EmpressAngel

I'm not saying I hope they break up but I am saying that if they hit a rough patch he can call me and I'll show him how much of a banana I can fit in my mouth.

EAT SPACE, FUCKER.

NO NOT HIS BEAUTIFUL BUFF ARMS whut

Oh my god, the fucking squirrel.

Last night for me to look at how pretty he is. [super pretty, dang]

He doesn't even have sleeves, we're fucked!

Yeah I get that, but "slugs up the dickhole" is a real turnoff regardless of the circumstances behind it.

Jack- Jack continues to need a hug. Steal her shoes at least. Fuck you, birds! Oh kiddo, you tried. Oh jesus what the fuck is that. I'm glad Jack is showing an emotion besides depression. Eww I wouldn't sit on that. Aaaand she's crazy. I like the return of sassy Jack. I'd just let the monsters kill her, because I'm kind of a terrible person. And then the drugs kicked in. I'm with the talking fluff here, just ditch her. And then the crab got her. I'm with Inner Douche Jack here, just ditch her. Oh my god girl just shut up for like ten minutes. Jack is truly a goddamn saint. He's such a dork I love him. Okay I would definitely just ditch her out of spite now. Quick, throw the girl at the monsters and escape! JUMP GOOD. Oh you little bitch you better not stab him. Ladybug to the rescue. Yay Jack made a friend. AHHHHHHH SCOTS NEXT WEEK. Jojo- Narrator can't believe this shit either. Tell him his hair is stupid I bet he'll flip right the fuck out. Hey maybe anybody down there could help out. I don't know who voices Stroheim but I bet he had a great time doing it. Owww. Just whip your dick out and beat him with it. God, just fuck me now. Aaaaand then he set himself on fire, because he is not good at planning. Fight me, you piece of shit. FIGHT ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Hot damn do I love him. Houdini would be proud. Punch him right in the dick, just obliterate it. Now put your face in my boobs and relax, you've earned it. EAT SHIT, KARS. Shut up Nazi you're gonna jinx it. Good lord, that shirt is just painted on. Guys I think it's time you all sat down and gave Jojo a long explanation about everything. Smokey is such a good kid I'm glad he's here. Someone tell that poor boy about his family. Flashback! Jojo's dad was cute. Awwwwwwww baby Joseph! GODDAMMIT DIO I KNEW THIS WAS YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW. Oh this is bullshit. In a perfect world, Jonathan and Erina and Speedwagon would have lived happily ever after together and Joseph would have grown up with both his parents. Baby Joseph was goddamn adorable. I love Lisa Lisa so much. Oh fuck that's why she faked her death. Aaaaand I'm crying. All of these people need a hug. Oh right, Nazis fighting vampires in the background. FUCK YOU, KARS. Where was he even hiding that mask? Whelp, we're all fucked now. Speedwagon gets to Roundabout again! Ghoul- I think I missed something here. Welcome to Starbucks, kid. I still don't like friend's odds of survival here. "I won't explain anything to you but I'm annoyed that you don't know anything!" It's a pair of pliers, you dimwits. Yeah this guy totally isn't evil as shit. Learn how to eat shit you don't like, kid. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE. We're getting corpses, dumbass. God this kid is just terrible at everything. This show moves at the breakneck pace of cold molassas. Am I supposed to like either of these kids? I'm not even gonna ask why we're shopping for creepy fetish masks now. Yeah nothing helps you blend in with normal society like a fucking sex mask. Maybe you'd get more information if you didn't immediately kill everyone after three words. Small children shouldn't drink coffee. That doctor really should have put more thought into that whole monster organ transplant thing. What an adorable moment between bloodthirsty demons. That is a fine pimp suit. Aw fuck it's Hisoka. Hunter- DON'T TRUST HISOKA. At least mole girl is safe. Oh this a bad idea you're gonna suffer for this. This girl is super cute. This dude's got good instincts, being the leader seems like a great way to die. Dude they're all nen users of course he died. This girl has the self preservation instincts of a lemming. DICK SLUGS. That's almost enough beer to make a Naruto filler episode bearable. Just jump out the window. I am genuinely not sure if I find him attractive or not but those dick slugs are gonna be a point against him. Really should have gotten that girl out of the city ASAP. Dude stop talking you're gonna get her kidnapped. Meanwhile, shenanigans. I'm not good at math but I'm pretty sure you need more money. Just put the hot idiot on the corner and whore him out for cash. These dudes seem shady don't trust them. FIGHT CLUB. What in the fuck is this guy. Oh hey it's the spider people. This is probably not gonna end well for somebody. So is that guy still full of dick slugs or what? Gundam- God this kid is just the worst. I'm already confused, dude. Why did you guys leave the giant robot-sized door wide open? I still don't know what that box actually is. Okay I missed like half this episode because the official AS stream is a janky piece of garbage, but I feel like I didn't really miss much. I liked this "teenage boy falls ass-first into a mecha with a weird space girl" thing better when it was called Eureka Seven. Yeah go ahead and shoot at the giant robot with your tiny handgun that'll work. Naruto- I do enjoy seeing Naruto suffer. Good man, first priority was writing more porn. I feel like it was a bad idea to bring the enemy corpse there. I'm more surprised that porn man didn't just drown that kid in the river years ago. Never turn down free food, you are weak and a disappointment. Oh hey, it's the only kid that's not fucking terrible. I do like her shoes. And her boobs. Meanwhile, Naruto continues to be the worst part of his own show. Kid, every side of you is terrible and you should feel bad. Shut up and eat your popsicle. Why does everything have to be a cryptic riddle, if I ever need to leave a complex code for my loved ones to figure out it's gonna be based on my bra size. Please tell me the code is based on her bra size. Best kid doesn't have time for this. Oh hey it's the hot lady. Jesus you're a fucking idiot. I'm happy that the hot dude got to hit that at least once before he died. I would not trust Naruto to teach a kid how to tie their shoes.

