Doom Metal Alchemist

Am I crazy or didn't we already wish him a happy birthday significantly less than a year ago? Happy birthday all the same, I guess.

Loves his vacuum cleaner because it sucks

The special effects budget ran out.

Confuses Tony Iommi for Ritchie Blackmore, as Iommi was the one who liked to light his bandmate's legs on fire.

Was there even a threat in there???

Got his balls caught in his zipper and accidentally did the most perfect metal scream known to man.

Was a first ballot-er in the badminton hall of fame.

Gas leak, maybe?

Started a breadstick sword fight with a server at the local Olive Garden.

Wrote a tell-all exposé on David Schwimmer.

Writes Mega Man fanfics.

Oh I thought you were saying I was trolling, my bad.

@Swim_DrewId

Not trolling, but I will concede that bacon makes good toppings on pizza and burgers. But bacon strips for breakfast as a side with like eggs and sausage or something, bacon like that sucks. Also people only hate pineapple on pizza so much because they're told to. Literally any single other pizza topping under the goddamn sun someone doesn't like, it's like "Eh, I don't like mushrooms/olives/green peppers/whatever." But with pineapple everyone fucking frothes at the mouth 'PINEAPPLE DOESN'T BELONG ON PIZZA YOU HEATHENS."

Bacon sucks and pineapple is one of the best pizza toppings, so come fight me, Internet.

Any chance of getting Sawdy back here? I thought nabs was the reason he left.

Is the reason why the only Rainbow song that ever gets played on classic rock stations to this day is Since You've Been Gone instead of something far better, far more fondly remembered, and 100000000000000000% more a fan favorite such as Man on the Silver Mountain or Stargazer.

The only thing that makes this make any sense at all is if Elon's primary goal is to completely dismantle the United States. He can't possibly be stupid enough to think he's doing anything to help the country even a little bit. I'm also going to have to assume Trump is completely checked out at this point being little more than a vegetable... and viable means for Elon to destroy the whole country.

It's the opposite over here. I went out in shorts and a t-shirt and I was still hot. Had the car's A/C on blast.

Like pretty much everyone else has already mentioned, shaving.

What the fuck does this even mean, a new CB season available only in a video game?

Despite his avatar he absolutely reviles the Calgary Flames.

I actually wish Packard was still here.... just for the sole reason of me being able to ask him how those gas prices are going.

Fuck you in your fucking ass, DMV.

Was a 5th string NFL QB for 15 years, got into exactly 1 play. Considers it his life's highest achievement.