Doom Metal Alchemist

Wrote The Boys Are Back In Town. Sold it to Thin Lizzy for a pack of smokes and a scratch off. The scratch off was a loser.

Knows why System of a Down chose to name their song "Chop Suey!"

Insipid is the one responsible for Ryu and Ken shouting AAAAAAAAAAAAYOUKEN instead of SHORYUKEN in Street Fighter II.

Composed the music for Zangief's theme for Street Fighter II. When asked by the head of Capcom's music department if it's wise the theme should have a four minute bass solo to open the song before any other instrumentation comes in, he said, "Yes, and if it is altered in any way, I'm off the project!"

10 years ago, he entered a global Street Fighter arcade tournament, and played as Ryu. Made it to the final match. His opponent was also Ryu. To this very day, they're STILL deadlocked just spamming Hadoukens at each other.

Owes Tao a looooooooot of money.

Has a strange obsession with The Olive Garden.

Replaces the replacement plastic forks and spoons with sporks.

Replaces Olive Garden's stolen urinal cakes with their chocolate cakes.

Was the real-life inspiration for the character Al Bundy.

Sold his mom's VCR to get the hooha.

Only knows that because he was the casting director.

Sent in countless letters to The Simpsons demanding more Disco Stu.

Judging by past behaviors of all board members, would absolutely be the first one to volunteer to sleep with fuggs. Had to go to rehab for his addiction to fuggs' hooha.

Had to go to rehab for his chicken biryani addiction

Wears an eyepatch over one eye, not because something happened to his eye, and not because he wants too look more like a pirate, but rather he's trying to get people to call him "Patch."

Has made it his life's ambition to create "Mode 8" graphics.

Am I crazy or didn't we already wish him a happy birthday significantly less than a year ago? Happy birthday all the same, I guess.

Loves his vacuum cleaner because it sucks

The special effects budget ran out.

Confuses Tony Iommi for Ritchie Blackmore, as Iommi was the one who liked to light his bandmate's legs on fire.

Got his balls caught in his zipper and accidentally did the most perfect metal scream known to man.

Was a first ballot-er in the badminton hall of fame.

Started a breadstick sword fight with a server at the local Olive Garden.

Wrote a tell-all exposé on David Schwimmer.