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Something that really bothers me..

That_One_Guy

By That_One_Guy
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That_One_Guy Paragon

That_One_Guy

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Is when I'm in a relationship and my significant other tries to tell me what to do. I never try to tell anyone I'm with what they should do. If they ask my opinion or for advice, I'm happy to give it. But I feel like your boyfriend /girlfriend should never try to tell you what to do like you're their child. I have issues with authority as it is, but if I have a girlfriend that thinks she can control me or some shit Ill go back to being single and beating my dick in a hot second. 

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Still Me Monster Mutant

Still Me

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Well...I’m not gonna tell him what he can and cannot do...but when I say “hey, I’m going to work, please get the dishes done”....those mother fucking dishes better be done....

 

i mean I spend one weekend day cleaning the house top to bottom....it’s the LEAST you could do during the week.

 

*rabble rabble rabble*

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MEXobiologist Star

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depends really. strictly ordering someone around or telling them what they can and can't do is no bueno, but your partner should be helping you stay accountable with reminders that you need to get something done. sometimes, that can sound a whole lot like telling someone what to do but its for the best. 

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That_One_Guy

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1 hour ago, Still Me said:

Well...I’m not gonna tell him what he can and cannot do...but when I say “hey, I’m going to work, please get the dishes done”....those mother fucking dishes better be done....

 

i mean I spend one weekend day cleaning the house top to bottom....it’s the LEAST you could do during the week.

 

*rabble rabble rabble*

Im not talking about doing household stuff. I'm talking about like if I'm going 85 in a 70 and she starts telling me what to slow down like it's an order. I had an ex do that. We lasted 3 weeks

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That_One_Guy Paragon

That_One_Guy

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6 minutes ago, MEXobiologist said:

depends really. strictly ordering someone around or telling them what they can and can't do is no bueno, but your partner should be helping you stay accountable with reminders that you need to get something done. sometimes, that can sound a whole lot like telling someone what to do but its for the best. 

Like if I live with a girl I'm going to help cook clean and get done what needs to be done. But I also want to be able to do shit like play video games, watch football, and eat junk food from time to time ya know. I don't like being told how to live my life and for some reason several women I've been with just think they can dictate my life choices. 

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Still Me Monster Mutant

Still Me

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2 hours ago, That_One_Guy said:

Im not talking about doing household stuff. I'm talking about like if I'm going 85 in a 70 and she starts telling me what to slow down like it's an order. I had an ex do that. We lasted 3 weeks

Oh shit naw....LB likes to “remind” me of the speed limit....

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scoobdog Monster Mutant

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2 hours ago, That_One_Guy said:

Im not talking about doing household stuff. I'm talking about like if I'm going 85 in a 70 and she starts telling me what to slow down like it's an order. I had an ex do that. We lasted 3 weeks

I think I would have something to say if you were do 85 in a 70, too.

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Sandstone Hero

Sandstone

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Some people like that... I have been called a Daddy on multiple occasions by a few men I was with, which while in the Gay community tends to have mostly sexual connotations, I think some use it as more of a way to be mentally comforted. It is odd. I do not appreciate being told what to do, and do not go out of my way to instruct someone else, with a few exceptions being in the past with guys that were clearly in need of solace and direction and wanted that from a partner. I don't generally try for those types of relationships because they are taxing. That is assuming I ever recuperate to be well enough to resume long-term relationships again. I have not had one in several years now.

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That_One_Guy

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1 minute ago, Sandstone said:

Some people like that... I have been called a Daddy on multiple occasions by a few men I was with, which while in the Gay community tends to have mostly sexual connotations, I think some use it as more of a way to be mentally comforted. It is odd. I do not appreciate being told what to do, and do not go out of my way to instruct someone else, with a few exceptions being in the past with guys that were clearly in need of solace and direction and wanted that from a partner. I don't generally try for those types of relationships because they are taxing. That is assuming I ever recuperate to be well enough to resume long-term relationships again. I have not had one in several years now.

I see where you're coming from. I feel similar to you in that I don't tell people what they should do unless they explicitly seek out my guidance (which I doubt they would). Never been called daddy tho🤣

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Sandstone Hero

Sandstone

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Just now, That_One_Guy said:

I see where you're coming from. I feel similar to you in that I don't tell people what they should do unless they explicitly seek out my guidance (which I doubt they would). Never been called daddy tho🤣

It's a gay thing only I think... Also tends to have a visual profile that goes with it.

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Sandstone Hero

Sandstone

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Just now, That_One_Guy said:

I could be wrong but there are titles right? Like otter and bear? I wish heterosexual relationships had those. I'd wanna be a dragon 

LoL, when you said dragon, I thought Game of Thrones.

Daddies are more of a mental title but are typically associated with hairier/larger or buffer/hypermasculine males.

Bears and Otters can both be Daddies but you can also be those without being a Daddy... it's very complicated. I swear you'd think being gay is like going to a petting zoo.

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That_One_Guy

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2 minutes ago, Sandstone said:

LoL, when you said dragon, I thought Game of Thrones.

Daddies are more of a mental title but are typically associated with hairier/larger or buffer/hypermasculine males.

Bears and Otters can both be Daddies but you can also be those without being a Daddy... it's very complicated. I swear you'd think being gay is like going to a petting zoo.

