GunStarHero

Vaguely relevant:

It was super boring to me. Not even remotely funny, either.

@molarbear @DBZ4ever Third video is finally done.

That would be Vicki. She's not very active here.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - 4/10: I am not a big Star Wars movie fan, but this is easily the worst Star Wars movie I've ever seen. Breakneck speed in terms of pacing and yet it dragged on. Absolute mess of a plot. I looked away for a few second to grab my drink and someone had died and they moved on before I looked back. Total trash. Nothing really mattered and things were quickly resolved. One character points a gun at another's head and says "I wanna see your brains on the snow." Within two minutes she's asking him to join her on her personal journey. It matters for fuck all. Fuck D-O, fuckin' Toy Story 4, Sporky ass piece of shit. "I AM THE SPY!" WOOO DEATH TO SUBTLETY! Fuck this movie. Babu Frik was wonderful, though.

I'm experiencing this right now, myself. I bought about 3 cases of these fig bars (in a variety of flavors) and after like the second week I've barely been touching them. My fat ass went and got some other snacks so now there are dozens of those bars just hanging out.

Time to eat a whole jar of peanut butter.

That list is incomplete or out of date. We serve wagyu and kobe at my work, most of it is not from Japan which is typically what you see in these instances. But we also sell a limited amount of the real deal. Only a handful of places have the authentic stuff and it will always have the prefecture of origin listed, among other things. I regularly clean the butcher shop on Sundays with the sous chefs and the non-Japanese stuff is kept out with all the other meats while the real deal Kobe is locked up in a special cooler. Your list seems to come from an artcile published about 4 years ago. Availability has increased since then, albeit in small amounts. Here's a more recent list specifically for my area, which includes my work: https://vegas.eater.com/maps/real-kobe-beef-las-vegas-restaurants

@molarbear @DBZ4ever

Normally I would respect someone else's opinions, but ya cut me deep. It's one of the worst games you've ever played? Ever? Feels like this is either a personal vendetta with the game for you or this is strictly for a reaction. There are plenty of games I personally find overrated but I'd never say they're among the worst games I've ever played.

Toy Story 4 - 7/10: Honestly thought was going to be awful. The beginning was meandering as all fuck but it got back on track and was actually kinda funny. This is the best Toy Story since the original, but I dont think that's saying much since I dont care for 2 or 3. That being said, beyond money, there was no reason for this film to exist. The narrative was done with 3, so this was just bizarre to behold. But I guess money is reason enough.

Onward - 5/10: I really wanted to like this one. There was potential for greatness here. I keep seeing it in these types of movies. The setting is incredibly interesting but the actual meat of the narrative is boring and predictable. Honestly only laughed once but I kept seeing instances where I could have laughed but the execution of the jokes fell flat. Literally the jokes were there but they consistently dropped the ball. Absolutely gorgeous film, though. Beyond the characters, everything looked amazingly lifelike. Sad to say that, this magical film was more smoke and mirrors than anything else. Super predictable and barely any use of magic, much less creatively. I'll give them the splinter bit, though.