Next important question: Who will play the best Crusader of all?

1. Probably healed himself with hamon and they just didn't show it. 2. Boy's kinda dumb as hell and doesn't think things through. 3. See above, thank god he's pretty.

Jack- Whelp guess not. Jojo- Fuck you, Wham. DON'T TOUCH HIM I LOVE HIM. I love when Jojo whips out the lube. Nooo don't hit his sexy face. Ohhh that's disappointing. Assist from Caesar's ghost! He's so stupid he's goddamn brilliant. Bubble Buddy saves the day after all. And then he blew right the fuck up. Good job baby now come here and I'll nurse your probably several broken ribs while you stick your face in my boobs. Dude what? Awwww boyfriend you're too sweet. Meanwhile my next words are "Jojo, I'm gonna suck your dick." Aw fuck it's the vampires. Okay Wammu doesn't fuck around. He was a surprisingly decent guy for an ancient abomination. Hey buddy, Joseph Joestar has also turned out to be my reason for living as well. Okay so yeah, Wammu was by far the least terrible of the Pillar Men. These minions are like Venture Brothers henchmen. Kars is a dick. Oh my god, his hair is amazing. Lisa Lisa is the best and I love her. Yes he's a terrible fucking demon, but that hair is fantastic. I'll just take a regular Bloody Mary, thanks. Jojo you dumb shit just let her handle this. Helloooooo Lisa Lisa. Aim for his dick! Oh this is not gonna end well. LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE. Shut up Jojo he's not dead. SHIT. Whelp this didn't go well. FIGHT ME KARS I'LL KICK YOUR ASS. Boyfriend is going to kill them all. Fuck you Kars I'll fight you myself. Is it sunrise already? ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Literally the only time in my life I haven't been angry to see a Nazi. SPEEDWAGON! SMOKEY! No seriously, how does von Stroheim even fucking work? Someone get Lisa Lisa to the hospital. Kick him right in the dick, babe. No, maneuver him into my bed. What in the actual fuck. Okay I could have forgiven you for most of it after that sweet air guitar solo, but nope we're back to FUCK YOU KARS. I'm sure they can all have a good laugh about how Jojo was gawking at his naked mom once they survive this. Ghoul- Just eat the arm, you whiny baby. Wow fuck you kid, cake is amazing. This old man is nice I don't trust him. Coffee, the ultimate lifesaver. That doctor really should have maybe reconsidered that organ transplant. And now he's being haunted by the ghost of the zombie that ruined his life. His friend is way too nice for his own good, I don't like his odds. Meanwhile, some kids fucking. Oh hey it's that zombie douche. Don't leave your friend alone with the murder zombie. Wait you're a zombie how do you eat? Whelp so much for the friend. God this kid sucks at everything. Crotch tentacle. And then he was Naruto. Go away, ghost skank. Just eat some dead bodies, dumbass. Oh dang he was awake. Who the hell is this guy? Who the hell is Jason? Wow, that was a short second half. Hunter- WATCH THE ROAD, KID. Also you're like 14 where did you learn to drive? Y'all really should have been smart enough to check for a tracker before. That sure is some weird magic. I am