Mix

This is probably how President Camacho got started. I can't wait to lose my way and be consumed by power and greed.

wtf The only perk of being a nobody with five followers is you get to make dumb jokes and nobody bothers you. welp, might as well make an OnlyFans now. Just put it all out there.

Yeah, the pic is from the Silva fight. They both fought the fight they were capable of at that time. Neither of them was capable of finishing the other. Anderson in his prime would have put on a more satisfying winning performance, but he still wouldn't have finished Diaz, imho. I can understand not liking the things Diaz says and does in the ring, but I don't think you can justify hating the guy. Certainly not over dudes like McGregor who are full on assholes.

For the last time, i'm not bad at cuddling, you have circulation problems. You are freezing cold. It's like snuggling up to Sub-Zero. Wait, are you Sub-Zero? And what my ass does while i'm asleep is its business. It shows up everyday, rain or shine, and does its job. I got no complaints.

More than....how? why? what did he do to you?

we need to have a talk about what is and isn't lube

Dude, bisexual porn is the best porn. It improves every plot, every fetish, it's unreal. And now, here you come, the universes messenger, revealing to me what I was put on this earth to do.....WRITE, DIRECT, and possibly star in BISEXUAL PORN. I knew today was a good day when I finished Wordle in three tries.

I tried, but they said I was too handsome. I was like, "whaaat," but they were like, "yeah, sorry, bruv. It's like the opposite of disability. It's like steroids in sports. You have an unfair advantage." I was blown away. I mean these guys were very complimentary. A couple of them tried to fuck me, much like you're doing right now, but I was like, "nah, i'm good." I still hang out with those guys. We play poker on Tuesdays at Phil's house. His wife hates it, but he makes it up to her by falling asleep drunk while trying to eat her box.

If they recover anything, it'll be twitter. That's the Roman graffiti of our time.

A minute later she texted, "Sorry, wrong person" I replied, "Mom, just go back to the old phone, you're ruining lives"

he never retires

Some people say it oddly, so it sounds like they are saying "taint worth much" so, of course, you have to respond, "taint?" And even though you were questioning their use of the word, seriously or humorously, they took it as genuine disbelief in their valuation process and the universe punished you with a long, comprehensive break down of antique furniture appraisal.

I tried immunizing at work too, but they said "heroin" is a "drug" and not a "vaccine" and we're calling the "cops"

That's not what I was referencing, but those superbad cops are dead on what I would be if I got into law enforcement...

I have never heard that question asked without the answer being drugs. It's like a math equation. Hell y'all doin' + in here = drugs drugs = hell y'all doin' + in here

I go to a different strip club every month. Not as a customer, but as a dancer. Not for the money, but for the attention. They kick me out pretty quick '>.>

Even if I was law enforcement, i'd be the awesome kind of law enforcement... Like, i'd give you the keys to my car so you could make a run for it at the end of the movie... Then, i'd switch sides and join you as a criminal for the next fifteen to twenty sequels....

Well there goes my theory. I'm starting to think your screen name is aspirational.

You think he's wearing green yoga pants?

oh, my adorable little honey gobbler, you don't use the devil....you simply summon it 😈

If you had a dick? If you had a dick? IF? You don't know what you would do. You don't know. Your.World.Would.Change. You think this shit's a game, Pooh. With your honey and your naps. Wait till you're bouncing on your tail, day and night!

DISPENSARY WHORE! I'm sorry, i'm just jealous. That was more about me and my situation and less about you and your whoring ways.

Not unless you also sell that pot. This is a great opportunity to test my theory though. Would you get vaxxed if your drug dealer was vaxxed?