Starcrash (1978) - This is Absolutely not Star Wars: A New Hope (1977). Some ship full of stupid fucking idiots get too close to a planet that emits radio waves that turn you insane. That's important, I'm sure. A hot chick and her partner, that i swore was a fucking living, male real doll, are being chased by the Space Police. This was a high priority task so only the finest, aka '70s Lex Luthor and Foghorn Leghorn's soul trapped in a robot, were sent. The vindictive spirits of Saturday Morning Cartoons captures their prey and send them to separate space prisons. Male Protagonist is not important, so we instead follow Hot Girl, whom is imprisoned on a mining planet. I think. The entire scene lasts about 1 minute and shows the prisoners dumping radioactive spheres into a hole, then a limp dick prison riot happens and we fuck off out of there. Pretty sure this scene was an excuse to get out leading lady into a skimpy outfit--er prison uniform. Literally right after escaping Space Pachinko, our bad bitch is confronted by the very Space Police that initially captured her. Turns out the Lizard Men that rule the galaxy "canceled" her prison sentence so she could help them find that spaceship of stupid fucking idiots from the beginning. Oh, I guess they go fetch Male Lead, who was imprisoned in a tube in the floor. Seemed bummed to be let go. Tough break, there's always FUBU. Now that our dream team has finally been assembled, we can progress to the fucking plot of Absolutely Not Star Wars: A New Hope. Turns out some hero that did nothing wrong is planning to blow up the galaxy with his Death...Hand? Death Hand. It's the fucking Death Star shaped like a robot hand. The heroes must find this deadly weapon and stop...Count Zarth. *sigh* Absolutely Not Star Wars: A New Hope. Zarth looks like he's a lot more entertaining than he actually is. The first location they search is the planet Jason and the Argonauts was filmed on. Robot Yeehaw Foghorn gets fuckin' blasted by Amazonians and Bad Bitch is taken to their leader, Badder Bitch. Turns out the feral lesbians are in cahoots with Zarth and also Android Leghorn survived! Thank fuck! And he saves the titties from the other titties! Queen ProtoDyke summons a mech to stop our heroes, but luckily the mechanical beast is bested by talks of feelings and nail painting. Sadly, we leave the planet of the Celestialbians and land on Not Hoth. Another dead end! But oh, no, the first known robo-simp and Boss Babe are trapped in the snow! They'll never make it back to the ship in time! I fucking guess! So they do the reasonable thing and sleep out in the open during a snowstorm. The plan is that the battle bot will survive and take the probably dead chick back into the ship to be brought back to life. Okay. Sure. BUT OH NO WHAT'S THAT!? BETRAYAL!? Turns out Lex Lu-Thor works for Zarth and he just 86'd Interesting, Totally Developed, Male Lead. Somehow the snow angel plan works and also Male Lead not only survived but has decided he can now, Force-bly, wield light energy. They defeat Bad Traitor Man and fuck off to the third destination: the crazy radio wave planet. Though the radio waves initially disorient our heroes, Male Lead decides he can now navigate through them and safely lands on the planet's surface. What a fuckin'g hunk, bro. MLM Diamond Level Boss Bitch teams up yet again with Fogclog Legfuck Bot and they are immediately attacked by fucking cavemen. The cavemen go ape shit on the humble, plantation-owning robot and rip him to shreds. Those essential oils do nothing to quell the ambush, but luckily, uh, David-fucking-Hasselhoff shows up in a golden mask, shooting god damned lasers out of his eyes. He fends off the attack, but only for a moment because now the Deus Ex Mask is out of Convenient Savior Juice. Thank fuck they're saved at the last moment but Male Lead. All subtly is dead and he goes full on Jedi Master Aspergers, wielding a saber of light, not to be confused with a light of saber from a Star of Wars. Understandably, the cavemen deuce the fuck out cause Mary Sue is here. Apparently the crazy radio waves spouting Pro Lizard People propaganda that was turning everyone crazy was the secret weapon, and totally not the Death Hand...thing. Our band of fuckwits descend into the planet to destroy the weapon once and for all. Zarth has wisely left a whole two fucking erector set robot assassins to defend his literal god mode weapon. Master Asperger is literally using force powers now, and I'm not sure it fucking matters because he dies like right off the bat and Prince HasselMeinHoff picks up his...saber of light, and finished the job. Not to be outdone, Zarth tells everyone he will be blowing up his weapon to kill them all, instead of, you know, quietly just doing that. Lord Emperor Lizard man arrives with some troops only to learn that the whole planet is about to fuckin' bounce. So, and I am not making this part up, he calls his ship and tells them to stop time for 3 minutes so they can escape. And that works. Fuck me, it was so simple all along. NOW WE MUST RIDE TO WAR! RIDE NOW, RIDE NOW, RIDE! RIDE FOR RUIN AND THE WORLD's ENDING! But not really. They head off towards that suspiciously hand-shaped spaceship. There's a fight. I guess. It's fucking stupid. The good guys launch themselves inside these pods into the 36th chamber hand through the windows. You know, with open, exposed space behind them. No worries. They get shot to death anyways. Zarth is absofuckinglutely winning, but it turns out Dr. Gero's own Southern Bell FuckBot survived the cavemen(??) and was rebuilt to help a Boss Babe make some cash from home one last time. So the duo crashes a giant ship called "The City," which was there and empty apparently, into the Dim Mak hand, but not before yeeting out the window, into space, and SWIMMING THROUGH SPACE back into their ship before the explosion. (So-Bad-It's-Good) Reverse Verdict - 5/10 I mean, I was able to finish the movie. So it's got that going for it. It's a weird, low budget sci-fi film that clearly "borrows"/fucking steals from Star Wars and other films before it. But it's not so terrible. Hard to recommend, regardless.

The Mandalorian Watched all 8 episodes in a row. Not particularly in love with the show. Some glimpses of potential and the odd funny bit. Wouldn't watch it again, though. I wanted more fighting or bounty hunting. The 4th episode was so god damned awful in every way I would have stopped watching if I had been alone. Stupid plot, Mando is out of character, horrible acting, pathetic spectacle, and the worst additions to the show in terms of characters. Legendarily bad. The 5th episode was a stinker too but it was forgettable compared to this trash. Seemed like a filler, which, considering there were only 8 episodes, that's a significant chunk of your runtime. Not a good look.

So I used one filter on an app called FaceApp and it just made me 100% Asian. Now, I know I have Asian heritage but I always thought it was a very small amount. I tried pictures of other people and it barely changed them. Anyways, I'll be here having an existential crisis because I am apparently algorithmically Asian.