the terror that flaps in the night! This guy talks like Christopher Walken. Dude's already got a bunch of slugs in his dick just give him a break. And then everyone died. Look I'm sure you're real good at this torture thing but if I were him I'd be a lot more worried about the dick slug issue. I'd take that deal, I don't wanna get killed by Dick Slugs McGee here. You killed Boobs, you bastard. That sure seems painful. Go away Hisoka nobody likes you. Time for another sweet flute solo from mole girl. Dammit Hisoka where did you even get this number? Oh something bad is about to happen. Whelp you're all about to die but please spare mole girl. Oh jesus it's an abandoned clown theme park you're going to get molested. I am uncomfortable. I NEED AN ADULT. Do not team up with the murder pervert clown it's not gonna end well. Nooot a good idea, buddy. Whelp that was easy. Gundam- Someone shoot this kid already. Unicorns fighting each other would be much more entertaining if they were horses. Okay I really keep thinking that lady died already but I guess I'm proven wrong every time. I genuinely don't remember enough about this plot to know if that's true or not. Alright girl, seduce this kid for us and we'll call it even. Gonna be honest here, it's way too late in the night for me to focus on this plot. Aaaand we're back to Benedryl whining. "Don't worry, everyone just falls ass-first into a giant killer robot!" I also thought that blond kid was dead by now but again I stand corrected. You know it's really not comforting that the giant killer robots just pick random people regardless of any lack of ability or skill. Meanwhile, sandwich. Naruto- I do not remember what was going on before I fucked off several months ago. I wish they'd both just killed each other. Dude was right, he really should have just ditched Sasuke a long time ago. I liked that bird eating move better when Jojo forced it on Caesar. Knowing Sasuke he's probably sucking several dicks at once. Oh right, angry murder boyfriend was a small child because I'm not allowed to have nice things. Shut up Sasuke you're terrible. Dude when even the obvious villain is asking "Hey kiddo you sure you wanna do this?" you might wanna rethink things. Oh god so many obnoxious frogs. Man, those two solid months where I ignored this show in favor of Jojo's sweet sweet muscles was a great time. Obviously, Ben Diskin takes all that personality that Sai doesn't have and tosses it all into Jojo. The lesson here is don't trust orphans. Good job, he left you a sudoku puzzle. He was a ninja you fucking moron, his job was to do dangerous shit. Sorry show I feel absolutely nothing here, and I spent several weeks sobbing over a cartoon whale.

I would bang everyone in their bloodline.

What do you mean that wasn't actually the line?

Hell yeah that's him. Any time there's a hot dude with fire powers, just assume I'm going to pop out of the nearest trash can and claim him as my boyfriend the moment I discover him. <3 I did like Killua's sexy dad, so this is acceptable. Also no I totally didn't speed through the rest of part 2 to start on part 3 because I'm impatient and have no self control.