I find it very interesting. It's like an entirely different world with its own laws. I heard from someone that if you're 30 you're considered ancient in the gay community. Idk if that's true or if it varies, but it sounds like gay dating can be harsh. 

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Sandstone Hero

Sandstone

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Just now, That_One_Guy said:

I find it very interesting. It's like an entirely different world with its own laws. I heard from someone that if you're 30 you're considered ancient in the gay community. Idk if that's true or if it varies, but it sounds like gay dating can be harsh. 

 

I would say that a very large portion of the gay population (mostly the younger gays) tend to be hypercritical or perfectionist. This tends to extend to themselves as well. I know I am this way but I am a very hypercritical and perfectionist individual by nature on many fronts. Not all are like this or shallow, but if you pull up gay dating or hook up apps you will likely find some of the most shallow people on the planet.

I feel this is largely due to the intense amount of pressure put on young men to perform, and this compounded by the fact that the stigma surrounding being homosexual is that one is effeminate by nature or "chiseled" adonis like, but mostly it is a general sense that we are "pretty" males. You can see this behavior readily when straight guys joke about "If I were gay he'd be my type". I would like it to the pressure put on girls to fit a certain "image" in order to find a sense of self-worth.

You also have the fact that gay males have a much higher rate of mental, physical, and sexual abuse in their past (this is where I think most of my perfectionism comes from and I know others that fit this category). It is I think a type of defensive reaction, trying to reach a goal which will never be attained in order to find a feeling of acceptance or approval by others that straight males tend to experience by default at least in regards to their sexuality. This can lead to some incredible behaviors which generally focus around one's appearance as it is the thing people notice about you first, thus it is the prime candidate to satisfy the missing "need for approval".

30 isn't really ancient, in fact the "Daddy" word tends to be one of affection alot of younger males use that happen to like older males (and there are ALOT of them in the gay world). It's almost like calling someone a silver backed gorilla (here we go with the petting zoo again). You also have "twinks" (thin or light framed/muscled males that tend to be below 23 years old), they often look "boyish" in appearance (think the statue of david for a classic example). You have "cubs", which tend to be the heavy set or stockier framed very muscular young gay males (again early 20s), these are like bears in training. Otters are generally very hairy but thin or lean men, bears are heavier set or very muscular and hairy types (bodybuilder looking, lumberjacks, strong men). There is a whole host of gay-related "titles" as you put it, though those are the most common/basic variety.

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That_One_Guy

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12 minutes ago, Sandstone said:

I would say that a very large portion of the gay population (mostly the younger gays) tend to be hypercritical or perfectionist. This tends to extend to themselves as well. I know I am this way but I am a very hypercritical and perfectionist individual by nature on many fronts. Not all are like this or shallow, but if you pull up gay dating or hook up apps you will likely find some of the most shallow people on the planet.

I feel this is largely due to the intense amount of pressure put on young men to perform, and this compounded by the fact that the stigma surrounding being homosexual is that one is effeminate by nature or "chiseled" adonis like, but mostly it is a general sense that we are "pretty" males. You can see this behavior readily when straight guys joke about "If I were gay he'd be my type". I would like it to the pressure put on girls to fit a certain "image" in order to find a sense of self-worth.

You also have the fact that gay males have a much higher rate of mental, physical, and sexual abuse in their past (this is where I think most of my perfectionism comes from and I know others that fit this category). It is I think a type of defensive reaction, trying to reach a goal which will never be attained in order to find a feeling of acceptance or approval by others that straight males tend to experience by default at least in regards to their sexuality. This can lead to some incredible behaviors which generally focus around one's appearance as it is the thing people notice about you first, thus it is the prime candidate to satisfy the missing "need for approval".

30 isn't really ancient, in fact the "Daddy" word tends to be one of affection alot of younger males use that happen to like older males (and there are ALOT of them in the gay world). It's almost like calling someone a silver backed gorilla (here we go with the petting zoo again). You also have "twinks" (thin or light framed/muscled males that tend to be below 23 years old), they often look "boyish" in appearance (think the statue of david for a classic example). You have "cubs", which tend to be the heavy set or stockier framed very muscular young gay males (again early 20s), these are like bears in training. Otters are generally very hairy but thin or lean men, bears are heavier set or very muscular and hairy types (bodybuilder looking, lumberjacks, strong men). There is a whole host of gay-related "titles" as you put it, though those are the most common/basic variety.

I'm very sorry about whatever abuse you went through. Whatever it was, you didn't deserve it. On a lighter note, this is very  intricate. I swear there should be books written on this! 

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Sandstone Hero

Sandstone

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20 minutes ago, That_One_Guy said:

I'm very sorry about whatever abuse you went through. Whatever it was, you didn't deserve it. On a lighter note, this is very  intricate. I swear there should be books written on this! 

There probably should be, I'm not a psychologist (I had three courses in College because I find it interesting and relevant to my own mental illness), but ultimately I want to fall back to my first love computers for a career hopefully.

This is just something I have given alot of thought to over the years. I have a lot of experience in this sort of thing, I think this might be why the younger guys I had been with took to identifying me as a "Daddy" type because I made them feel mentally safe or something. I always feel if I am with a younger gay male that if I could prevent them from experiencing the same mistakes/heartaches/abuses that I have experienced I could be redeemed in some small way. Wishful thinking I suppose.

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