Mix

You gave Fuggs syphilis?

I was googling 'Breaking Bad blood donation episode' This makes more sense

Vampires aren't real. If they were, we would know. You have any idea how insane you would become living that long. Insane people can't keep secrets.

Why would I be offended? This is all a joke. I mean both this thread and life in general.

I'm just kidding. Except about the crying in the car part, but that's a regular thing I do regardless of the days events. Actually, I gave blood and went to get drinks. That turned out to be a bad idea, one thing led to another and now I'm at the hospital where they are, you won't believe this, giving me my own blood. Crazy, right? How's your day going?

The friend group went to this blood drive. I didn't even want to go. I was guilted into it. I get there and they wouldn't take my blood. I ask why. The lady said they don't take sad blood. I told her that's not a thing. She said it's a personal policy and I "better get my sad ass on somewhere." Now i'm crying in the car, sadder than ever.

Exactly. It's only a matter of time. (Insert evil laugh)

You can ignore calls from prison? I feel like that's the call you GOTTA take. What if he's going to get shanked in the yard because he saw something he shouldn't and he can't tell the guards because they're in on it. You are his last hope. You gotta get to the Warden before it all goes down. Only, you figure out too late that the Warden is the mastermind. He's been in bed with the cartels since '88 and he's planning to...wait...did you say uncle? Why did I read that as brother? Nah, that guys not your problem.

Yeah Ain't it great Imagine how stupid we'd look, ignorant of the cliffs edge we're living our lives on No, this is better

Lol, I know right. Hey, I got a fun idea. Let's both call a friend and ask them to come check on us.

I'm 5'11" and a half. A half inch from the promised land. (That's what she said) (haha, no but seriously I could use a half inch all over)

That's right! Houses suck! All that upkeep is a headache. Cardboard boxes are the way to go.

I rushed over to delete this as soon as I remembered I posted it, but this actually isn't that bad. This is fine. 🔥 Just funny enough not to be pathetic. (Title of my autobiography?)

lmao, no but for real there is a point when you are comparing yourself to the next guy and he's legitimately better than you in every way and you're like, "did she leave me for the guy I wanted to be in life?"

No worries. She'll be back. There is no future with that guy. He has the life expectancy of a large dog. I can wait him ou...I mean you can wait him out.......you can............................ she's gone

Foreplay is a lost art

Squats will help with that.

lmao, yeah, but that's on us. We underestimated the Amish and overestimated the evangelicals.

Next time they tell you that, ask them what type.

"Written be evangelical christian women" "Amish are repulsed" I really wanted this to be something the Amish were getting into, but this is better.

I walked right into that one.

You should just be able to ask them for lawn grass. Instead, they look at you like an idiot if you do that, and as accustomed as I have become to that look, it still stings. What type of grass do you have?