They were able to keep Roundabout, so I'd assume they can keep the future EDs. I'm at work and don't feel like looking it up, who's doing my hot fire boyfriend?

MRW I assumed my unquenchable Joseph thirst would recede after I finished part two, and then I realize part 3 is literally Sexy Grandpa Joseph leading an entire squad of hot buff dudes:

Oh my god that is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Jack- Jack needs some help. That kinda looks like a concerning amount of blood. Thanks, Warning Frog. Owwww. Go away, creepy ghost samurai! OWWWW. Someone really needs to hug Jack already. Hi doggie! Awwwwww tiny Jack is adorable. This is not adorable. Oh god that looks like some painful field medicine. Awwww doggie wants to be friends. I'm glad that life has taken a break from shitting all over Jack for a minute. "Remember son, talk shit get hit." Oh crap the girls are still here. Come on kids just leave Jack alone he's had a really rough week. False alarm it's just a deer. I don't like Bambi's odds here. Awww deers. Girls that's called love and you'd know that if your childhood wasn't fucking terrible. Or Jack could go ahead and kill them that works too I guess. Jesus christ Jack is not fucking around. Okay so reminder to never piss off Jack. Now someone get that man some shoes. Jojo- God damn that boy is fuckable. Don't worry baby I love you more than all those guys love Wham combined. Smash me, baby. Okay what you wanna do is get that hammer and smash him right in the dick. You beautiful idiot what are you doing. That is surprisingly smart for him. Oh my god I love him. You can have me in your grasp any time. Assist from Caesar's ghost. Jojo lubes up his shaft, because this show is actively trying to kill me with thirst. That's also what he calls his penis. JUST WHIP OUT YOUR DICKS ALREADY. Oh this could be going better. Oh my god so much innuendo my brain is exploding. Christ, just nail me already. This fucking show. SHIT, DUCK. Why does everything I love have to die. FIGHT ME KARS I'LL KICK YOUR ASS. Eat shit, Wammu. Soooo much thirst right now. I'm so proud of Jojo he's amazing. How's that guy gonna hold a crossbow his damn arms don't work. Oh hey he's awake. Jesus christ, show. Soooo many dick jokes this week. SOOOO MANY DICK JOKES THIS WEEK. Bye horsepire. Punch him in the dick and steal his crossbow. Oh this is not gonna go well. DUCK, JOJO. Owwwww. Why can't I have nice things, show. Take a break, just put your face in my boobs and I'll rip his throat out for you. I'll cock your crossbow, baby. WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS, SHOW. Fuck every last one of you, you vampire bastards. He's so stupid he's fucking brilliant. Goddamn, I would go to war for those amazing biceps. Now piss on his corpse. You piece of shit. Oh this can't be good. Why does every character I love have to suffer painfully? This episode had so much innuendo, not even my filthy brain could take it all in. Ghoul- Whelp, let's see how this goes. Those are some big fish. I appreciate the innuendo but I'm still trying to recover from Jojo's hammer. I do like bookstores buy me things. Buy me cake and it's a good date. Oh hey she's cute, is she the vampire? Eating disorders are serious business. HELLO TITTIES. Oh yeah this'll go well. She's gonna eat you and not in a fun way. You are either gonna get fucked or murdered there's no middle ground here. Murder it is. This is when Shinichi shows up with Migi and fights her right? Convenient construction accident, go! Boobs. Uhhhh, I don't think that's normal. This seems like a staggeringly bad idea, doctor. His friend is a good dude. Kid, did you not figure things out when you were literally attacked by a monster? EVERYBODY LOVES KRABBY PATTIES, SQUIDWARD. Get over it kiddo we all have to eat things we don't like, I'd rather subsist on mac and cheese instead of touching vegetables. He's gonna eat that toddler. That was a good knife, you bastard! Dude just go to the nearest morgue and eat a corpse. Hey, you found a friend! Whelp so much for your friend. Are you saying you're gonna fuck that corpse? Is everybody besides his friend a fucking vampire? I have no idea if this is a boy or girl. "I wanna shove it in my mouth but can't!" is my exact feeling about Joseph Joestar. Like a baby bird, kiddo. Well that was a thing alright. Hunter- You fools, only a main character can beat Seitz in a fight. Solid hit from the turdworm there. Whelp spoke too soon he's dead. Do not let that man fist you. Hey kiddo you doing okay there? Ah, the ol' Hamon Hair Attack. Gonna hit a mother fucker with another mother fucker. Ewwwwwwww. I could have lived my entire life without hearing that, guy. Thank you, fisting man. Okay that could have gone better. Yeeeeeah good luck with that, kiddo. Again, can't that one dude literally rewrite reality with his shitty poems? Mole girl comes in with the save, I love her. Sorry dude you're still infested with leeches. Oh jesus christ that sounds horrifying stop fucking talking. I need lots of beer after hearing this. Eat shit, beer man. Meanwhile, bonding time for the goth and the clown. Maybe somebody should have checked him for a tracking device. He is in a real bad mood tonight. WATCH THE ROAD. Wow that's hardcore. And then they crashed into a mountain and died. Gundam- Just shoot that kid. I feel like this is supposed to have any kind of impact on me at all but I still can't bring myself to pay attention. Kick to the dick. And we continue the proud tradition of me being dumb as fuck and not being able to follow any fight in this franchise. Cry harder, lady. And then everyone died. Y'know, two in the goddamn morning is kind of not a good time to try to process complex war commentaries with giant robots. Naruto- Just gonna leave this here.