All my company's properties are closed until May 1st, minimum. Beyond some security and groundskeepers no one is at any of the resorts or casinos. Some HR and operators manning the phones, though. Everyone else is on forced vacation but everyone was given full time status so we would all get benefits and be paid as if we worked 40 hours per week or our regular salary. As happy as I am about that I doubt this will blow over by May 1st.

JoJo Rabbit - 6/10: I came in expecting not to like this movie at all. The beginning had a lot of energy and was fun but not even halfway through it just kinda falls off and settles in place. Disappointed but not as much as I thought I would be.

That is a mighty high compliment! I used to love reading his stuff in EGM and on 1up.

Precious few exist. And most are the trash the sought to subvert.

It's 100% an acquired taste. Something like Gymkata is a blessing for me because of the typical quality of its ilk. There are so many movies that are boring bad that you'll never hear about because anyone that ever saw them forgot about them while they were watching. I have around 300 of these kinds of movies in my personal collection and I can assure you most of them fall under "boring bad." Just aggravatingly slow paced films with a meandering plot and wooden or otherwise unlikable characters. As for my write ups, I want you to have fun reading them. Be it fun from my description of the movie or fun from my ripping it apart. Gymkata is fucking bizarre and its insanity kept me going, but it's no Jurassic Games or Riki O.

No rice crackers? 😧

Orcs Wars/Dragonfyre (2013) - A former special forces member purchases a farm and the surrounding land only to find that it's actually the home of the sentinel that protects the world from the orc portal two blocks down. This film has multiple titles and was funded through a succesful Kickstarter campaign and I'd like to thank @Poof for showing this to me. You can 100% ignore all the boxart you see for this one because it was all done up to sell the movie, but honestly it doesn't need the help. The premise is absolutely enthralling. Shortly after buying his new ranch, the spec ops sexy man John Norton meets an elven princess while she is fleeing from orcs that chased her through the fucking orc portal down the road. John ain't no punk bitch so he pulls out his gun and shoots them. Seeing a contemporary, rugged American soldier bro bust caps in armor-clad orcs is a thing of beauty. Speaking of the orcs, these motherfuckers look like someone raided Peter Jackson's garage and stole all of his prototype LotR orc costumes. Elsewhere, we are introduced to three good ole boys havin' a swampbilly festival in the local patch of trees. Two of them die, and the third, Scooter, escapes. He won't be important later. John doesn't want to be the hero, but we don't give a fuck what you want, John. Now the orcs, they want the princess as a sacrifice to their white witch of the Utah wasteland or some shit. They initially send over smaller scouting parties, including one with this uruk hai looking motherfucker that is clearly in charge. Uruk hai bro gets captured after he and his boys try and fail to raid ole stand-your-ground country boy's fuck cabin. Then, in a masterstroke by our hero, the captured orc is tied to a chair and interrogated via constant, perfectly timed tasers to the neck. More bullshit with the orcs and the patron saint of the coronavirus. Who cares. Uruk hai bro escapes. There's a blind Indian swordsman named Whitefeather. He "guides" John by telling him to shoot the god damned orcs you dumb hillbilly buttfuck. Now the orcs are furious and running out of time to complete the ritual, so they send one baby catapult and a small army of orcs to attack. Whitefeather, being blind, opts to drive the armored truck they found in one of the barns. This makes sense. Scooter is there, too, on the machine gun, and then dying. But John and spirit guide katana man are both fine. There is also a weird bit where a random SUV pulls up and it turns out to be the real estate agent. Her cars gets destroyed by the orcs catapult so she gets mad and goes full FPS Doug of these fuckers with a .50 cal sniper rifle they had sitting around. Then she dies anyways and the elf is captured. Uruk hai bro tries to lead a revolt because now he has a gun, but is lightly shoved off of a small hill and gets big boo boos. Whitefeather charges through the portal after the orcs and holds them off until John arrives at the exact moment Whitefeather dies. In a particularly disjointed final fight scene, John and the mistress of the piss palace do battle, but John is losing, oh no! But never fear because Uruk hai bro emerges with his pistol and throws it to our heroes who then bust the bitch of the bowels in the face and she super dies and all is well. The surviving orcs and totally bros now and John probably fucked that elf but then goes back to his destroyed cabin instead of staying in her sweet ass castle. What a fucking tool. (So-Bad-It's-Good) Reverse Verdict - 7/10 It's painfully obvious the sheer scale this film's script begged for, but for such a tiny budget, it turned out fine. While it does feel quite empty because of budget constraints, I had fun with this one. The concept of medieval orcs versus machine guns and tanks by itself is incredible to behold. Great fun to be had. I guess there was a fucking dragon too but that didn't matter which is even better.