mthor

Dexter wants to play. He has no clue how to, but he is intrigued, going so far as to get the board out yesterday (although not going so far as to actually read the rules). If you're really desperate, I can volunteer him.

Now this is spleen. Admirable.

No. I think that both the user and their monitor expired simultaneously, and their bereaved loved ones don't know that the computer is on.

I don't know - I had too much Halloween irl this year, so I didn't look for it here.

You're late! We work on a retail schedule here - get your Santa on.

Damnit, all I want to know is how long at what temperature to cook it for. I don't want your autobiography, what inspired you, what your relationship to the food in question is, or how it's linked to this special time of year. All I want is a time and a temp.

What?

Only if there was an accident with a time machine and a contraceptive.

Piss off. You're not my real dad.

That's pretty allergic. Please get an EpiPen - if they didn't give you a prescription, get one from your doctor.

How allergic?

🍻🎂🍻

Some are born grumpy, some become grumpy, and some have grumpiness thrust upon them.

So much buttermilk....never again.

The zebra was, strictly speaking, not a candy mascot. He was the mascot for Fruit Stripe gum ("Yikes! Stripes! Fruit Stripe Gum!"). He was annoying, and the gum was disappointing.

I hate other people's children.

the squirrels have been stealing our tomatoes.

You either die a hero or live long enough to realize that you really should have planned better for retirement.

🍻🎂🎉🎂🍻@ both of you (I'm not late, I'm early for next year)

Really late 🎉 🍻🎂🍻🎉

Quantum Leap? Again? Are there no new ideas anywhere?

🍻🎂🍻

The Hitchhiker's Guide is disappointing - it should just say "DON'T PANIC" on the front.

I'm so traditional - coffee and cigarettes have been my staple since 1980.

No big deal. I just wasn't sure if it was a problem with the tab or a problem with me. As long as there's an escape route, it's all good.