Mix

Work licenses? Liberals are ruining this country.

OMG JESUS NO!!! What about your infamously substantial phallus? Please tell me it's ok. I would be so sad if something happened to it before you got a chance to use it.

What...the...fuck??? Who the hell raped my sister? It must of been when she was really young 'cause she made me proof read that love letter she wrote to her best friend in the eighth grade. I guess that's why she never laughed at the jokes I made about cousin Ronny getting molested......OMG COUSIN RONNY!!! Wait, did she say everybody turns gay after rape or is it a case by case basis? You know what, i'm just going to face time my sister and cousin Ronny and i'm going to get to the bottom of this.

I've made great strides with anger, but not depression. So, naturally, my days are shit. I don't want to do shit. My anger was fueling my life.....biodegradable fuel, anger is....fucking eco-friendly and everything. Every functioning person is a delicate balance of shit that may not all be great, but it's working. It may not be sustainable, but fuck, it's working. You can't just throw therapy in there and hope for the best. Therapy is like chemical X. People always highlight the powerpuff girls, but they never talk about that purple bitch that blew up. Remember her? She probably would of been just fine without chemical x. We don't all need to fly. I've been walking all my life, it's fine.

They were weed gummies.

Don't give up on it. You might of just stumbled across something. "Late as a one trick pony" rolls of the tongue so well. I want to keep talking about this, but i'm tired as a big dick bat. i'm going to crash.

Are one trick ponies known for being late? Or is that like a saying...late as a one trick pony....it sounds off, but it could be something...idk, i'm drunk... I tried to take a shot every time you said asvab, like halfway through reading this thread (you were saying it alot, bruv) I gave up at seven....it's a tuesday....I have work in the morning....also, I wanted to live....you said that shit like fifty times

would I lie to you?

It helps if you're blind. Always helps to have a friend who can confidently tell the police they didn't see shit.

Happy Birthday, big dawg

My dick's not hard, but I can't bend my fingers.

Who told you about my novel?

Most everyone has probably been in a situation where an asshole is friendly to you. They are a complete jerk to everybody, but for some reason you got a pass. Everyone likes to be liked....so, when people go, "that guy is an asshole," you go, "nah, he's alright," knowing full well, he is not. This is kind of like that, except not. The conversation went... - "Hey, remember that dick, Chris. Mac's guy." - "He wasn't a dick, he was just awkward, didn't know how to deal with people. What about him?" - "He's in prison for murder. Guy owed him money so he shot up his house, ended up killing a kid." - "Jesus Christ.....what a terrible accident." - "Accident?" - "Well...yeah. 'Gimme my money' gunshots aren't the same as 'imma kill you' gunshots. He was just trying to send a message." - "That's probably what his lawyer said in court." - "Probably." -"What the fuck is wrong with you?" -"He made me feel appreciated!"

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I should just keep driving till I hit Mexico. I could start a new life. People do it all the time. Mostly criminals, but... (Looks around) Am I the only person in this parking lot? It's super eerie out here. Like a scene in a movie right before somebody gets got. How awesome would that be....sweet release. Maybe time froze. Time froze and...as long as I stay in this car, it'll stay that way. I'll just...sit here. Nothing has to happen, nothing has to be decided, nothing has to change. This is kinda nice. And, of course, now I gotta take a shit. Why do I always have to take a shit whenever i'm contemplating high stress situations? I wonder if the part of the brain that deals with stress is also the part that controls your bowels. Probably why people shit themselves when they get too scared. Fuck, i've been sitting out here too long. They probably think i'm about to rob the place. You never hear about people robbing ice cream parlors. Which sounds like a dumb idea, but it's actually genius. Banks are impossible and the people that work at gas stations are grizzled war vets at this point. Robbing an ice cream parlor is basically crime with training wheels by comparison. No silent alarm to worry about and the person behind the counter doesn't have a well worn pistol within reach. Am I about to rob this place? Then...I would HAVE to go to Mexico.

First, you're welcome. Second, I don't appreciate your characterization of my original post, but I understand. Nobody ever takes you seriously when you're talking about piss. Third, I was on that show. The producers are assholes. They allowed me to be on the show just to disqualify me in the first episode. Apparently my hand and I don't count as a couple.

That's just too cute. It makes taking your money more festive than it should be. I want people to be sad about taking my money....I want pics of human atrocities on my checks....like slaves and shit...

They say that time is money and the reaper knows the budget. - Black Thought

This is good useful information. Question, how do you categorize piss? Like, say someone enjoys a hot cup of organic, homemade piss in the morning...y'know, for the antibodies and all that....if it's not a tea, would it be considered like a coffee?

Is not what you expect to hear at the end of a funeral. I mean, who still writes checks.

you got out while it was still good...I wish I did that

The Walking Dead just ended and i'm not going through that again.