Mix

I knew it was you! I had a nosebleed the other day.....first one ever.....immediately I yelled, "NARAKUUUU!!!"

That's how you can tell she's a good person, 'cause anyone else injures themselves....welp.....that dog is an outside dog now The ones on the fence would come up with ways to rationalize it...."well they ARE decendents of wolves. The've got all kinds of survival instincts. It probably likes it better out there. All the comfy couches, food, and warmth in here were just getting in his way."

Happy old birthday, old man

That's totally believable....I headbutted a pillar in an airport just by walking straight while looking to my right....there were weird looking dolls in a store.....still have the scar to this day Now that story is boring, but a zebra kicking me in the head because I tried to ride it while I was on safari in the muva-land....that's a fun bar story

it's more assisted suicide with a succubus

lmao, yo, I know ever since that 50 Shades of Gray bullshit white women murder rates are skyrocketing

You gotta see this as an opportunity to entertain yourself and work on your creativity... Whenever I get a visible injury that people constantly ask about, I come up with a different story every time....making sure the next story is stranger than the last.... That's not a forehead scratch from a tree branch, it's a motorcycle accident, it's a fight club badge of honor, it's a bullet graze.....you get the idea

Why didn't you say he was tall and sexy....we all know good looking people are never the bad guys >.> anyway you're better off....I always thought it was funny how people brainwash themselves into ignoring who they're attracted to because they hear a word like trans.......or micropenis.......it's like, come on, we can make this work....you know what I mean

"I followed a stranger because he told me to and then I gave him more information than he had any right to in the first 20 minutes of meeting him because he asked" How are you still alive?

I liked it better when I thought it was naps

It's too late anyway....I can't go on....you gotta leave me behind....you gotta go on for the both of us....just promise you'll remember me as I was....a young man with all the abs in the world.....not as I am.....a slightly older man with a fat belly and an even fatter dick #fatboysfatdicks #fatdicklyf #AskYaMa

Step 1: cheat Step 2: bribe Step 3: blackmail Step 4: learn how to forge a diploma (if steps 1-3 fail)

I read this thread and now I have to poop 😮

Yeah, 7 naps a day sounds like it could help

Help me, Panda!

Good Don't ever do it Don't fall to peer pressure You stay golden ponyboy

...till you go through a workout you used to do when you were in shape I think i'm dying....at least I hope I am

I saw that movie wayyyy too young and I had no idea what that stuff was...might as well have been donut powder

People are nuts....I mean they call the cops for anything How was I supposed to know what a Cassowary was.....I thought it was a sick turkey, but the vet was all, "Get it outta here! The hell is wrong with you! AAAAHHHH MY EYES, ITS GOT MY EYES!!!" I wonder how Benny is doin'....I miss the little guy

Good, the nose wax was really what made me cringe in horror....I think everything else is manageable