There was so much innuendo in this episode I think my brain had a minor stroke trying to process it all.

Juuust gonna go ahead and post this every week for the rest of the show.

Man, I wish I had so little to worry about in my life that I can spend weeks on a third-rate message board focusing on a cartoon that comes on at two in the fucking morning not airing anymore. I'm genuinely happy for you, buddy.

Wait what? I haven't heard anything about part 3 since they dubbed the first couple episodes a few years ago.

Jack- I'm cool with this replacing Aku's old intro but I miss the song at the start. That's also how I feel every morning, Aku. Oh lord his eyebrows. Things ain't gonna end well for the mud people. You feeling okay, buddy? Okay therapist Aku is amazing. DIIIIIIIIIIIE. Dude you've been sending out people to work on that problem for 50 years now. Hi doggie! Hi tigers! Time to spear some shit. Great job science dudes, you made it a bigger and easier target for him. Nooo not the bike. Noooo not the beard. I'm glad they're continuing the proud tradition of Jack getting his clothes damaged off. Oh no doggie's hurt. Someone give Jack a hug. Where's the Scotsman to give him a pep talk when he needs it. Don't trust that demon guy on the horse. Surprise it's not a robot it's a gang of love-starved teenage girls that I'm adopting. Girls just leave Jack alone he's had a rough day. Oh no don't follow that bug. GODDAMIT KIDS ALL OF YOU ARE GROUNDED. Well this looks ominous. I just want Jack to be happy, show. I will accept more clothing damage for the moment. Punch her in the tits! Jesus christ, Genndy is not fucking around here. Jojo- Joseph's muscles are so big that my boyfriend curse bounced right off of those amazing goddamn abs and hit the next buffest thing. KICK THEIR SHIT. Oh god the clackers are back. What in the shit. Nooo the clackers. No seriously, what the fuck is this. Beat his ass, Lisa Lisa. Holding her would be worth the painful death. God I love my wife. No baby that's stupid drink it now. Awww they really did love each other. Fuck you, Wammu. Fight me I'd be amazing at Hamon, under my massive boobs are a set of lungs as big as my massive boobs. Well that's super goddamn creepy. FIGHT ME, KARS. I'm pretty sure Lisa Lisa could take them all out with a sneeze. I'm always in the mood for you, baby. Oh my god you giant dork I'm gonna fuck you. I'm going to marry her. Really should have just set the whole building on fire. That sounds romantic, Jojo should blow it off and go out with me instead. Okay don't blow it off, save my wife. Oh right there's that other guy I forgot about him. And I just want you to destroy my fucking pelvis, Joseph. Just take me now, you beautiful goddamn pervert. Wait what. Ohhh shit she's his mom. Oh gross, he was looking at his mom naked. Thank god he's pretty. Well Straitzo was a douchewad who attacked Speedwagon and tried to kill your only child so it's not really that complicated. DEMON HORSES. Please tell me Joseph has to wear that outfit too. Good horsepires. STRIP FOR ME, BABY. Somehow he just leveled up and got even hotter. Aww, I was hoping they'd keep Caesar