SwimModSponges Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 It is. Haven't bothered to make a new link, and haven't had a new episode in like, a year. New episodes coming though. I don't know when, but relatively soonish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I guess I just didnt notice it until now.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Yeah, that's because nobody clicks it anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Ehh that's how I'm feelin with my music. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Not enough folks here. That's why I tell my coworkers to come read them. I emailed my contest story to one of the other leaders here... He did not enjoy it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 @Adminderaptorpat did you read them over the weekend? Do you have opinions to share with us? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptorpat Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I did not read them yet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Dangit, sorry, I could have sworn you posted that you'd read them over the weekend; looking back in the thread it seems that was not the case. Still, there's some real gems in there. I can't say enough good things about Bob Seger Werewolf Hunter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptorpat Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 I did say that but I am not in a reliable free-time month and didn't get to it It's on my to-do list though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Its all good man, no pressure. *stares at yoy intently* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptorpat Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 My yoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hornshire Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 On 1/21/2018 at 11:45 AM, SwimModSponges said: Wildflowers-I've honestly never been a fan of the frog and the scorpion. I feel like the moral of the story is kind of messed up: a "certain kind of person" is inherently dangerous and should not be trusted on the individual level, no matter how friendly they seem. I dont know, ironic as it sounds given my own story I generally look for the good and try to assume the best about folks. That being said, I was thinking that the twist at the end would be that nothing would happen; the scorpion disembarks, thanks the frog, and the frog leaves with a newfound respect and clarity of mind. My own bias against the plot aside, the dialects were well captured and the story itself flowed very well. Being the morbid fuck that We are, the story has always been a favorite of Ours despite its problematic message. (As an aside, We firmly believe that some people are inherently bad actors, but as there is no obvious way to identify them as such without giving them a chance to prove themselves, the lesson We've taken from it is to be cautious about how vulnerable you make yourself, particularly when your instincts raise alarm.) One of the things We wanted to do in Our retelling was to emphasize how the frog's nature plays a part in the outcome as well. The early description of her interactions with Karen is meant to establish a tendency to put others' desires ahead of her own. It's definitely one of the threads We would develop more if We ever come back to this. In the early stages, We had considered making the sting happen not entirely intentionally, like there's a close call during the crossing and she panics but We couldn't work out a way to make it feel right. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I read "A Pack of Camals"......The thing that bothers me the most is the word camal....I'm sure it was intentional, but I have no idea why.....I was kinda lost as to why the main character was so easily removed from the story, but it was a good read up to the crowd tearing her apart. Theeeeen, Sponges shat the bed......The ending was just....I wish I had a better word for it, but was just a tepid attempt at topical humor. I feel let down because the last part made me scowl. I hear enough about this subject every day.....Disappointed that something I was otherwise enjoying had to wallow in the shallowest pool of tired, revisited feces. 6/10......Had it ended a paragraph earlier, I would have given it an 8.5 at least......Maybe more but it's hard to gauge since I can't ignore the ending 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) Why does everyone think it's about humor??? It's a social commentary and a perversion of Jesus washing the beggars feet! Please read the analysis, it's like ten posts into the thread. Also did I spell camels wrong? God damnit. Well, I guess I wanted to write a story that would put people off balance, really fuck them up, I suppose I succeeded in that at least? Edited January 25, 2018 by SwimModSponges Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 7 minutes ago, SwimModSponges said: Why does everyone think it's about humor??? Dude, you randomly toss in this weird scene with Jesus fellating 45.....I mean, you'd be better off calling it a joke because otherwise it just throws off the tone of the story without being comedic, and I....I mean I just don't get it......I'm not sure how you make this connection with the story of Jesus washing the beggars feet......I just don't see the parallel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) *sigh* I should have packaged the story with the analysis right off the bat, but that would put me at double the word count. Quote Now we get to the climax, if you’ll excuse my pun. What you felt was entirely natural. This scene was a perversion of Jesus washing the beggars feet. Whereas the original story demonstrated empathy with the downtrodden and the absolute humility of a proposed human deity, Prosperity Jesus (Saturday mornings at 9:30 AM on TBN) shows that he is absolutely subservient to the power of rich men. Edited January 25, 2018 by SwimModSponges Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I get it; as the writer, the responsibility to present a coherent story is on me, not the reader. I flew too goddamn close to the sun, got too big for my britches. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 1 hour ago, SwimModSponges said: I get it; as the writer, the responsibility to present a coherent story is on me, not the reader. I flew too goddamn close to the sun, got too big for my britches. It was coherent....It was enjoyable.....The ending was just an awkward turn for me and it just seemed misplaced......The key here is that I wasn't in your head while you wrote it, so while it might actually be the perfect cherry on the cake, I just don't see how it helped the story, but that's just me. How has the reception from others been? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Very bad, until i make them read the analysis, at which point they say "ok, i get what you were going for, but goddamn." