Mix

It's technically a non-violent crime. I mean, I missed. No harm, no foul. I'm really embarrassed, is that not punishment enough.

Your mistake was coming to Atlanta. You got covid the moment you entered the city. It's like the viral version of the stamp they give you at the club.

I read this like you were talking about a gun.

Strip clubs require shots?

I'm feeling called out right now. I stayed home and ordered a ton of stuff. Thank you for your service....I guess '>.>

I kept losing the damn masks. I became a scarf guy for a while.

You got the shots? What's the point of the pass then?

I don't need super powers to lick my own balls. They are crazy saggy. I can lick them in a comfortable seated position.

I hate chihuahuas

I love chihuahuas

I had it ready and nobody ever asked. So...I just started showing it to people. Grocery store greeters, librarians, cops... Quick aside on that last one. I did not know covid passes don't work as medical marijuana cards. - "That seems counterintuitive. Are you sure?" - "Am I sure that covid passes aren't medical marijuana cards? Yes sir, that's a hundred percent certainty on that." - "I feel like I read something somewhere..." - "Sir, sir...medical marijuana is not legal in this state, so a covid pass slash marijuana card doesn't even factor into this situation." - "Let me get this straight. The medical marijuana I am holding in my hand right now is just regular illegal weed? Wait, why did you just turn off your body camera?"

Everyone knows chihuahuas are dangerous. That's why, instead of mace or a tazer, women carry chihuahuas in their purse.

I'd be one of those off brand superheroes in The Tick universe. I'd be in full costume fighting crime and still using my own legal name.

Also, I'm not fighting to live. Nothing illustrates that better than this dog getting loose when I was out for a walk today. I didn't even think about running. If I get taken out by a Chihuahua, so much the better. I'll die like I lived. Pathetic and funny.

Old secret service agent - "I still remember the sounds. Pow, pow, pow. I remember talking to another agent at the hospital. I asked him if he heard two shots or three. He said who gives a fuck, Herman, we're about to get fired."

I've got money on Captain America.

Just don't get shot. I am serious. This isn't a joke. Rural South plus crazy neighbours seems like a getting shot combo.

I'm going to tell you the same thing my drug dealer told me. You're under arrest.

who am I talking to right now?

See, problem when two men are standin' in a room is you can only look at one of them and they were lookin' at you. Their backs turned, their shirt collars smilin' at me. And they called you The Boss! It was clear what had to be done.

Not for people without multiple personalities.

The rumination spiral sounds like the perfect diagnosis for what I got. Conditioned arousal sounds like something out of my pornhub search history.