Mix

The Harder They Fall (5 out of 5)

Words formed in the mind don't have the mechanical constraints that apply those effects to audible speech.

..you let them see you eat? You know what I mean....not the oscar worthy performance of dining sophistication you put on with meals designed not to trip you up.

...you're not expecting things to go well. You're not necessarily expecting things to go badly, but it's fair to say you've written off the day. I got a job offer = awesome I got laid = awesome Those two aren't connected = reassuring Side note - Has ice cream always been this good? I haven't had it in years. I don't really eat sugary things. Is Twix still good?

could you imagine

I'm most impressed with how well they cast Ein.

In my best Barry White voice; "You gotta back that thing up nice and eeeaaasssyyy...oh yeah, bebeh" "ahh crap, hold on...uhh, baby...I just gotta pull back out for a sec and.....nope, still not right....dammit, wtf....hehe, this has never happened to me before..." ... 20 mins later "Look its not necessarily me. I mean I know how to park the hell outta this thing. Maybe it's your parking spot. It's off somehow." ... 4 hours later "CALL THE NUMBER ON THE BOX! IT'S BEEN ROCK HARD FOR THREE HOURS NOW! FUCK IT, CALL A DOCTOR! IT'S FUCKING TURNING PURPLE! LET'S JUST DRIVE TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL! Shit, they're towing my car. We forgot to park it."

(right before this picture was taken) - "Put your thumbs up." - "Why?" - "It'll humanize you." - "I thought wearing this guy's skin was supposed to do that." - "You have to do a lot of shit to fit in here." - "I don't see Zuckerberg doing this." - "Yeah, and how well is his disguise holding up?" - "...so the thumbs go like this?" - "Yup, just like that."

1) It shouldn't be racist, so why does it seem like it could be? 2) Is there any way this is an original idea? 3) Are the optics better or worse if you pay the rickshaw driver to yell it while he takes you somewhere? 4) Why did they not use dinosaurs to power the cars like they did every other thing on that show?

But it's hot though

There's just so many devils these days it's hard to know who to make a deal with in any given situation.

I've never heard of these people, tsar. The cold war is over. You can wear jeans and use up to date references.

Not where this massage therapist will touch me

I now have six sessions booked with a massage therapist. Make sure there's a refund option before you spend money on a joke.

Happy birthday

Do you become filled with rage? I used to be just like you. I'd question how they effortlessly tasted the sauce they were making without burning themselves. I tried everything. Blow on it first, use spoon from freezer, make deal with devil....I tried it all. I finally figured out the secret. Those fucks are drunk. They can't feel a thing and it makes cooking fun. It also explains how Rachael Ray went from cooking for people to making food for animals. I'm not going to blame alcohol for Mario Batali groping those women, but i'm sure it didn't help. Hell's Kitchen was originally about Gordon Ramsay's fight for sobriety in the one place that triggered his drinking, but the producers went another way with it once they saw how he was coping. Eighteen seasons and half a dozen assault charges later and Gordon is still sober, god bless him.

Is that what I was doing wrong, nabs? That was where the plan fell apart? I shouldn't have been driving women out to secluded locations and presenting them with bags of drugs without securing the "aight" first?

You think Floridians haven't tried AND FAILED to live at one of those Disney attractions time and time again? They stopped tasing people in '05. They just shoot 'em now. You're gonna get found and you're gonna get shot. That's the best case scenario, btw. You could end up being lobotomized and placed in a Mickey suit.