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad_Witch Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 16 hours ago, SwimModSponges said: I flew too goddamn close to the sun, got too big for my britches. I wouldn't say that, just that you got lost and lost your way. Just read "A pack of Camels" and I got it. It's a good story and I liked it. Wasn't lost or anything and could understand without the commentary. It just has a few issues... In a story with a limited word count, you have to reign in your descriptions. I know you love painting a picture in reader's mind, but they can imagine things for themselves and that's not a bad thing. You first paragraph is a little over 300 words and it's pure description, setting the scene. This could have been cut to 200 easily, freeing up 100 words for the meat and potatoes of the story, and nothing would have been lost. In fact, the story would have been strengthened by defining how the social structures work, how how/why the classes are divided. What makes the working class (the workers eating rice during break) the working class? Are the classes separated by race, money, etc???? (yes, I get they're separated by money but how? where's the cut off? can one fall into the servant class? rise to worker?) Without clearly defining that, why would anyone have any hope? Especially of an afterlife....especially when you say this story is based of the Money gospel (which pretty much says you buy your way into heaven). The poorer classes have no reason to believe they will make it. They have to have a reason, or there's no real humanity in the characters. More words could have been saved throughout the piece by cutting the descriptions down (giving you more words to play with in setting up the conflict and resolution) but the structure is the biggest one. I know it's central to the story, but it doesn't need to be referenced so often. Everything about this society revolves about it, so everything that happens leads back to it. After introducing the girl and old man, you didn't need to write about the structure. Anyone reading would know that's what the old man is talking about when he's says "It will never be done." What else could he have been talking about, when they're working on building the damn thing. This is one of the two biggest issues with the story. You were too focused on telling us the structure is important, instead of simply showing us through the actions of your characters. The other reason is....there was no reason to make Trump the ultimate bad guy. Sure he's president now, and maybe you thought using him would drive the point home (or maybe you just wanted Trump because he's the leader) but it came out of nowhere. And I mean no where. Somehow I'm supposed to believe that Trump=the noble and no one made a big deal that the leader of the country was visiting the work site? That the leader came back for the girl? That the leader ordered the punishments of the old man and girl? It's actually a little insulting to the reader to have such an important character throughout the story and not realize it til the end...because..........I don't know why. The noble could have been anyone of the noble class, or even multiple people, but to make him the leader, hide it from the reader but not the characters (it's not like he was disguised or hiding who he was) doesn't sound true. Add to that the climate in America, and damn near everyone is tired of politics, and you get one of two complaints. One, we get enough Trump bashing without reading it in fiction; Two, it kinda feels like it's more about political commentary instead of social. Finally, I did like the story. It had a lot of good things going for it. That ending though... 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Thank you, that is an excellent critique and I will use it to improve as a writer. You have given me a wonderful gift today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad_Witch Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Glad to be of service. One thing I left out, that I should mention, is I really enjoyed the camels (cigs). The idea that the servant class is envious of the worker class because the nobles freely throw out cigs to them, never realizing that the very thing they were jealous of was going to kill the workers was subtle and a nice touch. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad_Witch Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Fate/Furious @imchapp.in I can tell this is part of a larger work. It mainly just introduces the characters but it was a fun read. I really liked the cars chosen for the characters, their historical importance, and how things were shaping up. Would like to read more about the race though... I really liked the humor in the fourth wall breaking references. The best one was "I’m in an even worse mood having read this letter from the star of The Tooth Fairy." I actually chuckled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 i see a judge just thought they knew that one was mine ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 2 hours ago, fuggnificent said: i see a judge just thought they knew that one was mine ? True story; i figured youd enter with a story about a woman of color, so i entered with a story about a woman of color just to throw everybody off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 9 minutes ago, SwimModSponges said: True story; i figured youd enter with a story about a woman of color, so i entered with a story about a woman of color just to throw everybody off. thats why you lost Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad_Witch Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 @PokeNirvash It was a nice story, sort of like sitting at gramps knee hearing about the olden days. The main problem is there isn't much reason to care about the people the traveler's met. We only get a glance, barely more than a peak, and we're off to the next person. I think the story would have been stronger if it only focused on two of the five. This would have allowed more detail into why each person was rememberable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokeNirvash Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Again, I wasn't trying to create something super-profound and "care about these characters!", just something fun that someone would find interesting for whatever reason or another. The way I see it, the lacking information on all the others screams "why should I care?" not like "I don't care", but instead "I'd like to know more". Now, I'm not sure which one all of you were on, but if lack of care for the minor characters is the primary problem and you liked the rest regardless, I'd honestly be surprised if it was more the former than the latter. Though that's probably because I prefer mystery to simply taking things at face value. