Mix

It's lame, unsexy, not cool at all vampirism. Glad to see you're down...we just need a few more to round out our cabal

If you didn't like dogs so much I'd think you were a vampire. That's how young and pale you look.

So, start a war with the only other living things around?

That's fine, I'll just watch tv

I'd finally be able to get some reading done. I've always wanted to read a book.

of living forever? oh shit, i'm gonna have to start caring about global warming and forever wars and all this other shit.

A cow? You think eating cows will make us immortal? Hell, it might be the opposite. Hindus seem pretty damn sure about reincarnation. You could argue that's a type of immortality.

...by eating babies. Are we not even going to discuss it? Like, we don't even have all the information and from what I can gather, neither do the QAnon people. I would just like to ask some questions: How many babies? How Often? What qualifies as a baby? Do I get any other powers?

and nothing says, "don't notice this," like the color red.

That's a whole lot of meth. That's what Tiger King was about right? Smuggling meth in Tigers? I didn't watch it.

I'll pretend to do that. In fact i'll pretend to do a lot of things for my pretend kid. I plan to be the best pretend dad/mom anyone has every seen.

I also slept with your mom. And that time your house was robbed...me Also, the reason you feel cold all the time is because I sold your soul.

Deal

Come on man, don't be like that. Remember when your girlfriend found out about your sidechick and threatened to tell your wife? Who was there for you? Who gave you a shoulder to cry on and lent you his favorite shovel?

There's this whole dating app for single parents thing that has gone further than I imagined. And with your help, it will go further still.

I had no idea this show was based on a book. Is the book as good as the show? Maybe i'll read it. I've always wanted to read a book.

Hey, omg, I drink in the shower too. Do you also masturbate in the car on the way to work? If so, I don't think I can kill you. Can't kill a guy with the same morning ritual as me. That's sacrilege.

*Note to self; attempt to murder Phil

It's called equivalent exchange. So yeah, sure, we're gonna have to deal with a little tetanus here and there. Roving gangs on horseback may pillage a village or two. You just gotta remember what we're doing this for........shit, I forgot

Hey hey hey Who said I was bad at murder? Was it Cheryl? She's a liar, man. Don't believe anything she says. I was just tired...and and...I caught a cramp.

*Note to self; attempt to murder Phil

Suits of armor sound like a positive development. It would be difficult to get in cars wearing all the armor, so horses would make a big comeback. That's better for the environment.

It's alright, I was processed then immediately released due to prison over-crowding. The system works!