Seight

"I'm going to show her my hammer." *5 second pause* "The hammer is my penis."

[FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE LOCAL ZOO]

That thing looks high as fuck.

I've been literally waiting for days since this first hit Twitter for it to show up on Youtube so I could post it here

I hate weather reports that say "Temperature: 93F - Feels Like: 115F" Like, I gotta throw all our trash out at the end of the day, feels like a damn sauna or something.

Perhaps.

If I'm in the back of the mail room sometimes I run to get the door when there's nobody else close by. In terms of an actual distance, I was getting carry-out from a restaurant once and the skies opened up so I had to run back to the building I work in.

Lol, I wish☺️ ...😐

The Big Bang Theory

Cleopatra.

A group of friends in high school did that, they called it "sack-tap." They never did it to me because they said I was so quiet I would probably be able to destroy everyone at it 😃

Okay, so first off, incredible avi.

I like the shift from "stoic" to "I'm sorry, what?"

😕 I have questions that I'm not necessarily sure I want answered

-Lil Nas X, December 2, 2018

what the heck guys none of that is chicken.

*extremely Mad Hatter voice* CHANGE PLACES!

I'm going to say...yes? because they technically don't exist. (For the purposes of this experiment Floridians on bath salts aren't zombies.)

ONLY 134.5 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

I'm not gonna judge you, I'm too busy being delicious.