little_girl_lost

they lure you in with hopes that its like banging George Clooney, when in reality its more like banging danny DeVito

crying

you need to hire R. Lee Ermey to yell at you to motivate you to fap

already a thing

in a store

they have a pepsi 1893 flavour that is ginger and a regular one that is supposed to be an original cola recipe, but it tastes awful

i sell that stuff, along with the white label, black label, and the spiked varieties also, pepsi 1893 is garbage

a Klondike bar

but..............can I still have my pudding?

what'd I miss?

i'm dying for laser surgery, but i'm not a good candidate for it

I had a spare pair that my ex bf threw away, he decided I didn't need them, then he declared that I was to only wear painful contacts from then on

fuck that guy

I found them!!! they've been missing since Thursday morning and I just now found them, they ere in a dresser drawer stuffed underneath some clothes what the fuck am I doing in my sleep that they ended up there? now that I have them i'm gonna look at stuff so hard, i'mma read all the fine print

before I went to sleep, I put them on the pillow next o my head along with my phone, I wake up and the phone was there, but no trace of the glasses, I've torn my room apart looking for them, but they are nowhere to be found I called for an eye exam (which I needed new glasses anyway) and the soonest they could get me in was june 1st, and then I know it'll be at least another week before my new glasses would come in FML

Mr. Gorbachev?

Rabble-Rabble Mother fucker

could be pre-menopause that can start as early as your early 30s

my boyfriend drinks these things they're expensive for a four-pack and I don't know anyone else who drinks them

beer is an acquired taste just like vagina

the voice of the caramel in the caramel m&ms commercial? sounds a lot like him and he does do a lot of voice work

CooooooOOOOOOOOOkie Crisp!