Mix

I've never heard of these people, tsar. The cold war is over. You can wear jeans and use up to date references.

Not where this massage therapist will touch me

I now have six sessions booked with a massage therapist. Make sure there's a refund option before you spend money on a joke.

Happy birthday

Do you become filled with rage? I used to be just like you. I'd question how they effortlessly tasted the sauce they were making without burning themselves. I tried everything. Blow on it first, use spoon from freezer, make deal with devil....I tried it all. I finally figured out the secret. Those fucks are drunk. They can't feel a thing and it makes cooking fun. It also explains how Rachael Ray went from cooking for people to making food for animals. I'm not going to blame alcohol for Mario Batali groping those women, but i'm sure it didn't help. Hell's Kitchen was originally about Gordon Ramsay's fight for sobriety in the one place that triggered his drinking, but the producers went another way with it once they saw how he was coping. Eighteen seasons and half a dozen assault charges later and Gordon is still sober, god bless him.

Is that what I was doing wrong, nabs? That was where the plan fell apart? I shouldn't have been driving women out to secluded locations and presenting them with bags of drugs without securing the "aight" first?

You think Floridians haven't tried AND FAILED to live at one of those Disney attractions time and time again? They stopped tasing people in '05. They just shoot 'em now. You're gonna get found and you're gonna get shot. That's the best case scenario, btw. You could end up being lobotomized and placed in a Mickey suit.

On a train this is a Tuesday.

Where does @molarbear live?

Waffle House A lot of shit happens there and I don't know if i'm just missing it or what, but there's never any damage control on social media or through the press. They don't give a shit.

i'm crying laughing right now 'cause I used to do what nabs is suggesting and I got THIS reaction a lot....pretty much every time.....ahh, the memories @Doom Metal Alchemist A lot of this is trial and error, dude....life experience sorts out a lot of the road blocks you come across and you can't fear failure to the point where it paralyzes you. What you do here all the time, starting these group discussions where you put yourself and your troubles in plain view for everyone to pick apart, that's way harder than talking to girls. Perspective is a bitch and it's distorting your view of these "problems" and their ultimate impact on your life. Anyway, what I mainly came here to say is if your music career takes off and you're suddenly bombarded with pussy, don't make the mistake of tying yourself down to the first hot girl that touches your dick. It's going to feel amazing, she's going to tell you everything you ever wanted to hear, but you stay strong dammit. In fact you don't even take your pants off for the first couple of years. You're going to be a zipper down, bang, get our of there, type of guy. For the first couple of years I want you to focus on putting up Wilt Chamberlain numbers. Then after, when the touring ends and you've dropped off your drummer at the rehab facility for the final time, then and only then, can you consider settling down. Trust me on this. You won't regret it.

That's going to need to change. Scrubs will never hold a gun holster.

Lmao, my sister tells me these old guy creep stories all the time. I'm going to tell you what I told her...."play rap music as loud as you can. It's old guy repellent. Also, stop dressing like an old lady. You're confusing these old fucks."

That's a mouth-full, I know. It used to be called something else, but never mind... I read they're doing studies on this now. I was surprised to learn it was actually real. I thought it was some bullshit leftover from Mice and Men. I started thinking of a scenario where they figure out how to give athletes increased physical capabilities because of this, but the down side is a downgrade in mental acuity. There's just a coach in the locker room with a syringe yelling, "YOU WANT THAT GOLD MEDAL OR NOT!?"

Did you just describe the robots that make up voltron?

...just to keep his tigers. You're gonna tell me flying a rocket shaped like a dick into space is more gay than that. I mean the only other people in the mansion tiger game at the time were Siegfried and Roy. Yeah, I lost an argument earlier today and i've had time to think about it and i'm going for round two here. What's gayer, rockets or tigers? Make your arguments.

You just gotta get drunk first and then chill out with a glass or three of this...what.....alcoholic grape juice? It's fantastic! i'm kidding, obviously, this shit sucks....I'm out of anything else and I haven't drank in a while and i'm dead set on blacking out right now... If only I still had my motorcycle....riding drunk is even more fun than driving drunk....everything is so much more tactile

Happy Birthday kinda goes without sayin', 'cause how can it not be a happy day for you....balloons everywhere, i'm guessin' enjoy, my guy

I guess it's not the worst origin story

Every apartment has a view of the Eiffel Tower. You can't ask for a better artistic catalyst for every painter, author, or film maker in that city. Also, a great place to jump off of when all those dreams come crashing down.

What even is christian Yoga? Did they finally figure out yoga can be used to enslave the minds of the weak willed? No one tell them about crossfit!

so, what does is stand for?

hmm....I'd say it's more in line with Dabi for My Hero Academia

Hey dude, I saw you at the grocery store and I waved, but you didn't wave back.....not cool I even yelled out, "YO! Quebecelegy!" You just looked all confused and walked away, so I started to run over and then you just dropped your stuff and bolted. What the hell, man? I just wanted to say what's up and show you my new face tat...