molarbear

I like to narrate their lives like I"m watching a Nature Documentary while listening to 80's metal bands "Here we see the Cross Fitters in their natural state, tossing weights on the ground while yelling, now they run a lap then do weird swings on the Pull Up Bar" Seriously though if it works for them, good for them. Just quit being so dramatic

Fuck Her, Dude. Not literally, but in the way you just bounced way

I literally came into this thread to say pretty much this

How you should feel Bonus points if you start listening to music 2 mins into a long winded story

I remember it well When they played the Thunder in the playoffs dude was able to draw so many fouls and I don't think he missed a single free throw

DAWWWWWWWWW Theyre getting so big! I had one of those moments today where I was standing in line at Walmart hating everything about my situation because I was in Walmart and I had the thought "If Dogs could use social media I wonder what Twitter would look like during a thunderstorm?" so there I am in Walmart, 3 deep in line at checkout (because for some reason this place doesn't have self checkout) laughing so hard to myself that I'm snorting and crying long story short, I was "That person" at Walmart today

Yes It's on my arm

this may blow your mind but... some people aren't allergic to it

and take a warm shower

Nope

Wendy's Popeyes Sonic Whataburger I honestly can't decide my inner fat kid is telling me that I couldn't live without all 4 in my life

I'm on a kick where I have to have an alligator bite one of my fingers off right as a women finishes peeling an orange

I write them down now.... I'm pretty sure it's one of the first signs of aging

I got to some mission where I had to keep a vehicle from hitting buildings by drifting a car into them and knocking them over It was around that time I realized I would never complete the game without losing my sanity

*insert current photo of your fur pups here

Back when my Pup was alive I use to slide my feet under her belly It was like an economic version of slippers

It use to be Whiskey, then I got super fat so I switched to Vodka and Tonic with lemon or lime

Not indoors. I'm just saying when you're outside and pick a tree. Try aiming for the tree to the left or right, try making a smiley face on the bark, or, if you're more artistic than me, go for Starry Night or something

I know I'm not perfect but one thing therapy has thought me is that I'm not Crazy

Shartnado

You've never tried a trick shot while peeing?

^ No more words are necessary

@empty looks like one of the Viking dudes from 13th warrior

I want it to go on the record that I only fish with Ugly sticks