Mix

I remember seeing one lady dressed up as a sandwich. If you became famous enough to be invited, what would you wear? I would show up in a batman costume. Not a studio quality one, but the one on sale at Walmart.

The cancer is back. But it's like Norm Mcdonald said, "if you die, the cancer dies. It's not so much a loss as it is a draw."

The degree i'm getting is cheaper, so it stands to reason that the medical care will be cheaper too. Passing the savings on to the consumer is just good business.

They said I could get my degree in six months if I log in every day. The future is in online medicine! Join me and you too could be a medical consultant (not legally allowed to say doctor, but it's pretty much the same job with possibly almost close to the same pay)

You're one of the conveniently oblivious people in animal movies who make the animal's adventure possible. That dog was probably trying to figure out how to get on the elevator when you arrived.

I had to google oyakodon, but yeah, pretty much that

This is the best thing i've ever seen ever. I want to "learn wisdom," but whatever price you paid for this is worth it for the music video alone.

...is what shaq uses to cover those Ferraris and that Rolls Royce he keeps down in Florida? I was angry enough when I found out Shaq sold two millions copies of his rap album....

Donda is not that good. It's not terrible, but not good enough that i'd recommend it. Kanye is not a genius. He is a guy with mental problems who is good at making music, but better at cultivating interest.

Since when did one stop becoming enough? This consumer culture has become obsessed with more more more. At what cost, Pooh? At what cost?

If you don't remember it, put it in the win column....that's what my uncle told me

If i'm going to do a hard drug it's going to be heroin. Have you had sex on heroin? Tell us about the women in your inbox from your heroin days.

As long as it's not the police.

Yes, exactly. That's the face. That shell shocked, lights are on, but no ones home look.

You ever see that one construction worker who is holding on for dear life as the jack hammer is going....and you think to yourself, "the construction site is across the street, what's he doing in the park" It's kind of like that. It's really in god's hands once it gets started and I don't believe in god, so you can just imagine

I don't think anyone has ever said, "was it good for you?" That's just something they made up for TV. Me, i'm a good guy, so I usually ask, "are you ok?" It's not often that someone experiences over three thousand pumps in a forty five second period. It can be jarring.

I said WAS

dude, I'm dead