in the Roundabout. Gundam- Recap all you want, I still can't pay attention to this franchise when there's not shirtless jailbait running around. Just leave this kid in the desert to die. I also don't gve a shit what's in the box. Cry harder, you whiny brat. I am still eternally disappointed about Full Frontal's name. These seem like impractical places to stash robots. Oh hey, blond kid's still alive. And then my stream crashed, because not even my video player cares enough to pay attention. Hunter- Daaaamn, Boobs is looking good in that dress. Yeah this seems like a good idea. Literal finger guns. Protect those boobs at all costs! Whelp so much for those guys. Quick, make out with that girl. THIS IS BULLSHIT BOOBS JUST GOT HERE. I had to watch Pig Fucker shit up the screen for months at a time, but the great rack is dead after like three episodes. That thing looks like the vacuum from Teletubbies. Nice job being stealthy, dude. Just blame Hisoka, always blame Hisoka. How does nobody notice the giant goddamn hot air balloon above them. JUST BLAME HISOKA, ALWAYS BLAME HISOKA. God you're edgy, dude. Probably should have beefed up security for the super mob auction regardless if you expected a rumble or not. This fight is not gonna end well. Never fight Patrick Seitz you cannot win. Ouuuuch. WEREWOLF ATTACK. Okay that rock throw was seriously impressive. Good job, you're all going to die. Uhh that one guy can literally rewrite reality, just have him haiku up a weakness. We belong to whichever family is gonna keep you from killing us. Jesus they're like the monsters from Hellraiser. Naruto- I know eventually this filler's gonna end and I won't be able to spend this time rewatching Jojo and fawning over those ridiculous gorgeous muscles, so I'm just gonna enjoy it as long as it lasts. One Piece- At least the final episode isn't Foxy. I love Brook so much. I hope that journal says a lot about Luffy's hot brother. I LOVE BROOK SO MUCH. I'm gonna hug that skeleton he's so precious. Dude you're gonna learn to enjoy any peace and quiet you get on this ship. Oh noooo the dishes. I like how their fridge has a lock because of Luffy. Brook and Jojo would be good friends. Daaaang Nami is rocking those glasses. OH NOOOO THE MAP. Poor Brook come here let me hug you. Chopper's workin' on some dank weed. This is not gonna end well. Oh nooo the weapon. Maybe you shouldn't keep the soy sauce right next to the soda. At least Luffy is happy. Meanwhile, Zoro works out. Nah bro let's just sit here and admire Zoro for awhile. Brook you don't have a dick how does that even work. Robin is the best and I love her. SKULLBRO IS SO SWEET I'M CRYING. Okay group hug, both of you. Awwwww Luffy. I love them all so much. Stop showing me the sad backstory, goddammit! This is the best crew. Just when I thought we were done with this song. Sing along, you all know the words by now! This was a good episode to end on.

Somehow he just leveled up and got even hotter.

He did have siblings, at least one of those Zeppeli kids is bound to procreate. Still with that track record it's probably best if they stay very far away from the Joestar group.