Azalar Hex

While I'm not spitting up blood or spouting curse words like I have tourette's every time I move my jaw, I'm basically sucking on a metal file trying to get my wisdom tooth ground down from a jagged tongue-shredding piece of glass into a finely rounded nub. Fuck teeth. And since I can't afford insurance, fuck the dentist, too.

Being in the military does not make you automatically a hero. Shooting somebody else at random while in the military does not automatically make you a hero. Raising your kids to believe kindness conquers all is cruel and should be punishable by anal probing with a waffle iron. Being a police officer does not make you automatically a hero. Shooting somebody as a police officer does not automatically make you a hero. 9/11 memorial moping nearly 20 years later when you didn't even know anyone who died is complete and utter bullshit. Trumpkin is a potat-- wait, you said controversial. This is just a fact. Babies are revolting and people who say you will love "baby behavior" automatically when you have one are full of shit. Eminem shouldn't be considered a viable human being. Constant shorthand on anything but a 80 - 90s era cell phone is absolute bullshit laziness. That little kid on the Shriner's Hospital commercials with the "adowable" accent needs to be shot out of a cannon into the sun.

Food is an addiction. Even moreso if you are depressed. Throw on another layer of impossibility if you spend all your spare time alone because you don't have friends because you are a downer to be around because you are depressed because you are alone. I'm not saying it isn't a problem a person can solve by themselves, I'm just saying it's not like waking up one day and saying, "Alright. I think it's time to stop being a fatty" for most folks. No easier than just tossing your cigarettes out the window and saying, "Alright. I think it's time to stop killing myself".

I knew there had to be more to that place outside the cushioned heated seats, perfumed toilet paper, classical music, and free tampons.

I want one of these pies. Bring it to me.

Where are the urinals?

I remember when Dominos had the 555 thingie where you got three mediums for $5 each. Then it immediately jumped to the 777 deal because inflation and no devil numbers.

Funny. I was looking through old posts on the board earlier today and saw the one by Pooh explaining how to do this.

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

I regret to inform you that since those times, Man-Faye has lost a lot of weight. Admittedly I don't keep up with current Man-Faye news, however.

::steps up on stage:: How is everybody doing tonight? ... Shitcock. ::backflips off the stage::

Vague UE post day? I wanna join! I said it last time and I'll say it again, it takes four sperms.

Well I took the bottle out to the dumpster and let him out on top of it. I'm a damn wuss and he's gonna come right back in here and bite my fucking eyeball in my sleep.

Yeah, after obsessively holding the bottle up to the light I could make out a distinct pattern on the little guy's back. Jumping spider. I would put it outside, but it'll just come right back in here. I feel bad watching it slowly die inside this bottle, but I ain't opening it. Hell no.

That was the first result I got when I googled it. He hasn't done any jumping yet, though.

I hate to say this but I kinda agree with you. He's rushing me up the side of the tea bottle and flipping onto his back. Keeps waving those legs and dancing around like he wants to mess me right the F up. Got a "better" picture of the spot. He'll be less cute when the rest of his family shows up later tonight.

So I got another spider in my apartment. Managed to catch it in a tea bottle, as I often manage to do with spiders. I was wondering if anyone here might be able to figure out what this thing is based on this very blurry picture I took of it inside its tea bottle prison. The only other defining feature is a white dot around the middle of the back where you'd normally see the "hourglass" on a black widow. This little bastard is aggressive. It's constantly coming at me with its front two legs raised. Little fucker has some huge fangs, too.

We didn't have any decorations up or any lights out outside and the little shits still kept knocking. Most of them took the packets, too.

I was gonna post a lot of pictures of hot dogs in strange places that I found online, but apparently this is already a thing.