Mix

Happy Birthday. I got you a brand new TV. On an unrelated note, I broke your old TV, ok, Happy Birthday....

I woke up early to go vote. I can't stand the soul crushing lines. Gotta be first. In and out. Place opens at 7am, so I got there at 6:30am, just to be safe. First person there. I'm set. I'm going to be in and out, baybeee.... 7:05am, aaand nothing. Wtf is going on? Lady pulls up, "Are they not open yet?" "No." "Did you check the entrance on the other side?" "Other side?" FML

gotcha, will do

I've actually completely forgotten what it was about. Is it worth watching or should I just read the plot and call it a day?

First time for me, boss. Now if we're talkin' big birds, this wasn't the first. Ran into an aggressive goose once and saw my life flash before my eyes (most of it was spent in front of a screen displaying cartoons or porn....and sometimes, cartoon porn)

Wait, I'm supposed to keep it?

It was my first time and I wasn't using it how you're supposed to. Before I began cutting, I remember thinking, "how funny would it be if this is how I died." - "Yo, I heard Mix died." - "Overdose?" - "Circular Saw." Luckily, it all worked out and I was super psyched. Had a whole mini-celebration and everything. Then, at that moment something deep inside told me to look up. I was standing under a tree. In that tree was a falcon just staring at me. I thought, "how funny would it be if this is how I died."

They can't wave back. You're making them look like an ass. Just nod! It's a smoother and more practical greeting. You nod, I nod, we go on with our day. I can't nod after you've waved. It's less of a greeting and more of a dismissal. Fuckin' hell...

You black out and make it back home? Shit, I don't see a problem here.

Preach

Tons of popular things are hella corny. I mean, Taylor Swift just shut town ticker master.

Successful crops make me think of vineyards

Nuh uh

I love you

The morning after you tried to pull out and she grabbed you, held tight, and whispered, "lets roll the dice." Side Note; Ladies, if you wanna have a laugh, try this out, it's hilarious. Watching him panic as he cums is priceless. His O face battling his scared face. It'll look like he's being force choked by Darth Vader. I mean, sure, he'll be mad, but what's he gonna do...leave you? Nah, you're having his kid, maybe, who knows, anyway there are no downsides.

what....is that?

It'll convince you that it's ok for that family to own half of Montana and murder anyone that tries to change that. I love shows where the only difference between the good guys and the bad guys is in how you tell the story.

What does?

What's a good decision? I mean every decision is a good decision...in the moment that you make it. And as long as you live in the moment, as people often say and tattoo on themselves, you should be fine.

...is the closest we'll come to time travel.

omg, dude, it's fun times. Like, qualifications aside, you think you'd have to do real work in a position like that, but nope... it's like sex, you just gotta say whatever you need to say to get in there and once you're in, you're in....you don't have to accomplish anything....

I have ultimate power and I have to leave my home for nude models and cocaine?

I don't want to, but I can't find this really dope joke I tweeted or...posted on facebook, idk. I can't remember which platform it's on. I just remember it was really funny and really racist....and I know they'll find that shit.