Doom Metal Alchemist

Everyone makes fun of me for loving pineapple on pizza, but everyone can suck a big fat dick because cold pizza is trash. I could understand preferring it to RE-HEATED pizza.... but better than FRESH pizza? Off with your fucking head. 🤬

At least she didn't try to make you play the tuba. As I got independent guitar lessons in junior high and high school, various people encouraged me to try out for jazz band at our high school so I could play guitar with them. I declined because I was too worried that playing guitar would seem more like "work" and less like "fun." My independent instructor was teaching me Sabbath, Metallica, Hendrix, Zeppelin, AC/DC, teaching me scales that I applied to writing my own shit.... What was jazz band gonna teach me that I might actually have fun with, you know? Although the other rock/metal guitar kids in jazz band liked it, but... I dunno... I didn't want to risk guitar becoming an obligation rather than something I loved to do.

Tim and Eric's Beef House.

How much "took a nap" makes sense depends on the age of the student. High school? Understandable. Elementary school? What the fuck happened to watching cartoons?

Soda tastes best poured into a glass with ice in it.

At least you don't need a TV to watch Netflix.

IMO "Grape vines" doesn't sound enough like "great minds" to make that work.

What animal? It looks tasty, but the beef jerky bought in stores all throughout America kills my jaws.

I am honestly very surprised I almost never run into this problem. It's only if I take a deep breath or yawn that my glasses fog up, and they defog very quickly. Thank the lord.

I'm not sure Godzilla has any powers / abilities that are fatal to vampires, unless he can wield an oak stake, garlic, holy water, a cross, etc. I'm also not confident Dracula's fangs could penetrate Godzilla's thick, leathery scaly hide. I call a stalemate.

Bing is good for porn, huh? Good to know...

Have you tried Bing?

You should try Wuthering Heights the band.

Alright, that's funny then. 😄

If only it was something better quality than Domino's and you'd be my personal hero.

Whatever that is it shows up as a square on my comp.

???????????????

That sounds more like he's on crank.

I can believe "sneak," "snake," and "sank" were all the result of autocorrect, but what in god's name is "snkc"?

I notice his dick is still flacid.

💔 *calls grandma to let her know I won't be needing her ring after all*

I have no idea what Crangula is, but it makes me think of if Dracula fed off cranberry juice instead of blood.

I'd appreciate not being called a "dolt" because you keep contradicting yourself. 🤬

All of a sudden I'm wondering if buddy was insulting me every time he referred to me as "Doomer..."

*googles* Eh, maybe. Most of what I'm seeing she doesn't look very kawaii. There is one pic I'm seeing where her top does make her look kawaii but it does not show what she is wearing below the waist.