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad_Witch Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 I get that, and like I said, it's not a bad story. Just not really rememberable. Honestly it wasn't even all the minor characters. The narrator introduces these five people as the individuals who stand out most to him (can't remember if gender was given, but going with male), but for me, a couple of them really aren't rememberable. I'm just going to go one by one to explain what I mean. The girl he had a relationship with was pretty blah. The only thing of note wasn't anything about the relationship and more on the fact that she ran away from home. A little more background on her, since her background must be why he remembers her would have gone a long way to explain to the reader why she, above all other romantic relationships, stood out. If he remembers her because of who she was, we needed to know who she was. The novelist was done well. It's clearly defined why he should be remembered. Between the shared interests, talking, and the narrator's wondering if any of his ideas made it into future works was plenty. The exile/thief was also done well. Anyone wondering why he would be remembered, how can you forget someone who possibly set you up for his crimes, needs to have their head examined. The only problem with his tale is the narrator brings up that the thief reminded him of another he met and stated "more on that later." The later never came. This person isn't mentioned in the story again and feels like unfinished business. It's like a play, if you introduce a gun in the first act; it better go off in Act 3. If you introduce a character, the character should make an appearance. The crossdresser was done well. Because this person is remembered because of the relationship with the narrator, and I'm not just referring to the one night, it actually highlighted what was wrong about the girl. The fact that he is the only one so far that the narrator seems to seriously want to continue with, noted because of e-mail exchanges, cements the reasons for why the narrator felt to include him. The teacher is the weakest, and the fact that he's the last probably brings the story down. I've been skimming the story while writing this, and after the crossdresser, was wondering why I thought the story lacked as it did. It's the teacher. As the last person, his story is going to stay with the reader the longest, he's the freshest, and because of that the impression he leaves can either bring the story up or down. (Kinda of sponges. Everyone's with him in that story....right up till the end which sours the whole thing.) The teacher doesn't make sense. His introduction is fine, thought why he would choose Paris as the make/break place is questionable, but the middle jumps the rails. Why bother to try to teach the kids if he thought they were unteachable? Something the narrator points to in two successive sentences. It doesn't make him believable as a character. Overall, it's not a bad story. Cutting the girl/teacher would have strengthened it. I only wrote this out because it's less, "I want to know more" about these characters and more "why was the girl remembered" and the teacher didn't make sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 On 1/26/2018 at 3:24 AM, Bad_Witch said: I know you love painting a picture in reader's mind, but they can imagine things for themselves and that's not a bad thing. You know what? This is a theme I can recognize from my earliest days writing stories in elementary school. I'd always get way too caught up in the specifics; writing about an imaginary trip and stating exactly how many thousands of miles and feet away it was. Then later on, around fourth grade, I'd always set up these intricate settings and situations I'd describe in a ton of detail, and then never actually do anything with the story... Self reflection man. Powerful stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokeNirvash Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 (edited) ...I didn't really ask for or need that long post, but thanks? Edited February 9, 2018 by PokeNirvash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Feedback is a gift friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokeNirvash Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Yeah, but when it's an unasked for critical analysis, targeted at someone who doesn't take even constructive criticism well... it takes some time to accept it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 I want to preface this by saying I don't intend for this to be critical of your post in any way, but I feel that entering one's work into a contest would inherently be giving permission for others to critically analyse the work. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad_Witch Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 That's how I took it, but I could have been lead astray by Sponges desire for feedback...as evidenced by his own analysis of his work lol. Poke: just dismiss it. I didn't mean it to be harsh or anything. I only wrote it out because...well I wrote it out. No need to rehash it. And hey, you did better then me. I started writing something for this, let it sit for a day, decided it was shit, and never finished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avec Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Yeeeeees! Any interest in getting another writing competition going? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptorpat Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 you know? i definitely think we're more than due 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 100% agreed and I promise to not throw a fit like last time, still embarrassed over that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokeNirvash Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 I'm all for a new contest. I've been meaning to flex my writing muscles again. Even if I get 2nd place again or below, hopefully I'll put out something better structured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginguy Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 We had one of these? I would enter, provided I have the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 21 hours ago, Ginguy said: We had one of these? I would enter, provided I have the time. Maybe you can write out an ending for how that Nunes memo worked out for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1pooh4u Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avec Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 🧡 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distinct Lunatic Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I'm late to the party, what are these writing competitions, and what are the rules or guidelines of them? Do you just write about whatever, or is there a theme? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That_One_Guy Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 Do y'all want to do this again? If so, I'm willing to start it back up (with a prompt this time). I'm really busy though so I would need help. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That_One_Guy Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 On 1/8/2020 at 1:03 AM, Fortnite Guy Keanu Reeves said: I'm late to the party, what are these writing competitions, and what are the rules or guidelines of them? Do you just write about whatever, or is there a theme? For this one it was completely freestyle. Just a word limit. I'm thinking about starting another one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 On 1/10/2020 at 7:16 AM, That_One_Guy said: For this one it was completely freestyle. Just a word limit. I'm thinking about starting another one. What do you mean freestyle? There was a prompt. Not everyone followed it really though I guess.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Oh that was an old post theres threads for this all over the place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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