easy. Well that sounds horrifying. Do something to help, you Nazi bastard. Oh please don't tell me it's night time. Ohh this is not good. Oh god these attacks are beautiful. Nazi to the rescue, I guess? Whelp this guy was completely useless. I would definitely chop off a Nazi's leg, no questions asked. This fucking show. Oh thank god it's daylight. EAT SUN, DOUCHE. Oh what the hell now. Aw fuck. This is the weirdest gay porn. I am completely okay with the Nazi blowing himself up. Aw hell the other pillar is Dio isn't it. Who does Speedwagon know is it the little kid from back in the day? DO IT, NAZI FUCKER. Punch him in the dick! Aw good, a happy ending. I am 100% sure that Dio is still around and just waiting behind a corner to fuck everything up when I least expect it. Gundam- I'm actually grateful for this recap because I can't be assed to remember anything. I have no interest in these kids or their problems. Sorry Hermione but your friends are dead. I only care about BB-8 here. And then Benedryl stumbled ass-first into a mecha of his own. TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVESTATION-wait wrong show. Surprise, it's your dad! Surprise, your dad's dead. Get in the robot, Shinji. I like the Metapod airbag. I can never keep track of any of the fights in this franchise. Does every show in this franchise have a blond dude in a shitty mask? At least he got to have a cool eyepatch back then. Hunter- Gon you really don't wanna be alone with Hisoka. It's been four seconds and I've already forgotten these categories. What you're saying is he sucked and failed. I hope that glass is full of vodka because I'm gonna need it for the next show. Killua's gonna destroy the whole damn glass isn't he. You turned it into vodka! Congratulations you're an alchemist. Of all the bare asses I would have liked to see tonight, Hisoka was definitely not one of them. Killua's gonna make me a cocktail. Careful kiddo don't burst a blood vessel. MY TABLE. Zushi you're like seven you've got plenty of time. Oh right there was a second part of the exam. Oh hey it's the old guy. Just try not to kill anybody next time. Where is the hot idiot. Hiii hot idiot. "Eat shit, Zushi." This is straight out of a WWE match. He's so goddamnn creepy. I really didn't need to see that, show. Punch him in his creepy clown dick! Jesus he's like a monkey on crack. Damn, I'm impressed. FUCK YEAH PUNCH HIS STUPID FACE. Naruto- Still don't care, show. Fuck off, Sasuke. Fuck off, orange boy. Oh hey he's got a face. Finally, the one guy I can jack it to. The answer is to just kill everyone. More Travis, I can get behind this. I'm surprised they had a robe big enough to fit my giant boyfriend. God that girl is just embarrassing. I'll control you, baby. Oh who the fuck is this. This sure is a thing alright. Good job boyfriend you tried. This guy is like Champloo but with a severe head injury. One Piece- Good luck, Zoro. Okay that is a really dorky name for a freaky power. Man, y'all can't catch a break. Aim for his bible, that's his weak spot! Haaa you dorks. Quiet Usopp, bones are for the weak. You never wanna get fisted by a Jahova's Witness. Well this could be going better. Robin that's adorable. Okay don't insult the kitten hands, advice noted. Ohhh this can't be good. Zoro's got some sweetass dance movies. Zoro's kinda having a rough day. Sanji to the rescue! Orrr, Sanji breaking his goddamn femur. You must be confused, that's not Sniper King. New plan, hit him as hard as you can in the dick and run like hell. I don't know science but that's probably a bad thing. Oh you piece of shit. You're all good people. I like that Robin's reaction looks like she just heard a mildly disappointing weather report. And then they all died.

You know how whenever someone makes a shitty joke about Kubo's health, you point out that it's rude and inappropriate? I guess you only apply that for the authors you personally enjoy.

I'm sure Oda cares very much, as he nails his hot wife on a bed made out of several million dollars.

I like a woman who can kick my ass.

Speak for yourself I will absolutely still hit that, dress and all.